Monday, September 26, 2016

Like a hydrogen bomb in your corset

I was at the cafe doing tarot readings on the weekend, and both Pussycat and the Princess were working. Princess was telling us about her latest date.

Princess-:"There was no chemistry. Totally bored me to sleep couldn't wait to leave. Then he hugs me, and asked what I was doing next weekend? I had to tell him there was another guy I'd met few days before who I'd sort of started something with and wanted to be exclusive."

Me-:"So you lied."

Princess-:"No...there is another guy. "

Pussycat turned from the dishes he was stacking into the machine and looked at her. "Wait, didn't I hear this last week?"

Princess-:"Yeah, I had to tell the hippy from last week the same thing. Cause, he was too relaxed."

Me-:"So you lied twice. Two different men were into you and you told them the same lie. Wow."

Pussycat-:"Um...too relaxed? How does that work? Oh forgot, you're Miss Super Extreme Type A Personality where everything has to be so tightly wrung."

I handed Princess my phone so I could get a few photos of me that weren't bad extreme close ups. They came out blurry.

Princess-:"What do you need the photos for?" she smiled wide nodding. "Are you going to do a dating site? Huh are you huh huh?"

Me-:"I've done that in the past and it's never been any good. But I'm glad you are finding it fun."

Pussycat made a few popping noises with his mouth and blushed, which is not something he ever does. Then dropping the dish soap into the machine he stood up and looked over at Princess.

Pussycat-:"I'm bursting here. Okay I can't deny or confirm cause I was sworn to secrecy, but I can say that Bob commented that he really liked the reading the other week."  he had this big grin on his face as he moved around the kitchen getting his phone. "I totally need to show you this dick pick some guy sent me." he started flipping through the little machine while Princess cleared her throat. "Oh right, yes I was sworn to not say anything, but Bob did comment that he enjoyed sitting with you."

Me-:"I had a headache after doing his reading."

Princess-:"Yeah, he's given me a headache sometimes when he's been here too. It's the aftershave he uses when you get too close."

Me-:"No, I really had a migraine for a few days after doing his reading. Like vomit worthy. I literally wanted to puke after doing his reading."

Both stopped what they were doing, Pussycat's face going ten shades of red his eyes wide and Princess's mouth dropping to the edge of her shirt. Pussycat blinked went another shade darker which I didn't think was humanly possible, and then mumbled something as he held the phone up to us.

Pussycat-:"I guess there is no point in continuing."

I left few minutes after that. It didn't sink in till I was half way home what he was doing. He was trying to play matchmaker.  Wonderful, so it's not a case of not being able to find someone, it's just a case of not being able to find someone I can stomach.

Friday, September 23, 2016

Patiently Passing Past Pastimes

I got a message from my cousin Walsh two days ago simply asking "are you going?"  I had no clue what he was talking about?

Me-:"????"

Walsh-:"The wrestling. Next week. You going?"

Me-:"What wrestling?"

He sent me a link to the facebook page. No sooner did I start checking it out, when my mother called me to tell me she'd seen a flyer for it.  Huh. I find this interesting as I was thinking about my old sports blog and wondering if I should start it up again?  It's gets a bit more synchronized. I ended up with two hits within an hour of hanging up the phone with mother, to my sports blog to an old review I did. The review was about the big named wrestler who is suppose to be coming here for this tour.
Then today, while hanging out at the occult shop, Keira was working, and she asked me if I was going to go? 

Me-:"I haven't decided. But, funny you should mention it. You're like the third person in as many days to tell me it's coming to town."

Keira-:"I think that's your answer. Don't over think it."

I can't help but overthink it. It's just who I am. Then we got talking about Janny and how she snagged a new boyfriend in the last few days. One of the regulars who comes into the occult shop.

Me-:"That's it! This place has been lucky for everyone but me. That's what five of the regulars...no six! Cause if he's dating a staff member, that's six of the regulars who come here who met someone here."   Keira laughed and nodded and laughed some more.

Keira-:"I never even noticed you know. It's because of you though! You know how you talked me into making those love mojos. Everyone of them bought one. Every single one." she pointed at the little red silken baggies.

Me-:"See, I can fix everyone's love life but my own."

Keira-:"Buy one of the mojos."

Me-:"It's my recipe! I have plenty." I was laughing then, half laughing half pouting. "I don't understand. I swear the universe is taunting me. Big cosmic joke that I'm the butt of."

Keira-:"Well, maybe you'll met Mr. Right at the wrestling?"

Me-:"Or maybe Mr. Best Friend of Mr. Right Who Will Introduce Me..." 


Tuesday, September 20, 2016

post it note Sept 20th 2016

It's just before 3pm here where I am, and for some strange reason, I had this overwhelming urge to come in and write a little note, Mr. Scratchy.  I was working on the next couple of segments of the fairy tale, when I literally felt like something was tugging me towards here. To write a post it for you guys.  And I do mean it that way Herman, I think this is meant for you and one of your buddies. Don't ask, I'm learning to trust my intuition more and when something grabs me, I am just jumping in.

