Thursday, January 30, 2014


"He hugged me. I feel violated."  my message to my cousin around noon.

Walsh-:"What? Who?"  which he didn't message back until just after 3pm.

Me-:"Cousin R. He and his mom were over this morning for a bit."  referring to the 60 year old male version of an old maid. "Grabbed me and hugged me."

Walsh-:"Crap! still at auntie's?"

Me-:"Till tomorrow. Why?"

Walsh-:"parking lot two minutes."

Stood freezing in the parking lot for closer to ten before his truck pulled up. One of the lady's from the next building was outside filling a bird feeder, and started asking me about mom's surgery. Told her twice in the ten minutes that it's next week she goes to have it done. Walsh had the kids in the back seat, I guess he'd been picking them up from school when he messaged me back.

Walsh-:"My older sister said she bumped into them last week at the mall, he grabbed her and hugged her too, asked her where she works now.When she said where, he said he might be by on Friday. She said it was really uncomfortable."  he lit a cigarette trying to hide so the kids didn't see him smoking.

Me-:"I'm glad it's not just me. He keeps asking me to come to church with him. Then he saw one of my books on the table the other week, started going on about how good christian people don't read Twilight."

Walsh-:"Twilight? Really?"

Me-:"It had a vampire on the cover. If he thinks Twilight is bad, good god man, if he'd actually of picked up the book he would have had a heart attack."   I started shaking a clump of mysterious dog fur off my pant leg. It had somehow attached itself between me leaving mom's apartment and coming outside. Must have happened walking through the lobby.  Walsh shook his head at me laughing.

Walsh-:"Twilight." he hooked his thumb towards the kids. "She's discovered that other one, that academy one."  I nodded, peeking in at the kids.

Me-:"Right. Saw the commercial for the movie for that. Vampire Academy. Never heard of them till last month. Suppose to be like a step up from Twilight. Can we talk about my being hugged against my will?"

He laughed again at me shrugging. "He's doing it a lot lately. Mom said he hugged her too there one day when she bumped into them once at the movies. Scared the hell out of her."

Me-:"Weird. I don't like being in the same room as him anymore, well never have actually."

Walsh-:"My dad was saying his dad, uncle E. was back in the hospital."

Me-:"That was few months ago. He's got like a home care nurse comes in like every day. They don't have much hope he'll see the year's end. Aunt T. isn't looking the best either. When E. dies, I am guessing she won't be far after."

Walsh tossed the cigarette butt into the snow, burying it. "You look like crap. How's everything else?"

Me-:"I feel like crap. You know, there at christmas, I lost 10 pounds without even trying. That couple of weeks mom was staying at her sister's. I slept better, not as many headaches, less body aches, ate better, stressed less. The second things got back to routine, I gained all the weight back, not sleeping, totally stressed out, my body is killing me, and I've had a permanent headache. My mom makes me sick."

My cousin sighed. "You loose your man, sorry your muse." he grinned like a little kid. "Get grabbed by a dirty old man."

Me-:"You're not helping. Okay shhsshh about Mad Hatter. Done, finished talking about that. Over forever."

He shook his head as he turned to get back into the truck. "Mad Hatter is never going to be over. He's Mr. Scratchy and you know it."

Me-:"I know no such thing. I know that I'm tired and just want to find the real Mr. Scratchy."

Walsh-:"He is the real Mr. Scratchy. And you'll never be done with him."

Me-:"Well, maybe I should be done with you then. Get a new theory. New one. New moon, new theory."

The kids started to get restless in the truck, asking if they could go to the indoor pool, and ice cream and to their friends. Walsh was saying something to them when he closed the door and took off.

Post it note 30th

Today is a new moon and the eve of Chinese New Year for a year of the Horse.
All about new beginnings.  So, I thought, Mr. Scratchy; Herman, it needed a blog post. Post-it note it is.

Okay, I just spent twenty minutes typing about the cosmic joke and Johnny Cash songs and closing the door on last year, and then deleted it, cause it was...yeah boring. True, but boring.

Here's to something fresh and new and exciting happening in the year of the Horse. In 2014 in general.

One last round of "I imagine you..."   Herman, I imagine you checking in this morning, or afternoon or evening or whatever it is wherever you are; dressed in a pair of purple pajama bottoms, a ripped beat up dirty yellow t-shirt, oversized coffee cup in hand, maybe a travel mug, something that's scratched up that you've had kicking around for a few years in your car, something that you picked up once at a corner store/gas station one cold night. You're using it because it's comfortable. For some reason, I imagine you needing something...things around you today that are comforting. So it's the mug, the torn and extremely worn clothes, lots of hot tea and coffee, and an old iPod playlist from like four years ago. And I think you've got a bag of mini chocolate bars, sitting right there on your kitchen counter that you keep nibbling from today. The kind that are meant for Hallowe'en. I imagine you...literally just standing around in the kitchen half the day because that's the one room that seems fitting today.

As always Herman, I hope I brought a smile to your face. Now if you'd just open up and step out of the damned shadows for a few days... give me a real hint.

Wednesday, January 29, 2014


"I know you couldn't do it."  the message from my cousin Walsh said.  He was referring to me unkilling the lead character in my fairy tale, based on Mad Hatter.

Me-:"It's a good character. I've had fun writing it."

Walsh-:"You know what this means right?"

Me-:"Not heading into the bottomless abyss of writer's block this week."

Walsh-:"Besides that stupid."

