Friday, September 28, 2012

post-it Sept 28th

I had a very odd day at physio therapy that started with my cab driver wearing a shirt for the DoubleStarr.
That was pretty groovy actually, as I rarely see anyone in this city wearing wrestling tees other then myself.  And the few I have over the years, has always been for Company #1 wrestlers, never guys from Company #2.
So I mentioned his shirt and soon learned that not only are we both big fans of the DoubleStarr, we both think he's got a great ass and a wicked smile.  I like his eyes, there's something deep and mischievous in those sapphire blue eyes of the DoubleStarr.

Anyways, in physio itself, my therapist was working with a new patient, and ever few minutes would say something and then direct it at me.  I agreed with what he was saying, but after a few minutes I let my sarcastic side take over.  I'm the only one who I've ever seen in that place argue with their therapist and not get booted out. 
As I was leaving, one lady who had been in the room same time as me, took the elevator with me, and asked if I knew the therapist outside of physio?

Me-: "No why?"

Lady-: "He doesn't flirt like that with me."

Me-: "He wasn't flirting with me. He's married and about to have a kid any day."

Lady-: "Sweetie, I've been around a lot longer then you and that guy was flirting with you."

This is the second time since April when I started there that someone thought he was flirting with me.

And while I was waiting for my cab back, I spotted this chick coming out of the building.  It was a local author/publisher that I had worked with back in 2009.  It didn't go well.  She was pregnant back then and she looked to be pregnant again today.  She spotted me and smirked and continued on to her car. 
This was the author who wrote a really bad book about the city and self published it.  She kept making promises to publish my work but never did.  In the end, all she had wanted was a groupie type to give her ego a boost.   Her book failed epically and her second one, didn't even make it to the local book stores because no one wanted to take it on after the trash of the first. 

So, Mr. Scratchy, Herman that was my odd day.  How has yours been going?
I can only imagine you reading this over your dinner, I'm thinking pasta; your fork poised halfway between your plate and mouth while you shake your head at me laughing.   Dressed in track pants and a plan grey tee shirt. Feel free to let the DoubleStarr know there is a 60+ year old male cab driver in my city ready to drive him anywhere. 

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

post it spet 25th 2012

I was walking out of physio therapy and I nearly ran into my ex ---.
He looked right at me and laughed.  He was with his wife and they were pushing a stroller. He's the one I mentioned a few weeks back about the Flicker and Myspace accounts.

Damn. That hurt. 
He looked just like he did when he last walked out of my apartment back in 2007.  Same hair, same beard, same vest and shirt.  Nothing about him was different.

Answer me this Mr. Scratchy, why is it that the two men in my life who actually meant something to me, who I believed when they told me they didn't want what I wanted, that they didn't want a commitment or to ever be married; got married to the next woman they got involved with after they left me?
Why couldn't they just say they didn't want that with me? 

There is a part of me that knows in this life time, it wouldn't have worked out.  A small part. The calm part.  But, the part of me, Herman, that nearly fell into tears on the cab ride home from physio therapy, just can't seem to understand. 

He ended up in the perfect relationship, and I ended up here, writing to an invisible man who many or many not be one of my all time favourite wrestlers. 

I'm not sure I can believe anymore in a happy ending.

Saturday, September 22, 2012

post-it sept 22nd

I'm sitting here listening to the song "You Don't Know Me"  the Michael Buble version. And I started to think about everything.
It's a beautiful song by the way. I've done a lot of blogging today, so I thought I would round out the night with a post-it note.

Well Herman, my Mr. Scratchy; how was your day?
I imagine you reading this tonight after having gotten in from your day,  a drink in hand and a large stack of sandwiches.  I think you're the type of man who eats raw tomatoes like others do apples. Seen any good tag teams lately?  I know that's an unfair question, but it's the first thing that popped into my mind while I was typing about the tomatoes.  I'm bored and evil.
I keep getting these mini-crushes that last for a few days on guys. Mostly wrestlers, but they keep dissolving with the idea of one man.
Not really you Herman, but then again, it might be. Might it not? 
You're a puzzle Herman that haunts me.  You know who I am, and I only have a base idea who you are. And even if I am right, I'm still in the dark cause I would still only know the glossy surface.
I had a short conversation with my cousin Walsh today.  It really got me thinking about stuff. About time and things that mean something to people. 
Mom had been babysitting his youngest sister and he came to pick her up.  When I asked him how his other sister was doing, the one in the hospital, he said he didn't want to talk about it.  Said he wanted to talk about something else, anything else.
We talked about my hobbies, his needing a new truck for work, and then he asked about you Mr. Scratchy.  Asked if you'd stepped out of the shadows yet?
I said that everything was the same Herman, that you are not a big talker but a great listener.  He laughed. 
Alright Mr. S. this is the part where I tell you what I think you're wearing.  I think you are reading this sitting around in a pair of your wrestling tights.  Hopefully they are black and red with a skeleton like thingie on the leg... cause I think it's laundry night. And I think you have this dog tag necklace that you're chewing on.
If I'm right then yay me, if I'm totally off the mark then I hope at lest you're laughing your ass off at me. Any chance to make someone smile and laugh is a good thing.

