Sunday, March 31, 2013

March 31st 2013 post-it

We got snow here today.  Sort of sucked. I ended up stuck inside once again. And avoided all the stuff I should have been doing.  I did however, Mr. Scratchy, end up working on a short story. Yet another new one. I haven't been able to get much farther then about ten pages of anything as of late before giving up and moving on.

Started thinking about what Walsh had said about how the two Pack members look so much like The Other Guy and The Celebrity.  Made me miss them. Well, as much as you can miss someone you've never actually met.
Better rephrase that,  made me miss watching them.  There, Herman, much better. I actually had to go hunting through my dvd collection to find their Best Of dvd.   I realized I hadn't watched it in a year. My favourite match is on there.  I think my favourite match of all time of anyone.

Weird sometimes how one person can lead to another? 

Well Mr. Scratchy, I can imagine you reading this after work tonight. Maybe you're sore, tired, feeling like you don't want to face the day tomorrow?  A cup of tea in hand, no wait something stronger tonight, a bourbon. Dressed in a pair of dirty track pants and a hoodie. I think you are also avoiding that big research paper I believe you've been working on for months, maybe staring at a half finished drawing as well?
Or maybe you just downloaded the Hobbit and are going to settle in to see what's so great about Richard Armitage and Aidan Turner? 
Or maybe you're propped up against the headboard of your hotel bed, reading this waiting for some sign I've figured you out?  I think I'm all out of guesses. Unless you are one of two members of the Pack, I really think I am out of ideas.

On that note, Herman, I hope you had a nice Easter if you celebrate it, and if you don't I hope you had a decent Sunday. 
And as always, I hope I was able to make you smile.

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Dirty Laundry part 23

"What is with his hair?"  Walsh asked. I was watching a replay of last night's wrestling online.  My cousin had stopped by to get this old roasting tray I haven't used in years. It was something I had bought myself when I first moved here, before I ever became a vegetarian.

I shrugged. "Maybe he's doing his impression of The Other Guy. Those two standing there like that always kind of remind me of The Celebrity and The Other Guy.  Sort of look like them." I spilled coffee on myself as I was talking.  I don't think I own anything that doesn't have at lest one coffee stain.

Walsh laughed nodding.  "They do don't they. Like clones or something. Trying to be them."  he laughed again. I saw him reach into his coat pocket for his cigarettes.

Me-:"You going to have a smoke before you go back home?"

Walsh-:"I really need to stop. I've tried quitting twice, never works. Not allowed to smoke in the house anymore. Come outside with me for a minute." 
I went outside.  Honestly, I was hoping for some gossip, something about the family, anything.  No such luck.

Walsh-:"I caught up with your blogging. The stuff about the Pack. What if you're right just now?"

Me-:"I'm always right, I'm a girl even when I'm wrong I'm right."

Walsh-:"Sure you are."  he laughed in between coughing on his cigarette. "You just said that the Pack members with the hair and the one with the... anyways, what if they are trying to be like your tag team. Trying to see if you will notice and start writing about them the way you used to for The Celebrity and The Other Guy.  Cause I don't care what anyone else says, you have more ..." he waved his hand in circles for a few seconds like he was trying to think. "...influence then you think."

Me-:"Are you high, like right now?"

Walsh-:"Nope, wish I was but haven't had a thing in ages."  he took a long drag on the filter and tossed it, lighting another. Then stood there for a few very long seconds just enjoying it. The birds were making noise few feet from us, digging for worms from the rain we'd had earlier. "Just hear me for a second, after all the years of you know, all your stuff, you've got me thinking. You spent how much time invested in your tag team and they read you."

Me-:"The height of my career...or whatever it was."

Walsh-:"Yeah yeah anyways, have you ever thought that the Pack are looking for the same kind of ... press agent."