Me-:"Clue me."

Walsh-:"You can't give up your crush because you are not meant to. HAHAHA!!!!!!"

No, I think it just means the character is more inspiring then even I thought.  Anne Rice once said she had hung up her most famous character - the vampire Lestat- after the first three novels, with the purpose of never writing another novel or story with him anywhere in it, and found herself after half the manuscript of another book series (I think it was her Mayfair Witches books, which Lestat does do a cross over story for)  dreaming, longing to get back subconsciously to that character, that she felt haunted by him. That's pretty much what happened in regards to the fairy tale and me last night. I literally dreamed the scene that I wrote this morning.  He's become my Lestat. (and the character based on Werewolf King is like my version of Louis, and the one based on Rebel without a Cause is like my Armand) I don't know if that will be good or bad? For Anne Rice, she's been connected to the Vampire Chronicles now for over forty years. I don't know if I want this character of mine there to be hanging around that long...a few more months maybe.

Tradition when you have no Tradition

So, I've mentioned lately that one of the things I promised myself this year, was that I would start getting serious about my spiritual side again which I've let slide the last few years.  One of the things connected to that is physically getting a new grimoire. (on the tv show 'Charmed' they called it the Book of Shadows, Which is both wrong and right. Books of Shadows is a personal witch's diary, a Grimoire is the group book/one that gets past down through family members)  You know, the original little black book. Which really usually weren't black, most were tanned leather. I'm getting sidetracked here...I promised myself this year, that I would get one that would stand the test of time. Something that I could leave as a family heirloom.

So far, so good. Right. Then last night, I had been looking at designs online from a few companies who make them, pricing what it would be to have a custom one done. And one of my eviler aunts saw what I was doing.  I didn't even hear her come in cause stupid me had my iPod on and back turned to the doorway.  Her reaction was "Why would you do something like that when you don't have a family? There's never going to be anyone to give it to. What are you going to do, leave it in your will to the mailman?"

As hurtful as it was, she has a point. I'm the first one, that I'm aware of, in my family history who follows anything other then Christianity. (Protestant mostly, a few cousins have converted to Catholic when they got married)

Had I not felt like I'd been verbally and emotionally slapped in the face, I would have said something witty like "all traditions have to start somewhere". But, I just sat there deflated for a bit, thinking about the whole thing.

Is a tradition really a tradition, if there is no one to guarantee it will be continued?  Then I started thinking about how no one ever truly knows what parts of their personal beliefs or practices will ever go beyond them after they've died. I hear people talking all the time about their legacy.  For those of us on this planet who never have a family of our own, who never do something that will land us in some form of a museum or hall of fame, does that mean we have no right to want a form of legacy/tradition? Should we back down and not strive for that basic human desire of the idea that something of us will continue on after we're long gone?

I've accepted the fact none of my novels will ever sit on a shelf next to Stephen King or Anne Rice, I'll never win a Bram Stoker's award or be read out loud at a Jane Austen society meeting. I'll never see my paintings in the Guggenheim next to the Pollocks or the Picassos. I'll never have a movie premiere at the Toronto Film Festival. None of that is in the cards for me.

The only thing I can say for sure is that I have to follow my heart and hope something of it sticks around after my body's beyond broken.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014


I was getting mom's mail for her, and G-Babbs was coming into the building with her dog. Spotting me, she called me over to where she was.  "Sean was asking about you."



Me-:"Yeah I have no idea who that is."

She seemed disturbed at me saying that, a look on her face like she tasted something bad. "Sean. The maintenance guy."  she was waving her one hand around in circles, the dog pulling on the leash.

Me-:"Yeah, still don't know who you're talking about cause there's like three of them."

G-Babbs-:"The tall young one."   I know I was still standing there looking like a moron. "The Native guy." 

Me-:"Oh him. Why was I thinking his name was Bill?"

G-Babbs-:"No that's the older one with the salt and pepper hair." she waved her hand at me again, rolling her eyes. "God, I wouldn't stop to talk to him." she picked the dog up, undoing his leash. "He's outside still, shoveling."


G-Babbs-:"Why don't you go talk to him?"

Me-:"I don't even know him."  Which is true, the only thing I know of him is that he's always moping the floors when I come over in the mornings.

G-Babbs-:"This is a good time to get to."

I looked at the empty hallway trying to come up with an excuse not to. "I don't have any reason to."  G-Babbs rolled her eyes at me again, mumbled something and took off down the hallway to her apartment. Something tells me that had more to do with my conversation the other day with Tarot Lady, then anything else. Tarot Lady had asked me if I was dating anyone, and I said no. Her and G-Babbs get together for coffee every morning.

Monday, January 27, 2014

Dirty Laundry 34

My cousin was at the door this morning around 11:30.  "Do you live here now or something?"

Walsh-:"Do you?" he asked as he stood in the doorway of mom's.

Me-:"Might have to my rent is getting increased this month. Pay-per-view was last night remember."

Walsh-:"There any coffee?" he headed right for the kitchen. I asked what he was doing here again?  He shrugged saying he had a day off. "Kids are at school, wife's at work, didn't feel like sitting home alone."

Me-:"And instead of hanging out with your real friends, you came here? What's wrong with you?"

He sat on the kitchen counter, which he knows I hate, and just sat there for a few minutes slurping his coffee. Mom chatted with him for a minute reading some of his sister-in-laws facebook comments, like they were the golden age of reporting. Then he turned to me with a look.  "Did you write today?"