I had the craziest out of nowhere for no point in anything vivid as if it were happening image/vision. A pink fishnet glove. It's got something to do with something, only I have no idea what?  Not something I'd ever wear. In fact, it was a man's hand and they were reaching out to touch my face. Creepy on so many levels. I really kinda hate fishnets.  No, not you then, had to ask.

But, not even the point of why I felt the need to write this. The cards are coming up like madness talking of being stabbed in the back. Of someone out to sabotage. One thing I've learned, is that when the tarots repeat constantly, they will continue to repeat the same cards until I find out what the situation is, or who I am suppose to be helping. And when I say repeating; I mean no matter what deck I use (I have over 20 tarot decks) no matter who I'm doing the readings for or how often they are shuffled (by me or the client) the same few come up every time.  The cheating cards. The 10 of Swords with the 2 of Cups and Lovers. The cups and lovers both reversed. The Lovers card is about choices, and ironically the 2 of Cups is more about relationships.

And now...I imagine you reading this, a cup of hot chocolate in hand, a bagel beside you. I imagine you are wearing a green shirt, jeans and a dark jacket. I don't think you've shaved in a few days and are looking as if a round of sleepless nights have left you zombied.

Okay Herman, consider this a hug from me.

Friday, September 2, 2016

Dirty Laundry 60

I got a text from Pussycat this morning letting me know I'm booked for readings tomorrow at the cafe.

Me-:"Cool. Am I scary? I know I'm not pretty, but am I scary? I was on my way to the store and this car was chugging along beside me, plenty of room for him to get around but, when I looked, he sped off like the devil was in his pants."

Pussycat-:" No doll not scary. Maybe he was just being creepy and when you noticed he freaked?"

Me-:"He was staring...it almost looked like the Salesman. But not too sure."

Pussycat-:"I tagged you on the thing for tomorrow. Waaa? Oh nice. Did you see the post, I can't find it anymore?"

Me-:"No."

Pussycat-:"Reposted, my phone has been doing strange things."

Me-:"Mercury went retrograde."

Pussycat-:"Ahhh. That explains a lot. He was just probably freaked because you caught him looking. Maybe it was the Salesman and he was checking you out?"

Me-:"Then why not say hey?"

Pussycat-:"Maybe because he's a creeper? But doll you're not scary. You could use some more make-up once and a while but not scary. You're a wickedly wonderful witch! Not a pilgrim."


Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Dirty Laundry 59

I got a text from Pussycat-:"You friends with Chai-Chai?"

I stood there staring at the text racking my brains as to who he was talking about. Then I realized he meant one of the ones from our witchy group. "I've chatted with her on the online group why?"

Pussycat-:"She can't stop talking about you."

Me-:"Would explain why my ears have been burning today. Now who'd I piss off?"

Pussycat-:"No I mean she can't stop talking about you! You need to tell her you're straight like right now."

Oh crap!   "How does she not know? I even talked about my hot East Indian neighbour  who always smells like fresh mint, and sometimes helps me with my groceries."

Pussycat-:"Don't know, don't care take care of it! She thinks you two are going out next week."

Me-:"Hang on. What? The group ritual thing?"

Pussycat-:"What group ritual thing?"

Me-:"The New Moon ritual thing."

Pussycat-:"Isn't one this month. Kiki has to work can't host it. It's been cancelled."

Balls!   "You remember you offered to do that spell the other week. Did you? To help get us men?"

Pussycat-:"Yeah. Worked for me I've had three sleepovers with Nathan since"  he went silent for a few minutes then sent me a facebook message. "phone died. I used the candles you gave me from the gift basket, the herbs Nathan gave me and the large amethyst that Chai-Chai gave me."  he went silent again. "Oooooohhhhh girl! Okay I'll fix it. My bad. love you doll."

Yeah, thanks man. Like my life isn't crappy enough as it is. Now I've got misguided cupids mucking it all up. There are seriously days when I wish I had just let my dad's uncle set me up in an arranged marriage back when I was 15 to his adopted son. But then, I wouldn't be me. I'd be some poorly treated housewife to a raging alcoholic in Rotterdam.  Much better to be single and depressed then you know, dead.

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

post it note Aug 17th 2016

The tarots keep bringing up the Knight of Cups. It's been the one constant for the last few years. I should by now, have figured out what it's trying to tell me, only I haven't. I have no idea Herman, if that means anything to you? But here's hoping. Most decks have the Knight of Cups representing a man with light hair, pale skin and blue eyes. A shy man, romantic, creative.

