Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Tidbits - 8/31/2011

Standing in the dairy area when I get this squeeze on my left shoulder.  As I turn to look, there's Storm zipping away from me telling me that he's in a rush.
Confused, I pick up some cheese and get into The Drama Queen's line to check out.  While I'm standing there waiting, Storm walks past and tells me he's on his way for a smoke break, then asks if I'm going outside. 

Me-: "Sort of have to to leave the store." 

Storm-: "I'm going for my break but I'll meet you out there okay"

He then turned pacing a bit, then turned again towards the doors, swung back and started pacing again near the edge of the check out, then finally went outside.  The lady standing in front of me was shaking her head, as was I.
The Drama Queen just shot me a look and started talking about how her shift is too long these days.

When I got outside, I spotted Storm sitting down on the staff bench with the creepy chick who was staring at me last week.   I asked him what was on his mind.

Storm-: "Oh I just had to catch up with my boss before he left."

Shaking my head, I patted his shoulder and left. 

I swear he's trying to drive me insane.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

The Zaniness of it part 4

I walked into the grocery this morning for milk on my way to mothers and as I turned the corner around the Starbucks, I thought I saw something.  Or I should say someone.
It was Zane with a very cutting edge look happening.

He spotted me, and ran towards me with his hands deep in his pockets, leaning his neck towards me as if offering up his skull for me to pet or something.

The boy had gone and gotten himself a mohawk and suddenly was wearing glasses. I sort of stared at him for a brief few seconds then asked "what's up with The Celebrity cut?"
He shrugged and said that he thought he'd give it a try out.   I then complimented his glasses and he blushed five shades of red.

Zane-: "Thanks. I really appreciate hearing that."

I wanted to ask him for coffee sometime but chickened out. Instead, I picked up the milk that my mom had called me asking to get for her, got in line at The Drama Queen's check out, and watched over her shoulder as Zane was quickly engulfed in a sea of women.
It's like his groupies come out of the shadows like leeches on whales.  Whoever he does date, I hope she's both very confident and knows how to throw a few uppercuts, because women are always trying to score him.

Monday, August 29, 2011

You got Male

You've heard me get a bit on the touchy side before about how some dating sites use your profile for their ads if you delete yourself, so therefore it's better to be "hidden"  when you don't want to be on the site any more.

I've been in "hidden" mode now for a very long time, which should mean that I should not end up on someone's match list or in searches.   But for some reason I seem to every so often, and I get sent these "so and so added you to their favs/they want to meet you/they winked at you"  emails.

Weirdly, I got a few messages tonight from a guy over on one of the dating sites.  So I logged in to see what the situation was. 

I remember now why I have a distaste for local men, they are so f**king pushy!

This one I have to admit, is cute.  He's my type, short dark hair, nerdy, and a fan of Gordon Ramsey.  But, damn, this boy is pushy.    Zero on the score board.

Can I buy you a drink 2

Remember the other day how I was upset because I couldn't figure Storm out yet again... well...

I was coming out of the coffee shop, and as I crossed the parking lot, Mitch was coming in for work. At the same time, Storm was heading down the street towards the coffee shop on his way to work.  Spotting us, he waved and seemed like his normal happy self.

Me-: "I saw that new product. That coconut water.  What the hell is the difference to coconut milk?"

Storm-: "It's purer. Not as oily." 

He then went on to talk about the whole Tofu line in the produce area and the new products the store is carrying and how certain displays are mapped out and I stopped listening cause I was too busy staring at the construction workers down the street.

Storm-: "I lost your number I need you to give it to me again. Was going to call you last night and could not find it."   he fished a pen and a scrap of paper out of his pocket and had me write down my number again as he continued on about the store.  I butted in with a comment about the Tofu noodles he had suggested back few months ago and he agreed they were terrible.  "I was dating this girl who was a vegetarian and we had them a few times. Well, I guess I should go. My shift has already actually started. Just getting a coffee which I shouldn't but I 'm quitting smoking and it seems to be I'm craving coffee."

He winked at me as he headed into the coffee shop.   Mitch turned to me with a grin.

Mitch -: "I saw that and I saw your reaction when he said used to date. Okay take care I gotta get in myself."

Me-: "Yeah, catch you later Mitch."

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Meanwhile in an email across town

I woke up this morning at 6am, two full hours before my alarm was set to go off.  Since I could not go back to sleep, I checked emails.
There was one from Nura. 

Last week she'd sent me an email for some new social media site for Wiccans.  I was far from interested in it and told her thanks but no thanks.  I don't use my facebook or myspace as it is now why sign up for a third I'll never use?

The email this morning at 6am {EST} simply had a screen shot from the site she wanted me to join.  The dude's handle was there, his real name, sign, city and simply that he was looking for a "beautiful woman to live his life with and to do magick with" 

I sent a return email to Nura telling her what I thought of this guy.  What I thought was A) no photo = big red flag   B) the handle he picked was something right out of an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer   which means that he's trying to appeal to the younger girls out there cause no woman over 29 would ever take that serious  C) the handle as suggested that he wasn't serious about the spiritual side of it and was buying into the tv/movie side of it all     D) there was nothing else on his profile at all other then that he's looking for a beautiful woman  = translation : he's wanting someone for sex, most likely some 50 year old married man who is looking for a loop hole to cheat.   You have no idea how often I've been to so called spiritual circles only to find out that it's nothing more then a swingers swap meet with a few fairy statues and pentagrams placed on the table.  {shivers just thinking about it}

And why was Nura who is extremely happily married sending me this?  Because the guy had listed that he lives here in my city. 
It's sweet she was thinking of a set up for me,  but come on really now?  I am worth better then that.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Can I buy you a drink?

