Monday, February 28, 2011


I review books. The last batch have been romance novels. This one this week has been all about chemistry.
The way the butterflies spring up on us when we've meet someone we really like, or how we react when we kiss someone for the first time.

This got me thinking.  Thinking about the last time I had real butterflies because of a man.
It's been years.  I've had too many bad attempts at relationships/one night stands, and way too few butterflies because of them.

Let me ask you, what do you do when you don't ever have the butterflies?

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Your Salami isn't so fresh

On my way back from the post office, had to pick up a book that I'd won, and stopped into the sandwich shop next door while I waited the twenty minutes for the bus.
There was a teenaged girl working behind the deli counter, who was having a very public and messy argument with her twenty-something boyfriend. 

I'd like to say I was above listening in, but that would be a lie.

Girl: "Why though? I mean, I thought .... you promised."

Boy: "Can I just get a pop? J. is waiting in the car."

Girl: "That all? $2.30."  she rang it through but didn't look like she was going to hand it over. "Just a minute. Just talk to me for a second."  they moved to the edge of the deli counter, the girl now with her arms over her chest and the boy holding his pop.
"So you're not coming over tonight then? I wasted $50 on tickets and you're going out with Jeff to the bar?"  Boy said nothing just looked over her shoulder like he was reading the menu. "Hey shithead look at me."
Boy continued to molest the neck of the pop bottle then turned to leave where upon the Girl swore a few more times then went back to her station.   New guy came into the building and right over to her, he was leaning in whispering to her and she was getting angrier by the millisecond. I'm guessing this was his friend. At this point, another teenaged girl came out and said something in a whisper to them both and the guy left.  Must have been the manager.

I was putting on my gloves a few minutes later,  getting ready to head back out to the bus stop when the boyfriend came back in and threw down something.  I kind of angled myself to see what it was,  it was an iPod. Returning the music, always a sign that the relationship is over. This caused the girl to launch into a real fit of colourful expressions, mostly containing the f-word.  Apparently she did not care how she was looking to the three of us customers in there nor what it could mean for her job, because just when you thought the high school drama was over she screamed

Girl: "T. said B. has crabs now too. Funny, how both her and you got them the same time. So don't think I don't know you f*cked that cow! I hope your dick rots off!" 

At that point, I was in risk of missing my bus so I left.  Would have liked to have seen how it ended.  Wonder if I should go back there in a few days to see if she's still got a job?

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

The Sex Addict

I was out at Blockbuster and bumped into JTGG and Bobby, one of his little groupies. There was many hugs and OMG! from him before he smiled smugly at me.
He was actually looking very normal for once.  Jeans, a long sleeve sweater and tennis shoes. I think Bobby has rubbed off on him in more ways then one.

Then normal was gone with one sentence.

"I've been in sex rehab." 

"Oh my god what?" I started to laugh then realized he was serious.  "What?"

"Sex rehab. For sex addicts." He then brought both hands out from his sides and bent his one knee almost in a curtsy.  "I'm a sex addict."

"Jor, you're not a sex addict."

"Yes I am." he nodded gleefully.  Yeah I don't know about him sometimes, it's got to be all the drugs he's been doing for the last fifteen years.

"What makes you say that?"  I had to stare at Bobby's shoes cause I couldn't keep the laugh off of my face. This was just too much even for me. But, then again, I'm not shocked with anything he says really, he had been married to Gilly before coming out of the closet an she was a Dominatrix at that time.

"I love sex. Love love love it! Love big hard cocks. Love it!"  his voice went another four octaves higher then it's normal girly squeal.

"I think it's safe to say we all do, but that doesn't make you a sex addict."

"Whatever." he rolled his eyes at me. As if we were arguing about the weather, he rolled his eyes at me. "I love sex okay!" 

"Okay. Sex is a great thing, not going to argue on that with you. Other then rehab, what have you been up to?" remembering that last time he was still trying his hand at fashion.

"Not much. Went back to school for awhile, quit. I was always late so I just left." he shrugged.  That's when Bobby did the half step pee-dance-need-a-smoke-can-we-leave thing, then they paid for their movie and left.