Me-:"Something tells me you know that answer to that already."   he didn't say anything else. Just sat there picking at a bunch of bananas. "I bought myself a couple of weeks till I figure out what the hell I'm going to do. And I still hate you."


Me-:"I might not have even noticed that tape for weeks." I filled the kettle for more coffee. "Those three characters were only suppose to be one page, and somehow the whole story became about them. Now, what am I going to do?"  he slapped my shoulder as he moved to the kitchen table. "And to top it all off, right back to square one with the guessing game."

Walsh-:"Guessing game?"

Me-:"Who's Mr. Scratchy?"

Walsh-:"You know who Mr. Scratchy is. It's still Mad Hatter. Always has been."

Me-:"What part of it just can't are you not accepting? The it can't or the it can't?"

Then he gave me this look, like I had uttered the stupidest thing ever. Which I might have given my brains lately. 

Walsh-:"You said, that he hasn't caused the right side itch in a while right? That you thought he might have gotten into a relationship."

Okay he got me there. "I also said he might have fallen off a cliff and died. There's still that excuse. Or aliens. Joined a cult..." he laughed at me. "Okay maybe not a cult, that would make too much sense. And you know, can't have that...making sense I mean."

Walsh-:"So what are you going to do about it?"

Me-:"About what? Making sense with a cult?"

Walsh-:"Uh...the whole thing. The fairy tale, Mr. Scratchy..."

Me-:"I have no idea. I managed to write something this morning. Should be enough to buy me a few weeks to sort out where to take the story next?"

He sat there just playing with his lighter, flipping it over and over in his hand tapping it on the table. "I want to hear it once. Just once out of your mouth that I'm right."

Me-:"I can't. It means too much to me to say it's someone who will never be my guy. Sorry can't."

Then my right shoulder and hip, and ear started to itch.  Walsh was on the floor laughing so hard he ran out of breath. He wouldn't shut up for almost ten minutes after that.

Sunday, January 26, 2014

The Girl Who Married A Ghost

When I was little, I had this massive book of old fairy tales.  One of my favourites; The Girl Who Married A  Ghost,  had two different versions.

In the first version, the girl is a very greedy girl who marries a prince. She's taken then to live with the prince and his people in what turns out to be a small island in the middle of nowhere. Everything is fine at first, then the couple go to bed, the wedding party drunkenly asleep on the floor beside them. When she wakes up, she finds herself surrounded by skeletons and piles of bones. Fleeing, she ends up on the beach with nothing but broken rowboats around her. As the sun goes down, her husband and a few of his brothers come to find her. He's angry because according to him, his bride nearly broke his neck when she ran from the bed and stepped on one of his brothers, breaking his ribs. She is forced to stay with him, sleeping in the day and only being up at night when everyone is normal. Soon, they have a baby and on their visit back to her village to see her family, her mother who is told not to touch the baby's dipper, touches the baby's dipper. To the mother's horror, the baby is only human from the chest up and totally skeleton the rest of him. The bride then has to return to the island with her husband never to see her mother or family again.

The moral being not to be greedy and to look before you leap.

The second version had the girl written as being very plain. Which, is a nicer supposed way of saying ugly. And she's at a ball, where the prince is unhappy with most of the pretty girls. He comes to the plain girl, and while talking to her, is enchanted by her honesty. Picking her, he tells her that if they are to marry, she would be unable to see her family for a full year. She agrees, simply happy to have someone willing to marry her. Here the story is pretty much the same as the other version, she goes to the island and wakes to find herself stranded with the skeletons and broken boats. The prince tells her at nightfall that if they live together for a year, she will help to break a curse. She ends up having a baby, and they decide to visit her family. Again like the other version, she tells her mother not to unwrap the baby from his blankets/dippers. The mother doesn't listen, and when she discovers the skeleton baby, the girl freaks out, informing her mother that she's ruined their chances of  breaking the curse. She then leaves and can never return to her village.

The moral being to have faith, and keep your promises.

I can't remember where the two versions of the stories originated from. But I find it strange that they were as similar as they were, without being completely identical.   This story always to me, seemed like a vampire story, which is one of the main reasons I was drawn to it as a kid.

I was babysitting, and stuck watching Disney cartoons earlier during the week, and it made me think about how sanitary all the fairy tales have become.  Stories that were originally told to keep people from doing harm, from living anything other then an honest and decent life, have become sugary sweet stories put to music.
The Girl Who Married A Ghost, has a lot in common with the traditional Beauty and the Beast story. Which could be another reason I always felt drawn to it.

Sunday continued...again

Mom told me there was a facebook message from my cousin Walsh. I had my phone on to charge, so he couldn't message.

Walsh-:"What the hell are you doing????????????????????"

Me-:"Having a pop just took some tylenol...why?"

Walsh-:"You killed him? Thought you said that it wasn't bothering you?"  Ah, he read the latest part of the fairy tale. "It's bothering you. Admit it."

Me-:"Why should it? Not like I knew the guy."

Walsh-:"Then why did you kill him?"

I had no idea what to tell him. So I didn't answer.  Another message from him, asking how I was.

Me-:"Feeling tired. Spent the half the day talking to Tarot Lady."

Walsh-:"She do a reading for you?"

Me-:"No. She just sat there telling me to listen to what the angels are trying to tell me."

Walsh-:"Then why did you hang out with her?"

Me-:"Wasn't on purpose. She saw me in the hallway earlier and cornered me."