Me-:"No not really. Okay yeah that would be cool to be noticed by them, but...don't put thoughts in my head okay.  I spent so much energy already doing all this fan stuff that it made me sick. Literally, I spent like 45 hours a week at one point trying to do the wrestling stuff that I ended up with panic attacks and headaches and stomachaches from trying to stay on top of the episodes, to have on time for the few fans who read my stuff. To keep the few wrestlers who read me interested.  I don't think I can do that again."

Walsh-:"Were you happy?  When was the last time you were happy?"

I had to admit, it's been years. In the beginning of doing the wrestling stuff, I was beyond happy. Then it became more like a job and less fun, and stressed me out.  But isn't that how you find out what's not for you in life?  Hobbies that turn your stomach sour after awhile usually means that it's not something to try to base a career on. 

Me-:"Why all of a sudden do you want me connected to the wrestling industry?  This is like three times now you've sort of pushed me on this. What's going on for real now."

My cousin blushed and wouldn't look me in the eye as he tossed the second cigarette to the ground and stomped it out. Smoke drifted from the toe of his running shoe.

Walsh-:"Maybe I wish I had the balls to be you."

Me-:"Sitting behind a computer screen all day long, insulting international wrestling superstars hair and making comments about the colour of their tights. I don't have a life remember?"

Walsh-:"Maybe?"  he shrugged, twice. "I can't do what you do. I'd be too scared. Too embarrassed to pick someone and just talk like you do about them. You have their attention I say go for it. May the force be with you."

Me-:"You did not just Star Wars me."

He waved the roasting tray at me as he got into his truck rolling down the windows. "How about this one,  if you build it they will come. "  I went back inside, only to be caught in the lobby by this crazy old guy who seems to be staying for the weekend with the guy across the hall, he was sorting through the recycling and started talking to me about someone else who had just moved in next door to him.

I felt trapped. Wasn't listening to him. The old guy said something else about how his nephew was freshly broken up and wanted to know what I thought of the city?   I smiled and said that it depends on what side of the city you live on, then said good bye and closed my apartment door. 

As I write this now, I can hear PartyGirl down stairs with someone, the sound of a headboard slamming against a wall, the sound of a shoot 'em up movie coming from the apartment across the hall, and the wind having picked up outside hitting the windows.  It's raining again now.

And all I can think is, there is no point in asking for the roasting tray back I think I've used it once. That and I wonder if the Pack member with the bad hair ever realizes how messed up his hair usually is?

Friday, March 29, 2013

Post it March 29th 2013

No matter what age you are, someone always has a crush on someone.  That's what I've learned most in the last two and a half years.
Take tonight for instance.   I was hanging out on one of the fan sites I like, and some of the female fans were talking about the Pack.   They seem to be on everyone's hot list right now.    There was just so much back and forth about those guys.  Some of them favour the strong man of the group, some of them favour the high flyer of the group, some of them favour the wild one in the group.  And one or two of the fans admitted they would run for pepper spray if the wild one ever came near them. 

Do guys ever crush to this extent? Do you sit around over beers and talk about what it is about a woman that grabs your attention like this?   I know some of my male friends over the years have talked to me in bits and fits about girls they have had crushes on, but they always keep it polite.  None of them ever just let loose the way us girls seem to do.

It was weird.  I've admitted many times that I don't even bother having female friends anymore because I've been betrayed too many times. So tonight, was just odd.  I haven't talked like that with other women in years.  And we were all ages tonight too, from 17 to 50. 
The hardest part, was listening to a few of them who like the same guys I do.  That hasn't been an issue in my life since high school. And that was 20 years ago.

But being a fan of someone is different then liking a guy you actually know.  Or at lest it's suppose to be.  There were moments during the chat when I kept thinking back to my last year in high school when my then friends and I would sit in the cafeteria and drool over the hot guys in class. Back then, I always encouraged my friends to go for the guy, no matter how much I liked him.

Tonight, at one point, they were talking about how hot the one member was, and in the back of my mind I was thinking, would the guy go for her?  I mean, this was the 17 year old, talking like the one guy from the Pack was actually her's.
I was feeling like I did when I was in high school.  Like I'd lost the race before it had even started.  So what does that say about me?   If I can't even take part in a metaphorical conversation about famous crushes, without feeling inadequate; how am I ever going to get back into the real dating world?