I just have to wonder why anyone would be proud of something like that? It has to be the drugs.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Jumped the Gun

Text message  "The Celebrity is not dead yet!"

This came from my Brother in Law.  I texted back asking what he was going on about.  His oldest is a computer geek/hacker and a fan of The Celebrity and said I need to pay more attention to the dirt sheets.  Okay, don't like having a 14 year old know more then me, but it happens all the time so I have to learn to get used to it.  Still, not half as bad as the fact that The Drama Queen seems to always have information that I don't on The Celebrity as of late. It's almost as if one upping me has become her pet project.  
I've admitted in the past, I do not follow trends,  do not read tabloids and other then their company blog do not read up on his personal life. 
It just would be too weird, too depressing and make me feel like I was cyber stalking him so I just don't.

So of course, I had to run to the computer and check the company blog.  His injury is not as horrible as it was made to sound the other week.  Which is good to know.

Okay, so I panicked when I did hear the bit I heard last week. He just brings out this  side of me that makes zero sense.  I've gone over this a billion times, and it still hasn't sorted itself out in my mind yet. And you know what, it's been a few years.

If I ever figure out what his hold is on me I'll let you know. In the meantime, I'm just glad I over reacted and that he is doing better.


"What are you going to do about Chad?"  Jessie said.

"Chad? There's a Chad? Who Chad? When we get a Chad?"  Me sounding as clueless as I felt.
This was a few days ago, the day before Valentines. I had been coming home from mom's and stopped in the grocery for flowers, as they were on sale. She pointed to the new guy working the Starbucks which was at the other end of the bakery, across from the flower stall.

"Well, I suppose that answers my question."  she laughed for I don't know how long, her bubble gum pink lipstick nicking her bottom teeth.  I swear when you are over the age of 23, any colour of lipstick other then dusty rose or camel should be banned. "He has been trying to get your attention for the last ten minutes."

I'm always trying to get a man's attention, then I get really suspicious when I get it. Like waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I looked over at him.  Nothing exciting really.
Blonde, blue eyes, over 6 feet tall, looks like he should be running marathons not running a coffee shop. And more importantly, so totally not my type.
Add to that he couldn't possibly been more then 22 himself.  Too much even for this Puma.

"He thinks you're a writer." she continued as she wrapped my single blue rose.

"I am a writer. Just not published."  Okay so now I felt like crap. She continued telling me that Chad the new Starbucks guy, was hanging out a lot with The Drama Queen on their lunch breaks the last week.  So god only knows what she's been saying.  The line up started to get fairly deep then so I took that as my cue to leave.  But not before doing a full 450 plus smile towards Conrad one of the stock boys who works in the produce area.  On purpose for Chad the new Starbucks guy to see.

Now, if only Conrad would do something other then smile back.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Boo Bitchcraft

"It's possible he's afraid because of the witchcraft?"

This sentence flopped out of my mouth during a conversation last night with Nura.  She was talking about her mother, and I was still talking about Galvin.

"Oh crap! You said he was Catholic didn't you? Maybe that's an issue with him that he needs to get over. I still don't understand why he hasn't got a hold of you."  She got up to let her dog out. "But Darling, in his line of work, I'm sure he's got people in his circle who are. Friends and coworkers I mean." 

We both gave a giggle at that.

"But Darling, I have to get into the bath and get supper on.  Earnan will be home from work anytime now." she said a big grin on her face.

"Oh crap. I forgot. Happy Valentines.  Tell your husband I said hi."

"Oh I will. I have the batteries all charged up.  Too much info?" she laughed seeing my blush.

"Um...huh.. Night. Have fun."

Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy Valentines

Yes that is my boobs.  XXXOX

Just wishing you a happy hearts n tarts day. 

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Invisible Dates

You remember my buddy the Musician?

Swell guy, putting a CD out at the moment, and getting his band in place to do live gigs. 
He's having about as much dating luck as I have been... or more likely lack of.

