Monday, November 14, 2016

Picture the real you

I got a text from my aunt, Walsh's step mom few hours ago out of nowhere  "You need to put on some make-up."

Me-:"Huh? Was that meant for me?"

Aunt-:"I was just noticing that you're not wearing any make-up in your photos. On instagram."

Me-:"I never wear make-up."   which is true, other than eyeliner and shadow.

Aunt-:"You will look prettier when you do yourself up. I have a friend who makes these organic lipsticks, she's actually got a profile on there."  she sent me the link.  

A-ha! This was about money. My aunt is co-owner in like a million different things here in town. She's always pushing some product or business. This had nothing to do with my level of ugliness. Mostly.

Aunt-:"Why didn't you tell me you're on instagram? I would have sent you a ton of links"

Me-:"Cause I just joined the other day. Didn't think about it."

I immediately had to message my cousin, cause his step mom was making me feel like crap. 

Me to Walsh-:"Hey. You're step mom just texted me. Told me I'm not pretty enough for photos."

Walsh-:"hahahahah! How's everything else?"

Me-:"Same as always. I've hit another writer's block."

Walsh-:"Oh? I haven't been to your blog since before Hallowe'en. Give me a bit I'll catch up with the fairy tale." 

I managed to make supper and watch half an episode of Star Trek before he got back to me.

Walsh-:"I don't see anything wrong with it? It seems to me like you're on a bit of a roll actually."

Me-:"Yeah? I'm not feeling it. Dude! I swear every time I comment about how I'm inspired, my muse is taken from me. I talked about how I totally dig the New Company, and like a week later they are no longer on tv."

Walsh-:"hahaha! I think I saw a post about that on their facebook."

Me-:"Yeah. I actually caught that."

Walsh-:"It's dated after you made your comment about it."

Me-:"Yeah, I think I cursed it and myself. The show got cursed because I said I like it. And now I'm stuck without a muse. Writer's block sucks."

Walsh-:"It's not like they are sitting there beside you whispering in your ear what to write."

Me-:"I'm a very out of sight out of mind though, I need to have constant fresh footage to inspire.Why wrestling works so well. Same guys, different stuff."

Walsh-:"They have a youtube you know."

Me-:"This is me sticking my tongue out at you right now, tongue out spit flying."

Walsh-:"You know what? I think they wrote that for you, cause you said they were your new muse."

Me-:"Did you forget to wear your hardhat at work today? A hammer fall off a ladder and smash your brains in?"

Walsh-:"Then I would be dead. Think about it. Even you have to admit the timing of it is weird."

Me-:"Only thing I have to admit is you have a lot of theories that you mind warp me into believing."

Walsh-:"I don't mind warp you, when have I ever mind warped you?"

Me-:"You drilled it into my head about Kevin back in school, about your one buddy few years ago.You are evil."

Walsh-:"Fine! I'm the devil. But, I'm standing by this one. I think they announced because you did."

Me-:"That would mean that someone at the New Company would have to know who I am."

Walsh-:"Well, it makes sense right? We know there are a few wrestlers who do read you."

Me-:"We know they used to, but who knows about now a days?"

Walsh-:"Don't! No pouting! You never know who your fans are till you meet them."

Me-:"I dont' have fans."

Walsh-:"Then what do you call your regulars?"

Me-:"Regular readers."

Walsh-:"Yeah, that's the definition of a fan."

Me-:"No. Fans interact. My readers just read. And talk among themselves, cause my ears burn a lot right after I post the fairy tale each week."

Walsh-:"hahahahah! That's funny."

Me-:"The muse becomes the muse or something?"

Walsh-:"You know what you should do...instagram! Honestly I hate to say it but my step mom is right, you need to use it for dating."

Me-:"You're not funny."

Walsh-:"Not trying to be. Make sure you put up a few photos of yourself in something hot with make-up."

Me-:"You're still not funny."

Walsh-:"I'm just telling you like it is."

Saturday, October 22, 2016

Do Tell

Pussycat-:"Our horoscope says that this is the time to tell the person we have a crush on that we have a crush on them because they have only eyes for us."

Me-:"I have a crush on you."

Pussycat-:"Doll, everyone has a crush on me. I'm just so crushable. hahaha!"

I didn't have any clients booked for tarot readings, so stayed home today. Which is fine, as the one staff I don't care for was working Pussycat's shift today.

Me-:"But you have eyes for all of your crushes?"