Walsh-:"And what are the angels telling you? haha?"

Me-:"Not to listen to you anymore."

Walsh-:"You can't say it's not bothering you. I'm sorry. But all the signs pointed to Mad Hatter being Mr. Scratchy."

And I don't see how it can after this whole situation.

Sunday continued

Making a cup of tea, when the buzzer went.  It was my cousin. Odd. He stood there looking like his heart was broken. I asked him what he was doing here, he shrugged and just stood there leaning on the wall for a minute. I right away thought something had happened to his sister or dad or something, but he said everyone was fine. Then he asked me if I was okay?

Me-:"Why wouldn't I be?"

Walsh-:"Cause of the whole...finger thing." he was blushing.

Me-:"Oh my god! Seriously?"  I started to laugh. I think he was wanting me to be heartbroken and acting like a psycho or something, and disappointed that I wasn't.

Walsh-:"So you're not mad at me for pointing it out?"

Me-:"Keep at it and I will be."  I poured him a cup of tea. "I took it out of the dvr so don't even bother looking for it."

Walsh-:"Well noted."  he just sat there, sort of slumped shoulders like a sad puppy.

Me-:"Okay, this is bothering you more then me. Why?"

He shrugged again. "I really wanted to be right on this. I still 100% believe he's Mr. Scratchy."

That brought a tear to my eye. I ended up with a knot in my throat for a few moments. I was unable to talk.

Me-:"Okay, dude..." I sat there stupid for a few more minutes. "Where to start? This is the year of the Horse coming up. Like the end of the month is Chinese New Year. Which is suppose to be like the best thing going for me. Last time I had a chart like that was eleven years ago, when I met -----. Good or bad, three things led me to him. The first being that I was doing something I totally loved as a hobby, second being I was completely devoted to my spiritual side, and third being my writing. I wrote that one novel that I still am really proud of like a month before ----- came into my life. All my attention and focus was directed into what I loved doing. And I wasn't looking for a relationship, it just fell into my lap..."

Walsh-:"This going to be a long story cause I have to pee."  (I started typing this so I wouldn't forget while he was in the toilet.) "continue..."

Me-:"Chinese New Year...right Year of the Horse. I made myself one promise this year. To do what I love. That includes focusing on my spiritual side which I've neglected for the last few years, working on a hobby which is the monster's library movie thing, and writing, which was the online fairy tale. Do you see where I'm going with this?"

Walsh-:"No, all shadows and darkness." he got up and boiled the kettle again for another cup of tea. "What was the novel you said you were working on back when ----- started to cheat on you?" he was giggling.  He was referring to a character in the story being named Johnathan. "Was that the one about the Johnny Depp fan? Why did you never try to publish that one?" 

Me-:"I am starting to hate you right now. Thinking of poking out your eyes or something. You killed my muse. I can't work on a story where my romantic lead is not available. I just can't work that way. There's like a block in my brain that keeps me from being able to. Let me rephrase that, when I know the guy is not available. It totally kills any romantic ideals I have of the guy. Makes him as interesting as wilted lettuce. I have no idea how I'm going to fix this in order to finish the fairy tale? And, and it destroys my power of three thing I had going on with the hobby, witch stuff and writing."  Walsh just stared at me wide eyed. Honestly, I think he was thinking of something or someone other then our conversation.

Walsh-:"And what's that got to do with Mad Hatter being Mr. Scratchy?"

Me-:"I had connected the theory, your theory that you jammed repeatedly into my brain, that Mad Hatter was Mr. Scratchy, my guy; into the main love story part of the fairy tale. How am I suppose to continue thinking that way and writing that way now? You killed my crush killing the muse."

Walsh-:"I do not believe that, it's crap." he nodded grabbing a cigarette and opening the window leaning out of it. "I don't understand why you're not wanting to believe he's Mr. Scratchy?"

Me-:"Oh my god! Okay, my core values, my core belief system, is based on the idea of soulmates. The main thing I do is connected to romance, relationships, love. Whether you personally agree with me or not, to me Mr. Scratchy is more then a theory. If I continue to believe that Mr. Scratchy is Mad Hatter and he's not available, then that rips my core values apart. Mr. Scratchy can't be married or seriously attached to anyone else. Now do you understand me?" my cousin just sat there for a moment, face out the window smoking. "Mad Hatter can not be Mr. Scratchy, can not be my soulmate, if he's And I wouldn't even be thinking this way if it wasn't for you shoving the idea down my throat for months. I was very blissfully fine thinking Mr. Scratchy was The Celebrity. Then you had to go and ruin that by telling me he was off in Japan and that disconnected from the timing of blog hits and scratching..."  okay by that point I was ranting just a bit. Took me a bit to calm down from that. Second cup of tea in fact.

Walsh-:"I'm still not getting why this ruins your writing?"

Me-:"I'm talking to a wall, a 36 year old wall. The inspiration for the character, the lead romance, comes from a crush I had/have on Mad Hatter. I can't think of him that way if I know for a fact he's not crushable. If I am unable to finish the fairy tale, or at lest keep it going cause it's turned into a mega soap opera on the blog; to at lest keep it going, two things will happen, one will be the return of writers block cause my crush on Mad Hatter was the first thing in 3 years that cured my writer's block, and two, the focus on doing what I love, the witch stuff, the hobby and the writing, won't work to lead me to the next relationship. Or at the very lest distract me from thinking about why I'm not in a relationship."

