8:56pm Friday post it

Dear Herman:

Farscape Season 2 Episode 4.

I wanted to come in here and leave you a small note before the ppv on Sunday, only nothing seemed appropriate.  So, I'm giving you something to think about.  One of my favourite episodes of Farscape.

I imagine you checking in tonight, scratching at your jaw, dressed in a pair of blue underwear. I think you've got a cup of coffee beside you, smirking at me.

always...

post it note May 29th 10:30pm

Dear Mr. Scratchy:

Herman, how are you tonight? Ever have one of those nights where you're just drawn to something or someone and you're not too sure why?  Like a puzzle piece, or an answer to a question you haven't thought of yet?
That's what's been going on tonight. I've got this famous person, man, in my mind and it's like I have no idea why? Seriously, just strangely out there. And for me to say something is strange, you know it's got to be. But, for some messed up reason, I started thinking of this famous man about an hour ago and just can't shake him.
Hmmm...shaking him...that would be interesting.  But anyways, I thought watching something of him on youtube would help, but no such luck, he's jammed in there in my brain between Dimmer and Mad Hatter. Just wedged.
That's another fantasy for another time...

Started watching this movie last night, never got to finish it, French film, got too distracted by the fact all these naked gay men were running around having sex. I couldn't for the life of me tell you what the movie was actually suppose to be about, just very very distracted by the porn of it all. And it was supposed to have been a made for tv movie...only it was...mmmm French gay men having sex.... what was I saying?

It's nearly summer, temps are rising, and clearly my mind is on naked men. Then again when is it not? Which is bad considering there is a ppv this weekend. My mind should be on packing for my move or at the very lest, the ppv; but obviously, not.

Okay Herman, now that I think I've left you sitting there wide eyed, mouth open catching flies...I imagine you checking in tonight, a half a sandwich-peanut butter and jelly, very wholesome- hanging out of your mouth, dressed in those striped blue and grey pajama bottoms, blinking now as you re-read my last two paragraphs, maybe even blushing, shaking your head now, thinking that in the future you're going to pick any movies we might watch together.

Smile...

actually one big fantasy of mine is to cut Mad Hatter's hair. His bangs drive me crazy, in a I want to comb his hair back every time he's on tv now way.

Monday May 26th

I was on my way yesterday to mom's, and my cell rang. She asked me to pick her up a roast chicken from the deli. I doubled back to the grocery and did so, stopping off in the produce for some salad stuff myself. Storm was working. We talked for a few minutes, the topic getting around to my moving.

Storm-:"Very cool. So are you moving far?"

Me-:"Next neighbourhood over."

Storm-:"Well, if you need boxes...I can save them till after my shift just let me know what days you need to pick them up."

Me-:"That would be great thanks."

Storm-:"House? Just you or are you moving in with someone?"

Me-:"Apartment, downgrading from the place I am now, and just me."

He raised an eyebrow looking at me over his shoulder as he sorted the tomatoes. "So it's not a move because you're getting married or anything?"

Me-:"Uh no. No such luck."

He had the weirdest look then on his face as he turned and walked into the back staff area. Didn't say goodbye, just tuned and walked off. So I headed to the checkout, and one of the check out guys named Jon  no H, was working. I asked for the chicken to be double bagged in plastic before being put in the cloth one.

He put it in a plastic bag and just left it out.

Me-:"Uh, that smell is really..."

Jon-:"Oh I know it's all I'll be smelling now for the next hour. Making me hungry." he smiled wide at me like a kid.

Me-:"Not me. Picking it up for someone else. Vegetarian, that smell is making me sick." 

The lady standing behind me in line nodded. "I love their roast chicken but I'm with you, the smell of it gives me a headache till I can get it home and out of the box. It's the steam trapped in the container."

Jon-:"So I guess you won't be having any of the bbq burgers and hot dogs I'll be serving later for the charity when I get off my shift?" he leaned over laughing then turned to the lady working the check out behind him. "Have they set it up yet?"   She looked at him like he was nuts then shook her head and told him it was his turn to get the bbq out of storage and make sure all the signs were done.

