Saturday, July 22, 2017

Pressing to Impress

I mentioned the other day that I've started to use twitter again after not having been on it in the last few years. Still not my favourite place on the internet, but it's one of those evil necessities.  Anyways, I couldn't keep up with it this last hour, everyone in a mad rush of anger and jealousy posting at neck breaking speed. Seriously, I'm sure there are a few people out there right now with sprained fingers from posting so fast. And 98% of what they are posting are retweets or likes of other people. Not even their friends for that matter, but people they are crushing on. 

Remember the guy I mentioned I talk to on facebook and instagram through private messages? Well, I just saw him fill the twitter feed with nothing but retweets of this girl who commented she didn't remember ever meeting him. I feel half way sad for him. Then there is my friend Marie, who is so into this one guy, she's completely ignoring the fact she's got two other guys hot on her tail. And it's one big weird mess. She retweets her crush's stuff, and the guys crushing on her retweet/like that because it was in her feed.

Does anyone bother to pay attention before they hit that retweet/like button?  Definitely gives new weight to the old phrase "what goes around comes around".

Friday, July 14, 2017

Dirty Laundry 71

So yesterday, I was hanging out with Marie. We had gone for coffee and she pulled up this video on twitter shoving the phone to my hear telling me to listen and tell her what I thought of it.

Me-:"Well he's drunk."

Marie-:"He doesn't drink though."

Me-:"Then he's really stoned."

Marie-:"No. He doesn't do that."

Me-:"You're telling me that that isn't an extremely drunk depressed guy?"

she played it again twice listening to it with her eyes closed.

Marie-:"You think I'm reading too much into it?"

Me-:"No. He's picked something he knows will 100% get your attention, like right after you said you weren't going to talk to him about the situation anymore. This is his reacting to it. Reacting badly, but reacting none the less."  the building was starting to get really crowded so we left, walking around the parking lot a bit before going into the grocery.

Here's the thing. Few nights ago, we were hanging out at her place and she started talking about how when she was younger she'd be the bold one of her group and just randomly go up to a hot guy and ask him out or his name etc, for her friends. I didn't think anything of it, because we were talking about her situation with Mr. Tweets.  Well, I should have thought something of it, because we weren't in the store more than a minute when she turned spotting the Grocery Boy pointed at him. He saw us and had this look as if cold water had been thrown on him.

Then it got weird.

He started to wander from aisle to aisle circling us. Yeah, he was following us without trying to look like he was. And we were not quiet. The more Marie noticed him, the louder she got. It was like 8th grade all over again, only not as respectable. And she kept making me laugh. Like cartoon witch cackling snorting laugh.  Yeah, that bad.  Every time we passed one of the standing freezers, she started to play with her hair fixing it, blushing. 

At this point, I had groceries that needed to be paid for so I went and stood in line while she continued to wander around. I saw her talking to one of the other stock boys, blushing and stammering like a teenager before catching up to me with this look of pure triumph on her face.

Me-:"What did you do?"

She pointed to the one guy smiling like a goofball as we walked out of the building.

Marie-:"I asked what the name of your guy is."

Me-:"That's it? Seriously, what did you say?"

Marie-:"I just asked if he could tell me who the guy he was talking to's name was because my friend though he might be her nephew and she needed to double check..."

Me-:"What? What the hell? How is that going to...what the f***?" I nearly tripped over my own feet on that.

Marie-:"I said we thought his name was ----- and we needed to make sure. And guess what, it actually was." she shrugged at me lighting a smoke.

Me-:"Oh my god! Why did you do that? Now he's going to think we're related!"

Marie-:"Not like hot guy there is going to tell him. Besides, I was the one who asked, and I don't shop there so not like he's going to ever see me again."

Me-:"He's going to be all like 'dude, some chick was asking about you, says she's your aunt'; and buddy is going to ask what you looked like and figure it out. He's going to think we're related now and if he was crushing on me, he won't be anymore."

Marie-:"-----. His name which I just learned is -----."  she actually curtsied. She honestly didn't see the issue.

I spent a few hours playing it over in my head last night, wondering if she did it on purpose because she might actually be interested in him herself, or if she really didn't think the co-worker would relay the message, or if it just didn't occur to her that by saying that she would possibly creep the dude out.  It was like being back in high school all over again, or college for that matter, and those times my prettier friends snagged the guy I liked because they could.

Sunday, July 9, 2017

Post it note July 9th 2017

I can't be the only one who finds themselves having to jump around from one piece of social media to the other all day long, in order to keep up with people?  Seriously, no matter how many people on instagram I follow, I only ever see the same three people's feeds. Then, when I hop over to facebook, I only see feeds from these two main people, then twitter for another handful, and of course youtube for the other handful. It's exhausting. Emotionally, physically, mindnumbingly exhausting.

Which is why I no longer care about anyone or anything and am so out of touch with the world. 