Walsh-:"All I got from that was blah blah blah you finally believe that Mr. Scratchy is Mad Hatter blah blah blah." he smiled as he lit another cigarette.

Me-:"Which no longer is even an issue if he's married. And thanks a f***ing lot. If you hadn't started pointing out the stupid dots, I wouldn't I'm mad at you."

Walsh-:"Mad because of the writing or the crush?"

Me-:"Both. You know, I didn't see a life after 32. I just always felt that was the end of things. And then the year I was 32, the car accident and what happened with all that. So when I tell you that I don't see anything husband/serious relationship wise after 40, I have to listen to my gut on that."

Walsh-:"40 is not that old anymore. Plenty of people find their soulmate or whatever well into their last years."

Me-:"Well, whomever he is...don't even say it...whomever he is, he's got about seven weeks to show up. Then 40 hits and I see nothing."

Walsh-:"You said after 40. That still gives you a year. So like technically when you turn 41."

Me-:"Go home."

He looked at the clock realizing he'd been here almost an hour as it was, and started to make another cup of tea. "I don't want to. Wife's got friends over for a girls day."  he started searching the cupboards not finding anything of interest. "So you still mad?"

Me-:"Yes at you yes. You're driving me crazy. And I'm sure I've sounded enough like a crazy person over the years as it is. Remember the time my sister's friends all were catatonic when their favourite celebrity crushes got married? They were what, fourteen?"

Walsh-:"And you're okay? With all this?"

Me-:"I'm most likely heading for writer's block, are the one acting like your heart is broken over this. I never met the guy, never had a conversation with him, not like we were friends. That's what a celerity crush is. A crush on a famous person. Dude, I am so glad the internet wasn't around when I was a kid/teenager. This is why I keep telling you I don't want to know. I don't do the facebook or twitter stuff, don't google, because I don't want to know anything about their real lives. Just height, age, weight, hair and eye colour. The basics, and a few common catchphrases/movements. Just enough to inspire a character for my writing. Anything beyond that, like if they are single, married, straight, gay, with kids etc, ruins them for me. Why do I feel like I just spent the last hour going around in circles?"

Walsh-:"I get it. You're mad because I pointed out something you didn't want to know and now you've lost your muse. But that doesn't change the fact I still believe he's Mr. Scratchy. Don't give up on the idea of him. There is just too many things still pointing in that direction."

Me-:"Like a brick wall."  he left shortly after that. And here's me, wondering how he got me to actually believe him?  My past experience alone with people pushing me in someone's direction should have kept me from believing him. But, no, there was just too many things that strengthened his theory. Now, I'm just mad at myself.

Sunday Jan 26th am

Okay, so my left ear was burning last night for almost two hours. Like I mean beet red.  Though, I'm guessing from the lack of right side itch, that Mr. Scratchy you were not part of that conversation? (From like 11pm EST till 1am EST)

Sitting here thinking about timing. And the fact I don't believe in coincidence. Everything happens for a reason when it happens to whom it happens to.
And listening to the guy who lives across the hall who every morning at 8am comes out to get a paper and sings Pasty Cline songs. Better then an alarm clock. Or the fact the lady in the apartment 112 here at mom's is clueless to the fact the older gentleman from upstairs in apartment 217 brings her a copy of the paper every morning because he's had a thing for her for years. He goes and collects a stack of papers from the news box outside the building every morning no matter what the weather, and brings her one. The rest he leaves in the front lobby. The lady thinks he goes door to door in the building for everyone dropping off the paper. I don't understand why he doesn't just ask her out?

Back to no coincidences. They say that when two people are destined to be together, they can't avoid each other. They say that like brings like and what you believe for you is true. They say that if you're looking/desiring/believing in a soulmate so is your soulmate because it's part of your destiny/fate. And I learned few years back to be careful how you word things, cause you never know when things will come true. (the old term be careful what you wish for should be; be careful how you word things cause you just might get it) 

The guy across the hall just switched from "I fall to pieces"  to "Crazy"  always a sign he's got a coffee date later in the day.

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Dirty Laundry 33 continued

Listening to my iPod, and having a cup of tea, when another message from my cousin Walsh came in.  Strangely, it was a link to a website about how to find your soulmate.  Obviously, not from cousin but in fact from aunt. Followed the link, and it was the Arielle Ford website. Been reading her stuff for the last 5 years.

Ten minutes after that, second message from Walsh came in. "Step mom want's to know if you got the link?"

Me-:"Yes, thanks. Why?"

Walsh-:"She walked in when I was reading blog. She read it."

Me-:"Spiffy. Tragic that everyone is so bored. How's your sister?"

Walsh-:"Nice try at changing the topic. Are you mad that I let my step mom read your blog?"

Me-:"No. I'm mad that you started it to begin with. I was like 3 years with writer's block after learning that The Other Guy was taken. I never did finish the second novel I had based a lead character on him. Better pray I'm not another 3 years because I've lost my muse again."

Walsh-:"He's not dead."

Me-:"Might as well be! I can't think of a guy like that if I know for a fact he's taken. I need to be crushing on a guy to be able to write. All your fault...I need a new wrestler now."

Walsh-:"Werewolf King?"

Me-:"Why do you think Werewolf King was never the center of the fairy tale before? Cause I knew from chatting with some of the other female fans on the social site months ago, that he's taken."

Walsh-:"So you're not going to kill me?"

Me-:"No. Just going to snarl and give you evil thoughts for a long while. You ruined him for me. Totally poisoned him."