Pussycat-:"I have a few. Like the new guy who has been delivering the homemade olive soap to the cafe lately. Have you seen him? To die for."

Me-:"I really don't understand why the dish soap has to be organic? I mean, dude it's just soap and it's not like any of the staff are allergic to the regular stuff?"

Pussycat-:"It's locally made. Helping the community and it's green. Keep it green babes. So, you ready to face the world and slide up to your mans? Huh? Don't dream it be it doll." 

Me-:"This would imply that first off I have a crush on someone, and second that it's someone I see on a regular basis. And third, someone crushes on me.  You're really the only guy I see on a regular."

Pussycat-:"There's got to be someone?"


Pussycat-:"No one in your building, or at the store? What about The Salesman?"

Me-:"Over that. Nope. The only guys around here are like seventeen year olds, and gay guys. You really have a better shot in my neighbourhood than I do."

Pussycat-:"Just think, there is some guy out there right now thinking about you! Believe it doll. Everyone has a crush on someone. And somewhere there is a guy who is thinking about you with his hands down his pants."

Me-:"Somehow doubt it, but thanks for the image."

Pussycat-:"I see a tough loving tattooed bearded man."

Me-:"What do you mean tough loving?"

Pussycat-:" I dunno in my mind I see him looking at you with mad love in his eyes."

Me-:"You see me with a crazy person, good to know."

Pussycat-:"Ya. Crazy about you..."

Me-:"So what does that feel like? To have someone want you that much?"

Pussycat-:"I have no idea babe...Never had that in my life! Trust me I was almost always space filler."

Me-:"I don't believe that. You are not just filler."

Pussycat-:"I'm not the kind of guy men drool over. Or even go out of their way to be with. Just a fling or the other man...I'm the Samantha. So the Samantha."

Me-:"So you going to take your own advice on this and tell your mad crush you only have eyes for him?"

Pussycat-:"I will if you do."

Me-:"I just did, you said you knew."

Pussycat-:"hahahaha! I mean for real. Be open then to hearing someone tell you they have a crush on you."

Saturday, October 15, 2016

Drag my insecurity out of me

I got a message from my cousin Walsh this afternoon while I was at the cafe. I had been scheduled for tarot readings. 

Walsh-:"What happens?"


Walsh-:"In the fairy tale. I saw your post and went got caught up. And?"

Me-:"You will just have to wait for the weekly post like everyone else."

Walsh-:"You suck."

Me-:"Only sometimes. Sometimes you just don't want to even look at it."

Walsh-:"And that's why you're single."

Pussycat was late getting there for work today, Princess had the morning shift and was in a fit because the owner decided to "invite" her to dinner, not informing Princess that she'd invited her son who is home from university.

Pussycat-:"What's wrong with her?"

Me-:"She's angry because she's got a social life. Dinner, a party, going to a concert."

Princess-:"I don't want to have a social life. Take it, it's all yours."  she stormed off ripping her apron off in a huff. "We're out of onions, I'll be back in ten minutes just walking to the grocery."

Pussycat-:"Seriously, what happened?"

Me-:"She's mad because the owner tricked her into a date with her son."

Pussycat-:"Oh! Yeah that's not good. How's you?" he hugged me. "Your phone is lit up like a tree."

Me-:"Walsh. He's trying to worm information out of me."

Pussycat-:"About what?"

Me-:"Just that fairy tale I'm writing. I told you about it." he nodded then looked at me mouth open.

Pussycat-:"You are totally coming to this thing I have to host this week. I'm sending you the invite on facebook right now. You'll doll, love it! LOVE IT! My girls will be there."  he meant his drag queen friends. "It's a queer night, but don't mind that because because...there sent...because you can't drop a tiara without hitting a straight person. Besides, this is a Hallowe'en thing. Everyone will be there. We're going to get you a social life too if we have to drag you kicking and screaming. Get it? Drag."

A handful of customers came in then and I went off to my little corner table where I had the cards set up.

Walsh-:"Does he actually like her?"

Me-:"What? Who?"

Walsh-:"The new lead stupid. You said you chickened out of what you wanted to write."

Me-:"Oh that. Um...if I tell you, you won't read it. Dude."  I started wondering what might be going on in my cousin's life if he's back reading my stuff?  Last I heard, everything in his life was fine.  "You doing okay?"

Walsh-:"Yeah. Wife went to her sister's for the weekend for a wedding. Youngest is at soccer, oldest is staying at friends over night. By myself. You seriously not going to tell me? Not even a hint?"