I imagine Mr. Scratchy, that you are checking in tonight, wearing a pair of black track pants and a green t-shirt. I think there is a small ink stain on the bottom left sort of to the side but not quite. I believe you are sitting there reading this, a cup of tea beside you in a travel mug. Winding down after a long week. Those little wire rimmed glasses perched on your nose, missing me.
Right, this is where I have to ask Herman, if you've in the last few days, hurt your left arm? More than once, Mr. Scratchy, in the last couple of days, I've been sitting here watching tv or reading and my left arm has felt as if something has happened to it. As if someone has slammed into it, or wrenched it. And well I automatically thought "he's done something to himself ". 
Anyways, I think you're reading this tonight, missing me. Missing my dreamy stubbornness, missing my blogging shoulder to lean on. No pun intended. I imagine you've got a copy of a vampire novel beside you, possibly reading something I've mentioned recently.  Okay Mr. Scratchy, I have to go write now about my New Favourite. He's been inspiring me a lot lately.

sweet dreams, Herman.

Monday, August 15, 2016

Dirty Laundry 58

You know how they say when it rains it pours. Okay, so my normally hermit life was uncharacteristically busy today.  Started with a text from my cousin Walsh. "Did you tape the show?"

Me-:"Which show?"

Walsh-:"The one on yesterday morning."

Me-:"Dude, there were like five different wrestling shows on yesterday, which one?"

Walsh-:"The New Company. Did you tape it?"

Me-:"Yeah, why?"

Walsh-:"Do you still have it in the machine?"

Me-:"So far."

Walsh-:"Okay put on New Favourite's match...tell me something, his tights why do I think I've seen that design before?"

I got a message from Pussycat interrupting me for a few minutes. "So how did it go with The Salesman?"

Me to Pussycat-:"It didn't."

Pussycat-:"What!!!!!"

Me to Pussycat-:"It didn't."

Me to Walsh-:"Have you been to the New Company's website yet? His tights look a lot like their background design."

Pussycat-:"Tell me everything that happened blow by blow, and I mean it!"

Walsh-:"hahahahahahaha! What a dork."

Me to Walsh-:"You asked."

Me to Pussycat-:"I went there, asked him and..."   another texted came in from one of the girls that works at the occult shop here in town.

Keira-:"Hey, how's your weekend? Little bird told me you had a date. How'd it go?"

Me to Keira-:"No, bird lied."

Keira-:"Oh? What happened?"

Me to Pussycat-:"Um, you've been talking to Keira today?"

Me to Keira-:"I went to see The Salesman, asked him for coffee he spent ten minutes telling me why he couldn't then turned around and said he'd love to sometime."

Keira-:"WTF?"

Me to Keira-:"I know right?"

Pussycat-:"Um maybe. So what happened?"

Me to Pussycat-:"I went to see him, he was his normal flirty self, I asked him for coffee, he got weird said no then said sure. I have no idea if that was a rejection or not?"

Pussycat-:"Or not lol. But you went for it. That's fab. Now you can stop wondering and move on. It is perfect doll."

Okay so for the past year, this one guy who works at one of my favourite stores here in town, has been overly flirty. There have even been times he's pushed his coworkers out of the way to be the one to help me. I for once, did not think on it, assuming he was flirting to sell more crap. One of the times I went there with Pussycat, he was not working so we started chatting with one of the coworkers and found out, they do not get paid on commission. It's minimum wage.There was no reason for him to be jumping over them to get to me. The next time I went in and The Salesman was working, Pussycat was with me again, and The Salesman made it a point to come over to where we were and just say hi. That was a few months ago. As I said, this has been going on for just over a year. The last few times, his coworkers have just wandered off leaving us alone in the store. We've talked about a bunch of random crap, he once even started to fix displays that didn't need to be fixed just as an excuse to continue the conversation. Pussycat convinced me it was time to ask The Salesman out.  As I said, it did not go smooth.
The Salesman looked at me, took a deep breath and told me he doesn't date anymore. Then went into this ten minute speech telling me that he's been bleed dry by women, loosing everything from his house to his friends to his job to his money; all the while getting angrier as he did. Then turned his shoulder towards me telling me he'd love to hang out at the coffee shop next to the store sometime and have coffee with me.

So here I am, confused as to if I should be insulted or not and wondering why he would say no if he seems to be interested?

I got a texted then from one of the other girls who works at the occult shop, Janny, "Hey, how'd it go with the guy?"

Me to Janny-:"Well not good."

Janny-:"Keira was just telling me. I walked in when she was reading your last text. Screw him."

Me-:"Obviously that's not going to happen."

Janny-:"hahaha! Okay right. Look at it this way, you have to wonder what kind of a guy he is if he's claiming that he always attracts the same type of woman? It can't be all the woman's fault? You don't need that anyways.Look at it this way, you did him a favour."

Me-:"How?"

Janny-:"Betting he has been bottling it up and needed to tell someone. If he found you comforting enough to explode on you then you triggered something in him."

I laughed for a bit on that one. 

Walsh-:"There's nothing fresh there."

I was lost for a few minutes on that, as my head was spinning from the other messages.Then I realized he was talking about the wrestling website. "Yeah, I noticed. Too bad too, would like to see some pics of the Manager."

Walsh-:"So, what's up?"

Me-:"Oh my god its like telegram, telephone, telea-drag queen. And you can read about it in a few minutes."

Walsh-:"Whatever he's told you to do, do the opposite."

Me-:"Too late. Seriously, this mess is blog worthy."