Grabbing my bags, I left thinking, way to go with the cosmic joke there. A guy named Jon talking to me about his meat.

post it May 20th 2014

Dear Herman:

What did you do to your left shoulder?  It's just after 10 pm EST here where I am, and about 40 minutes ago, my left shoulder started to do the crazy pain thing, which is really odd given I've been sitting here reading...leads me to believe it's one of your injuries.  Ghost pains, got to love them.

I imagine you checking in, scratching your head on that one, possibly wondering either how I knew you hurt yourself, or else laughing your ass off at me cause I'm sounding like a lunatic. Either way, try not to choke on your drink...scotch?

And I think you're dressed in black pajama bottoms, a grey t-shirt and your hair slicked back. Try not to think too hard, it'll make you dizzy.

Smile...

Pet?

I woke up this morning at 6am, which is as of recently, very very unusually early for me. Went into the bathroom, turned on the lights and screamed.  The biggest spider I have ever seen ever outside of a zoo was looking back at me.  It was the size of my hand the legs longer then my fingers, just hanging out on my wall between the light switch and the towel rack. 
After a round of "oh my f***ing god that's f***ing huge!" I grabbed the hairspray bottle and started to just spray the wall. Not bug killer, hair spray.  For those who don't know, hairspray works 10 times better then bug spray because it causes them to be unable to move from the stickiness. I peaked back in, didn't see it anymore which actually made me freak out a bit more cause it was too big to have just vanished. Then it popped up right beside me again. Another round of "oh my god" a few "eww" and more spraying of the hairspray all over the wall and door frame. I was coughing and finding my eyes feeling sticky from the amount of hair spray in the room, and finally it curled in on itself and died.

I don't even want to know where it came from, or how it got in my bathroom. Needless to say, big rain storm then. Try it, next time you see a spider and you kill it, notice how it will rain/snow for a while after. The bigger the spider, the bigger the storm.

So about fifteen minutes ago, I hear the across the hall neighbour open his door, talking to someone. Then my doorbell rang. He was standing there in a pair of shorts and an open robe, looking very embarrassed. There was an open jar in his hand. He's pet sitting.

Oh god! I'm thinking all this horrible stuff suddenly. Did I just hairspray someone's pet?  I'm praying please don't let him say his buddy's pet was a massive spider, please! 

No, his buddy's pet is a lizard, and the spider was bought as food for the lizard.  Only slight sigh of relief. Told him I killed the spider, and asked if he needed money to go buy another?  He shook his head and said they had a few handfuls of crickets still.

Spiders don't normally freak me out, but the size of that creature did. This is one time when yes, size does matter.

Sunday 8:44pm

Dear Herman:

I imagine you checking in tonight, a cup of tea, lemon pie, and a bag of buttered-caramel popcorn in hand. I imagine you sitting there, squinting at me, then smiling wide, showing the post to a buddy of yours that doesn't believe in the stuff I believe in, and him spooked cause I'm right. And if I am wrong, then you've got your laugh for the night.
I imagine you dressed in dirty jeans, the cuffs completely ruined and frayed, maybe a pocket torn, black boots, yes I think you've got boots on still, and a t-shirt...I can't decide if it's yellow or green...either way it has a large splotch on it near your hip from someone smashing into you and dropping ice-cream or frothy coffee or ...hot chocolate on you.  Yeah, that's it, hot chocolate.

And I think you're starting to jot down notes on a small napkin, while thinking it's way past time to get to the laundry.

Song of the day that I just can't get out of my head is that old one "How soon is Now?"  mostly, because it's the theme for the tv show Charmed and I've been watching episodes of it all day.

Smile...

Tongue Tied

I grabbed my glasses as mom turned on the news at supper time.

Mom-:"You wanting to see what he's wearing?"