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Bottom Shelf

The weather here today was surprisingly wonderful, so I got dressed and managed to struggle my way first to take the trash out, then to the grocery.  Okay, before the knee injury, the walk to the grocery would have been a four minute walk if the traffic is good, seven if traffic is bad.  Today, it was closer to twelve minutes, most of which was me standing on the corner waiting for the traffic to slow down in order to cross the street.

Who knew that standing would end up being more painful then walking?  I ended up nearly passing out once I got there. Not the greatest thing on the planet.  From there, I walked to mother's for the afternoon.  Had to go back to the grocery mid-afternoon, and while I was there, decided to buy a dvd.  The check out guy who was working the movie shelf wasn't very swift on the uptake when I named the movie and asked for it.

He was searching the wrong shelf, on the wrong end, and here's me telling him to "move down to the side to the right down farther there right there there".    Anyone wandering past would have thought god knows what just from the conversation.

The check out guy, said he hadn't even seen the dvd on the shelf, had no idea they even carried it. All I know is that he needed to be given directions and even then seemed clueless.
He was cute though, clueless as he was.

But it really made me miss Zane.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Just a tip

Everyone who has spent any time talking to me, knows how much of a SATC fan I am. I was hanging out again in the online book site, chatting about the SATC (the original book, the prequels, show and movies and how they differ in places)  when one of the girls made a comment about an episode. She had just had a real life Sex and the City moment with this new guy she's just started to date.

To her shock, she found out he wasn't circumcised.

In the second season, (Season 2 Episode 21 Old Dogs New Dicks) Charlotte dates a guy who is uncircumcised and freaks out about it, and talks him into getting it done.

She asked me what I thought about men who are not circumcised?  That's a good question actually, I've got to say, it really depends on the guy. Plain and simple. 
I've been with guys who were and I've been with guys who weren't.  Some of the guys, it actually made them more self conscious and some of them it seemed to boost their egos. 

She was upset that he wasn't cut, and for her, that equaled not enjoying the guy at all.  I feel sorry for the guy, as it's really not his fault in the end.

But, that's got me wondering, how much do we as a society place on the idea of sameness?  Have we become so jaded that we expect every lover that we have to be a certain way?  We already seem to alienate ourselves on so many other levels when it comes to dating and relationships, when did the unnatural become the expected natural?

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Three episodes of SATC later...

I was watching season one of Sex and the City, 90 minutes of pure fashionable cosmopolitan fueled nostalgia; when I got a message from one of the girls from an online book site I'm part of.  She was wondering what to do about a male friend who's been getting a bit too close.

I nearly gave myself a metalhead head banger headache from shaking my head in disbelief.  I literally did a double take, and wondered if her asking for my advice was a joke. Given the fact all my personal experience has been from trial and error, and I'm still struggling to make sense of men.

Nope, she was serious.  She's also a teenager, and though she seems to think her male friend is good looking, she doesn't see him that way.

Okay, right there, that sentence to me seemed out of place.  Maybe it's just me, but I've never viewed a male friend as being attractive.  To me, if they've hit the friend zone it's because they are just not appealing sexually.
She told me that she's been friends with this guy for the last few months, he sits behind her in math, and that he's cute but just not her type.  That all her other female friends think he's the greatest thing since the dawn of time but he leaves her cold. Except when he laughs. 

Hmmm.  I think the lady does protest too much. 

She went on to compare him to her favourite sports heroes, and the more she did the more of his qualities she seemed very aware of.  Then she asked me what I thought she should do?   Should she talk to him about it and let him know she wasn't into him, or should she pretend she has no clue that he's getting ready to ask her out to the dance next week, or should she just ignore him for the next few weeks and hope he asks someone else?

My answer was just to be careful what she wishes for, cause you never know you just might get it. She might not want this guy to fall for her now, but who knows what the next few years will bring? And by the list of physical qualities she was rattling off, I do think she's more into him then she is willing to admit. 