Onions. If mother hadn't wanted a bag of onions I would not have talked today to Storm. But she did, and now, I want to strangle him.

Seeing that he was back to work today, I made the mistake of asking how he was doing. My mistake.  He seemed like he needed to talk, but changed the topic as soon as he started to mention his kid.  He started talking about the fact that he was working the store's weekend charity. 

Storm-: "So you'll come back in like an hour and buy some floats right? You won't leave me hanging?"

Me-: "Floats?"

Storm-: "Yeah. I'm like the one they get to do all the charity stuff, this is like my sixth run of this in the last few months. But the way I'm feeling I don't want to be here.  My shifts over in half an hour then I have to do this."

Me-: "Yeah but if you bail, don't you sort of leave the store hanging?"

Storm-: "Yeah.  So you'll come back and buy a few right?"    he had that sideways smirk going again. 

I said sure and dropped off the onions and went back about an hour later.   Only he wasn't there.  There was nothing set up for it even.  I went had a coffee, and a short walk, thinking I was just a bit early, swung around again around 2pm.  I did see someone working the station in the back near the Starbucks, but it wasn't Storm.

Okay, so either I just got played or this guy is a dick.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Your cucumber is wilted

It was nearly 5:30pm as I was trying to get from my doctor's appointment over to mom's to make dinner when she phoned me to stop off at the grocery.   As I am zipping along I spotted Storm working.  Which is odd as he's normally morning/early afternoon shift. 

"You're working the late shift?"

Storm-: "Hey you! Yeah, my kid goes back to Toronto..."  he dropped the tomatoes he was cleaning out of the bottom of the display bin letting one roll half way across the isle.  "and I won't be in tomorrow."

Me-: "Oh."

Storm-: "My bartender is going to love me tonight."   he gave me a slightly sly smirk before continuing on with his job. I started to walk away but he continued talking so I swing around and headed back. "Nice job those lazy asses do here my f**cking coworkers. Stupid asses.  They don't even do their job which makes it harder for the few of us who do. Lazy bastards want the pay check but don't want to do the work. You know how it is eh?"    he dropped a few more having to chase them then started in on the cucumbers. "My kid's got me all... don't get me wrong love having him but just hate dealing with his mother..."    I sort of spaced for a second as I took a step back from the now half filled box of squished tomatoes and cucumbers he was cleaning out for trash. Then he asked me how I was doing, told him I was alive.  "You still living over here?"

Me-: "Sorry what?"

Storm-: "You still living next door?"

Me-: "I wasn't living there.  I was staying while mother was out of town but no. Just there in the day now. Why?"

Storm-: "Huh?"    he gave me that sideways smirk

Me-: "Why do you ask?"

Storm-: "No reason."  then he went on again about his kid.    I got this feeling that he wanted to hang out for a bit. 

Me-: "You still have my number?" 

He looked at me while shuffling the display bin around a bit. 

Storm-: "Yeah actually I do."

Me-: "Well, if you ever want someone to vent to give me a text."

Storm-: "Yeah?  My cell phone is sort of not working right now but as soon as that is cleared up I'll definitely call you."   this time he smirked at me.   I walked away thinking that that comment was a polite and open ended brush off. 

So then I'm standing in line and this one check out lady was staring at me.  Not sure why.  And suddenly I see this dude with jet black spiky hair walk up to the customer service counter.  It was a cop.  He had papers with him so god only knows what legal stuff he was there for.  But I watched as he waited for someone to service him.  Gorgeous, 5'8, blue eyes, one of those mini-beards that wrestler Sheamus sports, and a wedding ring.   CRAP!
While I'm standing in line, the cop spotted me staring at him and started to change his position while he waited.  Turned towards me, and just sort of stared back.  I was intoxicated to say the lest.  Normally, uniforms turn me off, but this guy was hot with a capital hot.

"He's not worth it."   I turned to see TC  one of the newer guys who works there leaning over from his check out.  "He just covered his wedding ring. Player!" 

Player or not, the hot cop continued to stare back at me while he waited then when he was done doing what he came in for, he swung around a few isles and turned to look at me.   I haven't smiled so damn big in years, I think I pulled a muscle in my face. 

Bridget, Bridget, Bridget

Yes, it's been confirmed by a stack of British entertainment papers, that there is going to finally be a Bridget Jones Diary 3  film.

All cast members have signed on to the production. 

I for one look forward to seeing the new sequel and I am sure I will have at some point much to say about the film and the book. 

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

What I learned from...

Watching Bold and the Beautiful

If you've paid attention at times, you know I am hooked on the soap opera Bold and the Beautiful.  Right now, there is a storyline where two sisters are fighting over the same guy.   One is a virgin the other a total tart. 
Isn't that always how it goes?   So the character of Hope is waiting to have sex while the character of Stephie is trying to seduce the boyfriend Liam {remember I mentioned we have a banker who looks like the actor}  Basic storyline for any good soap.