I've just literally returned to twitter in the past few days, after not having been on it in over two years. It hasn't gotten any calmer that's for sure.  I still prefer youtube. Think I always will.

Anyways, was talking to someone on instagram, about finding your place in the world. Your tribe online sort of thing. I don't know man, just when I think that I've found mine, I end up being wrong. Like realizing not only do I not gel with the main people and therefore don't fit in, but once the surface noise is scratched off, just how much we rub each other the wrong way. Sandpaper on a teflon pan wrong. 

The worst of it, there is this one guy who drives me nutballs. Like, sort of in a good way sort of in a I want to stab him with shrimp forks in the thighs sort of way.  We've talked a few times on facebook and direct/private messages. But, open comments, I'm lucky if he gives me a thumbs up.  What's up with that?  And he's pulling one of those elitist high school moves where if I don't speak to him for a while he cruises in at me, sending me a random "Hey man".  Just enough of a tap on the shoulder to have me checking my damned messages all day like a really bad cliched movie character.

I swear, the internet has made social clues worthless.

Anyways, Mr. Scratchy; Herman. I think you're checking in tonight, dressed in a pair of grey-green sweat pants; and a faded light blue-white t-shirt with the logo for some old 80's movie...Gremlins. Yeah, I'm going on record saying it's a Gremlins shirt. Don't ask, I don't know just the image that popped into my head while writing this. I think you're standing around your kitchen wearing those little wire rimmed glasses, making a cup of tea, chopping up bananas for...I really want to say your dog. I have mentioned way in the past that I think you have a dog, so I think you're hanging out with your dog in your kitchen, just unwinding from your day. I said once before too that I think you've taken up tarot cards in the past, and so I think tonight you've decided to grab them and have them spread out across the table.

And as always Herman, dream of me. Preferably doing something cool. 

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Dirty Laundry 70

I was hanging out last night with Marie, and the first thing out of her mouth was "how'd it go this week with grocery guy?"

Me-:"I avoided the grocery like the plague until Sunday. He doesn't work on Sundays. I was leaving my building, and as I stepped onto the sidewalk, he literally turned the corner into my path."

Marie-:"Great! Did you talk?"  she was glowing with giddiness.

Me-:"I turned and ran in the other direction through the parking lot."

Marie-:"You need to say yes to him when he asks you out."

Me-:"He's not going to ask me out."

Marie-:"Trust me, he will."

Me-:"Here's what's wrong with that statement. A, he's too young like fifteen maybe even twenty years younger too young. And B, I'm not attracted to him. If he does ask, I have to say no. Which will suck because I know way too well what it feels like to be rejected. Or I'll end up feeling so crappy that I will say yes and get stuck in a situation that is bad for everyone."

Her happy glow seemed to slip a bit and I know she was thinking then of her own relationship and how she's not happy either in her current one. Didn't stop her from trying to talk me into going to the grocery with her though before they closed.

Marie-:"You need to get back out there and start dating again."

Me-:"Aware of that." I felt like saying I didn't need everyone around me to keep drilling that information into my brains.

Marie-:"Why not do a dating site then?"

Me-:"Done those in the past and they brought nothing."

Marie-:"Well, give it another try. Can't be that bad?"

I grabbed her laptop and pulled up a dating site that lets you do a search without having to sign up for it first.

Me-:"Let's see. Woman looking for man, 33 to 40, Caucasian, never married, no kids." she was still smirking while the thing did it's search. "No matches."

Marie-:"Widen your search."

Me-:"Fine. 32 to 41"   The page then spun again and a few photos popped up. "Three. There are three men in the whole country who match. Two in Vancouver, one in Montreal."

Marie-:"Widen your search again."

Me-:"To what? That's all of Canada. And it's telling me there are only three men who match up." I was actually getting a bit pissed off at this point as we checked out their profiles. One was clearly older than he'd listed himself to be, another was dressed in hunting gear, the last one who was marginally good looking didn't have a single photo where he wasn't sitting in a bar.

Marie-:"Message this one."

Me-:"We're sorry, but you don't match their desired search qualities."  Bar guy wanted someone who was a Catholic, the older one wanted someone under thirty, and the hunter just wanted someone in their area only.

Marie-:"Widen your search then." she literally opened her arms gesturing towards the walls.

Me-:"What part of that's all of Canada are you not understanding?"

Marie-:"The Canadian part. Expand into the states."

Me-:"And the point of that would be what now? If I can't afford to travel across the province to meet a man, how would I travel out of the country itself?"
Marie-:"Well, who says you have to travel to them?"

Me-:"I'm not going to win this am I?"

Marie-:"No, widen your search."

Friday, June 9, 2017

post it note June 8th 2017

Dear Mr. Scratchy:

It's just before 12:00am EST here. I spent most of the day chatting with Marie and trying to write the next two parts of the fairy tale. Here's the thing. My heart's not in it anymore. Nor is it in doing reviews, or the video projects or much of anything.  How do you bounce back from that? 