Walsh-:"Okay, I'll bite. Why did you chicken out?"

Me-:"I don't know, just couldn't do it."


Me-:"I broke down crying when I wrote it. It hit a nerve that I didn't realize I had to deal with so I chickened out."

Walsh-:"Ah. You need to let go of your insecurity."

Me-:"Yeah yeah. I know I know, get over my crap and Mr. Right will finally arrive."

Walsh-:"Mr. Scratchy is there, just silent."

Me-:"I didn't say Mr. Scratchy, I said Mr. Right."

Walsh-:"Same thing."

Me-:"Actually, I don't think anymore that they are the same person."

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Burp the night away

I was hanging out last night with Pussycat, talking about the way the city has become even more divided then it was when we were younger. Upon seeing a couple of hot university students jogging past us, Pussycat started to talk about how the men here have gotten better looking.

Me-:"That's because no one is from here anymore. They all come in for school."

Pussycat-:"Then leave. No one stays here. I would totally do that one." he was pointing at some guy who had pulled up at the street lights as we were crossing the street. I made a face, I know I did cause Pussycat got little offended. "What you don't think?"

Me-:"Not my type."  the guy had long hair tied up in a ponytail, wearing a camouflage shirt.

Pussycat-:"See this is your problem." he reached into his bag pulling out a jar of something pink taking a gulp as we continued walking. "You keep saying that you are open to love, to having the right man show up..." he took another gulp. "Yet it's on your terms. You need to just go with it, cause your sending mixed messages to the universe." and another large gulp of it before putting the now empty jar in his bag again.

Me-:"I know what I'm attracted to."

Pussycat-:"That's what I mean! You think you know, but can you really know? You're trying to control it and it just doesn't work that way." he burped. "Like this whole Germany thing. You still thinking about that?"

Me-:"Seemed like a good idea a month ago. Still be a year or more away."

Pussycat-:"Exactly. How do you know that you're suppose to go there? I mean..." he burped again. "If you were truly meant to go, wouldn't you have been able to get the whole thing in motion already? Wouldn't the universe have given you hints and a big wad of money or a free trip or something by now?" we crossed another set of lights. "Take Vegas for instance. You said you keep seeing ads for it, and Janny is going..."

Me-:"What about it?"

Pussycat-:"Maybe the universe is telling you to go there." he elbowed me burping again. "I would love to go. A friend of mine's mom works at that one travel place if I had my passport..." he snapped his fingers almost smashing into my nose. He did smack into my shoulder.

Me-:"I have zero interest in Vegas."

Pussycat-:"You're not listening! Girl! I'm telling you that you have to let go of your expectations. Mr. Right is waiting for you to get off your wishlist doll and just embrace it. Like in Practical Magic, you know how the aunts warn the chick to be careful what she wishes for and then later on when the husband dies they admit to having done the spell with molasses." he began opening his arms and actually quoting the lines from it. And sort of swaying. Whatever had been in the jar seemed to have kicked in. "Whatever. The point is, you don't know. You don't know who you're meant to be attracted to. Right? What if you're just binding yourself with molasses to the wrong man? What if you're suppose to plan a trip to Vegas and then get detoured to...I don't know some other of the lower parts of the world cause Mr. Right is somewhere else? He could be sitting in a cardboard box in India right now doll, and you'll never know because you are too stuck on your wishlist of he has to have this and dress like this and..." another heavy burp with him covering his mouth taking a deep breath. "I'm not feeling the best now."

Me-:"That's because you drank too much of whatever that goop was."

Pussycat-:"Stop judging. I think you should go with Janny."

Me-:"She hasn't invited me. I can't go somewhere I haven't been invited to."  he made a tisk noise rolling his eyes at me.

Pussycat-:"Go alone."

Me-:"To the States?"

Pussycat-:"Really? You're fine with going alone to Germany and god knows where, but you're not good with crossing the border alone?"

Me-:"I'm afraid of Americans." I started to sing the David Bowie song then.

Pussycat-:"What if Mr. Right is American?"

Me-:"You just said he's in a cardboard box in India. Can't be both make up your mind sister."

Pussycat-:"Don't make me laugh, I'll puke." He took a couple of deep breaths straightening up and then did begin to laugh."I think it's a plan."

Me-:"You puking?"

Pussycat-:"Going to Vegas!"

Me-:"Deja vu. I don't want to."