I was just chatting with him and he was telling me of yet another chick who came across flirty and totally into him while they were emailing and chatting on the phone.  Told me they had a really fun coffee date the other night too. 
Then out of nowhere, she emailed him telling him that she didn't think they could date and just bailed.

I hate seeing him get crapped on like this over and over again. The Musician is one of those rare guys who actually shows  up when he says he's going to, on time, opens your door, picks up the tap, and well is a gentleman.  He deserves better then girls who are using him. 

Saturday, February 12, 2011

He's Just Not That Into You

Few months ago, I came in possession of this book.  The one that was written by the writers of Sex and the City. 
It was such a best seller, it spawned a movie.  A movie that I adored by the way.

So, when I was looking for something this weekend to read that was light and wouldn't take me more then a few hours, I spotted it on the pile of TO READ and decided to jump in.

The first few chapters are like a 2x4 to the back of your head. It pounds in over and over again that if a man is not chasing you, he's not attracted to you.

The whole thing was first mentioned on an episode of SATC, in which Berger meets the rest of the girls for dinner and as Miranda is telling him about a bad date, he pipes up and says the now infamous line "no he's just not that into you."  (Season 6 episode 78 Pick-A-Little-Talk-A-Little)

Yes, for many of us it was a liberation.
For many of us, we had the same reaction that the character Carrie Bradshaw does; utter job annihilation. Her character then says that she's made an entire career out of picking apart relationship mixed messages and to have her boyfriend say there is no such thing as mixed messages, puts her into shock. 
As it has me. In case you haven't noticed, I write romance novels and my whole writing career is about relationships and sex. 
I admit, that I've had every kind of relationship and break up listed in this book. I've heard every bad excuse from men that is also listed in this book.

If I take the first few chapters of  He's Just Not That Into You at face value, the point that a man needs to be the chaser or else he's not attracted to you, because I've always been the one chasing the guy,  then that means my entire life none of the men I've been involved with at all have ever been attracted to me. Ever.

Thursday, February 10, 2011


Tuesday Feb 8th 

And if he suddenly stopped being famous?

This is what it boils down to  If he's not famous anymore, then I would be happy in a very selfish way. Simply because that would mean that the superficial stuff would be gone. It would all hing on two things 1) if he was single and 2) if he was attracted to me.
None of this other crap that has me wondering about him. Cause at the moment, he knows me, pretty much inside and out. All from reading my blog.  He's got the upper hand, and I've got... well nothing really.  I've only learned the fame side of him, don't know anything really about his personal life.

If something happened and he was suddenly stripped of his superpowers of fame and cleverness, I would be hopeful.
I would also be very sad for awhile.  Because then there would be no media outlet to connect with him  that there is now by his job.

And given, I still after all this time don't know how he views me, if I am just a blogger/reporter to him? or if I am just a writer-therefore maybe on the same level as coworker to him? or friend? or if more?

Which brings me all back to the flirting that everyone seems to believe last year was the real deal. 
I'm still out to lunch on that one, if he meant it or if it was all part of the show?

Thursday 5:35 PM

Ironically, I had been thinking about this post earlier in the week because of something that was said to me by Sophia the Wannabe Socialite.  She said "what if The Celebrity was no longer a celebrity?"
At the time, I thought Sophia was just trying to get a few digs in cause that's how she is.  So it's actually been sitting here for a few days with me debating if I should actually post it.

But, I was at the grocery this afternoon and The Drama Queen asked me if I had heard anything about him.  I had no idea what she was going on about. 
I came home, finished my book review I had to do, and was about to shut down the computer for awhile when something told me to check out the company blog.  I did. I was shaking when I read what was there.
An injury that could be worse then career ending. 

All I can say is this,  I hope whoever it is that does share their life with The Celebrity, they take care of him. All bullshit, all joking, all teasing is gone. Whoever it is that is lucky enough to actually physically be his, take care of him.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

The morning after part

Everyone does things they are not that proud of.

Mine was a webcamming with an internet boyfriend.  This was a few years back, and I ended up feeling like the worst piece of trash pretty much during it.  Never mind how I viewed myself afterwards.