And I have to admit, sometimes it feels really great to not be the one lost in confusion over a man.

Friday, March 22, 2013

The 39th Parallel

Today is my birthday.  Yay me. The only thing I can really say about it is that I share the date with fellow Canadian William Shatner.  I always thought in my mind that made me semi-cool by default.

Laugh if you want.

Upon waking this morning, there was a comment on my wrestling stuff from someone I once had a really really bad one night stand with. Go figure.
He was arguing how The Pack wasn't worthy of the spotlight they've been given.  My shackles were up.

I ended up spending my birthday by watching the movie Julie/Julia. For some reason, that just seemed fitting.  All I could think about was how one marriage was strengthened by their working together on the cookbook, and how the other marriage was sort of cracked by their working on the food blog.
Food and sex, always an interesting outcome.  Almost every food writer/critic/foodie/chef will compare the act of creating and enjoying a really great menu to sex.  Which is true, there is just something about the pleasure principal when you deal with either.  There is a reason really top notch food photography is referred to as food porn.

Okay, so the other element in the movie, which was true of both women in their real lives, was that each turned to the food and writing part of their lives, just before a major birthday.  Julie Powell was 29 when she started her quest in 2002, and Julia Child was about to turn 39 (roughly depending on what biography you are reading that age jumps from 36-39) in the late 1940's (again I can't pin down a solid year just between 1947-1950) But both women found their deep passion at that time in their lives. Supported of course by their own great loves.

So here I am, 39 years old and faced with what I'm calling my last chancery.  One year to figure it out. One year to either find that mysterious great love, or deep passion, or maybe both.  One year to discover the missing ingredient.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013


My phone rang, which is odd given I'd already talked to mom this morning.  Sister's number appeared, and I right away panicked thinking something really bad had happened. Sister never calls.

Sister-:"I'm on my break, but I'm suppose to ask you if you're doing anything on Friday for your bir...William Shatner Day?"

Me-:"If the weather co-operates, getting an extremely cheap bottle of wine, an extremely expensive cheesecake and watching Sex and the City till I pass out from a stomach ache."

Sister-:"So the same thing you do all the time just drunk."

Me-:"Yeah that about covers it. Why?"

Sister-:"Cause mom's been bugging me all week. Keeps phoning about stuff. Agrh. Well, if I don't talk to you before Friday, happy 39."

My sister talking to me twice in one week, hell must have froze over.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Stuck on it

When I get onto a roll with my writing, the smallest noise can ruin my train of thought. This case, door.  It was my sister retuning my movie that she borrowed last week.

Me-:"I thought you worked till after 5pm?"

Sister-: "Doctor's appointment. New story?"  she gestured to the handwritten pages I still had in my hand.


Sister-:"Huh. Who's it about?"

Me-:"It's about this guy who sees stuff, haven't decided if it's going to be a full on ghost story or what yet."

Sister-:"WHO? Not what, who is it about? The Celebrity or do you have someone new you like? Stupid" she grabbed my wrist bringing it up to her face so she could read the first few lines of the first page. My sister is about the only person on the planet who can read my handwriting. Sometimes, better then I can myself. "Is it someone new that you've met?"

When I say that I have a pattern with my writing, it's no secret.  I always base the physical part of the lead character on a guy I have a crush on.

Me-:"Just a wrestler. No not The Celebrity this time. I actually haven't used him in awhile."

Sister-:"Let's see then..."   I know she was trying to figure out what wrestler by the way I described the lead character. Which, I suppose as a writer if you are using someone real as a base for a character, the easier it is for the reader to picture them the better the writer you are.   "...6 foot 4, sandy-red hair, blue eyes... I have no clue.Wait hang on, the kids were watching wrestling Monday night, um um...what's his name, the one in the Pack, aahh, what's his name that one."  she started to laugh."Yeah that one. The one dressed all in black with the other two dressed all in black." she shook the few pages in my face. "I'm right aren't I?" I didn't say anything, my sister just continued to laugh as she kept shaking the pages making a rattling sound. I haven't seen her in a good mood in months. "Uh god. He's Mr. Scratchy, I bet. Yep."

