Sunday, January 25, 2015

Sunday 25th Jan 2015

So, week and a half ago, I mentioned that a guy I had been involved with few years back, emailed. I decided to reply to him. God only knows why?
We chatted for hours, about nothing! Literally just a bunch of "hey what's new in your life?" topics of small chit-chat.  And I hate to admit it, but it was pleasant. Nice to have someone to talk to for a bit. And I let myself get carried away, and asked him for coffee. That was a Thursday. He agreed for the following Monday. The whole weekend past and I heard nothing from him.
The whole time, I just kept getting this nagging feeling that I was making a huge mistake, that it would lead to repeating past bad behavouir with him.
So the Monday came, and I didn't hear from him. I ended up sending him the cancellation message. He didn't seemed too choked up about it. Then I stupidly went against my gut instincts and suggested the next day. Which he seemed beyond interested in.
Okay, and this is where the red flags of my gut instinct slammed me against the wall. He said he'd call at a certain time to confirm. He never did. And I got angry. Not because I actually wanted to see him, cause I knew it would be a bad idea on so many levels; but because he didn't bother to confirm.
I started to remember why I got fed up with the men I was meeting those few years back. Why I got disgusted and just stopped bothering. And here I was letting it all happen again. 
So, former one night stand emailed me on Tuesday, 45 minutes before we were originally scheduled to catch up over coffee expecting me to be jumping for joy ready to go. And I wasn't. I was still unshowered and in my pajamas.
And I told him I wasn't going to meet up with him.

I don't know if he was more pissed off with me turning him down, or the fact that the whole time I never flirted with him?  The guy was a charmer, that much about him I remember, but that's about all I do. He could walk past me in the street and I wouldn't for the life of me recognize him. He probably has over the last few years.

The strangest part of all this is that I didn't feel bad about cancelling, but when I let him back in to begin with.  I'm going to be 41 this year, and what I was lacking when I originally knew him was self respect.  And writing this, I know it sounds cocky and bit egotistical, but it's true. I respect myself too much to let guys like him back into my life.

No more playboys/players/guys who are juggling women.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Old new borrowed blue

Picture it, me standing in line at the dollar store with valentine's day cookie cutters in hand, when Mr. Freeze opens the outside set of doors to the store. He saw me took a half step back as if frightened, then walked in through the "out" door. Right past me to the point I thought he was going to smash my shoulder, then walked around to the far end of the store for whatever it was he had come in for. Which, by the way, had he gone through the "in" door would have only needed to take one step to get to that area. I went to pay for my stuff, looked up and he was right behind me in line. Cut in front of some old man. It get's weirder, I turned to put my basket back and he stepped out of line blocking me then stepped back into line, dropped his stuff and headed back into the far end of the store.

But the hits keep rolling. I then went the next building over, to the actual grocery and bumped into this guy I haven't seen in years. Former Neighbour who lived across the street from me when we were kids. He was standing there with his girlfriend/wife (he's been divorced few times I can't keep up with the rumors) spotted me, and screamed my name out as if he was actually happy to see me. Wasn't expecting that. Expecting maybe a semi-polite nod of acknowledgement or at the most a mid-air hand wave. His girlfriend/wife turned looking at me then stormed off, turned back and  grabbed him by the sleeve. When I was leaving the grocery few minutes later, they past me at the doors. He turned to start talking and she glared at me, like she wanted me dead.  
Now, Former Neighbour dated/slept with everyone of my friends when we were younger. It was like I would make a friend and within weeks, they seemed to end up with him. I swear it was like the universe planned it for me to be the stepping stone for those chicks to bump into FN. All I ever got from FN was a beehive stuck in my bedroom window one night when he was stoned. He seemed to love torturing me. So no matter his reputation, I'm in no way a threat.

To think I could ever be a threat in any way is beyond funny.

Then arrive home, check emails, and there was a message from a guy I had a one night stand with years ago. Just out of the blue, asking me how my day was. Odd.

Things happen in threes. What else is on the agenda?

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Would you date a witch?

Between 2005 and 2009, I tried pretty much every dating site out there. And that was back when "dating sites" were a four letter word. They were still new-ish and considered something sleazy that only the lowest of the creepy did. Some of the guys were okay, and some of them should have come with a warning label. All eventually ended up becoming my most popular topic of blogging elsewhere on the internet. So much so, that good, bad and down right disturbing, my dating life was what kept people reading me. And hence, I decided to start this blog dedicated to just that.
Only, I got disgusted with the guys I was meeting and made the stupid choice to stop dating until Mr. Right came into my life. That was 2009, and I haven't been on a date since. Nor has Mr. Right shown up.

That really hurt to admit.

I've made it clear more then once that I just don't like sites like Facebook. I've done them, and just feel ugh about them. Yet, the world runs on sites like that.

I've discovered there are two types of men out there that seem to keep crossing my path. The guys' that are okay with the way I look, and the ones who are okay with my personality.  The one's who I've gotten involved with over the years that are fine with my level of attractiveness, I've learned the hard way have all been uber sluts that have slept with half the city. Right, and the one's who I've gotten involved with over the years that have only been able to sleep with me when drunk beyond drunk, have always pointed out how not their type physically I am. Okay then. The slutters always seem to have an issue with the Occult side of my life. While the beer-goggle guys, usually don't.

What does that say about me? Better yet, what does that say about society as a whole?

With everyone around me poking at me to not just try dating again, and to try facebook again, to add more photos of myself online etc; it's got me thinking. An experiment of sorts.
Which would mean having to face some pretty big fears I've developed in the last few years. The fear of actually dating again being the biggest. The fact I'd have to start bothering to put on make-up, dress in something other then yoga pants and over sized shirts, admitting that I would have to *gasp* buy new bras and wear them...etc. Then the hard part, dealing with the rejection, the hope, the anticipation of an email/text/call from a guy, the getting to know you part, the when do I tell him the bookcase of stuff is an altar...or I could straight up advertise myself as a witch. And I'll let you imagine for yourself how badly that could end up going.

Not everyone is open to that.

After just loosing a friend because our religious beliefs were polar opposite, and having Mr. Freeze whispering to his co-worker when I walked past him this afternoon in the grocery (ironically wearing make-up) I'm tired of tip-toeing around.  Tired of living less then half my life.

Should I bother jumping into this?