Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Dirty Laundry 59

I got a text from Pussycat-:"You friends with Chai-Chai?"

I stood there staring at the text racking my brains as to who he was talking about. Then I realized he meant one of the ones from our witchy group. "I've chatted with her on the online group why?"

Pussycat-:"She can't stop talking about you."

Me-:"Would explain why my ears have been burning today. Now who'd I piss off?"

Pussycat-:"No I mean she can't stop talking about you! You need to tell her you're straight like right now."

Oh crap!   "How does she not know? I even talked about my hot East Indian neighbour  who always smells like fresh mint, and sometimes helps me with my groceries."

Pussycat-:"Don't know, don't care take care of it! She thinks you two are going out next week."

Me-:"Hang on. What? The group ritual thing?"

Pussycat-:"What group ritual thing?"

Me-:"The New Moon ritual thing."

Pussycat-:"Isn't one this month. Kiki has to work can't host it. It's been cancelled."

Balls!   "You remember you offered to do that spell the other week. Did you? To help get us men?"

Pussycat-:"Yeah. Worked for me I've had three sleepovers with Nathan since"  he went silent for a few minutes then sent me a facebook message. "phone died. I used the candles you gave me from the gift basket, the herbs Nathan gave me and the large amethyst that Chai-Chai gave me."  he went silent again. "Oooooohhhhh girl! Okay I'll fix it. My bad. love you doll."

Yeah, thanks man. Like my life isn't crappy enough as it is. Now I've got misguided cupids mucking it all up. There are seriously days when I wish I had just let my dad's uncle set me up in an arranged marriage back when I was 15 to his adopted son. But then, I wouldn't be me. I'd be some poorly treated housewife to a raging alcoholic in Rotterdam.  Much better to be single and depressed then you know, dead.

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

post it note Aug 17th 2016

The tarots keep bringing up the Knight of Cups. It's been the one constant for the last few years. I should by now, have figured out what it's trying to tell me, only I haven't. I have no idea Herman, if that means anything to you? But here's hoping. Most decks have the Knight of Cups representing a man with light hair, pale skin and blue eyes. A shy man, romantic, creative.

I imagine Mr. Scratchy, that you are checking in tonight, wearing a pair of black track pants and a green t-shirt. I think there is a small ink stain on the bottom left sort of to the side but not quite. I believe you are sitting there reading this, a cup of tea beside you in a travel mug. Winding down after a long week. Those little wire rimmed glasses perched on your nose, missing me.
Right, this is where I have to ask Herman, if you've in the last few days, hurt your left arm? More than once, Mr. Scratchy, in the last couple of days, I've been sitting here watching tv or reading and my left arm has felt as if something has happened to it. As if someone has slammed into it, or wrenched it. And well I automatically thought "he's done something to himself ". 
Anyways, I think you're reading this tonight, missing me. Missing my dreamy stubbornness, missing my blogging shoulder to lean on. No pun intended. I imagine you've got a copy of a vampire novel beside you, possibly reading something I've mentioned recently.  Okay Mr. Scratchy, I have to go write now about my New Favourite. He's been inspiring me a lot lately.

sweet dreams, Herman.

Monday, August 15, 2016

Dirty Laundry 58

You know how they say when it rains it pours. Okay, so my normally hermit life was uncharacteristically busy today.  Started with a text from my cousin Walsh. "Did you tape the show?"

Me-:"Which show?"

Walsh-:"The one on yesterday morning."

Me-:"Dude, there were like five different wrestling shows on yesterday, which one?"

Walsh-:"The New Company. Did you tape it?"

Me-:"Yeah, why?"

Walsh-:"Do you still have it in the machine?"

Me-:"So far."

Walsh-:"Okay put on New Favourite's match...tell me something, his tights why do I think I've seen that design before?"

I got a message from Pussycat interrupting me for a few minutes. "So how did it go with The Salesman?"

Me to Pussycat-:"It didn't."

Pussycat-:"What!!!!!"

Me to Pussycat-:"It didn't."

Me to Walsh-:"Have you been to the New Company's website yet? His tights look a lot like their background design."

Pussycat-:"Tell me everything that happened blow by blow, and I mean it!"

Walsh-:"hahahahahahaha! What a dork."

Me to Walsh-:"You asked."

Me to Pussycat-:"I went there, asked him and..."   another texted came in from one of the girls that works at the occult shop here in town.

Keira-:"Hey, how's your weekend? Little bird told me you had a date. How'd it go?"

Me to Keira-:"No, bird lied."

Keira-:"Oh? What happened?"

Me to Pussycat-:"Um, you've been talking to Keira today?"

Me to Keira-:"I went to see The Salesman, asked him for coffee he spent ten minutes telling me why he couldn't then turned around and said he'd love to sometime."

Keira-:"WTF?"

Me to Keira-:"I know right?"

Pussycat-:"Um maybe. So what happened?"

Me to Pussycat-:"I went to see him, he was his normal flirty self, I asked him for coffee, he got weird said no then said sure. I have no idea if that was a rejection or not?"

