Wednesday, February 22, 2012

The taunt of the Hermit

I had gotten a comment from Freud last night out of the blue.  The only time he ever appears is when he's looking for a booty call and no one else is around.
I guess the universe is telling me something, just not sure what that something is.  Freud is one of those rare guys who make players look human. This guy was worse then a player, at lest they tend to have a set of lies and are able to keep their story straight.  This guy, his lies tangled over his lies.  Hell, I don't even know how old he truly is.
He's also the reason I got fed up way back when and said I was not going to date again until the right man, my soulmate came into my life.

I've realized that time has no barring with when this guy is going to come into my life, I could be waiting another decade. So I guess Nura is right, that I should date in the meantime.
Thou, honestly it feels ...wrong.

I'm also not the kind of person who functions well without.

The hermit card has been showing up in a bunch of readings the last while too boot.  This card can represent inner enlightenment by seclusion or simply hiding from fear and wasting away.   I get the hint, time to dust off myself and face the world.

Only, I have to wonder what the universe is up to sending Freud into the mix?  He's a mistake I have no plans on repeating, but if he's my only option then I might as well stay put.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

The non-date

Ever get the feeling that the universe knows a hell of a lot better then you do on stuff?
I had gone to Starbucks the other night, and Storm was still on shift at the grocery. We started talking for a few minutes, when he angled the cart of oranges so that I was pinned between it and the display case.  He then opened one of the boxes and a smokey-dust cloud flew out exposing extremely moldy oranges. 
Then we made plans for later in the week.

Sort of.

I have no idea why I hesitated when he suggested Thursday.  But I hesitated.  And this is the part where I say about the universe, as I got an email from my aunt about a Reiki session she'd booked for me. Thursday, same time as Storm suggested we get together.
This appointment is one I've been waiting for; for weeks and a spot finally opened up.  Reiki for those who don't know, is a form of energy therapy.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

If you walk the talk

I was at the grocery for what should have been a five minute trip. The crowds had me standing around for almost 40minutes.  While I was there, Storm spotted me at the freezers.  He nodded and said hi, touching my shoulder. Only it wasn't just a tap on my shoulder, he lightly grabbed at my sleeve almost colliding into me.
As I was leaving, he asked if I was done, stopped stocking the display and said he was going for a smoke break.  Only he didn't stop at the little table where the staff has their breaks, he continued to walk me to my mother's.  And informed me of his schedule for the next few days, happening to mention where he lives.

Me-:"So you're not going to get in shit for just going on break without telling your manager?"

Storm:-"I'm the top dog today. Totally in charge of my area. So you're not mad at me anymore?"

I had no idea what he was talking about, though I've been confused by him for months.

Storm-:"Last time I saw you, you were just cranky and I was afraid you were mad at me."

He took a step towards me, touched my elbow and was about to say something else when Pat came bounding out of the door with her dog.  Storm said he had to get back and almost ran away.

And the first thing out of Pat's mouth was that he's cute. And it seems two of the other ladies in my mother's building feel the same way, as they were watching from the second floor windows howling at me as I entered the building.

My life just proves that growing up does not guarantee smooth emotions and clear signs. I swear men are more complicated now then they were when I was in high school.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Bus Stops where?

I was coming out of the cinema few hours ago, and standing at the bus stop, a couple were making out.  I don't even think that they noticed people were starting to line up around them. And if they did, they didn't care.
They must have been no more then 19 years old, both wearing sweaters with local high school logos. Different high schools to boot.  A elderly gentleman cleared his throat a few times before tapping them on the shoulder and telling them to wait till they were inside somewhere as there was a group of kids standing about ten feet away. 
The group of kids had just come from the movies as well, and looked like some sort of birthday party group. 

Reminds me of that one line from the final season of Sex and the City when Carrie makes a comment about almost having sex on a park bench in front of children and Samantha asks what stopped her.
I also remember being like that once. Only it was at night and we were outside the radio station.