Me-:"Yes."  that and I wanted to see what the big deal is suppose to be for this New Reporter that my aunt is all goo-goo over the idea of him. I grunted, completely blinded by the bad glare of his tie. It was like in 3D or something. Bad very bad.  "Just because it looks good in real life, does not mean it's a good idea for camera."

Mom-:"His suit looks a bit tight too."

Me-:"You would think that whomever he's going home to at night, spending his life with would let him know his ties suck."

Mom-:"Maybe you should buy him a tie and send it to the local tv station?" she laughed.  

Me-:"Huh...that would be creepy."   Blogging about stuff is one thing, if someone is meant to find my words, they will, if not, they won't. And if by chance, someone points the New Reporter to this...maybe he'll buy a new tie in a solid colour, like grey, and get rid of those stripes and polka-dots while doing the weather.

happy now?

I was at mom's for awhile earlier, when my uncle brought Mavis by to wish my mom a happy mother's day. Mom was getting ready to go for dinner with my sister. Mavis pointed at me and told me to call Walsh. Still seems to be some sort of issue with the texting on my phone.

Me-:"Got your message. What's up?"

Walsh-:"Having a bbq. What's up with you?"

Me-:"Nothing. I was told to call."

Walsh-:"I thought you'd call few hours ago. Doesn't matter now. Matt never showed."

I'd love to think he's doing these 'set ups' for me, but I know it's got nothing to do with me, and everything to do with his buddies lack of a life.

Me-:"I've meet Matt. I didn't like him."

Walsh-:"When?"

Me-:"Grandma's funeral."

Walsh-:"That was like over a decade ago."

Me-:"Once was enough."

Walsh-:"Did you get that call you were looking for the other day?"

Me-:"No. I'm hoping to hear something tomorrow. Otherwise, I guess I need to give up on it."

Walsh-:"I'm sure you'll hear something tomorrow. Don't give up."

Me-:"Well, somethings just aren't meant to be. Like me moving somewhere safe without loads of stairs, keeping a muse, finding the right guy..."

Walsh-:"I don't know what to tell you about the apartment, but you already know what I'm going to say about Mr. Scratchy."

Me-:"Like I said, somethings just aren't meant to be and I'm really starting to think, you know..."

He interrupted me. "that' you're looking for something real?"

Me-:"....that I've had...."

Walsh-:"...here's a secret guys want that too."

Me-:"...that I've had my happiness..."

Walsh-:"What happiness?"  I could hear cooking noises and the kids laughing. "Not to be an ass, but name one boyfriend who treated you good."

Me-:"I was happy when I was with -----, for a little while I was really really happy."

My cousin made a sound of disgust as he then yelled at the kids to leave the neighbour's dog alone. "And he cheated on you for it. How can you say you were happy?"

Me-:"Cause I was for a bit."

Walsh-:"Okay, whatever. I don't want to hear about him." he swore a few times then got really silent. "You deserve to be happy. With a guy who actually loves you. You're just like both my sisters you do know that right? You all have the same taste when it comes to picking boyfriends. You all keep telling me how you want to find the right guy and then you end up with assholes who don't love you, who abuse you..."

Me-:"Where's this coming from? Who did what?"

He sniffed and got silent again. I can only guess that one of his sisters got in with yet another creep. "Nothing. You keep talking about how great our grandparents relationship was, and yeah it was like a fairy tale when you look at it from our point of view. But we don't know what happened the rest of the time? Right? Nothing's perfect. I mean...if either of them gave up...."

Me-:"Sort of not making sense now."

Walsh-:"I'm just really tired of it. My sisters making the mistakes they keep making. They never take my advice."

My turn to get silent. "One thing I've learned is love isn't always...enough. Though it kills me to say it. Just destroys everything. He would never have left me if it was. He would never have..."

He interrupted me again. "...you think he loved you?"  My cousin laughed at me. 

Me-:"Yeah, I do. Just...not enough."

Walsh-:"You're so better off without him. You realize that right? It's been what? Ten, eleven years? Hope you know that. That you're better off."