Pussycat-:"Or not lol. But you went for it. That's fab. Now you can stop wondering and move on. It is perfect doll."

Okay so for the past year, this one guy who works at one of my favourite stores here in town, has been overly flirty. There have even been times he's pushed his coworkers out of the way to be the one to help me. I for once, did not think on it, assuming he was flirting to sell more crap. One of the times I went there with Pussycat, he was not working so we started chatting with one of the coworkers and found out, they do not get paid on commission. It's minimum wage.There was no reason for him to be jumping over them to get to me. The next time I went in and The Salesman was working, Pussycat was with me again, and The Salesman made it a point to come over to where we were and just say hi. That was a few months ago. As I said, this has been going on for just over a year. The last few times, his coworkers have just wandered off leaving us alone in the store. We've talked about a bunch of random crap, he once even started to fix displays that didn't need to be fixed just as an excuse to continue the conversation. Pussycat convinced me it was time to ask The Salesman out.  As I said, it did not go smooth.
The Salesman looked at me, took a deep breath and told me he doesn't date anymore. Then went into this ten minute speech telling me that he's been bleed dry by women, loosing everything from his house to his friends to his job to his money; all the while getting angrier as he did. Then turned his shoulder towards me telling me he'd love to hang out at the coffee shop next to the store sometime and have coffee with me.

So here I am, confused as to if I should be insulted or not and wondering why he would say no if he seems to be interested?

I got a texted then from one of the other girls who works at the occult shop, Janny, "Hey, how'd it go with the guy?"

Me to Janny-:"Well not good."

Janny-:"Keira was just telling me. I walked in when she was reading your last text. Screw him."

Me-:"Obviously that's not going to happen."

Janny-:"hahaha! Okay right. Look at it this way, you have to wonder what kind of a guy he is if he's claiming that he always attracts the same type of woman? It can't be all the woman's fault? You don't need that anyways.Look at it this way, you did him a favour."

Me-:"How?"

Janny-:"Betting he has been bottling it up and needed to tell someone. If he found you comforting enough to explode on you then you triggered something in him."

I laughed for a bit on that one. 

Walsh-:"There's nothing fresh there."

I was lost for a few minutes on that, as my head was spinning from the other messages.Then I realized he was talking about the wrestling website. "Yeah, I noticed. Too bad too, would like to see some pics of the Manager."

Walsh-:"So, what's up?"

Me-:"Oh my god its like telegram, telephone, telea-drag queen. And you can read about it in a few minutes."

Walsh-:"Whatever he's told you to do, do the opposite."

Me-:"Too late. Seriously, this mess is blog worthy."

Sunday, August 7, 2016

Dirty Laundry 57

I did a reading for my friend Scarlett the other day, that went shall I say, horribly wrong. According to her, it went horribly wrong. The main relationship cards came up in the reversed positions, Two of Cups, Lovers, and Four of Wands. All bottoms up. She physically cringed and sort of pulled her hands into her sleeves when she saw them. It got worse from there, as the pregnancy cards came up, Empress, Ace of Wands, and Queen of Pentacles.  She looked at me with this absolute fear in her eyes.  She then admitted she's been sick off and on for the last week, thinking it was stress from the original situation she was asking about.

Okay, don't shoot the messenger, I am only telling you what I see here.  I happened to notice she'd taken off her engagement ring too. Hence the desire for a reading to begin with.

While we were sitting in the cafe doing the reading, this really cute guy came in. He's a regular there and I've noticed only comes in on days when Scarlett is working. I've noticed this, Pussycat has noticed this, Scarlett has not. I left a few minutes after Cute Regular got there.

Scarlett messaged me awhile after that asking "What should I do?"

Me-:"Cute Regular. Grab him like now, while you've got the chance before you move."

She must have told Pussycat what I'd said because he texted me last night.

Pussycat-:"I agree!"

Me-:"?????"

Pussycat-:"I've been telling her for two years this guy is no good for her. She needs to dump him, and I think Cute Regular is just what she needs to do. So I agree."

Everyone has been telling her if she's doubting her relationship then she already knows what she needs to do about it. 

Pussycat-:"How's it going for you?"

Me-:"Fine."

Pussycat-:"Has your ex seen you?"

Me-:"No. I've managed to avoid bumping into him again." 

Pussycat-:"You need to get a new mans. New mans!!! We all need new mans."

Me-:"Preach it sister."

Pussycat-:"I'm doing a spell to bring just more love into my life. Do you want me to do one for you? Not a love spell, I don't touch those, but a spell just to make you more sexy."

Me-:"Thanks. Cool."

Pussycat-:"But...if I were to word something in there what do you want in a man besides a big penis?"

I laughed on that for a few minutes.  "Um...someone with the same sense of humour as me, and someone who speaks the same language as me."

Pussycat-:"Sweetie everyone pretty much speaks English now that's not a hard one to find."

Me-:"True but I was meaning someone who really gets my weirdness."

Pussycat-:"I get your weirdness!!!! We are the weridos Mr."

