Sunday, January 25, 2015

Sunday 25th Jan 2015

So, week and a half ago, I mentioned that a guy I had been involved with few years back, emailed. I decided to reply to him. God only knows why?
We chatted for hours, about nothing! Literally just a bunch of "hey what's new in your life?" topics of small chit-chat.  And I hate to admit it, but it was pleasant. Nice to have someone to talk to for a bit. And I let myself get carried away, and asked him for coffee. That was a Thursday. He agreed for the following Monday. The whole weekend past and I heard nothing from him.
The whole time, I just kept getting this nagging feeling that I was making a huge mistake, that it would lead to repeating past bad behavouir with him.
So the Monday came, and I didn't hear from him. I ended up sending him the cancellation message. He didn't seemed too choked up about it. Then I stupidly went against my gut instincts and suggested the next day. Which he seemed beyond interested in.
Okay, and this is where the red flags of my gut instinct slammed me against the wall. He said he'd call at a certain time to confirm. He never did. And I got angry. Not because I actually wanted to see him, cause I knew it would be a bad idea on so many levels; but because he didn't bother to confirm.
I started to remember why I got fed up with the men I was meeting those few years back. Why I got disgusted and just stopped bothering. And here I was letting it all happen again. 
So, former one night stand emailed me on Tuesday, 45 minutes before we were originally scheduled to catch up over coffee expecting me to be jumping for joy ready to go. And I wasn't. I was still unshowered and in my pajamas.
And I told him I wasn't going to meet up with him.

I don't know if he was more pissed off with me turning him down, or the fact that the whole time I never flirted with him?  The guy was a charmer, that much about him I remember, but that's about all I do. He could walk past me in the street and I wouldn't for the life of me recognize him. He probably has over the last few years.

The strangest part of all this is that I didn't feel bad about cancelling, but when I let him back in to begin with.  I'm going to be 41 this year, and what I was lacking when I originally knew him was self respect.  And writing this, I know it sounds cocky and bit egotistical, but it's true. I respect myself too much to let guys like him back into my life.

No more playboys/players/guys who are juggling women.

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