Tuesday, September 5, 2017

Dirty Laundry 72

A very loud bang at my window had me shaking, my phone buzzing a few seconds later with a message from my cousin Walsh. I let him in the building just as the one really hot maintenance guy was walking in. The look maintenance guy gave him was interesting to say the lest. Walsh was waiting for my aunt who was at the dentist few buildings away.

Me-:"You've got to stop doing that. Scared me, thought someone had broken the window."

Walsh-:"Sorry. You excited about your trip?"

Me-:"What trip?"

Walsh-:"I thought you were going to Las Vegas?"

Me-:"That's not till like next summer. Few of the girls from the occult store are going like in July next year. I've still haven't decided."

Walsh-:"So you're not going anywhere in October? Cause your mom was over for dinner the other night and said you were talking about going away next month?"

Me-:"Marie and one of her friends are going to some fan thingie in Minneapolis. They've been bugging for me to join, make it a girls weekend."

He started looking through the kitchen for something before grabbing the kettle and filling it.

Walsh-:"You don't want to go? Why not?"

Me-:"Remember the scene in Gremlins when they stuff the one in the microwave and it explodes?"

Walsh-:"No, but say I do."

Me-:"That would be me crossing from Canada to the states. Besides, isn't there like a civil war or something happening down there? Practically anyways?"

Walsh-:"No. I don't think it's that bad yet?"

Me-:"There is no point in going. I'm not into the event or the people doing the convention. I find sitting in a car for 6 hours dreadful. Their big plan is to stay at a casino the weekend. If I wanted to hang in a casino, I'd go across town to the one we have here. It's a boring plan. To me, it's boring."

Walsh-:"Wow, you actually sound angry."  he made himself a cup of coffee before sitting at the kitchen table.

Me-:"It just sucks. I haven't been anywhere in years, and that's my only option right now. Something that I have no say in if I go. And if I don't go, then I loose out on any invites with the group later on. Just a no win situation."

Walsh-:"I'd go if I was you."

Me-:"You know how I feel about the states. Leaves a bad taste in my throat."  He halfway laughed nearly choking on his coffee. "I didn't mean it that way."

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

post it note Aug 23rd 2017

Dear Herman:

I don't know if you ever get like this, but lately, I am finding the less I have to say the more I feel I should have something to say.  Weird right? 

Anyways, Mr. Scratchy, I imagine you checking in tonight, dressed in a pair of those plaid pajama bottoms, a slime green t-shirt, and socks. I think wherever you are right now, the weather has turned damp, rainy even. I think you've got a bit of the flu too. Yeah, once again I have no idea why, just roll with what pops into my head. I think you've got a large mug of lemon tea beside you, and you're just crusin there for awhile in front of the tv watching a movie. Maybe catching up with a season or two of something you haven't seen in awhile before it's new season comes on. 

I just felt I should pop in and say hey.

Okay Mr. Scratchy; Herman, hope you're having a decent night. As always, dream of me. 

Sunday, July 30, 2017

post it note July 30th 2017

Dear Mr. Scratchy;

It's just before 7:30 pm EST here, and still we are sitting at +30C with +32C humidex. I've said a million times over, I'm not designed for this heat.

I've watched my friend Marie chase after a guy getting mixed results. I say it's mixed results because she keeps sabotaging herself. Purposely doing rituals and love spells to push him towards someone else, someone she thinks is more his type physically. Yet, the more she does that, the harder she falls for him herself.  She's not listening to me when I tell her it's because she's meant to be with the guy. Sadly, I'm seeing this sort of thing in people a lot lately. Most of the witches and pagans I talk to have been blocking themselves from their own happiness, just because they think the other person will ultimately reject them. Usually over something really stupid like career or their own insecurities.  I'm talking some really strong spell crafters here too. People who can say something once and have it manifest within hours without any other effort.

Anyways, I believe Herman, you are checking in tonight, wearing dark jeans, white t-shirt and a yellow sweater...no a yellow dress shirt open over it. I want to say you were at church or something where you had to dress appropriate. Airport even. Good god man, I just see a horde of little old ladies flapping around that shirt. Dude, going out on a limb and saying I imagine you were spending the day with your grandmother, taking her to lunch or something the like. Don't ask, I just roll with what pops into my brain as I write. I can't shake the feeling you're a bit unsettled tonight.

Okay Herman; Mr. Scratchy, should you feel the need...