I imagine you checking in to this tonight Herman, dressed in black track pants and an orange t-shirt and grey hoodie. I think you've got a cup of take-away coffee beside you and a plate of nachos. I also believe you are trying to get something written in script form, I'm guessing for a promo. Assuming you are doing the indie shows and have to write your own stuff.

Honestly, I don't know what pulled me in here tonight to post this?  I really want to ask if you injured your left leg? There is just something nagging in the back of my mind to ask so...asking, did you Mr. Scratchy, injure your left leg in the last week?  Okay Herman, that's it for me tonight. I need to figure out how to avoid the dude from the grocery store that Marie is determined to set me up with.

As always Mr. Scratchy, dream of me.

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Dirty Laundry 69

I went for coffee with my friend Marie. Right off I could tell something was bothering her from the way she slumped in her seat. When I asked, she showed me a message from twitter. This guy has started to follow her on there, and he's now following everyone she is. But it bummed her out a bit.

Marie-:"Just look at what he posted."  she showed me his tweet from last night. I didn't see anything wrong with it, just song lyrics. "I posted something and two minutes later he posted this." I still didn't get the bad to be honest. She continued to show me the last few weeks of posts between them. Every time she posts something, he does the same theme. She talked about the band Flock of Seagulls, he posted a cartoon of seagulls. She posted about a ring she was wanting, he talked about a piece of jewellery with the same coloured stone.

Me-:"Dude! Actions speak louder than words. He's so into you!"

Marie-:"I don't think so."

Me-:"Trust me! He is. He's making a point to get into what you're into." damn, if there was a man on this planet who wanted my attention enough to interact like that with me on instagram or youtube, I'd be listening to what his non-words were saying; not pouting over it.

While we were there, this one guy who works at the grocery store walked in. Marie turned around in her seat and started to giggle.

Marie-:"That one again."  referring to the fact this guy had been in the coffee shop three times while we were there.  And he stood in line, of which there wasn't one, just stood there in the middle of the building far enough away from the counter and too close to where we were sitting, just staring at us. "Oh he just turned away all red."

Me-:"Cause he saw you staring at him."

Marie-:"He's embarrassed he got caught staring at you." she had the biggest smirk on her face as he ordered his donut. We started to get up to leave, when the grocery store guy took the seat beside our's. "Do you want to stay for a few more minutes?" Marie sat back down giggling.

Me-:"I thought you needed to get home for the dogs?" I could feel him staring at us, and it caused me to blush. I ended up having to sit down again because Marie was not getting back up. The dude had sat so he was facing her direction.

Marie-:"Okay, I need a smoke so outside." and then she practically dragged me out of the building.  "He was looking at you the whole time. I totally think he was trying to get the guts to ask you out!"

Me-:"He sat so you were in his direct view not me."

Marie-:"But he was looking at you. Surprised he didn't break his neck the way he was twisting it. How old you think he is?"

Me-:"I don't know? In his twenties maybe? Too young for me."

Marie-:"Age is but a number. Besides, he's not your future husband. You deserve a fling." she winked at me as she started to head towards home.

Me-:"You say that like you've seen something." I turned following her. She laughed again. "You did see something. What the hell did you see?"

She just shrugged and told me to have fun before October. Yeah, sometimes being friends with a psychic can be complicated.

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Dirty Laundry 68

I was out for coffee with my friend Marie. She's one of the girls who works at the occult store here in town. And she's been trying to talk  me into going with her to this convention in the fall in the states. I've been reluctant because, well that's just me. Anyways, Vegas was brought up again. While we were talking, she got a message via twitter from The Guy In Vegas, once again asking her to come out there.  Now, she's shown me his photo before, but he was wearing sunglasses and a baseball cap. So didn't recognize him. Then she showed me the twitter message, and the video attached pointing him out.

Me-:"Oh my god! He's The Guy In Vegas?"

Marie-:"Yeah, why?"

Me-:"You never told me HE's the guy!"   the guy - her guy, is infamous in the occult world and works for one of those reality tv shows. And dude, I've had a crush on this guy myself after seeing him in a documentary few years back. They met few years ago at one of these conventions.  Needless to say, my mouth fell open and I think I started to drool even. "Damn! What is stopping you from flying out there right now?"

Marie-:"Flying. I hate flying."    hence why she really wants someone to go with her. She needs to have someone pry her full of alcohol and keep her from jumping out of the plane to her death.

Me-:"Then take a bus. You need to go and like marry this dude. Now!"

Marie-:"I'll go if you go with me." 

Me-:"You do realize the second you hook up with this guy you're going to want to stay there."

Marie-:"No I won't."

Me-:"Yes you will."

Marie-:"Yes I will." she went five shades of red in about two seconds. "So you'll go with me?"