Me-:"Don't tease."

Sister-:"I bet it is and he's been waiting for you to notice him."

Me-:"Were it that simple. So did B. like the movie? And what was your appointment for?"

She let out a deep sigh her mood changing again as she rolled her eyes. "My appointment was just for prescription refill but I had to wait almost two hours to get in. I don't even want to talk about B. right now, she's obsessed with that guy. That and she's on a massive cleaning binge which she only does when she's freaking out about something. Did you tell her that cobwebs on doors meant something about men?"

I'd only met B. a few times over the years and don't remember ever having a conversation with her beyond 'hi how's your day', but that doesn't mean I didn't say something omen-ish to her. 

Me-:"When a women sees cobwebs in her doorways it means her lover is cheating on her. I might have. Is that what she's doing? Checking for webs?"

Sister-:"Driving me nuts is what she's doing. I tell you sometimes having friends just isn't worth it."  she waved and started to turn to leave.

Me-:"Which is why I stopped trying all together."

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Sunday night post-it note

This was one of those weekends that just did not go the way I had hoped. Plans got derailed, and the weather got nasty.  My sister told me that my brother in law slipped and fell yesterday hurting his back, because of the icy weather we had.
Sort of a good thing for me that my plans were changed and I ended up not going anywhere this weekend when I hear things like that.

Well Mr. Scratchy,  Herman, I hope that your weekend was running according to your plans.  I imagine you tonight, reading this after an evening at work.  Sitting there in a pair of track pants and a hooded sweater, maybe chewing on the string for the hood. Wearing those wire rimmed glasses I think you have, maybe a ginger ale beside you.  Just cause you are craving something sweet.
I can imagine your back achy from work, and you having taken something for it, and are most likely yawning horribly while you read this.
And you're shaking your head as you read this thinking "how does she do this?"  if I'm right that is, and if I'm not, then you're most likely rolling your eyes at me laughing to the computer. In which case you are saying "that's my girl. As weird as she is, that's my girl". 

As always, Mr. Scratchy,  I hope I made you smile tonight. 

Thursday, March 7, 2013


I had been hanging out on this party planning site earlier in the evening, and spotted some really great SATC themed parties, and it got me thinking about the last party I had. It was myself, Bonnie and JTGG. We drank too much, ate too much and acted like we owned the world. Back when I was still involved with  -----.  I remember we waited half the night for him, but he never showed. That was the birthday I turned 30.
I'll be 39 later this month. 

I started thinking about how much that show has coloured my world in the last 15 years. God, has it really been that long?  (show started in 1998) Anyways, I've known people who are, or at lest were when I hung out with them, that are just like the characters.   I've known a real life Miranda, real life Samantha, real life Stanford, I still know a real life Charlotte, and more then a few who would fit the Carrie idea.  Me, I'm sort of a mix between Carrie and Charlotte.
And the men. Everyone I've known has had their share of Treys, Aidans, Steves, Smiths, Richards, and Mr. Big. (I think I've mentioned this fact before)

The me I was when I knew those people is so far from the me I am now.  I'm not sure if that's good or bad? I've made so many mistakes when it comes to relationships, that I'm not sure I even want to try anymore.  At the same time, at lest I know what won't work for me, what I will not put up with.  Less chance of getting a broken heart.

I sit here tonight, Mr. Scratchy, wondering if you've ever had your heartbroken?  And if there was a tv show that coloured your life the way SATC has for me? 

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Bad sad info

My sister borrowed my Sex and the City movie for a girl's night with her friend. Her phone buzzed while she was standing there at the door. It was her friend whom she was having the girl's night for. Seems she was upset over a guy she'd just started seeing.

Sister-: "Oh my god. Idiot." she mumbled while checking the text


Sister-:"B. is upset because of something she found out about her boyfriend or whatever you want to call him."