Pussycat-:"You say that now, but few months from now you'll see." he started to burp again."I'm putting it out there to the universe."

Me-:"Fine, just leave me off your travel plans."

Sunday, October 9, 2016

post it note October 9th 2016

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving, Herman.  I will never understand why we celebrate it a month apart?

Anyways, I don't know if you caught today's section of the fairy tale or not, but I think I over thunk it. Got too wrapped up in my own fears of what people might think of it, undid a whole storyline I was going towards. Turned a great new leading man into the same old excuse to pull out the same old plotlines. Doubted myself, and chickened out of where I really wanted to take the story.
When I started writing the fairy tale, I knew beforehand what I wanted the personalities to be like of the main characters, had a plotline figured out. But this new hero, totally sideswiped me. Never saw him coming. Weird how that works Eh?  Few months ago, I was bored ready to throw in the towel on the whole thing, desperate for inspiration. Then one Sunday; turned on tv and there was the answer. My area got a new sports channel, with new wrestling shows and guys I've never heard of before. Wanna hear the really ironic of it...the one who has become the sidekick in the fairy tale, he was suppose to be the new leading man. Yeah, was all set, even introduced him first into the fairy tale. But, the one character who was actually suppose to come in for one part...well to put it simply, he stole the show.  Sideswiped!  Can't seem to figure out what the character wants? It's almost as if his personality is evolving as I write? Like I plot out the main key points of the fairy tale on day one of the writing week, and by post time, completely the opposite ends up on the page.
Like today, with me chickening out of where I was planning on taking the next few chapters. I let my fears of what my readers would think if I went with what my gut was telling me to write, get the better of me.
What the hell does that say about me? Damn Eh?, I finally create the "perfect man" and I resort to shifty tactics reducing him down to "questionable at best". Maybe this is why my Mr. Right, hasn't come through in real life yet? I have a difficult time believing a man when he is nice to me. And it shows screamingly in my writing. 

Anyways Mr. Scratchy, Herman dear, I imagine you checking in today, a bottle of bourbon beside you, those wire rimmed glasses on that I think you wear, no scratch that, I don't think it's bourbon today, I think you've got a cup of coffee beside you. In a cartoon character mug. Something you picked up in some dollar store somewhere. I imagine you in those black track pants, and grey hoodie shaking your head at me, unable to hide your grin.

I'm going to leave you with this thought; two episodes from season 2 of The Munsters, episodes 10 of the season (48 of the series) A Man for Marilyn, and 17 of the season (55 of the series) Just Another Pretty Face. 

as always smile, smirk and snarl.

Friday, October 7, 2016

Dirty Laundry 61

Pussycat-:"Remember, Pluto has shifted and now it's all going to be death and rebirth."

Me-:"It's gone direct. It's been retro most of the year."

Pussycat-:"That's what I said, it's gone direct. hahaha!"   We were talking about the general crappiness of the last week.   "But that is odd." 

I had told him about running into my ex yet again, not once but twice today.  The first time I was standing outside freezing to death waiting for a bus, and the second time was about four hours later when I was slugging groceries home.

Me-:"Yeah, it's been all safe since that first day the other month, like I actually thought he'd moved again. Then poof, two times today."

Pussycat-:"Did he say anything? Do anything?"

Me-:"He spotted me the first time, he was like ten feet away pulling out of the parking lot, looked right at me, adjusted his mirror and then fixed his hair. Like he was wearing a hoodie and pushed the hood down, finger combing his hair and looked at me a few times before moving on. There was no traffic for him to be needing to linger on the edge of the street. Then  later on, he literally cut me off by two bloody feet when I was returning with my five hundred bags of groceries. I just don't get it? Why? After all this time, twice I see him in a matter of hours."

Pussycat-:" Oh girrrrlll! Hit that! He was making himself pretty for you! I said it before he's still thinking of you if you know what I mean."

Me-:"I don't need that in my mind. And he's like the biggest whore in town. But I've been racking my brains all day trying to figure out why the universe keeps dropping the ass in my lap like this? I think we should do a final removal spell. Just when I start getting comfortable and happy-ish; poof there he is."

Pussycat-:"Yeah that's bit on the shady side. Is it possible that he did it on purpose?"

Me-:"What move in to my building?"

Pussycat-:"hahahaha! No doll, happen to be there the second time today? Like, maybe after he saw you the first time, he just circled around all day waiting?"