This got me thinking about how the pressures of sex can be overwhelming.  It also got me thinking about timing.  Everyone has their own sense of personal time, and those who can keep that strength to follow their own self timing vs those who fall under peer pressures. 
And not just that of sex. 

The waiting game has always been a hard one for me. I personally never waited for love to have sex, {which might be why none of my relationships ever seemed to work} but now that I am older I'm finding myself waiting for love in order to have a new relationship.  In a crazy sense it's almost the same thing as the B/B character of Hope waiting to be married.
More then a few people have been pushing me to start dating again just because they think it's what I should do.   All I know is that right now, my new sense of waiting is my hope for the future.

Monday, August 22, 2011

A blast from the past

In 2009, I had a few dates with this guy who was a look alike for the Double Starr. 
This DSLookaLike, was a MMA fighter here in the area, on the same spiritual path as me, and creepy.
We were talking on webcam one night and he just started to masturbate as if I wasn't talking to him. 

DSLL was not shy about getting naked on camera, nor was he shy about anything in the sex department.

No, I never actually slept with him.   

Twice in the past week, he's popped up in the neighbourhood.   Once a week ago when I was coming home from a walk,  and this afternoon when I was passing the grocery on my way home.   I haven't seen or heard from DSLL in two years then suddenly  poof there he is.

Both times, he's spotted me and turned away like he's trying to fade into the wall.  Should I be insulted ?
I think I might just chalk him up to a ghost haunting the joint.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Baby, it's all in your head

In season 4 of Sex and the City, episode 49 called The Agony and the Ex-tasy the girls admit to their favourite fantasies when the character of Samantha admits she'd spent the day masturbating to a fantasy of her priest. 

I read an article recently that talked about fantasies, porn and masturbation techniques for men.  It also linked to another article which talked about how when polled, over 65% admitted that they fantasied about someone other then the partner they were with while having sex.

While I am always surprised to hear what turns men on, I have to admit to being a bit on the disappointed side to learn so many men want/need to fantasize about someone other then the person they are with in order to be turned on.

It makes me wonder if the media is making our sex lives and love relationships harder to deal with?

Yes that is me in the photo

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Kiss and Tell

As you can see, any man who gets anywhere near me has to be prepared to have details end up out there.  Either in a semi-casual chat with one of my buddies or as material for my written works.
So, I couldn't expect less from the guy about me right?

Here's the thing, boys, we know you all kiss and tell too.  Even when you promise that you're not that kind of guy, we know someone somewhere is hearing at lest bits and pieces of what happened or what you thought about what happened/didn't happen. 

But according to a recent "study"  done by Cosmo {oh yeah cause they're really reliable}  a whopping 53% of men tell everything.
Really?  Wow that's a lot of chatter, no wonder they never want to talk to us about relationship stuff cause they are too talked out. 

Friday, August 19, 2011

Bad touching 2

Not in public please....  I was on the bus coming back from the cinema when this guy sitting beside me started to fondle himself with his cell phone. 
Why do men do stuff like that?  There were children on the bus damn it.

Love will keep you up all night

A few nights ago, I woke up scratching.  I looked at the clock to see it was 1:45 am {EST} The scratching continued for nearly 45minutes.  I decided since I couldn't sleep, I'd check the blogs.   There were hits on this one and one of my other ones during the scratching. 

Mr. Scratchy you woke me up.

Something similar has happened the last two nights in a row, I've woken at just after 4am. Not from scratching but from this feeling of restless energy.  Both times, I've checked my blogs and found hits at the exact time I woke up. 

There was a scene recently on the soap opera All My Children,  where the characters of Tad and Dixie were able to sense the other person behind a large steel door, totally unaware the other was suppose to be there. 

When I had watched that particular episode, I had to smile. 

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Tidbits-Thurs Aug 18th

I had to go to the grocery with mom tonight.  Thankfully, it was dead. The Drama Queen was working, as was Conrad. 

As I was dutifully following mom around as she filled her cart, I saw Conrad come out of the back room and stand there with this look on his face.  Something close to shock something close to the look a puppy has when it sees you.

He then started to wander around with nothing to do, popping up at the end of each isle we were in.  Normally I would dig something like that happening, but not tonight, I was stuck having to shop with mom. 

As we got into line for check out,  TDQ pulled me aside and started talking about extra shifts and a weekend she's taking off for the States.  Conrad, was standing a few feet away snapping his fingers and adjusting his uniform when I noticed he had a black Iron Maiden shirt sticking out under it.  Then he started to play the stare-look at the floor- stare- look at the floor game.

I know, these guys are confusing.  And yes, that is me in the photo.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Meanwhile on another blog

Few years ago I had put a poll on my old blog.  I had asked if my readers would ever consider dating me.   This was at the height of my dating disasters that I was blogging about at that time.
One of the choices on the poll was  "Interview now, date later"
It got a single hit.
There were a few odd "yes"  in there too.     I never did find out who it was that had hit the "interview now, date later"  choice.

So, here I am a few years later thinking about other things, other people, other issues when this random thought comes at me out of nowhere... Mr. Scratchy was that you?

Around the same time, I had a post that was about The Other Guy that someone commented on.  Simply saying he was not all that and that they (the Anonymous commenter) had beat him more then once in wrestling matches.   I never found out who they were either and to this day still wonder.