Dream Self

I was just reading an article on how in dreams the way we view ourselves reflects more on how we see ourselves in reality.  Well yeah that's a given.
In most cases, I hate to say it but I see myself in my dreams the way I was physically when I was in my late teens/early twenties.  
I hated myself back then.  Those dreams, I know my issues are self esteem related.  And usually, in those particular dreams I'm; ironically married or in a really great relationship.

So what does this mean?  That the more I become comfortable with myself the less chance I have of ever finding love? 
Some might think it has to do with accepting that not everything is as it appears.

Dreams where I am looking physically like I am currently, always have me lost trying to find a building, running late for an appointment and even back in high school/college.  And always, there is a faceless man.  Well, not faceless as much as I never remember what he looks like when I wake up.

That's pretty much an obvious connection.

Post-It Feb 18th

Well Mr. Scratchy, it's been an odd week.  I have no idea if you're going to see this or not, but I'm not giving up hope.
As of this post, you have not checked in since Monday Feb 13th - day after the big ppv.  But yet, your presence has been felt all week. From Tuesday the 14th all through to the Friday 17th, I have scratched the right side of myself to shreds.  I'm guessing that there was some scratching on your end this week too...
It has been a crap week on my end, I really hope yours did you better then mine did.
You sir, are my best reader. I've gotten almost no hits to the blogs you read of mine since you've been gone apart from a few local hits.  If you're reading this then I hope you had a chance to catch up with Dirty Laundry 15...  I finally got around to doing A Clockwork Orange.  Took me forever because I just didn't want to have to be reminded of it's connection to my past.  It was the first movie I saw with my ex. But you know, face your fears and all.  Which is why I do hope you've read Dirty Laundry 15.
Anyways, whomever you really are; when the music's over turn out the lights and toss me an email.
I just hope you didn't loose your will to be weird.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Dirty Laundry 15

"He was flirting with you. F.L.I.R.T.I.N.G. You make it sound like a capital crime."  Nura commented to me few hours ago during a chat. We were talking about Storm.

Me-: "No. No he was mocking me."

Nura-: "How was whistling at you mocking? That's called a 'cat call' or 'wolf call' or something call. He's been flirting with you for like a year and you've done nothing but bitch about it."

Me-: "No. That was mocking me. And he's had his head up his arse all year.  All this back and forth crap."

Nura-:"Darling, you really need to get some confidence. You will never be happy if you don't start believing that you are worthy." she took a bite of her sandwich and gave me a look before asking what was the real thing bothering me.

Me-: "Um hello the Mr. Scratchy payperview issue."

Nura-: "I don't follow. How could Mr. Scratchy thinking about you after the match be bothering you?"

Me-: "The Celebrity just finished the match, barely rolled out of the way from being pinned, and my right side started to itch.  That just doesn't make sense. It doesn't fit."

Nura-: "Why doesn't it fit? I still don't get it what you're all freaking out about?"

Me-:"If you had just had a big match like that, and lost not too mention got hurt in the process, what's the first thing that's going to be on your mind?"    Nura shrugged at me as she finished her sandwich and got up from the computer webcam for a moment.

Nura-: "I'd be thinking, oh my god I just lost on international tv."


She waved her left hand around waiting for me to continue. "And?"

Me-: "And you wouldn't be thinking of me."

Nura squinted her eyes tilting her head at me still not getting what I was upset about.

Me-: " Why would Mr. Scratchy be thinking about me right after The Celebrity lost, unless he was watching it too? Possibly even laughing, specially if he's someone who has been upset/jealous of my always talking about The Celebrity."

Nura-: "Oh." she paused for a few seconds her eyes wide "OH!"  she raised a hand for a second as she got up to get a drink then sat back down. "So there is no possible way in your mind that The Celebrity could have been thinking, 'damn Darling was watching me get my ass kicked' ? Cause I would be thinking I disappointed Earnan, knowing he'd be supporting me if I got my ass kicked on tv. You're going to tell me that idea never crossed your mind?"

