post it note new year's eve

Dear Mr. Scratchy,

What's up with you tonight? Nothing out of the ordinary here, just pizza and a few movies. Just watched Duets. I've talked about that over the years online bunch of times. I must have seen it now close to twenty times, and it makes me cry every time. Yeah Herman, I'm such a girl.  There is a line at the end of it, when one of the characters mentions how he can't go back to the life he was living before his adventure because he sings now. On the surface it's the big chuckle. But, when you look at the comment as the wrap for the whole movie, it's the deepest line there is. Well, okay, not the deepest, but it's the one most on point. Before I ever saw this movie, I thought people who did karaoke were the biggest hosers around. Then I had my own adventures in karaoke and damn it, the movie really made sense. It changed my life, much like the characters in the film. For good and bad. Damn I miss it every now and then. Like nights like tonight. The idea that the real world slips away for five minutes while you get to be in the spotlight with everyone adoring you for all your faults. The strange way people become these little cults of worshipers for their favourite regulars, defending them no matter how horrible of a singer they might be. Can let you forget sometimes that those people are not your real friends.

Anyways Herman...I imagine you checking in tonight dressed in a grey t-shirt and paint stained jeans. And I think the t-shirt was a last minute change of clothes, something from work with one of the guys' logo on it. Cause I think you had someone smash into you drunk, spilling their drink on you and forced you to change clothes. Might be why you've got on paint stained jeans too...in my mind anyways.

I miss Dimmer on weekly tv, can you pass a hey to him...

as always, smile smirk and snarl.

Fruitcake

I was in the middle of making dinner when my cousin Walsh phoned. Not texted, but actually called. "Hey what's wrong?"

Walsh-:"Auntie's not answering her door. I've been standing here for almost ten minutes buzzing. Did she go out for the day?"

Me-:"Uh...mom went to Toronto to spend the holidays with her sister. She left last week, why are you even there?"

Walsh-:"Crap! My mom sent me over to get some recipes of grandma's. She said your mom had them."

Me-:"Good to see communication is flowing freely. What recipes?"

Walsh-:"The fruit cake for one. A few cookie recipes. You don't have copies do you?"

Me-:"Depends on what ones. And why didn't your mom just call my mom, or email or something?"

Walsh-:"Said she tried calling all morning, but didn't get an answer, she started to get worried something had happened."

Me-:"Nope, all is fine. She's there till after new year."  I told him to just come over and he could look through my one recipe book that had copies of grandma's stuff. I ended up having to turn the stove off and go wait in the lobby for him, cause my buzzer is still broken. He got here a few minutes later, cigarette hanging out of his mouth.  "Since when does your mom like fruit cake? I thought me and Uncle B. were the only one's who did?"

My cousin made a face as we past one of the neighbour's doorway, pointing to their apartment commenting on how much it smelled like dirty socks, before sighed loudly then started smirking unable to be serious. "Mom's got this new neighbour who just moved in across the street. She found out he likes fruit cake."

Me-:"There's like a billion recipes for fruit cake online. Why on earth did she have you hunt down grandma's?"

He shrugged. "Wants to impress him." he was laughing to the point his face was red. "Never going to happen." he sat down in the kitchen, the recipe book in front of him. Which he dropped sending all the pages sliding across the floor.

Me-:"Why not?"

He looked at me still laughing, as he turned in his seat at the kitchen table, the recipe book in one hand. "I'm sorry, I love my mom but seriously, she's just...to say she's let herself go is an understatement. There is no way that woman is ever going to get anyone to look at her ever again. Just not going to happen."

Me-:"Nice son you are."

Walsh-:"Oh come on, don't tell me you think otherwise?"   I just pointed at the recipe book while I stirred the pot of cheese sauce. "Besides, it's fruit cake. Seriously, if you were trying to seduce some guy, would you make him a fruit cake?"