Again I'm sitting here now asking Mr. Scratchy was that you?

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

An Affair to forget

I had returned from Blockbuster, mom wanted a movie; to find my sister in mom's kitchen making herself a cup of tea.  Slurping loudly she said "Boss has not been in for two weeks. He's having an affair with an American."

Me-:"Not surprised with what you've told me about him. Anyone know if his wife knows?"  I asked making a cup myself.  My sister laughed, and mom glared at us telling us to talk about something else.   I forgot, cheating husbands are something of a major sore spot for mom.

Sister-: "It was his wife's birthday yesterday so the girls at work all got together and took her for lunch. She knows. The only question now is who keeps the company? You know he actually said 'nobody wants white rice every night' "

Me-:"Ouch! Wow. Bastard should never have gotten married in the first place."

Sister-: "Lot of that going around. I think our cousin's wife is stepping out on him too."

Me-:"Can you vague that up for me, lest narrow down which side of the family."   I could think of at lest four of our cousin's who's wives were on the suspect list.

Sister-: "Evil PlayboyBunny Wannabe." my sister started to make herself something to eat. "You made this?"  she said biting into a large slice of banana bread. "I want the recipe."

Me-: "Oh there's no doubt that the Evil PlayboyBunny Wannabe is screwing around. Though I'm not sure who would want her?  Not sure how she got her claws into our cousin."

Sister- :"Her facebook is going to give her away if it hasn't already.  All men on there flirting with her, and the photos."

Mom-: "Hey that's enough you two. No more of that kind of talk. They've been together 20 years"

Both my sister and I just looked at each other.

Sister-: "What the hell is she thinking putting up those type of photos on her family facebook? God woman have some decency. My man said back in high school she was the town slut and now I believe it. You know that bitch got drunk  last week when we went over there  to get the kids for football and was all over my man!"  Sister made a sound.  "We brushed it off as nothing cause she was falling over drunk but now I'm little on guard." 

Mom-: "That is enough! I don't want to hear anything more against her."

Me-: "Topic changed then. You feel like rice for supper?"  

Both my sister and I broke out in a mad fit of laughter again with her nearly choking on her tea.

Monday, August 15, 2011

The Zaniness of it Part 3

I stopped off at the grocery on my way home from the doctor's today for eggs and saw that Zane was working express.  It was surprisingly free from his normal array of groupies, in fact, there was only this one old couple hobbling through on their walkers. 
As I stood there, I kept noticing his eyes shifting in my direction.  Yes, I actually looked behind me to see who he might have been looking at.   The store was nearly dead tonight. 

Me-: "You're growing out your hair."

Zane-: "You noticed again!"  he blushed, smiled slightly, and even let out a bit of a giggle when I said that. "Funny, you noticed as I was just saying yesterday that it's time for a cut.  I need to get one."  

He smiled at me with this massive grin for some crazy reason as I paid for my eggs. Then he blushed again.   I walked a few feet away turned back and caught him looking at me.  

I am officially going on record saying that that felt like a flirt.  If so, damn that boy is sending some mixed messages.

Are we in a cold war?

My doorbell rang yesterday and when I went to go see who it was, I was shocked.  No it wasn't some hot handy man or some stranded wrestler who might have lost his way or even a door to door religious person,  but The SmugMarried Gal. 

I was shocked because she doesn't live in this city anymore, hasn't for nearly 15 years.  Add to it I hadn't heard from her in almost two years. 

What the hell was she doing standing on my doorstep with her kids sleeping in the car?  

I asked if she wanted to come in but I could tell she didn't even want to touch the door of our building so she just used the excuse that the kids were in the car.   Good choice I thought because I really didn't want her to come hence me standing five feet from the door and not hugging her. I only said it cause you're suppose to.
My eyes kept drifting to her stomach and I kept wanting to ask if she was pregnant again or just hadn't gotten into shape since the kids?  

I didn't say a word just wondered what the hell she was doing here, on my doorstep?  Seems she's in town for a couple of weeks visiting her dad.  Lovely.  Then she wanted to know why I never called her since she's been here since last week. 

Me-: "I didn't even know you were here"   True I had no idea. I also was under the assumption that we were no longer friends given I hadn't heard from her in almost two years.

The SmugMarried Gal -:"I sent your mom a facebook message saying I was coming to town last week" 

What she fails to understand is my mother is not me thank god, and mother still has facebook messages from six months ago she's yet to read, so the message never got passed on.  

I nodded making a bit of a sorry face while she continued.

TSMG-:"Well, I don't have your number so I thought I would find out why you hadn't called me yet. Now you give me a call this week. I'm leaving on Friday."  

And that was it.  She turned, let the door close and was gone. 

And all I could think was besides how f**ked up was that?   Was about the one episode of SATC when the girls end up going to a baby shower and get treated like the enemy.  {The Baby Shower  episode 10 from season 1 - also the one of only 3 episodes in the whole series that doesn't seem to have a question of the week}
The other thing I was thinking was since when has a facebook message become the rsvp list of the year?  Don't things like that normally get backed up with a phone call or something?  Okay so I've gotten a new number in the last few years but my mother hasn't.  It used to be common routine for situations like that to call the parents when one was in town unable to get the supposed friend, just in case you know. 