I was getting a headache at this point and wasn't sure what I was thinking anymore.

Nura-:"That after the last few years of everything you've witnessed, that the idea he actually thought of you in an important moment never crossed your mind? Men have such fragile egos. And you're going to take this as it not being him? See to me that doesn't make sense.  To me, it makes more sense that it is The Celebrity and he was thinking that you saw him fail cause you splashed it all over your blog that you were going to be watching the damned thing. So I think Darling, this isn't a bad sign but a really good one."

Me-: "Doesn't matter anyway. He hasn't checked in since like Monday afternoon."

Nura-:"No scratching?"

Me-:"There were times of massive scratching, just no blog hits that connected. But he checks in like every day and there's been nothing since Monday afternoon. "

Nura-:"So maybe he was busy.  Could have had to travel somewhere, might have had a doctor's appointment, might have had to do meet and greets and all the other stuff connected to his work. Now it just makes me think even more that I am right on this, that it is The Celebrity. Didn't you say that it's a good thing when he's causing the scratching and there not being a blog hit every single time? Means he's thinking of you just normal when he's not reading your blog. Like when he's at the gym, or sitting in an airport or you know, jerking off."

Me-: "Uh huh. I really do not think I inspire man-one."

Nura-:"See there's that idea your not worthy again. You have to get over it."

Me-:"No really now. It doesn't matter who Mr. Scratchy is in that regard, I just can not imagine any guy can't."

Nura-:"He's a man."

Me-:"Uh yeah, and you forget the industry he's in he's surrounded by women who either look like supermodels or warrior princess types not too mention the groupies. I might as well just... why did I ever think I could keep his attention?"

Nura-:"Stop being a shithead. We're talking about Mr. Scratchy here, about soulmates it's not logical it just is." She grinned then just beaming. "You finally saying out loud you believe it's him then?"

Monday, February 13, 2012

Dirty Laundry 14

"Your boy lost." Mom's voice was deadpan.
We'd been watching the payperview last night. I was surprised mother actually bothered to pay attention and left her facebook for the course of a few matches.


Mom-:"I thought they were setting it up for him to win the last few weeks? Why'd skunky lose?"

Me-:"I think he might have really hurt himself again."  I looked at the time thinking even though the match had been twenty minutes long, that it might have been cut. "I really thought he was set to win too."

Then something odd happened, the match was barely over when Mr. Scratchy started to act up.  I was scratching the holy hell out of my right shoulder and hand.

Mom-:"You're just going to have to wait till you go home to blog about your poor skunky. He does kind of look like he's done something way he's holding his neck."

On my way home, I stopped off at the bank and grocery.  I wanted flowers.  As I was walking through the parking lot, I got whistled at.  I let out a deep breath totally expecting to see some old dude or worse, some guy I'd gone to high school with. But instead, there was Storm coming out of the grocery. He was on his bike, riding over the slush and half melted ice. He asked how I was as he zipped on past. Didn't even wait for me to say I was fine or to ask how he was.
Yeah, he whistled. Unbelievable.  

I was checking emails after I got home and there was one from Nura commenting on The Celebrity having lost. She also asked me what he was saying when he came down the ramp.  Told her I didn't catch it cause there was no mic on him.  Her reply "I think he was talking about the pants."  I laughed for a few minutes on that and emailed Nura.
My reply -"He wasn't talking about the pants. He would have had a million better things to talk about other then the colour of his pants.Unless he was talking about the pants because he saw my comment about his pants."
Nura emailed me back "Yeah I think he was talking about the pants."
My reply- "Well his pants are a good topic." I told her about the Mr. Scratchy issue.  She emailed back just saying not to over think it like I always seem to do.