Saturday, July 22, 2017

Pressing to Impress

I mentioned the other day that I've started to use twitter again after not having been on it in the last few years. Still not my favourite place on the internet, but it's one of those evil necessities.  Anyways, I couldn't keep up with it this last hour, everyone in a mad rush of anger and jealousy posting at neck breaking speed. Seriously, I'm sure there are a few people out there right now with sprained fingers from posting so fast. And 98% of what they are posting are retweets or likes of other people. Not even their friends for that matter, but people they are crushing on. 

Remember the guy I mentioned I talk to on facebook and instagram through private messages? Well, I just saw him fill the twitter feed with nothing but retweets of this girl who commented she didn't remember ever meeting him. I feel half way sad for him. Then there is my friend Marie, who is so into this one guy, she's completely ignoring the fact she's got two other guys hot on her tail. And it's one big weird mess. She retweets her crush's stuff, and the guys crushing on her retweet/like that because it was in her feed.

Does anyone bother to pay attention before they hit that retweet/like button?  Definitely gives new weight to the old phrase "what goes around comes around".

Friday, July 14, 2017

Dirty Laundry 71

So yesterday, I was hanging out with Marie. We had gone for coffee and she pulled up this video on twitter shoving the phone to my hear telling me to listen and tell her what I thought of it.

Me-:"Well he's drunk."

Marie-:"He doesn't drink though."

Me-:"Then he's really stoned."

Marie-:"No. He doesn't do that."

Me-:"You're telling me that that isn't an extremely drunk depressed guy?"

she played it again twice listening to it with her eyes closed.

Marie-:"You think I'm reading too much into it?"

Me-:"No. He's picked something he knows will 100% get your attention, like right after you said you weren't going to talk to him about the situation anymore. This is his reacting to it. Reacting badly, but reacting none the less."  the building was starting to get really crowded so we left, walking around the parking lot a bit before going into the grocery.

Here's the thing. Few nights ago, we were hanging out at her place and she started talking about how when she was younger she'd be the bold one of her group and just randomly go up to a hot guy and ask him out or his name etc, for her friends. I didn't think anything of it, because we were talking about her situation with Mr. Tweets.  Well, I should have thought something of it, because we weren't in the store more than a minute when she turned spotting the Grocery Boy pointed at him. He saw us and had this look as if cold water had been thrown on him.

Then it got weird.

He started to wander from aisle to aisle circling us. Yeah, he was following us without trying to look like he was. And we were not quiet. The more Marie noticed him, the louder she got. It was like 8th grade all over again, only not as respectable. And she kept making me laugh. Like cartoon witch cackling snorting laugh.  Yeah, that bad.  Every time we passed one of the standing freezers, she started to play with her hair fixing it, blushing. 

At this point, I had groceries that needed to be paid for so I went and stood in line while she continued to wander around. I saw her talking to one of the other stock boys, blushing and stammering like a teenager before catching up to me with this look of pure triumph on her face.

Me-:"What did you do?"

She pointed to the one guy smiling like a goofball as we walked out of the building.

Marie-:"I asked what the name of your guy is."

Me-:"That's it? Seriously, what did you say?"

Marie-:"I just asked if he could tell me who the guy he was talking to's name was because my friend though he might be her nephew and she needed to double check..."

Me-:"What? What the hell? How is that going to...what the f***?" I nearly tripped over my own feet on that.

Marie-:"I said we thought his name was ----- and we needed to make sure. And guess what, it actually was." she shrugged at me lighting a smoke.

Me-:"Oh my god! Why did you do that? Now he's going to think we're related!"

Marie-:"Not like hot guy there is going to tell him. Besides, I was the one who asked, and I don't shop there so not like he's going to ever see me again."

Me-:"He's going to be all like 'dude, some chick was asking about you, says she's your aunt'; and buddy is going to ask what you looked like and figure it out. He's going to think we're related now and if he was crushing on me, he won't be anymore."

Marie-:"-----. His name which I just learned is -----."  she actually curtsied. She honestly didn't see the issue.

I spent a few hours playing it over in my head last night, wondering if she did it on purpose because she might actually be interested in him herself, or if she really didn't think the co-worker would relay the message, or if it just didn't occur to her that by saying that she would possibly creep the dude out.  It was like being back in high school all over again, or college for that matter, and those times my prettier friends snagged the guy I liked because they could.

Sunday, July 9, 2017

Post it note July 9th 2017

I can't be the only one who finds themselves having to jump around from one piece of social media to the other all day long, in order to keep up with people?  Seriously, no matter how many people on instagram I follow, I only ever see the same three people's feeds. Then, when I hop over to facebook, I only see feeds from these two main people, then twitter for another handful, and of course youtube for the other handful. It's exhausting. Emotionally, physically, mindnumbingly exhausting.

Which is why I no longer care about anyone or anything and am so out of touch with the world. 