Walsh-:"Have you ever thought that you're blocking yourself from finding love because you're scared?" 

Obviously my aunt again getting Walsh to do her dirty work for her.  I thought about how to respond to that?  She's said this to me before, more then once. My aunt is one of those people where everything comes so easily for her. She can say "I intend that I'm living with a hot man who loves me in a fancy house with three cats."  and by the end of the day it's all happened. I wish I could make my life work so easy.

Me-:"Not scared. Not blocking. Just never been able to make it work. I seem to pick the wrong men."

I've done poppets and rituals and spells for other people, and have a pretty decent success rate. Have played match maker in high school and college and for a few years after college. Always managed to set up just the right couples. I've written stories and parts of stories, and on a few different points in my life, they came true. One for someone else, and once, when I met ----- over a decade ago. Too bad, that relationship ended up being a total mistake.
That whole thing still leaves me in awe. The writing and it happening part. I had a certain ideal when I was younger, and wrote that character for years, then one day poof, I met the real life version. Too bad, he was a lying cheating drunk.

Walsh-:"Are you doing what the article on the website says? There is a great article about four posts down about how to attract the right person and a really great one near the top about knowing when you've met that person."   Obviously, my aunt again.

Me-:"Yes, read the articles. Read the books, done the exercises she talks about to bring that soulmate into your life. And Nothing. Been five years, and nothing."

Then I thought about that. Really thought about that for a bit.  Every time in the last 5 years that I've said I'm going to start dating again, I've ended up on crutches and in the hospital. Huh...makes you wonder. The universe doesn't want me to date. Otherwise, I have to believe that something would have worked. That something would have brought some positive results. It's like being in a holding pattern. Not even bad results, literally no results. I've been romantically frozen. Wow, I suddenly feel like Sleeping Beauty alone in her tower or Snow White in the glass coffin, asleep while the rest of the world keeps on trucking. Even they got a handsome prince in the end. As slimy and creepy as it actually seems to think of a couple of guys who dig coma patients. Anyone else find that part of the fairy tales just a tad on the odd side?

Walsh-:"Don't stop believing."  

Me-:"Easy for you to say. You pushed me into your theory and now I need a new wrestler."

Walsh-:" What?"

Obviously, the don't stop believing was from my aunt not my cousin.

Me-:"That was for Walsh."

Dirty Laundry 33

Walsh messaged to see if I had caught yesterday's wrestling yet, told him no. He told me not to watch the main event with the Pack.


Walsh-:"Trust me, it'll upset you."

So of course I watched it. I didn't see anything in the match that would cause me to be upset. So I messaged him back asking what was it I wasn't suppose to watch?
Took him a while to message me back, but when he did it was ...awkward.

Walsh-:"There's tape on his hand."

Me-:"There's always tape on his hand."

Walsh-:"No, I mean there is tape on his left hand..."

I rewatched the episode before deleting it. Then watched this past Monday's as well. There was tape on his left hand then too.  Huh.

Me-:"Thanks for pointing that out. See, I..." my cousin sent me another message before I got this one finished.

Walsh-:"It could be a broken finger? Right? So don't jump to conclusions."

Me-:"Thanks for pointing that out. See I knew I shouldn't have listened to you months ago. I told you not to start crap and get my hopes ..."  he sent me another message before I finished.

Walsh-:"I still firmly believe he's Mr. Scratchy."

Me-:"Thanks for pointing that out. See I knew I shouldn't have listened to you months ago. I told you not to start crap and get my hopes up about Mr. Scratchy. And Damn it! You had to point stuff like that out and ruin him for me. I'll never get the fairy tale finished now cause I won't be able to think of him in the same light."

Monday, January 20, 2014

Monday Jan 20th 2014

I was watching tonight's wrestling, and my hope for the ppv this coming week is for Rebel without a Cause to win.  That's what I'd like to see.

The stores here have already gotten the displays started for Valentine's Day.  Normally, I hate this time of year, it just makes me cringe. But, few days ago when I was out, I found myself actually looking through the display of cards and chocolates and fluffy stuffed animals, and I was fine. Better then fine actually, I actually bought a handful of the bad cheap chocolate hearts and some crafting stuff they had for making your own Valentine's cards.
I think there's something wrong with me.

I think the last time I've gotten anything connected to this holiday was when I was still in grade school. You know, when the teachers still forced everybody in the class to give crappy cards to everyone else in the class.

No wonder I hate the holiday...which is weird, given that my main focus has always been to do with love in everything else.  The fact I write romance stories, work love magick, follow love omens etc. Totally ironic when you think about it.

I love love, but loathe the day dedicated to it.  I'm one of those people who believes that you don't need a single day carved out to remind you that you care. If you care about someone, make every chance, every day a day when you do something or say something to show them.

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Grading Carrie

Now that we're well into the second season of the prequel/spin off of Sex and the City's the Carrie Diaries; how do fans feel about it?

There finally seems to be some elements of what fans loved from the original SATC coming to the characters and storylines of the show. Too bad, it's come so late in the game.
I've gone on record saying that although I loved the two books Carrie Diaries and Summer in the City, which this particular show is based on, I did like the second offering better.

I'm not crazy about the Mouse/Maggie/Doritt characters or their storylines at all. Much prefer Carrie in New York with Walt, Bennett, Larisa and Samantha segments.