The last time her and I did talk, it broke down to a lecture from her telling me how being a mom would be the best thing for me and how she had been thinking that we'd have our kids at the same time because we've known each other since we were 13; pointing out how I was the only one in her social group not yet a mom.
It was pretty much a challenge of join the baby boom or get off my planet.  

I'm debating if I should just forget the visit and not bother to call or wait till Thursday night last minute?

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Tidbits- Sunday

"I'm so mad right now Darling! I can't believe it. I read your new blog"   The Drama Queen said as I went through her check out earlier.

"Oh?"  my mind raced suddenly, was she talking about this?

TDQ-: "That spicy one.  I like it.  I think you should make that character of Kai the hero." 

I let out a bit of a held breath.  She was meaning she read my latest story I am writing on a separate blog.  "Yeah? You like that character?"

TDQ-: "I like the villains. You going to turn it into a horror story? My husband's nephew lost his cell phone at the fair last night. Called us about it."

Me-:"How'd he call then?  There's only so much I can do with it online cause of the whole censor thing but we'll see."

TDQ-: "Borrowed his friend's.  So my husband asked him why the hell he was calling us and not his dad? He said he knew his dad would freak out over it.  We got it back, but we're teaching him a lesson. He thinks it's still lost. Oh my god Darling, the last phone bill was over $300 dollars just in text messages!"

Me-: "Wait is this the twenty something?"

TDQ-: "Yeah the one with the mental problems. He's got the brain of a 10 year old. Anyways, He called asking if we would contact the phone company for him, wanting to know if they would give him a new phone. My husband said no."

I paid for my groceries, noticing that Zane was standing a few feet away against the customer service desk leaning on his elbows, one ankle crossed, staring at us.  Here was me  having had been out on a two hour walk, dressed like the bum that I try not to be when I go for groceries. Great time to bump into Zane. The line was starting to get busy so I told TDQ that I would catch up with her later. Zane looked like he was about to say something but just put his head down when I walked by closing his eyes.  
I think I am done even trying to get his attention.  Chalk Zane up as yet another lost cause. 

Saturday, August 13, 2011

A star is born

People love him.

The Celebrity grows more popular all the time.  Every day I log into my blogs and see more and more stats for people having searched for photos of him, for information on him and having landed on my blogs. 

He deserves every bit of the fame he's getting now.  It's just so weird.  Seeing his rise to fame so quickly in the last while.  Not that he wasn't already famous when I stumbled upon him.   I've called him The Celebrity for a reason. But it was still a small portion of the fans who knew who he was.

It was just easier to flirt with him  before he became this popular.  This well known, this much in the spotlight.
It sort of pains me to think I'm not just one of a few but suddenly one of a few million who are trying to grab and maybe keep his attention.  No longer a select group of fans.  He's become such a well known face and name now in the wrestling world.

It's like the secret is out.

When men get this popular, they tend to loose their glow for me. I get bored and know it's time to move on to someone fresher; someone who is nearly impossible to find anything on, who still holds a possibility of the dream.

Only, he's got this weird hold on me.  Never did figure out what it is about him completely that it is I'm drawn to.  Just he's really hot, really talented.  He's what the business should be about. What he can do in the ring is just amazing to watch.  You loose yourself with every movement, every smile, every promo he does.

I was once asked why I love this guy.
That's a bit of a loaded question. Do I love The Celebrity?
I love what I see on the screen every week. The public persona that is delivered in HD.   I've never been introduced to the real man, the man he is at the end of the show, the man who limps back to his hotel and tapes up his injuries.  I have no idea who that side of him is. So I can't love him.
But I love The Celebrity side, the man who shows up on the top of the ramp in the increasingly ugly wrestling gear with the sexy smirk and the beady but smoldering eyes.  Him, I love. The man who's had an affair of the blog with my writing.

He'll never stop inspiring me. He's just under my skin in such a way.  Better off to ask him if he loves me. He's been reading me for so long, knows everything about me inside and out.  Odd how things work out isn't it.
I have turned him into this grand hero for so long that now he truly is one, I'm not sure what to do with myself. I've screamed for the last few years at everyone about how totally perfect he is in his field, how he can seemingly leap to heights and standards that I haven't seen in about 20 years and now people are really starting to understand what I've been saying.

It sort of hurts being lost in the shuffle.
It doesn't matter how many times people point out to me that he is just a man at the end of the day, he's still in a spotlight. A spotlight that is growing across more then one stage. 

Friday, August 12, 2011


I was cleaning out a drawer earlier and came across an old pile of letters.  Some of them were from an exboyfriend and some were one's I'd written to him but never sent.  I sat down and read them all, letting the emotions wash over me after years of having forgotten they were even there.

I tore up the ones I had written tossing them out.  

It is the end of the day, nearly tomorrow as I sit here writing this post, wondering about what I would say to my next relationship. 
What will my next relationship say to me?  What would Mr. Scratchy say if he decided to speak up?  All good questions, all that will I'm sure be answered. 
At the moment, I will say this;  Life does not always give you what you were thinking it would. It doesn't always come to you in the timeframe you were counting on it to. But in the end, you have to be grateful for what you do receive.