Me-:"Everyone else seems to think that."  I was sniffing by this point. I know that I am better off, but still hurts sometimes.

Walsh-:"Everyone else knows that. I know that, you know that, and Mr. Scratchy knows that. And one of these days, when you lest expect it, Mad Hatter..."

Me-:"Mr. Scratchy..."

Walsh-:"Mad Hatter, will show up and sweep you off your feet."

Me-:"Okay, you made me cry so I'm going to go now. Tell your wife I said happy mother's day, and I'm going to try to calm down enough to blog this..."

Walsh-:"Fine. Blog it. See if I care. I'm getting tired of that too."

4:55pm Friday may 9th

Phone rang, it was my cousin.

Me-:"You need something?"

Walsh-:"You're texting still isn't going through."

Me-:"I got the one from my sister so have no idea what the problem is? What do you need, I want to keep the phone free."

Walsh-:"How's Morticia? And what's the rush?"

Me-:"Sister is fine. I'm waiting for a call about an new apartment. Do you need something?"

Walsh-:"Was going to see if you still had the show from Monday on dvr..."

I heard traffic sounds and some guy's voice telling my cousin to get off the phone, their turn was next. Then, my cousin telling the guy to just order for everyone. Obviously, they were in a drive-thru.

Me-:"You already saw it...so why you asking?"

Walsh-:"I wanted to check the tour commercials. Like now. See when they are coming to Canada again."

Me-:"Um...don't they have like a whole section on the website for that?"

Walsh-:"But I wanted to check it out...before I go home...like right now, while the guys are hanging out before I drop them off at home..."

Me-:"I see. Do your buddies know why you are in a rush for that?"

He laughed a nervous giggle. "Well, yeah Greg does now. He's giving me dirty looks."

Me-:"Okay that tells you something. And no, you can wait till tomorrow or check online. And I need to get off the phone and keep the line free."

He grumbled and hung up.

post it note 6th suppertime

Dear Herman:

Rain here again. Is it raining where you are? 

Anyways, I imagine you checking in tonight, feeling sore at the world. I don't know, have an old Sepultura song stuck in my head today..."Innerself"

So I imagine you checking in, feeling blah, suddenly thinking of both that old song, and of course moose. Which I suppose is a bad thing in a way, having you think of moose whenever you think of me, or me when you see/hear about moose now.
I imagine you dressed in jeans, and a red shirt and dark hoodie. I imagine you sitting there reading this, waiting for a cab, thinking of a large bowl of noddles and a spicy soup. I also think you're chewing noisily on gum.

Smile...

Monday night May 5th

Having a coffee, watching tonight's wrestling, when there was a strange music started to play.  I sat there for a few minutes before I realized it was coming from my purse, it was my phone. I had gotten a new phone and haven't gotten used to the new ringtone yet.

I didn't even have to check the id to know it was my cousin Walsh.  "Hey, tried to text but it said couldn't be received. What's going on?"

Me-:"New phone, haven't a clue. What's new?"

Walsh-:"You watching the show?"

Me-:"Yeah."

Walsh-:"Your man lost. Big time."

Me-:"Yeah for the moment."   I heard the kids screaming in the background and my cousin's wife telling everyone to shut up. "What's new on your end?"

Walsh-:"I was at the hockey game last night, guess who I bumped into?"

Me-:"The zamboni driver?" I got up to make another coffee.

Walsh-:"Hahaha! Yeah actually, one of my buddies actually drives the zamboni for the local games. But, also, the new reporter was there, covering the game for the news. He was seated two rows from us. You should start going to games."

I just sort of grunted. "Like I said, if I happen to bump into him around town when I'm out, I'll start a chat with him. But I'm not going to go places I have no interest in just to meet him."

Walsh-:"Which is why I say you're hiding. Don't turn into auntie."

Me-:"Good point. Commercials over. Anything else you want to lecture me on?"