Me-:"Well...maybe. I guess it would depend on the guy." I was starting to blush. I have gone through the trouble in the past of making big meals before for boyfriends only to have them cancel last second, not bother to call or show up; just bailing on me or show up hours late only to have it totally ruined. So I see why my aunt is wanting to do this to try to impress this new guy.  My cousin waved his hand in my face snapping his fingers at me like our one uncle does.

Walsh-:"You're not even listening. I asked if you saw the wrestling last night?"

Me-:"Most of it. Wasn't that good."

He was looking for a pen to copy down the recipes, mumbling something about the main event having been wicked. "What? That was one of the best episodes in months. How could you say it wasn't that good?"

Me-:"I'm bored with most of the guys on there right now. Tired of seeing the same six over and over and over right now." I shrugged.

Walsh-:"Don't let Mad Hatter hear you say that."

Me-:"Oh boo hoo I'm sure"

Walsh-:"Oh yeah. He hears you say that and he'll be crying in his shoes for days." he leaned in towards me eyes wide unable to hold back the laugh. "Weeks even." the pen went flying out of his hand. "Devastated that you said something so cruel as to be bored by him. Heartbroken and bitter..." by this time we were both giggling like little kids. "You can't say things like that about your heroes. They have magic ears, things fly through the airwaves and they just know. They know when fans stop loving them and they send out...out...I have no idea but it's something really bad that will make you feel...bad for saying it." he was sniffing he was laughing so hard. "Okay I'm out of ideas."

Me-:"Yeah yeah, I know. You should be loyal to your heroes or they may turn on you."

Walsh-:"Yeah! That's what I meant to say."

Me-:"It's a quote from Trick or Treat."

Walsh-:"I've seen that! The one about the Hallowe'en stories all mushed up together."

Me-:"No the one from 1986 with Gene Simmons and Ozzy."

Walsh-:"No...I haven't then." he shrugged still laughing. 

Looks enough like him

Got a message from my cousin Walsh with the simple question "Are you watching the show? Is that Jimmy Jacobs?"

Me-:"I was in the other room...show's on not really paying attention"

Walsh-:"The stupid party people scene, I swear Jimmy Jacobs was part of it."

Me-:"Like you tell me now, google him.See if he's joined the company."

Walsh-:"Okay...not seeing anything online about it. Did you tape it?"

Me-:"Always."

I expected him to tell me to rewind and watch the segment properly and tell him if he's right, but he didn't say anything else. But, now that he's mentioned it, really looks enough like him.

post it dec 16th 2014

Ever know when something is over, be it a relationship, or job or whatever; and then still be a little shaken when the end happens?  Well Mr. Scratchy, it's one of those days.  For once, won't bore with details, just say I saw the end of it weeks ago, but the hammer came down today.  And it surprisingly still hurt.

They always say Herman, when one door closes another opens. I wish I could say that were visibly true, but all I seem to see is a hallway of locked doors.

I honestly don't know why I bother to hang on to these post it notes, Herman, I know you'll never respond in any way shape or form. But they are oddly comforting.

Anyways, I guess this is the point where I say that I imagine you checking in today, dressed in black track pants, winter boots cause I think wherever you are it's cold enough, a dark blue sweater and a grey hoodie. I believe you are sitting in a coffee shop somewhere, a large coffee in front of you, the local newspaper and a half eaten sandwich. And I just made you twitch.
Okay Herman, I'm going to work on the next part of the fairy tale, cause it's all I can think of to keep sane.

As always, smile smirk and snarl.

Wanting and waiting

Was talking to Mardi last night for awhile. Her and her husband have been trying to have kids for a while now, and it's just not happening. I told her about a few herbs and rituals that can help, and she went silent.

Mardi-:"So these are guaranteed to work. Like, totally end up pregnant if I follow this?"

Me-:"Seen it work twice before. Once for a friend ten years ago, who doctor's told would never have kids."

More silence, then heard her breathing change. "Now, if I don't do that...you know what, write them down for me and if I decide to take your advice...cause you know I don't believe in any of this..."