But until Mr. Scratchy steps up and actually says 'hey babe I'm the one I'm your Mr. Scratchy'  all I have are gut reactions and puzzle pieces. Puzzle pieces tend to get over thinking.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Post-it Sat Feb 11

Mr. Scratchy, you woke me up just after 3am this morning.  I woke scratching my right shoulder and when I checked the blog, sure enough I had just missed your check in by two minutes. I started to write, but figured you wouldn't check in again till later.  
Big ppv this weekend.  I have not seen this week's show yet, going to watch that now in a few minutes when I'm done posting. 
I suppose this is the part where I say good morning.  Say that I hope everything is good on your end. and since you've checked in already few hours ago, you most likely won't see this till tonight.

I am getting the ppv tomorrow.  Which is a rare thing for me to do. 
So that means you're worth $50 Canadian.  Seems a bit cheap doesn't it?  I know, I'm all with the bad jokes, but it's what I think you loved about my writing before. 
See made you smirk.
What's the chances of The Celebrity wearing my favourite outfit of his? Grey tee, black and red pants?

Friday, February 10, 2012

How very Cyrano of you

Cyrano de Bergerac.   The movie, the play, the centuries old story is about a man who because of his looks, helps a better looking man win the heart of his truest love.

I have not been able to get this idea out of my head all day.    I haven't seen a copy of the film adaptions in years.   This is not what has got me pacing around my apartment my mind racing in circles with possibilities at all.

The movie Anonymous  is the reason.
The theory that William Shakespeare was not the man he's been made out to be.  This film has been gently stroking my brain for the last 12 hours.
I knew bits and pieces about the conspiracy theory but this film, even though it's been tweaked for dramatic reasons, just makes sense.

And you are thinking, what does this have to do with a blog about relationships?

Well, a lot actually.  As the most famous love stories still come from that time period in our history. 

This whole theory is in itself like the story of Cyrano de Bergerac.  One man hiding because of society's judgement while a frontman takes the praise.
The ultimate ghostwriter.

Anonymous, takes on the heavy issues of politics, murder and incest.  Enough to make one man mad. And lay the grown work for some of the most compelling plays in the history of the written word.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Post-it- Feb 9th

I'm excited about a movie Mr. Scratchy.  I'll get around to talking about it later.
At the moment, I just wanted to say I hope you're having a good evening.  If you are indeed catching this before your night, and as always, if you are checking in after your night, hope you have a good morning.
I am imagining you dressed tonight in dark jeans and opened button long sleeved shirt.  Grey toque.  As always, with a cup of tea or coffee in hand.  A pen in the other.  I just have this sense that you are fidgeting tonight over something.  A project, research of some sort? 
Anyways, I hope Mr. Scratchy that all is well on your end.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Fan Envy

"You don't think that it's popular?  You have fans." Nura was commenting about my blogs.

Me-: "A fistful of wrestlers, a stalker who I'm starting to think is Erin and a few people from Europe who need to translate me.  You have fans. Your Youtube stuff has hundreds of hits per day. And they interact with you. Mine just quietly read. And scratch. Well one boy scratches and if he's feeling it half as much as me then the right side of his body looks like Freddy Krueger had fun."

Nura-: "Are you saying you have fan envy?" she laughed for five minutes on that one.

Me-:"Yes. In the beginning few years ago, I had some people reacting to my work, but now... can we just talk about something else before I cry."

Nura-:"He writes like you."

Me-: "I know"  I remarked scratching the hell out of my right thigh.

Nura- :"And she doesn't even ask me who I am talking about."

Me-: "I'm assuming you're talking about The Celebrity."

Nura-:"Yeah,The Celebrity. After seeing that post you wrote the other day,  I went to read over the old blog posts that him and The Other Guy did back in 2010 on the company blog, and was reading your old stuff; damn you were bitter just the anger following off some of your posts nearly made me want to scream at times... but anyways, he writes like you. Same sort of sentence structure and choice of words. He likes you."  she burst out with a cackle that made her sound like the wicked witch.

