I was out picking up craft supplies the other day, when one of the sales guys came up to see if I need help. Told him I was fine, but wishing I had needed some help with something. Cause he was cute.
He had short dark spiky hair, glasses, a smile that could light up a room, eyes the colour of the sky and really great arms.
So there's me just sort of standing there for a few seconds, wondering why whenever I look like crap I meet someone cute? Never meet anyone anymore when I put effort in, just when I look like a rumpled snotrag or something.
So there's me, wondering if I should even bother trying to flirt when he started to turn and his store vest flapped and I saw his name tag, which to that point was hidden.
I see a J and an O and think that I let out a half groan. Sure enough the rest of his name tag came into full view. Johnathan. And it was the full name, not John or Johnny or Jon. But full out Johnathan.
Damn.
That's it, I give up. I'm just going to wait for the mystical Johnathan to appear now. And there better be stars and cartoon birdies and swelling theme music when he does. So I know it's the right Johnathan. And damn it, it better happen when I've put effort into looking good myself. I'd hate to meet the mystical one looking like a old hag.
Friday, June 7, 2013
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Walking wounded
"Did he just tell you he doesn't want you dating?" Cheryl asked when I showed her the latest chat thread. I had been talking to Male Friend #2-John- earlier tonight for a bit.
Me-:"Yes. Freaked out much?"
Cheryl-:"You really need to stop chatting with him all together."
Me-:"Cousin suggested I tell him I'm dating a wrestler." left out the fact Walsh seems to believe I should be anyway.
Cheryl-:"Do it. Or you know, just start ignoring him. Why are you still chatting with him anyways?"
Me-:"He keeps popping up in my chat threads. Besides, I seem to attract wounded men."
Cheryl-:"What do you mean wounded men?"
Me-:"I've noticed a pattern over the years. Guys only come into my life when they are going through something bad. Like being dumped, or fired, or injured. They only seem to stick around during their transition, then they go back to wherever. Doesn't matter if it's a boyfriend, a buddy, a business partner or even a male relative. Whenever something traumatic happens, that's when they seem to find me."
Cheryl-:"Maybe it's your karma? Maybe in a past life you were responsible for their issues and this is you having to heal it?"
Me-:"Makes as much sense as anything else so far. It's been like this my whole life. Since I was about nine or ten years old."
Cheryl-:"Out of curiosity, how many of these walking wounded were boyfriends?"
Me-:"All my exes."
Cheryl-:"ALL? Every man you've ever dated? Ever slept with?"
Me-:"Yeah. Every man who's come into my life. Like I said, boyfriends, buddies, business partners, and even when my male relatives hung around. Every man who's been in my life has been going through something when he comes into my life."
Cheryl-:"Huh, if it is karma, then what did you do, kill an army?"
Me-:"Beyond me man"
Me-:"Yes. Freaked out much?"
Cheryl-:"You really need to stop chatting with him all together."
Me-:"Cousin suggested I tell him I'm dating a wrestler." left out the fact Walsh seems to believe I should be anyway.
Cheryl-:"Do it. Or you know, just start ignoring him. Why are you still chatting with him anyways?"
Me-:"He keeps popping up in my chat threads. Besides, I seem to attract wounded men."
Cheryl-:"What do you mean wounded men?"
Me-:"I've noticed a pattern over the years. Guys only come into my life when they are going through something bad. Like being dumped, or fired, or injured. They only seem to stick around during their transition, then they go back to wherever. Doesn't matter if it's a boyfriend, a buddy, a business partner or even a male relative. Whenever something traumatic happens, that's when they seem to find me."
Cheryl-:"Maybe it's your karma? Maybe in a past life you were responsible for their issues and this is you having to heal it?"
Me-:"Makes as much sense as anything else so far. It's been like this my whole life. Since I was about nine or ten years old."
Cheryl-:"Out of curiosity, how many of these walking wounded were boyfriends?"
Me-:"All my exes."
Cheryl-:"ALL? Every man you've ever dated? Ever slept with?"
Me-:"Yeah. Every man who's come into my life. Like I said, boyfriends, buddies, business partners, and even when my male relatives hung around. Every man who's been in my life has been going through something when he comes into my life."
Cheryl-:"Huh, if it is karma, then what did you do, kill an army?"
Me-:"Beyond me man"
Monday, June 3, 2013
Post-it Monday night
Herman, Mr. Scratchy;
What's up? It's just after 10pm EST here, and I seem to have gotten an attack of right side scratchy. Leads me to ask, how are you doing tonight?
