11:56pm 26th oct

Communication.
That's what my horoscope talked about for today. This was suppose to be like a non-stop day of talking, only for me it was silent. And of course, couldn't seem to write a thing. No distractions but no inspiration either.

Anyways, just watched the ppv. It was good. One of the better ones in awhile.  So the day is almost over, just a few minutes left to it. And I'm sitting here right now, staring at the ice cubes melting in my glass because...well they're there. In front of me making cracking noises as they melt.

Goodnight Herman; Mr. Scratchy.  

Oct 25th 2014

Why is it Herman, that whenever someone dislikes a band or song, the people around them love it?  Two bands I just can't stand are Abba and Led Zeppelin, and it would seem the absolute favourite bands of my neighbours.  Constant rotation.  Wondering if that's the only cds they own?
I mean, wanting to take a chainsaw to the cd player kind of can't stand. Also greatly dislike Simon and Garfunkel but that's because of an ex-boyfriend.

Anyways...when did the leaves start to turn? Yesterday they were on the trees all semi green, woke up this morning and the front lawns are covered in orange and yellow leaves, none which are left on the tree outside my building.

Craziness.

My dear Mr. Scratchy, think of me when it rains.

Smile, smirk and snarl.

Dirty Laundry 41 B

I got a call from Walsh's step mom, asking me how I was. I can only guess she saw the blog.

Me-:"Fine."

Aunt-:"Are you really?"

Me-:"Peachy with an order of Keen and a side of Spiffy."

Aunt-:"Huh! You've really got to let things roll off you more."   

Me-:"Aunty, I love you for this, but I can't do this light and love crap anymore. I've been trying to stay positive on things, but just when I start to think everything is going to work out, when I start feeling good about myself, that  Mr. Right (I stopped calling him Mr. Scratchy to most people since I'm no longer feeling like they are the same man) is out there; I hit a wall. Someone from my past pops up. Ex-boyfriends, past one night stands. And...you know, the bad stuff pours back."

I heard her slurping one of her power shakes. "That's because you're a sensitive, you wear your heart on your sleeve. Do you still have that book I gave you on positive affirmations and meditations?"

Me-:"Somewhere in a box. Might take me a few days to find it."

Aunt-:"That won't help you today...oh another call coming in hold on..."   I was ready to hang up I was on hold so long thinking she forgot me when she popped back on. "...you know everything happens when it's suppose to not when you want it to. Remember that, let that be your affirmation today. And tomorrow till you find that book. And while you're waiting for Mr. Right, why not just relax and let yourself find a Mr. Right Now?" she giggled.

Me-:"Every time I've gone that route I've ended up in a worse situation then before I started. I've made a promise to myself no more maybes, I'm holding out for the real deal."

Aunt-:"Well, he's never going to find you if you keep repeating your old negative ways. Positive brings positive. Treat yourself. Get some new clothes, go have a spa day, redecorate...okay I've got a client here now for a reiki session talk to you later. Remember, stay positive."

I'm positive that after that phone call I'm no longer depressed as much as pissed off.

Dirty Laundry 41

Ever have one of those days when you just can't seem to get any work done? Not for lack of trying, but because no one will leave you alone?

Been in a pretty steady groove lately with the fairy tale, and managing to get some notes for a new story, then today gone out the window. Why? Because my phone has been psycho. Here's the thing, I don't give my number out.  But I've gotten this bizarre bunch of calls and texts from people looking for a guy named Carl. This has been happening since last week. I put the first one off as a simple wrong number, but, it's gotten to the point one person said they talked to him just this morning on this number.  The phone company had no explanation  And I've had the same phone number for 8 years. Crazy right?  Either way, it's disrupted my train of thought.

That was the lesser of the badness.  What really got my heart to catch in my throat was a twitter email. I have one, I just refuse to use it. Anyways, I got one of those "do you know blah blah blah?" with a list of so called famous/popular Canadians.  Mr. B. was on the list. (talked about him before "Cursed-id-ed" was one)
This is a guy I haven't talked to or seen in 20 years, and suddenly he's being offered up as a possible contact?  I thought about it. Damn, I thought about reaching out and saying hey. But, I thought better. Didn't do it.
Instead, just sat there staring at his photo for five minutes before deleting the email. Then I sat there for another twenty minutes mindlessly looking into the depths of my coffee cup while listening to the Dracula soundtrack.

You've heard of emotional affairs. I believe they are rare but extreme. My sister has always referred to Mr. B. as my real first love.  Everyone was in love with Mr. B.  He just had that way about him. It's weird how one little thing can get your mind racing to what ifs and shoulda coulda wouldas...
This dude, was Jim Morrison/Hunter S. Thompson/Jon Lennon/Trent Reznor/Jack Kerouac all rolled into one. From the photo, he's still got it.
So now, he's all I can think about, which doesn't help my writing.

The 6 of Cups has been popping up in my tarots lately. That's the card of remembering, past, nostalgia, forgotten friends. Now I know why.

Emotional affairs.  This is like the term of the last decade, the term made popular by internet relationships/affairs. It's become a cop out for a lot of people, and a dirty word for others.

Dirty Laundry 40

I had turned off my phone to charge last night, and seems I missed a message from my cousin Walsh. Which of course was the usual "you watching the show?"