Me-: "Old news." I waited but she said nothing for a moment. "And where are you going with this?"

Nura just shrugged and laughed again.  "Have you been paying attention to The IrishLad over in company #1 as of late?" She got up from the webcam and got a drink telling me that she could still hear me over the speaker.

Me-:"Yeah, he mentioned a song I had been talking about and suddenly started to wear red and black. Just means I have 6 wrestlers reading me now not just 5."

Nura-:"I don't know. Just saying. Maybe you're looking at this all wrong."
Again there was silence from her as if that was the point to the comment. She sat back down at the webcam

Me-: "And?"

Nura-: "And what? Huh huh huh?"  she was giddy practically bent over her computer laughing so much. "What if he's you know..."

Me-: " It's not someone in Company #1."

Nura-:"So you're saying,  there is no way in hell he could be your soulmate?"

Me-:"That's what I'm saying."

Nura-: "You're stupid. That is the stupidest thing you've ever said to me Ever.  He could be anyone on the planet."

Me-:"It's not, trust me on this. I would feel it. You felt it the first time you even heard Earnan's name, he's told me he felt it the first time he saw your email address. And you two have been together what twelve years?"

Nura-:" True. Yeah twelve."

i have to admit, I was pissed off and slightly scared with her at that moment cause Nura is the type of person who if she thinks a situation is not moving in the right direction will push it in the one she thinks is right.

Monday, February 6, 2012

The science of romantic comedies

With Valentine's coming up next week, I have decided to add a few pages worth of romantic comedies to my Monster's Library project. This would mean that I need to research a stack of romantic comedies. Some of you readers might be scratching your head raising an eyebrow at me thinking that I do that already with the whole Sex and the City stuff.  And well, yes I guess I do.

I've always had this theory that you are what you watch.  Romantic stories included.  Most of the women I've known over the years have been fans of Romeo and Juliet.  I have not. I've always been a Hamlet girl myself.
Just like the fact most of those same women will have the movie Pretty Woman in their list of favourites. Not me, more of a You've Got Mail type.

Then again, anything that is even semi-related to Jane Austen is a good thing in my book, and You've Got Mail is a nice blend of both Pride and Prejudice and Northanger Abby.

The typical romantic comedy which is very different from just a romantic story, plays on the idea that good always wins in the end no matter what the odds.
A romantic story in general, doesn't always play that way. You usually tend to have more of a love and loss thing going on there. 

Okay, so then what does that say about us as a society that we need to have our romance as sweet as the little candy hearts we will be seeing come next week everywhere?  I could make the argument once again about modern fairy tales, but I've done that more then once before.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Post-It Feb 4th

It's supper time, and something tells me that Mr. Scratchy, you might be checking in after the end of your night. So I'm guessing you're catching up after midnight EST.
We had a major melt out here today, and the streets are all slush. Alice Cooper on the CD player the song "I am made of You" 
I believe if I haven't gotten my dates wrong, that today {Feb 4th} was The Other Guy's  birthday... if he's checking in too,  Happy Birthday. 
If he doesn't, well Mr. Scratchy, I trust you will pass on the happy birthday. 

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Clothes does not make the hooker

Our local news last night made mention about the fact that school kids have been propositioned for sex on their way home. 
This happened on street that is near one of the main school areas.
 I was shaking my head when I heard the news report and thinking 1) What would make someone mistake a child coming home from school for a hooker? and 2) What would make someone cruise the grade school district?

I might be coming off more naive then normal, but a child carrying a stack of school text books and hanging with their friends also carrying a stack of text books, doesn't really send any hooker signs to me.
The only other thing I can think is that we need more stores in this city to diverse women's wardrobes. Cause if a 14 year old girl coming home after class at 3:00 in the afternoon is dressed in anything that would make a grown man think prostitute, that means having only four main clothing stores in our mall is a bad idea.  
The hookers need a store of their own.