One of the things I wrote in what ironically was my last letter to one of my exboyfriends, was that somehow I knew I wasn't going to see him again.  And I was okay with it. That particular relationship had sort of appeared out of nowhere and ended just as quietly.  We both realized we wanted very different lives. But I will always be grateful for the year I spent with him.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

The Flaw of the Matter


They seem to be jumping out at me this week.   First, I got a sneak peak at Arielle Ford's new website Wabi Sabi Love,  then a horoscope that pointed out how not everyone will find the same thing sexy and that to many what we see as flaws they see as the qualities that attracted them to us, and finally the episode of Sex and the City called "Don't Ask Don't Tell" which deals with a metaphor of relationship flaws making the couple stronger by using a wooden bench as the symbol.

The universe is really hitting me over the head this week.  But, ironically, it wasn't until I was sitting in my mother's apartment this morning, flipping channels when I found a station that was showing SATC. It was 11:30am and the episode was extremely edited down.  Which given this was one of the ones from season 3 and had to do with one of the men being unable to get it up, was a thing to behold.  The tv station had edited out scenes, dialogue, and for time keeping only 20minutes of the normally 44minute episode and still getting the main point across.  It was this episode that just seemed to smack me upside the head and make everything else fall into place. 

Yes, talk about ironic.

Add to this fact that just this morning I had spent 45minutes trying to bleach out my hair which once again did nothing of what it was suppose to, and only made me about a shade and a half lighter a red then usual.  I was looking in the mirror feeling like my hair is one of my worst flaws. I want to be free to be platinum but the universe wants me red.
I also spent some time today hanging out on a website for a movie icon.  The whole time thinking I will never be able to measure up. 

Like I said, Flaws.  But you know, flaw-nt it if you've got it. {yes I know how to spell flaunt. I'm being cute here}

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Smile and wave

I was at the grocery this afternoon for milk, walked right past Storm.  He was talking to some lady.  He saw me, turned away so that his back was too me and continued to talk to her.  Odd?
I went and stood in line for what felt like forever, and Storm walked past with his head down with this look on his face.   Very Odd?
Then he went past one last time just as I was paying for the milk and leaned over and started to wave at me like he hadn't seen me in years until I waved back.  Extremely Odd.

I'm beyond starting to wonder about the men I seem to attract to me.  Why can't I just find a nice normal man who has no major issues and is cute? One who is available in every sense of the word. 
I know he's out there, just not in this city.

Jane Austen once said that "in order for one to find a man as perfect as Mr. Darcy, one needs to make him up."
Well, then consider the character I've been writing of Caleb in my short story on here Steaming Up Your Windows   as my perfect made up man. Just need to find a way to make him jump off the page and into my life.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Steaming up your windows part seven

He sat later on the sofa, his laptop open the cursor flashing at him like a neon bug. Caleb rubbed his eyes, yawning.  Since he'd gotten the promotion he was able to work from home more.  He felt his neck crack as he turned to look at the clock, nearly 5pm, he'd been sitting with the computer working on the new ad for the shampoo that was being targeted for men.  He was more then ready to call it a night when he got an email from Greg.  Opening it he let out a roar of laughter.  Greg had sent him a cartoon of a female vampire naked sitting on a tombstone with little bats around her with the headline 'sometimes a ghoul just needs something hard between her legs' 
Getting up the dark haired male wandered to the kitchen making himself a cup of tea before heading back to stare at the computer screen.  The cartoon not only put a smile on his tired face but made him think of some of his fantasies.  This in turn made him want to see Estelle.  

He dialed her number for the second time in an hour but she still wasn't answering.  Caleb was in prime mood to retry their middle of the night visit, in fact he'd even remembered to stop off at the drug store that morning on his way back from hockey practice and bought condoms.  Two boxes of them.  He texted Estelle just before giving up around 7pm. 

The pizza box was half empty by the time his cell phone buzzed with a message from her.  It simply said she was stuck across town for another hour and would come over if he was still interested when she was done.  It was almost 8:50pm. Agreeing, he sent her the reply.  
Shaking his head, he wondered when he'd become this man?  When did he actually fall in love with her? Caleb felt a strange chill run through him at the very thought of the sentence.  
But that was what it was wasn't it?  The butterflies he got every time he knew he was about to see her, the constant fantasies about her, the electric jolt just from hearing her voice.  It was more then sexual, it was emotional too.   Caleb winced when he thought about the previous summer and the few weeks they had been fighting.  It seemed like a life time ago.  
Picking up the laptop again, he flipped through his movie files.  One thing he'd admitted back then to Estelle only, was that he'd not only watched a Jane Austen movie, but had liked it.  What he had not admitted was that he'd then gone and found a copy of Persuasion and downloaded it.  It was his biggest guilty little secret. 

He sat watching the film while he waited for Estelle to arrive. 

Part 8 soon

Monday, August 8, 2011

Modern day rules

Some of the ladies from my mother's church were over for a visit.   Mom had me running to and from the bakery getting goodies for the occasion.

The topic that they seemed to be most engrossed in, is the fact the minister was asked to preform a wedding for a couple who have already been living together for the last few years and have a baby.
The little group were clicking their tongues and making little noises but the minister herself kept waving her hand as if to dismiss it saying "but that's how those modern ones are these days."  

Mother just sat there with this look on her face sort of like she'd bitten into something sour and the shade of a red I've only seen on muppets. 

After about a half hour mom out of nowhere goes "well, my youngest she came to me and said 'I've something to tell you that you're not going to like but I'm moving in with my man'. She knows I don't approve of such things it's the devil moving in."  