Fans were electric this season when Samantha was added to the mix. But, as much as I'm loving Walt and Bennett, they do not a Stanford make.

The use of 1980's songs and movies as the episode titles are a cute way to help remind people that this is set early on in the career of the lead characters. And the nostalgia of wall phones, large vcrs, shoulder pads and plastic earrings helps to anchor it in a time that was far away but not so long ago.
The fact that we're in an unknown year in the middle of the 1980's, has both helped and confused the plots. (Believe it's now suppose to be in the middle of 1986? The show having mentioned New Year's twice since the first episode of season one.)

If indeed the show gets a season 3, will it grow into something that resembles more of what fans loved about the original, or will it fall off it's high heels?

And given all that, will this show see a Blu-ray/Dvd release at any point?  Should it?  I think fans would be better with a SATC 3 movie then another round of these cocktails.

Monday, January 13, 2014

The shadows

I got a message few minutes ago from my cousin Walsh. "Are you watching wrestling tonight?"

Me-:"Yeah. Why?"

Walsh-:"He was scratching his right side again."

Me-:"So, he was itchy. Big deal. Have you read the blog?"

Walsh-:"No. What am I looking for?"  I told him that I finally gave Mr. Scratchy my name. "But, if he's been reading you for years, he would already know your name, so why did you do that? You've ruined the whole point of the blog."

And once again, he's right. I hate when he's right.

Me-:"Well, how am I suppose to expect him to say who he is if I don't? Besides, if the big cosmic joke is that I keep seeing the name Johnathan everywhere because there is a guy named Johnathan meant to come into my life, wouldn't be good to throw my name out there and see if he's been having a cosmic joke of his own?"

Walsh-:"Sure. But Mad Hatter still scratched his right side on the show." 

A dear Mr. Scratchy letter

This would be a post-it note # 400 or something by now? Something like that.
Morning Mr. Scratchy, Herman. Well, it's morning here. Sun hasn't totally risen yet, small breeze outside the window swaying the trees. We're sitting at -1C degrees with a -7C degrees windchill. That's practically shorts weather here. I can honestly say, I can't remember it ever being that warm before April here?

I'm not too sure what I want to say this morning? Just that I had the overwhelming need to write one of these post-it notes.

I imagine you this morning, checking in, bagel hanging out of your mouth, coffee in hand, hair a mess sticking out everywhere, those track pants splattered with coffee and maybe mud from an early run, faded yellow shirt and torn hoodie.

I don't know who you are, and it looks like I never will. Am I okay with that? No, but doesn't look like I have any choice in the matter. So...

One of my favourite songs is "Black #1" by Type O Negative.  It's got that line in it "She's got a date at midnight with Nosferatu/oh baby Lily Munster ain't got nothing on you."   Which, is completely perfect ironically, when you think about it.

Well Herman, if you really are The Celebrity, I hope you're getting a kick out of things. Always.
If you're really the Rebel without a Cause, I hope you're digging the fairy tale.
If you're really Dimmer, I hope your spotlight is bright.
If you're really Mad Hatter, well don't let the sun go down on you.

As always, I hope I made you smile.

big hugs....Kimberly

Saturday, January 11, 2014

Dirty Laundry 32

I was in the middle of doing dishes, when I got a message from my cousin Walsh asking if I had seen last night's wrestling yet, their dvr hadn't worked and he didn't get to see it. Lucky for him, I'm that predictable and keep episodes till the machine gets full. He came by when he dropped the kids off at skating.

Me-:"Anything new?"

Walsh-:"Nope. You?"

Me-:"Just working on the fairy tale."

He said nothing for awhile, just watched tv. Then the Pack came on and he nodded towards the screen. "Think they write their own promos?"

Me-:"I bet some do. I swear half the wrestlers get one script and half get a different one, because there is no way all those guys are that good of actors. I mean, all the wrestlers seem to make certain things, reactions seem natural; then you see them in movies and totally cardboard."

Walsh-:"I haven't read anything on it in a while. How's the fairy tale?"

Me-:"Fine. I did a piece like last week that had triple the normal amount of hits, then the last three or so have been almost nothing."

He got up to get a coffee. "You do anything different?"

Me-:"Near rape scene."  his jaw dropped when I said that. "That and one of the other characters got a small boost."

Walsh-:"Okay pause the show, I wanna read."  I pulled up the blog I've been writing the fairy tale on and showed him. "Huh? Brutal. Wonder what Rebel without a Cause thinks of that?"

Me-:"Don't start."

Walsh-:"Start what? All I did was say that I wonder what the wrestler you based that character on thinks about you writing a scene like that? How is that starting anything?" 

Me-:"Okay. I thought...nevermind what I thought." I poured myself a coffee debating if I should try to finish the dishes?

Walsh-:"I still believe that Mad Hatter is Mr.Scratchy, if you thought I was going to say it was Rebel without a Cause." he put the episode of last night's wrestling back on. "I haven't heard you say much about Mr. Scratchy." 

Me-:"Nothing to talk about. You know. I think he's left the building."  my cousin just looked at me. "Oh god, okay. Last March, like the beginning of last March, the scratching started to slow down some, as did the blog hits that corresponded with it. Seriously, just literally went from like three times a day every day at the same time, to once every few days, to only when I posted on my blogs. Then last summer, nothing. The scratching stopped."

He looked at me like he wasn't understanding what I was saying. "When last summer?"

Me-:"Middle of August. Just stopped dead."

Walsh-:"Okay and?"