I was about to say that my ex isn't that smooth, that he was never the type to lounge around after a woman, but I stopped myself. I stopped myself because I did not want to defend him in anyway.

Pussycat-:"What if the universe didn't do it to you? What if the universe keeps dropping you into his lap because he's got stuff he needs to work through? Ever think of that?"

To be honest, no I did not. I was trying not to think about anything. In fact, I had a couple of episodes of  the New Company in the machine from the past month, and randomly picked one for a distraction, just as background noise.

Pussycat-:"What colour is his hair?"

Me-:"Dark brown nearly jet black natural. Why?"

Pussycat-:"What if  he's the guy the tarots have been talking about? Have you thought about that? The Knight of Cups?"

Me-:"Knight of Cups is light brown to blonde hair, with blue eyes and pale skin. My ex has dark brown eyes and badly tanned skin. Practically orange at times. Not him thank god."

Looking at the tv screen, I realized I don't care for the conservative look my New Favourite has been sporting last few episodes. I liked the hairdo he had few months ago, when he was a few pounds heavier in the tummy and before he waxed everything. He's starting to look too much like every other wrestler out there.

Pussycat-:"The fact he did show up the second time just as you were coming back from being gone all day, that's not just coincidence. He was looking to have you see him doll. Feel free to love it! Love it doll, he was waiting for you to get home I'm sure of it."

I sat there staring at the tv screen, rewinding the end of the match as my New Favourite was screaming at the camera man, practically spitting everywhere, trying to read lips, as I had it muted. Refusing to let any of what Pussycat was hinting at infect my brain for the night, I made plans with him for after the weekend, cause god forbid you get between a drag queen and the weekend; made a coffee and sat down to work on the fairy tale. But instead, I ended up writing out this post. With the tv screen still on pause, wondering just how many cameras get mucked over by the wrestlers spitting when the ringside cameraman gets too close? 

Monday, September 26, 2016

Like a hydrogen bomb in your corset

I was at the cafe doing tarot readings on the weekend, and both Pussycat and the Princess were working. Princess was telling us about her latest date.

Princess-:"There was no chemistry. Totally bored me to sleep couldn't wait to leave. Then he hugs me, and asked what I was doing next weekend? I had to tell him there was another guy I'd met few days before who I'd sort of started something with and wanted to be exclusive."

Me-:"So you lied."

Princess-:"No...there is another guy. "

Pussycat turned from the dishes he was stacking into the machine and looked at her. "Wait, didn't I hear this last week?"

Princess-:"Yeah, I had to tell the hippy from last week the same thing. Cause, he was too relaxed."

Me-:"So you lied twice. Two different men were into you and you told them the same lie. Wow."

Pussycat-:"Um...too relaxed? How does that work? Oh forgot, you're Miss Super Extreme Type A Personality where everything has to be so tightly wrung."

I handed Princess my phone so I could get a few photos of me that weren't bad extreme close ups. They came out blurry.

Princess-:"What do you need the photos for?" she smiled wide nodding. "Are you going to do a dating site? Huh are you huh huh?"

Me-:"I've done that in the past and it's never been any good. But I'm glad you are finding it fun."

Pussycat made a few popping noises with his mouth and blushed, which is not something he ever does. Then dropping the dish soap into the machine he stood up and looked over at Princess.

Pussycat-:"I'm bursting here. Okay I can't deny or confirm cause I was sworn to secrecy, but I can say that Bob commented that he really liked the reading the other week."  he had this big grin on his face as he moved around the kitchen getting his phone. "I totally need to show you this dick pick some guy sent me." he started flipping through the little machine while Princess cleared her throat. "Oh right, yes I was sworn to not say anything, but Bob did comment that he enjoyed sitting with you."

Me-:"I had a headache after doing his reading."

Princess-:"Yeah, he's given me a headache sometimes when he's been here too. It's the aftershave he uses when you get too close."

Me-:"No, I really had a migraine for a few days after doing his reading. Like vomit worthy. I literally wanted to puke after doing his reading."

Both stopped what they were doing, Pussycat's face going ten shades of red his eyes wide and Princess's mouth dropping to the edge of her shirt. Pussycat blinked went another shade darker which I didn't think was humanly possible, and then mumbled something as he held the phone up to us.

Pussycat-:"I guess there is no point in continuing."

I left few minutes after that. It didn't sink in till I was half way home what he was doing. He was trying to play matchmaker.  Wonderful, so it's not a case of not being able to find someone, it's just a case of not being able to find someone I can stomach.