Here's me, nearly dropped the kettle when I heard this.  Yes I am very aware my mother is living in the stone age on certain things, but she's also not let her morals keep her from showering my brother in law with more attention then a storm cloud gives a lighting bolt.  Equally elevating my sister to some sort of goddess just because she's got that ring on her finger. 

Ironically my sister and I have actually pointed out to each other the way our family holds status among married vs unmarried women.   It's degrading to say the lest.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Steaming up your windows part six

The alarm went off at 6:30am. He hadn't remembered turning it on. Estelle was not in the bed, nor was she in the apartment.  She must have turned the alarm on when she'd left. Caleb rolled over hitting the small alarm off before rubbing his face.  Disappointment didn't cover it this morning.  Kicking off the covers, he lay staring at the ceiling, his eyebrows knitted together in a ridge of worry.  
He hated this part of it.  Waking up alone.

Tripping over the discarded bedsheets, he inspected the apartment.  The kitchen windows were wide open letting in both the sunrise and the warm hunger inducing smells of the bakery down the street. He found a note stuck to the bathroom mirror.   "Promised to have brunch with my cousin, spotted your calendar marked today. Don't forget you've got hockey practice. Love Estelle. P.S. I am free at 9pm if you want to try again" 

He had forgotten about the practice. A smile danced across his lips, seeping into his brown eyes as he leaned on the bathroom sink.  She'd bothered to take care of him in that subtle way.  Swearing, he realized he was about to be late if he didn't get showered fast.
The hot water rippled down his pale body, threatening to lull him back to sleep as he closed his eyes against the spray.  Leaning back against the hard cold tiles of the wall, Caleb let out a deep sigh. His shoulders carrying most of his weight as he tried to wake up.  

Twenty minutes later, he found himself still yawning as he stood in line at the bakery, having been lured in by the scent of cinnamon and apples.  The bag on his shoulder feeling heavier then it should as he wondered if he remembered everything for practice?  
His mind was not where it should be, it was replaying a moment a few hours earlier when he had been still in bed with Estelle.  Caleb just could not stop thinking about how she had played with his ear.  A simple enough gesture, which packed more sensuality then he wanted to admit.  

Part 7 soon

Friday, August 5, 2011

Dirty Laundry 5

Mother's birthday today, and I picked up a cake on my way over.   Uncle and Aunt came over with their youngest.   I had my sports blog pulled up on the computer and had in mind to do a post when they showed up.  I never got the chance, but my Aunt was leaning in over my shoulder and pointed to a screen photo. 

"He's cute! I haven't seen him before have I?"

Me-: "That's the Double Starr. He was in the 3rd company for the last while. So I don't think you've seen him."

Aunt-: "Well he's hot. If I ever leave your Uncle I'm going to find a guy who looks like that."

Me-: "Yeah he's got a little bit of snakebite to him. Actually, he's got a lot of snakebite to him."

Aunt-: "His snake could bite me anytime. See now that is a man with some style." My Aunt slapped my shoulder gesturing towards the computer screen. "Much better then your skunked crackhead."

Me-: "What is it with you and crackheads?"

Aunt-: "You want a guy who looks like he just rolled out of bed on his way to the gutter then fine, keep him."  

Me-: "You saying he doesn't have style?  I actually think he looks normal." 

Aunt-: "I'm saying I like this one better."

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Words, words, words Just words

Ink stains on my fingers, a few streaks of smudged blue across the white page and the back of my hand, my wrist.
Being caught in the middle of a writing session for me is like other people being caught masturbating.

I was tucked neatly in the corner table of Starbucks with a new notepad that was falling apart the second I cracked the spine.  Totally in my own little world, when someone bumped the table.  Looking up I closed the notepad quickly. 

Zane was standing there looking at what I had been writing. 

I know I was ten shades of pink in under a second.  This is also why I like to do my notes in long hand so that no one can read my handwriting.

In this case, I was working out a few quirks on a new short story.  Zane had inspired a scene and  I had been taking notes on his movements, trying to describe the shape of his nose, the outline of his shoulders under the tapioca-caramel coloured uniform. Until he decided to peek over my shoulder at my notes.

Here's the thing, he never said anything, just turned away like he always does and started to chat it up with this teenaged girl who was standing around by his side of the check outs.   Not too sure if that is good or bad.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

The itchy and scratchy show part 2

I was out for coffee with my sister and I saw her scratching her right palm.  "He's thinking of you again."  I mindlessly said.  Less then a minute later her cell phone buzzed and it was the brother in law. My sister looked up at me with that semi look of disbelief as she answered the phone.

Sister-: "Okay that was weird.  So explain that to me again."   she said very distracted as she started to text  a friend from work, one very long leg bouncing under the table.

Me-:" Okay, this will be a long one."

Sister-: "I still have half a cup so go for it."

Me-: "You remember the omen about your nose itching?"   she nodded. "That means a secret admirer. Someone you've not paid attention to but has paid attention to you.  When the right side of your body itches, it's your true love thinking of you. Your soulmate, twinflame."

Sister-: "So you're going on the idea that twinflames and soulmates are the same thing?  I read they weren't."