I imagine you checking in maybe tired from a long day at work. Sweating maybe? A few glasses of bourbon on the menu? Dressed in only a pair of faded track pants.
Mind the seagulls. Yeah, another of those pointless things that popped into my mind as I was typing and thought, what the hell add it.
Okay Herman, try not to laugh too hard or you might choke on your drink. And of course, hope I lightened your evening.
What's up? It's just after 10pm EST here, and I seem to have gotten an attack of right side scratchy. Leads me to ask, how are you doing tonight?
I imagine you checking in maybe tired from a long day at work. Sweating maybe? A few glasses of bourbon on the menu? Dressed in only a pair of faded track pants.
Mind the seagulls. Yeah, another of those pointless things that popped into my mind as I was typing and thought, what the hell add it.
Okay Herman, try not to laugh too hard or you might choke on your drink. And of course, hope I lightened your evening.
Sunday, June 2, 2013
And they called it puppy love...some more
Jody messaged me wanting to know if I was aware that Male Friend #1- the kid in Mexico- was saying that I rejected him.
Me-:"What? Hang on! How can I reject him when he's just being silly."
Jody-:"Uh, I think he really honestly likes you. I told you he had a major crush on you but you didn't listen. You broke the poor guy's heart."
Me-:"Me? Me break someone's heart? That's just not humanly possible."
Jody-:"Why not? Everyone gets their heart broken by someone at some point."
Me-:"Yeah, I'm usually the one. I've never broken anyone's heart."
Jody-:"That you're aware of. Just because you haven't seen the evidence doesn't mean you haven't. But here's your evidence. What the hell did you say to the poor guy?"
Me-:"Nothing. You know the normal. He was bummed, tried to cheer him up by pointing out how a few of the girls on some of the chat threads were flirting back with him, which he just seemed to not notice. He was complaining how no one where he lives is single and the few that are just want rich men, which he's not."
Jody-:"What did he say?"
Me-:"That he didn't believe they were flirting back. That they were just being nice to him."
Jody-:"Wow, he's either more innocent then we thought or he's snowing you?"
Me-:"No man is that innocent. He's just got really low self esteem. He's really sweet though, he'll find someone."
Jody-:"Still, I warned you."
Me-:"Yes, yes you did."
Me-:"What? Hang on! How can I reject him when he's just being silly."
Jody-:"Uh, I think he really honestly likes you. I told you he had a major crush on you but you didn't listen. You broke the poor guy's heart."
Me-:"Me? Me break someone's heart? That's just not humanly possible."
Jody-:"Why not? Everyone gets their heart broken by someone at some point."
Me-:"Yeah, I'm usually the one. I've never broken anyone's heart."
Jody-:"That you're aware of. Just because you haven't seen the evidence doesn't mean you haven't. But here's your evidence. What the hell did you say to the poor guy?"
Me-:"Nothing. You know the normal. He was bummed, tried to cheer him up by pointing out how a few of the girls on some of the chat threads were flirting back with him, which he just seemed to not notice. He was complaining how no one where he lives is single and the few that are just want rich men, which he's not."
Jody-:"What did he say?"
Me-:"That he didn't believe they were flirting back. That they were just being nice to him."
Jody-:"Wow, he's either more innocent then we thought or he's snowing you?"
Me-:"No man is that innocent. He's just got really low self esteem. He's really sweet though, he'll find someone."
Jody-:"Still, I warned you."
Me-:"Yes, yes you did."
Mixed Tape night
Foolish Love - Lord Tracy
Dream On - Helix
Should have Found Love- Michael Damian
Open Arms- Journey
Honestly- Harem Scarem
Almost Paradise- Loverboy with Ann Wilson
When a Heart Breaks- Rik Emmett
By the Fireside- Slik Toxik
Home Sweet Home- Motley Crue
1000 Degrees- Vain
Smoke and Shadows- Vain
Ballad of Jayne- L.A. Guns
Can You Take Me High Enough-Damn Yankees
I Don't Love You Anymore- London Quireboys
Every Time I look at You- Kiss
And you're asking yourself what the hell is all that?
A mixed tape I found. Yes, tape as in cassette. You know when you start thinking it's time to clean out your desk drawer and you find lost treasure. It was one of those nights. The only thing is, I'm a product of the movie Trick or Treat from 1986. You know, where the lead character makes this tape for his frienemy and the cassette doesn't have a label. Yeah, I grew up in a time when that empty tape look was cool. We almost never put labels on the actual cassette, we put labels on the tape case and hoped we didn't mix up which one went where.