Me-:"And what? I don't know if he just got massively bored, busy, into a relationship, fell of a cliff and died..."

Walsh-:"Uh hello." he waved at the tv screen, at the Pack. "Obviously didn't fall off a cliff."

Me-:"Obviously says you."  I stood there for a moment nearly drooling as we watched the rest of the match. "Anyways, what does it matter? I had my one chance at you know that quote/unquote, big love back like a decade ago and it didn't work. ----- just didn't want what I did, lest not with me."

Walsh-:"So you're giving up? What about Mr. Scratchy?" he pointed again to the tv screen.

Me-:"Been through this a million times. It's been a few years, if he was going to jump into it he would have. And he hasn't, so...what if he was suppose to be the right guy and that window of time is over? Or what if he was just suppose to introduce me to the right guy, and cause we never met, that window of time is over?"

Walsh-:"You won't give up! You're too much of a girl to give up." He flipped through the dvr. "You've got the one from Monday?" he pulled it up and was flipping through the episode. "Ha!" he paused it. "He's scratching his right side!"   He was referring to Mad Hatter.

Me-:"He's very carefully trying not to get caught on camera scratching his right side. Means nothing." I took a deep sip of my coffee blushing. "Other then he reads me and is being careful not to do anything that might seem like it could be analyzed by weird people like us with no life."

Walsh-:"I have a life. One that I wish I could escape from more often, but I have a life." he played the scene back in slow motion in rewind torturing me. "Oh see he's thinking, I have to make sure I'm facing the right direction so that the camera picks up all of it, slowly so that I'm noticed. Slower, must make sure the camera catches every angle..." he played it proper then rewound it playing it again before stopping the dvr. "That's what I think. I think he was subtly trying to get your attention."

Me-:"I don't know what I think anymore. I think I'm going to work on the fairy tale as much as possible, I think I'm going to accept the fact I'm turning 40 and have less chance at finding a decent guy anywhere..."

Walsh-:"I think that's crap."

Me-:"...I think that for whatever reason, the mystical magical bond or crush or whatever it was that Mr. Scratchy had for the last few years is gone. Done, over with. And you maybe need to get your testosterone levels checked because you're acting more like a girl at times then even I do."  I started to laugh then. "I'm going to buy you a skirt or something."

Walsh-:"Okay. Make sure it's in time for Valentine's Day. That will freak the wife out." he hit the play button on the dvr again. "What more proof do you need?"

Me-:"My name written on his chest during a match. I don't know...proof. A comment on the blog. The sky to open up and whomever the right guy really is to just fall into my lap. Like I said, doesn't matter, Mr. Scratchy has stopping thinking of me months ago."

Walsh-:"I don't believe that. I believe he's waiting for you to believe it's him."

Friday, January 10, 2014

Is there life after 40?

I'm starting to think only if you're a celebrity.

In a matter of weeks, I turn forty.  I've been trying not to let it bother me, but to be honest, it's actually giving me nightmares.  Today was no exception.  I was looking human for the first time in a long time, not just human, but dare I say good.  Well, as good as you can as a cripple with a cane in a foot and a half of snow. But anyways, I was at the book store, and this really hot looking guy started to talk to me, and was down right flirting. He was smart, funny, 5 foot 11, dark hair, green eyes, Irish, and 30. Totally my type.  Everything was going great, till he asked me how old I was.
When I told him 39, all the colour drained out of his face and he screwed up his mouth like he'd tasted something rotten, took a physical step away from me, mumbled to himself and left.

Throughout the series of Sex and the City, age happens. The first episode is about the main characters celebrating/fearing being over 30. In the first of the movie installments, Carrie is tortured by the fact she's unmarried at 41.

I keep seeing articles, and tv shows and movies about how "40 is the new 30" but it sure as hell doesn't feel that way.  My cousin just celebrated her 40th, and it wasn't all that happy. She barely had the cake cut when her boyfriend of six years decided she was too old for him. He's turning 33 this year.

On a night like this I can't help but wonder...will age ever be just a number?

Saturday, January 4, 2014

First post it note of 2014

Mr. Scratchy; Herman, how is your New Year's going?
It's a few days into the new year, and according to my Chinese horoscope, this is suppose to be a great year for me. 2014, is suppose to be a spotlight year.
So far, I've bumped into an old boyfriend, smashed my foot resulting in two sprained toes, and have already lost my new diary. 

Today's horoscope, says that if I want something I should ask for it.  I want to know if you Mr. Scratchy... actually...

Saw last night's wrestling. Mad Hatter looked at one point like he ruined the back of his shirt. Looked new too. Yeah, I notice little things like that. Sometimes miss the big stuff, but hey.
I love listening to him babble. As do a few billion others. Was that Rebel without a Cause's script that fell out of his pocket? Always wondered if you lot carried stuff to the ring?   I realize I don't mention Werewolf King enough...I was trying to get yesterday's part of the fairy tale done before the show came on last night, so was half listening half working, and as I typed a paragraph, my attention was taken by Mad Hatter commenting about Werewolf King not being just a pretty face. Which had me sort of looking around because of the part I had just written. That I thought, Herman was a strange bit of synergy. 

And this is the part in the post Mr. Scratchy, when I normally would guess what you are wearing and doing, and tell you I hope I made you smile.   Yeah, I'm not going to tonight. Tonight, I'm going to say that if I make you or your buddies for that matter, smile, then let me know...on the fairy tale.

Big hug anyways.