Me-:"Don't have to believe it, just have to try it. Sometimes something as simple as a change in diet can help fix something."

I could tell she was debating on wither or not to take my advice.

Mardi-:"I'm not sure. We are sort of taking a break right now from trying..."  

And there was the reason for the silence.

Me-:"If you're not sure it's what you want why did you ask for my advice?"

Mardi-:"I don't know. Just thought that someone outside of our friends might have something different to say. I mean, you don't have kids. Figured you'd tell me why you don't?"

Me-:"I never wanted any."

Mardi-:"So you are living your dream life."  it was a statement not a question, but it sort of got my under my skin.

Me-:"No. I always thought I'd be married."

More silence from her, I could hear the tv in the background as she moved around the apartment.

Mardi-:"And why didn't you?"

Me-:"Just never worked out that way. I guess not in the cards for me."  This got us on the topic of her husband, and how his new job keeps him gone all the time. "See, I would go crazy being married and not being with my husband. I don't know how you do it?"

Mardi-:"I'm glad most of the time lately that he's gone. We've been together since we were seventeen. This almost feels like living on my own." 

They are both in their early 30's now.  I could feel the tension in her voice as she talked about some of the little things that he does that drives her nuts. And all I could think was everyone drives someone closest to them insane with stupid stuff. It's what makes a relationship. That and how much I envied her. Every time over the years I've sat listening to my friends complain about their husbands/wives/boyfriends/girlfriends, it makes me sad.

Me-:"I've lived alone for so long that I just don't see myself ever being able to deal with someone now. Too late for any of it. Even if I were lucky enough to find a man who loved me enough to marry me."

She brought it back to the topic of kids, saying how it was the next logical step. Marriage, house, kids. How she's not sure she's ready to give up her job to look after them, and that I was the only friend she had who didn't have kids.  I didn't know if I should take that as a good thing or a slightly hooded insult?

Mardi-:"Anyways, anything else with your stalker?"

Me-:"Mr. Freeze. Nope. Haven't seen him in weeks, guess he doesn't work there anymore."

Mardi-:"You sure? I saw a guy working there yesterday who looked a lot like the Reporter. Didn't you say he looked like him?"

Me-:"Uh, yeah. Did he creep  you out too?"

Mardi-:"Didn't even look up from his boxes. Did you notice, he's got a new tie he wears all the time now."

Me-:"Your husband?"

Mardi-:"No the Reporter. Like for the last week straight, he's been wearing this dark coloured tie that doesn't clash with his suite."

Me-:"Huh. I never watch the local news unless I'm at mom's. Haven't been there at suppertime for awhile."

Mardi-:"I think someone told him about your comments about his ties."  she giggled when she said it.  This does not bode well if she did tell him.

Me-:"I don't even want to know."

Mardi-:"He was doing a news story the other day at my work. Just commented that his ties were a little loud and that I wasn't the only one who thought it. Didn't mention your name."

I didn't have much else to say to that. The conversation went back around to one of her other friends who lives in New Zealand now, and how she's just had twins. It seems Mardi has nothing on her mind but babies.

post it dec 4th 2014

Dear Herman:

Ever get that feeling that someone is working against you behind your back, yet you don't know who or why?  Wait, your in the wrestling industry so I'm sure you have. The past week, my ear has been burning like madness, until last night. Last night and tonight I got together with Mardi, for a few hours.  No burning. So the person who's been talking about me hasn't last night or tonight. Should I be worried, or chalk it up to your buddies and you?  Sometimes omens and paranoia go hand in hand.

Igor is looking over your shoulder right now laughing rolling his eyes because he knew, I'd write another post it note at some point.  stop laughing you'll split something.

I imagine you tonight reading this, a coffee in hand, arms covered in ink and paint, from whatever your latest drawing is, a half eaten ham sandwich in front of you, relaxing dressed in those grey pajama bottoms and a flannel shirt half unbuttoned sleeves rolled up to expose the smeared ink and paint. 

Okay Mr. Scratchy...as always smile smirk and snarl