Anyways, I came across this tonight and you know what, I still have a very very very old, 25 year old tape player that I use maybe once a year when I'm really feeling nostalgic, so I popped it in and there you go. The mix had that on it.
So it must have been one of my billion slow dance mixes. Romantic sappy drippy love songs.
Dream On - Helix
Should have Found Love- Michael Damian
Open Arms- Journey
Honestly- Harem Scarem
Almost Paradise- Loverboy with Ann Wilson
When a Heart Breaks- Rik Emmett
By the Fireside- Slik Toxik
Home Sweet Home- Motley Crue
1000 Degrees- Vain
Smoke and Shadows- Vain
Ballad of Jayne- L.A. Guns
Can You Take Me High Enough-Damn Yankees
I Don't Love You Anymore- London Quireboys
Every Time I look at You- Kiss
And you're asking yourself what the hell is all that?
A mixed tape I found. Yes, tape as in cassette. You know when you start thinking it's time to clean out your desk drawer and you find lost treasure. It was one of those nights. The only thing is, I'm a product of the movie Trick or Treat from 1986. You know, where the lead character makes this tape for his frienemy and the cassette doesn't have a label. Yeah, I grew up in a time when that empty tape look was cool. We almost never put labels on the actual cassette, we put labels on the tape case and hoped we didn't mix up which one went where.
Anyways, I came across this tonight and you know what, I still have a very very very old, 25 year old tape player that I use maybe once a year when I'm really feeling nostalgic, so I popped it in and there you go. The mix had that on it.
So it must have been one of my billion slow dance mixes. Romantic sappy drippy love songs.
Morning post-it
Mr. Scratchy, Herman; I have this overwhelming need to post you a note this morning. Not too sure why.
Also, want to ask you how your nose and ribs are? Yeah, not too sure where that came from, but I'm going to start going with my gut more and not second guess myself so much. So... how's your nose and ribs?
"Blues Skies"...I've got that damned song in my head suddenly, the Rod Stewart version. I suppose it's going to be one of those days. Days where things pop to mind that make even me feel like it's a weird day.
Birds suddenly started to chirp outside my window as I was typing that...too cool.
Alright, that's it for right now, hope your day is smooth and the alcohol free.
Also, want to ask you how your nose and ribs are? Yeah, not too sure where that came from, but I'm going to start going with my gut more and not second guess myself so much. So... how's your nose and ribs?
"Blues Skies"...I've got that damned song in my head suddenly, the Rod Stewart version. I suppose it's going to be one of those days. Days where things pop to mind that make even me feel like it's a weird day.
Birds suddenly started to chirp outside my window as I was typing that...too cool.
Alright, that's it for right now, hope your day is smooth and the alcohol free.
Saturday, June 1, 2013
post-it note June 1st
Mr. Scratchy, Herman; been a few days since I left you a note. Hope all is well on your end.
Rainy day here. Humid.
I imagine you checking in tonight, a cup of coffee at your side, working on that unfinished painting that I mentioned like a year ago. Yes, I still think you paint/draw for some reason.
Dressed in nothing but your underwear. Grey of course. And I think you might be covered with paint splats. Which I might add, is a sexy look for a man.
Anyways, I imagine you reading this, biting your bottom lip, a smirk on your pale lips. I also think you missed me the last few days without a note.
Alright Herman, my little twist of barbed wire, try not to bump into anything in those dark shadows.
p.s. If you want to hear the song I keep referring to, it's on the Nashville soundtrack volume one "Twist of Barbed Wire" by Johnathan Jackson.... yeah the cosmic joke hits from every side. You know, if you really are a Johnathan, it's going to be priceless.
Hope I brought a smile to your face.
Rainy day here. Humid.
I imagine you checking in tonight, a cup of coffee at your side, working on that unfinished painting that I mentioned like a year ago. Yes, I still think you paint/draw for some reason.
Dressed in nothing but your underwear. Grey of course. And I think you might be covered with paint splats. Which I might add, is a sexy look for a man.
Anyways, I imagine you reading this, biting your bottom lip, a smirk on your pale lips. I also think you missed me the last few days without a note.
Alright Herman, my little twist of barbed wire, try not to bump into anything in those dark shadows.
p.s. If you want to hear the song I keep referring to, it's on the Nashville soundtrack volume one "Twist of Barbed Wire" by Johnathan Jackson.... yeah the cosmic joke hits from every side. You know, if you really are a Johnathan, it's going to be priceless.
Hope I brought a smile to your face.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)