Me-: "Oh? Like what, drugs or something?"

Sister-:"She saw his facebook. Saw a bunch of other women commented on his page."

I know I made a face and sort of groaned. "She net stocked him. Dude, that's so wrong."

Sister-:"Yeah, she...hang on. Better go. This might be a two bottle of wine situation if she's upset. Get to the liquor store before it closes."

This is why I don't like things like twitter or facebook.   I learned the hard way few years back with one of my ex's on myspace. 
Ironically, there is a line from one of the SATC episodes (I can't remember which one or which season and I'm too lazy to go through my DVDs hunting for it) where Carrie googles one of her dates and learns he's got a reputation a mile long and says "I'm not that kind of google"  (my quote might be slightly off but close enough) 

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Post it March 5th

Herman, I hope you're doing okay.  I know I haven't written you any notes lately Mr. Scratchy, and I'm sure you're feeling the ... I want to say disappointment.  But I have no idea.
I'm sitting here listening once again to the situation that has sprung up downstairs in PartyGirl's apartment.  She's only been home an hour and already her guy is throwing things and screaming.

I can't help but think, that given I have no idea who you really are in the wrestling industry, there still seems to be more... respect, then what I'm seeing with some of the people around me. 
That sentence is awkwardly written, but you know what I mean.

You, Mr. Scratchy really could be anyone. And it's been pointed out to me on more then one occasion, by more then one person that you might even be someone in the industry that I've ranted about.   It's true, and then again you might not be.  You might be one of my favourites too.  Only you know right now.

So tonight, I'm checking the local cinema website waiting to find out if we are getting the movie Dead Man Down, or not?  But it's like the cinema people are taunting me.  There is a page for it, but no listings.  With my luck, we won't end up getting it at all.

Tonight, I imagine you checking in to this after work.  I think that you are sitting there in your hotel room, a container of Chinese take-away in front of you and a comic book.  I think you're reading me, feeling worn out from your day, dressed in those stripped pajamas I think you own, and you're smiling... again. After you know, you growl at me for mentioning the movie. Well, Herman all I can say is you just wait until the new Dracula comes out. Then you'll have something to growl at me for.

Dream of Easter bunnies and four leaf clovers

Saturday, March 2, 2013

The aftermath of last night

At 3am there were Medics here at the building along with police. Someone was taken in to the station, someone was taken to hospital. And for about a half hour, someone was arguing with the guy across the hall.

This has gotten too real around here.  This is the kind of stuff you safely watch on the tv, not what you listen to from behind your apartment door. 

The guy across the hall kept saying something about taking a blood test.

Abuse, affairs and being afraid.  A new level of insanity in my apartment building.

Friday, March 1, 2013

Friday night posting

I've been sitting in my apartment all day, in my pajamas, working on bits and pieces of the monster's library project, when there was a loud crash in my kitchen.  I got up to see what it was, and found a spoon on the middle of the kitchen floor.
The spoon had been in a bowl on the table.  The bowl was still on the table. Untouched. How the hell did the spoon fall out and land two feet away?  I swear I have gremlins or a ghost or something.   Anyways, dropped silverware means someone is going to show up uninvited.   Not too long after that, my doorbell rang and the Landlord was standing there to collect rent.
Which is odd in itself as he's gotten into the habit of never collecting before the 5th. And he seemed jumpy today too.
Went back to my project, and the screaming started again from PartyGirl's apartment. The boyfriend is there again, the one in his fifties.  Then a bang.  I'm thinking gunshot.  Seriously, my mind went right away to the worst.  Everything went silent for a really long time.
Then all of a sudden he starts screaming about her being his wife, over and over again. And door slams, she ran up the stairs crying, building door slammed, he slammed the door to the apartment ran up the stairs and I could hear him dragging her back down the stairs. The door slammed again, more screaming then silence once more.
Then what sounded like both the kitchen and the bathroom pipes running water at the same time.

Have I mentioned it's getting really scary here.  Cause it's really really scary here. Walls are paper thin.