I've just literally returned to twitter in the past few days, after not having been on it in over two years. It hasn't gotten any calmer that's for sure.  I still prefer youtube. Think I always will.

Anyways, was talking to someone on instagram, about finding your place in the world. Your tribe online sort of thing. I don't know man, just when I think that I've found mine, I end up being wrong. Like realizing not only do I not gel with the main people and therefore don't fit in, but once the surface noise is scratched off, just how much we rub each other the wrong way. Sandpaper on a teflon pan wrong. 

The worst of it, there is this one guy who drives me nutballs. Like, sort of in a good way sort of in a I want to stab him with shrimp forks in the thighs sort of way.  We've talked a few times on facebook and instagram...in direct/private messages. But, open comments, I'm lucky if he gives me a thumbs up.  What's up with that?  And he's pulling one of those elitist high school moves where if I don't speak to him for a while he cruises in at me, sending me a random "Hey man".  Just enough of a tap on the shoulder to have me checking my damned messages all day like a really bad cliched movie character.

I swear, the internet has made social clues worthless.

Anyways, Mr. Scratchy; Herman. I think you're checking in tonight, dressed in a pair of grey-green sweat pants; and a faded light blue-white t-shirt with the logo for some old 80's movie...Gremlins. Yeah, I'm going on record saying it's a Gremlins shirt. Don't ask, I don't know just the image that popped into my head while writing this. I think you're standing around your kitchen wearing those little wire rimmed glasses, making a cup of tea, chopping up bananas for...I really want to say your dog. I have mentioned way in the past that I think you have a dog, so I think you're hanging out with your dog in your kitchen, just unwinding from your day. I said once before too that I think you've taken up tarot cards in the past, and so I think tonight you've decided to grab them and have them spread out across the table.

And as always Herman, dream of me. Preferably doing something cool. 

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Dirty Laundry 70

I was hanging out last night with Marie, and the first thing out of her mouth was "how'd it go this week with grocery guy?"

Me-:"I avoided the grocery like the plague until Sunday. He doesn't work on Sundays. I was leaving my building, and as I stepped onto the sidewalk, he literally turned the corner into my path."

Marie-:"Great! Did you talk?"  she was glowing with giddiness.

Me-:"I turned and ran in the other direction through the parking lot."

Marie-:"You need to say yes to him when he asks you out."

Me-:"He's not going to ask me out."

Marie-:"Trust me, he will."

Me-:"Here's what's wrong with that statement. A, he's too young like fifteen maybe even twenty years younger too young. And B, I'm not attracted to him. If he does ask, I have to say no. Which will suck because I know way too well what it feels like to be rejected. Or I'll end up feeling so crappy that I will say yes and get stuck in a situation that is bad for everyone."

Her happy glow seemed to slip a bit and I know she was thinking then of her own relationship and how she's not happy either in her current one. Didn't stop her from trying to talk me into going to the grocery with her though before they closed.

Marie-:"You need to get back out there and start dating again."

Me-:"Aware of that." I felt like saying I didn't need everyone around me to keep drilling that information into my brains.

Marie-:"Why not do a dating site then?"

Me-:"Done those in the past and they brought nothing."

Marie-:"Well, give it another try. Can't be that bad?"

I grabbed her laptop and pulled up a dating site that lets you do a search without having to sign up for it first.

Me-:"Let's see. Woman looking for man, 33 to 40, Caucasian, never married, no kids." she was still smirking while the thing did it's search. "No matches."

Marie-:"Widen your search."

Me-:"Fine. 32 to 41"   The page then spun again and a few photos popped up. "Three. There are three men in the whole country who match. Two in Vancouver, one in Montreal."

Marie-:"Widen your search again."

Me-:"To what? That's all of Canada. And it's telling me there are only three men who match up." I was actually getting a bit pissed off at this point as we checked out their profiles. One was clearly older than he'd listed himself to be, another was dressed in hunting gear, the last one who was marginally good looking didn't have a single photo where he wasn't sitting in a bar.

Marie-:"Message this one."

Me-:"We're sorry, but you don't match their desired search qualities."  Bar guy wanted someone who was a Catholic, the older one wanted someone under thirty, and the hunter just wanted someone in their area only.

Marie-:"Widen your search then." she literally opened her arms gesturing towards the walls.

Me-:"What part of that's all of Canada are you not understanding?"

Marie-:"The Canadian part. Expand into the states."

Me-:"And the point of that would be what now? If I can't afford to travel across the province to meet a man, how would I travel out of the country itself?"
    
Marie-:"Well, who says you have to travel to them?"

Me-:"I'm not going to win this am I?"

Marie-:"No, widen your search."