Me-:"You're gay, you don't count"

Pussycat-:"I love the Craft. I have the soundtrack on right now."

Me-:"But that's what I mean. I want a man who speaks vampire movie."


Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Dirty Laundry 56

My cousin Walsh messaged me bit ago. "So, you alive?"

Me-:"Yeah?"

Walsh-:"And? What happened the other day? You bump into him again?"

Me-:"I hid like a coward never poked my face out of the apartment door. Finally had to as trash needed to go out. Wrote lots though. Like five parts to the fairytale already posted a couple."

Walsh-:"I saw the one about the guy getting raped."

Me-:"Good, bad what?"  he went silent for awhile. "What did you think of that part?" 

Walsh-:"It was okay better than some of the other stuff you'd written lately. I like the new characters."

Me-:"I was inspired by that new company lately."

Walsh-:"You're New Favourite, he's going to company number two eh?"

Me-:"NOOOOO!!!!"  I actually think I whined. "Don't tell me stuff like that! I stopped watching company number two like two months ago. Damn it! He's the main reason I've been interested in the new company."

Walsh-:"hahaha!"

Me-:"You're lying to me aren't you?" He sent me a link to the wiki page for company number two, and sure enough my New Favourite is listed as being on their roster. Damn it!  "You do these things to make me cry don't you?"

Walsh-:"Yes. This case yes. You going to be okay?"

Me-:"Yeah, just means I have to start watching the other company again is all"

Walsh-:"I meant the real thing with ----- living upstairs. You over it yet?"

Me-:"Well I wasn't thinking about it right now till you brought it up again."

Sunday, July 31, 2016

Dirty Laundry 55

I was typing so fast my text came out like this "ohmygodheishere" 

Pussycat:-"What?

Me-" He's here! Upstairs!"

Pussycat -"Who?"

Me-"My ex!"

Pussycat-"Your ex is where?"

Me-"Upstairs!"

I really didn't understand how that sentence could be misread? I then shot the same panicked message to my cousin Walsh.  He didn't reply right away.

Pussycat- "What do you mean, he's upstairs?"

Me-"I mean my ex just moved in upstairs!!!!!"   the phone binged while I was typing. It was Walsh.

Walsh-:"What's going on?"

Me-:"He's here. In the building. Upstairs. Saw him as I came home from groceries."

Walsh-:"Crap!"

Pussycat-:"Tell me exactly what happened."

Walsh-:"You sure he moved in and not just visiting?"

Me to Walsh-:"Yep! I was coming across the parking lot, and he was pulling out of it, looked at me, looked down as if caught doing something he shouldn't, then ripped out of the lot like the devil after him."

Walsh-:"Again, I ask, are you sure he moved in and is not just visiting?"

Me-:"Yes! He's been back and forth with stuff making noise on the stairs."

Walsh-:"It's a huge building. He might not even be on your side of it?"

Me-:"He's in the apartment right above. I've seen him go past my window twice in the last hour."

Me to Pussycat-:"My ex, the one who shattered my self esteem, just moved in to the apartment above me. I can't breathe."  I sent him the same message I had just sent my cousin.

Pussycat-:"If you made him that uncomfortable it is better than you think if he turned and walked away with his tail between his legs you have a one up."

Me to Pussycat-:"I don't see it. I just see death and destruction."

Walsh-:"Go for a walk. Calm down."

Me-:"Don't want to. Just want him to leave. I was here first!!!"

Walsh-:"Yeah, that's mature."

Me-:"Mature was never in the...hold up Pussycat is phoning."

Walsh-:"You ran and told your little drag queen?"

Me-:"Someone's jealous."

Walsh-:"Whatever he tells you do the opposite!"

Sunday, June 5, 2016

Dirty Laundry 54

Why is it, even when we know better, we do really stupid things?

I've been home sick with a horrible head cold, sneezing, snotting, coughing, watery eyes, headache etc. So I've been kicking back and hanging out on facebook today. Chatting with a few of the new people who've come into my life in the last few months. Aka, the local witches and drag queens. All was going fine, you know covered in snot but otherwise normal, when bam! There he is. My ex. Not just any of the guys I've been dumb enough to get involved with, but THE EX.   His picture keeps popping up.

You have 5 mutual friends.

5 mutual friends. Why is the universe doing that? And why oh god am I stupid enough to check out his page?  That's the real question right? Can I just blame it on the snotty kleenex and cold pills? No, just checking.

So his page is half loaded when I hit the close tab button. Like a teenaged girl dialing her crush and hanging up. That's how I feel right now. Not that I think teenaged girls bother dialing the crushes and hanging up now a days. Now a days, I'm fairly sure they just stalk them on twitter or instawhateverishotnow. Sending them naked photos of themselves.  It takes guts to be a teenaged girl in today's instant digital world.  Dude, I had it so easy back in the stone ages. You could only be rejected one of two ways, by phone or in person. And your friends only found out about it if they were there when it happened or you cried to them afterwards.  Now, everybody knows instantly. And if they check their instawhateverishotnow before you, there's a high chance they know even before you do.