Why'd I do it?
I thought I could handle it.  Thought I was this big brave bitch who was so open to anything. 
In the end, I wasn't.  I was a mess of embarrassment and that was pretty much the end of that budding relationship. 
It got too weird talking to him after, I started to doubt myself, and where our relationship was going, if it was truly going anywhere?

It wasn't.

So why am I admitting this at all?
The lesson I learned from this is that, my own comfort level. I know full well had it been with a different boyfriend, under different circumstances,  I would have been totally cool with it.  It was just the wrong guy.

So what brought it up now?
I had a few people who read this blog, tell me that I need a header for it, maybe some more photos in the articles, so I started to look through my files.   What I found were a bunch of pictures I'd forgotten I'd taken, from few years back, some of them for a horror movie I was working on, some of them glamour style shots done when I was dating a photographer, and some of them were from that internet relationship.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Belle of the Balls

"He's disappointed that I don't wear them to bed."

I heard a slightly familiar voice when I was at the coffee shop.  Grabbing my xl triple triple, I made my way through the bikers and the high schoolers on lunch and looked around.  Yeah, there she was- Gilly.  I wasn't sure I wanted to talk to her, but she spotted me and was all with the "OMG!" so I had no choice but to join her for a moment.
I know you're thinking right now, if you weren't sure you wanted to talk, why did you bother to go looking when you heard her voice?   Habit. We had been friends about ten years ago.  I stood in the extremely busy donut shop ready to bail.

"Heeeeyyyy! Hooowww Youuuu Doooinn?"  she said not even looking at me as she shut off her phone and sipped her iced cap.   Yeah iced cap in winter, only Gilly would.

"Still alive.  You?"  I switched the hand my coffee was in cause it was burning my palm. You really do have to take the warning "too hot" label to heart at Tim Hortons.

"Yeah. Fine. Just talking to Sarah. She asked me to pick her up one of the new vibrators from work"

I nearly choked on my coffee.  Not because Gilly was talking about vibrators in the middle of a overly packed coffee shop, but because she was talking about the vibrators in the overly packed coffee shop with a lady sitting one table away with two five year olds.  I think I turned a lovely shade of pink that might be as close to the background of this blog as you can get.

Gilly, has more then once, worked in the sex trade at different levels.  Currently, she sells sex toys.  When I was friends with her ten years ago, she had been a Dominatrix.  I don't have to guess too hard what she was meaning when I heard her on the phone.

We chitchatted for about ten minutes about absolutely nothing that I was interested in, then I said I had to go and she asked me how things were with my man

I gave her an odd look."I'm not seeing anyone right now."

"Did you break up?"

"I haven't been with anyone since Freud."  I did the mental calculations in record time to know that it's been so long that I might have cobwebs now.  Gilly made a face like she tasted something bitter then started to pick something hair like from her teeth.  
I just don't want to know honest I don't.

"That's not what I heard.  Mary told me that The Drama Queen said you were f*cking The Celebrity." she took another invisible something from her tongue and I lost my desire for my coffee. "Why would Mary lie about that?"

"Mary was told that? Huh. I wish, but right now, I'm not. TDQ is nuts. In fact, The Celebrity hasn't... it's complicated. Really, really complicated. I think he's pissed at me right now. " I said I needed to get going and got half a step when she asked me about a television show.

"You watch a ton of British shows right?  What's the name of the chick on that one about the hooker?"

I had no clue what she was talking about, and she just stared at me as if staring long enough would suddenly make the name appear out of thin air between us. I said again I had no idea, and was once again two steps away when she called something out at me.  "What was that?"  stupid stupid stupid don't turn back you'll be here for hours.

"Belle something. F*ck it! I can't remember.... Diary... Belle's Diary... something diary...can't remember. But yeah, it's like Sex and the City.  I wanted to make a dress like the one she wears on the cover of the DVD. " 
I nodded and once again, said I had to go, and actually was able to leave. As I'm walking through the slushy half melted snow, all I could think was that if I were still friends with Gilly, I would have hours worth of posts for this blog.