Walsh-:"Uh...your man looked like he was going to cry."

Me-:"He looked hurt to me."

Walsh-:"He looked more then that. But anyways, better go, just wanted to rub your nose in the fact he lost, and to tell you about the reporter. Wife's friend Brenda made a few comments about him at the game. She's going to beat you to him."  he made a tisk tisk noise a few times then laughed.

Sunday post it May 4th

Dear Herman:

About an hour before the big monthly ppv, and I thought I'd come in and slam out one of these for you.  I imagine you checking in, pretty much ready for the show. I think you've got a coffee in hand, and that you're sitting there slightly over tired. I also think you're debating if you should check the fairy tale before the ppv or wait till after?  I imagine Igor tossing paper planes around the room. I have no idea why...

Well, just thought I would write a short post cause...um...I have werewolves on the brain. Werewolves and goblins.

Smile...I make less sense to myself even.

Thursday May 1st

I got a message from my cousin Walsh earlier today, asking first if I had seen the wrestling from Monday and if I so, did I have it on the dvr still?  I told yes to both.  He showed up around 3:30pm to flip through the episode.

Walsh-:"You look freaked, what's wrong?"

Me-:"Issues with my main blog. It's vanished into thin air and the blog host isn't responding."

Walsh-:"What?"

Me-:"The name needs to be renewed but there's some glitch and it's just lost. So I'm just a bit...distracted."

He grunted pausing the wrestling to get up and get a coffee. We continued watching the episode, till we got to the Pack's promo. "See what he did there?"

Me-:"What?"

He rewound the promo pointing to Mad Hatter. "The wall by the window."  I shrugged.

Me-:"Just tell me what you want me to understand cause I'm not paying attention."

Walsh-:"Your story. He's doing what you wrote the character...he's letting you know he's still paying attention."

Me-:"Your crush on him is way bigger then mine is. Admit it, you want him." I grabbed the remote and watched the promo paying attention to what Mad Hatter was doing.  "Okay...yeah that does seem like the scene I wrote the other day..."  I have no idea how I missed something like that when I watched it live the other night?

Walsh-:"See, don't give up hope." he elbowed me gently. I slapped him cause my ribs are still bothering me after almost two weeks. "Heard my step-mom was trying to set you up."

Me-:"I wouldn't call it a set up as much as her telling me to stalk the poor boy."

Walsh-:"I think for once, she's got a good idea. I've seen the reporter around town doing location segments, and he seems really down to earth. If I was you, I would stalk him."  he air quoted the word stalk. "You know, get on twitter or facebook and friend him, start a conversation about something. That's why her and her friend wanted you to show up at the cafe eh?"

Me-:"I'm guessing."

Walsh-:"You've got to start somehow. You've been hiding for too long."

Me-:"Hiding? You think that I'm hiding?"

Walsh-:"Um yeah no doubt. You've been hiding since before your knee injury. And if you don't blog this then I know you're a coward."

Me-:"Tell you what. If I bump into the dude while out I'll start a conversation. That work for you?"

Walsh-:"Suppose. Feeling any better?"

Me-:"Nope. I ran that blog for four years..."

Walsh-:"Not the blog, the fact Mad Hatter is still reading you. That Mr. Scratchy is still reading you."

Me-:"Honestly, I'm not sure anything would make me feel better right now."

Walsh-:"Not even if Mad Hatter opened up and started talking to you?"

I let out a breath, closing my eyes. "That would be golden but dude, it's just been years. Dimmer on the other hand, I could see him reaching out. Ever since that one promo he did last year..." I looked at my cousin then sort of started off into space before grabbing the laptop and pulling up the promo of Dimmer from last year with the fake glasses. I showed it to Walsh not sure why suddenly it seemed so damned important? "We missed something here. I think Dimmer has more to do with things then I ever thought?"

Walsh shook his head shrugging. "Stick with Mad Hatter. I think he's more your type."

Me-:"Right now, any guy between 28-37 who's breathing is my type."