Me-: "I believe they are.  Anyways..."   she started to laugh out loud said she was sorry and texted a reply to her friend before putting her cell phone down for a few seconds again.  "Anyways, my nose almost never itches, which means my soulmate..."

Sister-: "You're Mr. Scratchy"   she said scrunching up her nose then giggling at me again.

Me-: "You suck.  Yes my Mr. Scratchy. Anyways, my nose almost never itches which means that it is not a secret admirer.  When the right side of my body itches."

Sister-: "And this means what?"  she sipped her coffee making a face saying it was cold.

Me-: "That it's someone I've meet or seen or am very aware of. Like just now when your guy was thinking of you, your right side itched as the phone rang."

Sister-: "Works both ways doesn't it?  Your Mr. Scratchy."   she did the air quotes too here. "When you think of him he should be ripping his right side to shreds shouldn't he?"

Me-: "And there is the catch.  Yes, if he's someone I've become aware of, like one of the four wrestlers whom odds are it is.  If he's someone else then it's possible that I've never thought of him, or have rarely thought of him."

Sister-: "I don't think I can have the kind of faith you have in all this. Even with everything I've seen when we were younger, the whole thing with Tunagirl and the house,  I still just can't seem to... I don't know. But you can't say any of this sort of stuff in front of my guy. He'd freak out."

Me-:"Like I was saying the other week to JTGG, there is a part of me that is just thankful knowing my Mr. Scratchy is alive on this planet, and I know at some point before we both die, you know we'll be together.  It's a comforting feeling... don't look at me like that."  she was giggling at me playing with her ponytail.

Sister-: "When you said JTGG just got me thinking.  If anyone should know it's him. Okay blah blah blah you're Mr. Scratchy is out there. You're one true love, your knight in shinning armor who will rush in and save you with a bottle of calamine lotion. Stop your itchies. Slay your dragons and live happily ever after in... oh fresh crullers I think I want a donut before we leave."

We got back in line for her to get her donuts and she turned to me, putting on her sunglasses and giggling before saying that she hopes my Mr. Scratchy tells me soon who he is.

Sister-: "I'm going to start telling people you have fleas and that you got them from some wrestler in -------." She broke out in a major fit of laughter to the point the lady behind the donut counter asked if she was drunk. She shook her head still laughing like a banshee as we left the building.

Monday, August 1, 2011

Text to you later 2

Text came in bit ago from Musician simply saying  "this date went okay"

my reply was  "Just okay?"

Musician -:  Short but okay

my text -:  Short?

Musician-: Time wise

my text-: 20 minutes over or under?

Musician-: Half hour. We went for a walk and she said she'd like to hang out again sometime.

my text-: Good to hear

To be honest, I'm shocked.  His track record has been so bad lately but maybe things will improve for him?

Dirty Laundry 4

"He's had your number for like almost a month and he hasn't called you yet? What the hell is his deal?" My aunt asked me, referring to Storm.

"Maybe he does still have a girlfriend?  Or you know just not into me."  I let out a deep sigh.  Part of me really does not care at all, and part of me is dying to know what the hold up is.

Aunt-: "The kids were over for supper the other night, ended up parked in front of the big screen watching your  show..."

Me-: "Don't tell me!  I have to wait to see it online so just quiet!" 

And when my aunt says the kids, she means my two adult male cousins Walsh and his older brother.

Aunt-: "He still has that skunk on his head. Still looks stupid."

Me-: "What part of don't tell me I haven't seen the episode this week yet did you not understand?"

My aunt started to laugh then cause she loves to spoil stuff for me. So does my mother too actually, and my uncle.

Aunt- :"Besides, looking like a crack head.."

Me-: "He's not a crackhead...that I am aware of."

Aunt- :"All men are crackheads. Crackheads or drunks or just perverted assholes. The few that aren't are mama's boys and you don't want them either."

Me-: "Thanks for the tip, I'll keep that in mind for the next time I'm in a room filled with hard drugs and baby bottles. What was your point besides making me want to throw a large dictionary at you?"

Aunt-: "Has he called you yet?"

Me -: "Storm's got his kid for the summer."

Aunt-: "Maybe you're the crackhead. Darling, I meant The Celebrity. Has he gotten off his ass and called you yet?"

Me-: "Um. No. Why do you ask?"   and I'm scratching my head trying to figure out where the hell she's got the idea he was suppose to?

Aunt-: "I don't understand why he hasn't. It's been going on what 3 or 4 years hasn't it? Not like they pay you or anything. You would think he'd at lest say thanks for what you've been writing."

Me-: "Well, you know he's so damn busy between being an international wrestling superstar, and his being a mama's boy crackhead, I'm sure it just slipped his mind.  You do realized I have to add this to the blog. This is just... so going into the blog I need a pen to write this down so I don't forget. Crackhead, god you're so rude. Christ between you and the rest of the family, I feel like I'm stuck in a drug induced nightmare. Crackhead good god."

Aunt-: "I'm just saying, he looks like something that you find behind a dumpster at the bar. You could do better.  You could be out dating some nice doctor or something if you wanted to. God knows you meet enough doctors. Don't understand why you haven't dated one yet? All I'm saying."   she made her cup of tea and started to laugh some more.

Me-: "As far as The Celebrity goes, watch the show more often he just might surprise you. He might dye it Sex and the City pink or Slime Green. Then you could say that he looked like a crackhead."