Anyways, got home and was actually trying to figure out what she was going on about in regards to the British show, googled few things and found out she was meaning Secret Diary of a Call Girl   I watched the first episode online but wasn't grabbed by it.  Then I found out it was based on a blog, so I looked that up and started reading. 

Saturday, February 5, 2011


I was on my way to my mother's and bumped into Starbucks Dude while he was out having a smoke with Radar, the new stock boy from the grocery.  The grocery is next door to my mother's building.

"Hey Darling! Come here. " he screamed at me. Seriously, the whole parking lot turned to see who the hell was the moron screaming. I'm standing there, my purse falling off my shoulder cause of my winter coat.  We said our hellos and I waited some more.  Finally SD says to me as he lights a second cigarette "I caught your blog last night. And you need to tell the guy you were talking about that you're sorry."

"What guy?"  Radar asked not wanting to be the only one standing there looking stupid. But given the fact Radar looks like something that fell out of a hippie's back pocket - long stringy hair that falls over his eyes and down to his neck- he's too late on that regard.

"Which guy hon.  I talk about a bunch of guys. Mostly wrestlers. So could you vague that up for me a bit."

"The Celebrity. The one you said you don't love anymore. That's bullshit and we both know it."  heavy drag on his cigarette then another then he got a message on his phone. I waited for a moment while he read the text and texted back. "He's still reading you right?"

"Far as I know. Why?"

"Then if he read your blog from last night, he's going to be feeling rejected. You want him. Take him. But you've got to shut your mouth a bit. You scare guys sometimes. Not meaning this to be asshole but, you do. You go on and on about how being famous doesn't matter and you know what? It doesn't. But no guy is going to put up with how you talk sometimes. I'm just saying, if you don't slack back a bit with things... "

"He's seeing someone right now so it doesn't matter. " I answered staring at a small spot of mustard on the edge of Starbucks Dude's hand. Lest I hope it was mustard. I think it was mustard. SD shrugged at me. Shrugged. what the hell does a shrug mean in a man's mind? Radar quietly stubbed out his own cigarette butt and nodded as his break was over, and walked away. He must have thought we were totally gonzolo.

"Fine. Don't take my word for it but I think if you tell him you're sorry he'll be fine with you. Unless he's got tires for skin you've gone and hurt him this time with your crap. No man wants to feel like he's been rejected."

"Aren't you the one who told me only a few months ago that I could do better?" I wanted to slap him right then I really did, only I know he'd slap me right back if I did.  He shrugged again! Damn it! Then he started talking about some band he went and saw the other night and that was pretty much the lot of it.

I have not been able to get this whole thing out of my mind in the last few hours. Not sure if I should be mad or insulted or what?   
Or worse, that Starbucks Dude might be right on this. 

Friday, February 4, 2011

Random Friday - Feb 4th

He's just not the man I thought he was.

Biggest complaint from women that I hear all the time.  My answer to this is simply "they never are"

We dream big.  We see within the object of our affection everything we desire and have been raised to believe a knight in shinny armor should be. 
Then we get upset when the guy falls short, or worse, can't even get it up... er get up half way to the level we were wanting him to be at.

I've learned the hard way, that a man is just a man even when he's a hero.

I was actually, sitting here today thinking about the Celebrity and my novel. Why my novel you're thinking, because I made my novel's hero look a bit like my Celebrity.  My mistake. Cause as I learn things about my Celebrity, finding his flaws, it makes my version of him that much more romantic. And harder to write believe it or not.

When we fall in love, are we falling in love with the reality or the dream?

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

The Straight Girl Asks

What do you want?

I was just flipping through Yahoo news and saw the article on the most desirable women.  I thought let's see what all the fuss is about. 
I made it from #99 to about #77 and tuned out. 

All I saw were stick figure boy bodies with long hair and fake everything else. I'm actually fairly sure the hair was fake too on some of them.

I hear constantly from men that they want "real women"   from that article, the women men think are desirable are anything but.   (okay I did see Halle Berry on that list and even straight women get it when it comes to her. And she's brave enough to have short hair) 
But honestly, I just don't understand what makes the majority of the women on that list a man's ideal?

Consider this both a rant and a question.   What makes a man find you desirable?