Me-:"Yes, I watched the show."  this I sent few hours ago.

Walsh-:"So you saw then?"   he replied about forty five minutes ago.

Me-:"Just said I did."

Walsh-:"No I mean your man and the arm."

Me-:"That a Twin Peaks reference? Don't remember any little dancing dwarf." 

Walsh-:"Funny. The promo in the ring with the crash test dummy."

Me-:"Was pretty spiffy. Wonder if he writes his own stuff or just goes off the cuff?" which I've wondered many times.

Walsh-:"I thought you wrote something close? Like in your fairy tale or something?"

Ah right on, good to know someone is still reading my stuff.

Me-:" but I got the idea from that old promo Mad Hatter did for the indie company...so no."

Walsh-:"Oh....I really thought he was giving you an inside joke type of thing."

Me-:"Don't think so. More like the other way around."

Walsh-:"Well...the fairy tale is better. No more writer's block?"

Me-:"For the moment all is smooth...how's things with you?"

Walsh-:"Same old same old. Got the guys coming over on the weekend for the ppv."

Me-:"Tell Duncan I said hi."  I sent the text instantly regretting it. I have no idea why I even thought of him.

Walsh-:"???? What? Now you're interested in him? He's got a girlfriend sort of now."

Me-:"Then don't tell him I said hi."

Mint equals Cereal?

I once asked the question can you miss someone you've never met?  The answer is yes. As time goes on, we end up missing our favourite bloggers, or our favourite twitter/facebook personality etc, when they stop communicating. I'm having one of those days today.

Few years ago, I would spend hours a day, literally hours, following my favourite bloggers. I would get up have two cups of coffee and just block off about four or five hours a day reading other people's blogs. People, who over time for whatever their reasons were, stopped blogging. After awhile, I stopped checking, stopped following. Just stopped caring.

One of my favourites, was run by company number two. There's a shocker for ya eh? And for awhile, The Celebrity and The Other Guy had control of it. I miss reading it. I have to say, it was one of my favouirte blogs at the time, not just because those two wrestlers were writing it, but because of how they wrote it.
They had a way of making you think you were reading something less promotional and more personal. Even when it was clearly a topic for the show.  I miss that. 

I was sitting here having a cup of coffee, when the scent of menthol overpowered everything. It was coming from the hall. When I opened the door to see what was going on, there was a guy standing there, with a cut on his arm and a bottle of mint extract, wearing a faded t-shirt with a logo for Captain Crunch cereal.  Crazy as it seems, it got me thinking of that whole blog.  If you ever read it, you understand why.

So on a day like today I couldn't help but wonder...how many people have we left our mark on without even realizing it?

Love lines

I've recently tried my hand at palm reading, pun not intended; and learned that the marriage lines don't really mean a bunch of marriages. This is news to me. I've always been under the assumption that they meant how many times you'd be married or in a long term relationship. But, as I learned today, they apparently mean how you were impacted by the relationship.
It would seem, that the longer the marriage lines -which are located at the edge of your hand under the pinky- the earlier in your life the relationship happened. And the shorter the lines, the later in your life. Also, it would seem, the deeper the grooves the more they meant to you.
I've got one line that goes from the edge of my hand to almost touch the heart line, which is the one that starts under your forefinger and runs to the edge under the pinky; which it would seem means that relationship happened when I was in my teens/early twenties. It's also the deepest groove on my hand.

The average amount of marriage lines is suppose to be four, I have six.  Five of  these lines are short stubby little lines that are barely noticeable to the untrained eye, well to me anyways, until they were covered in big black inky marker; all indicating that those relationships are still to come and impact me.

So do I look at this with joy or dread? 

I like the idea that this indicates more chances at real love in my future, but dislike the idea that no one will create a soulmate connection with me. The idea that this deep grooved long marriage line is telling me, my one real soul connection has already happened, makes me sad.

Post it note October 9th

Dear Mr. Scratchy:

Herman.
Miss me? Of course you have. I've had really nothing to say. The bit of a writing roll I had been on few weeks ago, dried up. Totally hit a wall. Sucks to be me.

So it's a lovely fall afternoon here. Crisp air, sitting at +4C with a 0C windchill.

Anyways...I imagine you checking in today, some sort of Halloween candy hanging out of your mouth, one of those orange and black striped candy-cane sticks, dressed in a faded black shirt that maybe someone gave you at some point, like a radio station or something in a press kit, jeans -yes, jeans not the usual track pants- and a wool hat. Toque.  I love that word.
I just made you laugh, don't deny it, you know you did.  Thanksgiving this weekend here in Canada. Mom went to my sister's and had dinner yesterday with her and my brother-in-law and his kids.  Ironically, it's one of the few holidays I actually like. Harvest holiday.  I bought one of those faux-turkey things. Amazing what you can do with tofu.

Stop laughing. Anyways...I think you're sitting there, reading this, earphones blocking out the people around you, listening to some crazy playlist that is heavy on the 70's punk and W.A.S.P.   I also think you just bought yourself a ouija board. Simply, because you were out and saw one in a Halloween display. I've had one for years, I'll show you it sometime.

As always, smile smirk and snarl.