Okay, dream about Halloween and sleep.

Friday, September 21, 2012

He's really really off the menu

I am suppose to go for walks every day, so I went to the grocery after physio therapy for milk.  While I was there, I bumped into Storm. I had forgotten he had changed to afternoon shifts. 
He was talking about how he's getting sick and how his kid's sick.

Me-: "I thought your son lived out of town with your ex?"

Storm-:"I've got two kids. A 10 year old and a 1 year old." 

And then he turned from me not looking me in the eye.   Really, if he's suddenly got a one year old, then what the hell was he up to last summer with the asking for my number twice and the flirting and shit all year?

I'm sick and tired of the men in this city all thinking they can get away with stuff like that. That's why everyone in this city is related to everyone else. 

I'm sort of mad at myself for not listening to my own gut to begin with and letting the few people who talked me into thinking he was worth my attention.  I notice those people aren't around me anymore either.  Funny, how life rolls sometimes eh?

Actually, every time in the past a buddy has shoved me in the direction of a guy it's ended up being a bad situation.  Okay I think I've learned that lesson.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

post-it sept 20th evening

The bad thing about being into Wicca/Occult  is that, that's all anyone ever seems to want from you.
One of my very young teenaged cousins sent me a message through my mother's facebook, asking me for a spell to make the guy she has a crush on love her.
I hate when people ask me for love spells.  The worst part is, just because I say no, doesn't mean they won't go looking for them online or something. 

The problem with spells are, that when you do one for someone else your energy gets attached to them.  Which is why, it's not a good idea to work a spell for someone else unless it's life and death. Or, you are working together and just need that extra boost of energy.

Mr. Scratchy, Herman, I am now the meanest selfish cousin on the planet because I wouldn't share. 
I hope your day has been cooler then mine was.  And may I ask, what was up about 45 minutes ago? (around 9:45pm EST) 
Me, I'm stuck watching tv shows I have no interest in because I'm still stuck at mother's and she's catching up with the final episodes of all her shows from last season. 

Well, Mr. Scratchy, Herman; I imagine you tonight reading this with a raised eyebrow thinking about ice cream.  Well, actually I think you're sitting there reading this on your laptop eating ice cream... vanilla... dressed in a pair of grey and blue strip pajamas and a long sleeved grey shirt.  I still think you have a dog and that you just brought your dog in from walking it, and that you're ...planning a movie.  I have no idea where I got that from, just thought it was an interesting concept so let's run with it.  I think you're writing a screenplay about a vampire who happens to be a wrestler. No wait that's sort of already been done hasn't it... okay then I just imagine you there eating vanilla ice cream in your pajamas reading my ramblings with your dog beside you thinking about writing. 

I'm sure Herman, that brought a smile to your face.
Big hug. 

tidbits sept 20th 2012

I haven't seen the male nurse Greg in a few months.  I honestly figured he had left, been transferred or something.  But while waiting for the elevator this morning, he smashed into me.

He had been sitting at his desk at one of the nurse's stations on the main floor just across from the elevators when I got there, and in the time it took me to press the elevator button; he was up and across the hall. 
That's when he slammed into my shoulder. And yes he did turn back.  Didn't say sorry or anything, just smiled.

Okay, why is it that men seem to do that?  Is it a form of "hey" or "hi" or something without having to actually speak?   Or is it just totally being a dick?

I'm thinking I need to start hanging out in the hospital more often once I'm doing better.  After this mess is over and I have access to make-up, something to wear that is not the same thing all the time, and just feeling human, cause there is a fresh crop of hot male students roaming around that place now.
And it would be nice to actually meet a guy when I'm not looking like something scraped off the bottom of your shoe.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Post-it Sept 18th 2012

I finished reading the book today, that I mentioned while back.  The one about the guy obsessed with Japan.
It never really connected everything. I kept waiting for it to explain how his sex life really connected with his obsession for Japanese food and comics, but it was just sort didn't.   Still, a very good read.

And maybe that's the problem.  We look for how everything connects when sometimes they just don't. Sometimes things are just single puzzles that don't make sense outside of being something someone cares about?

I got another one of those "blah blah blah wants to meet you"  on an old dating site.  All I know, Mr. Scratchy, Herman; is that what I need isn't in this city. 

I need to confess something Herman.  My sister and mom were talking about my cousin the other night, the one who backstabbed me and is now in hospital. The one everyone thinks won't make it another year.  Anyways, they were talking about her the other night, and about how her boyfriend showed up at the hospital. Her dad found out and was angry.
And my first thought was how is it she always seems to have a guy?  And my sister must have known that was what I was thinking because she made the comment that the type of guys our cousin scores are not worth looking at.  They are all bar scum who have drug problems and diseases themselves. Which, is what our cousin is dealing with ontop of a liver and kidney meltdown.

 Then sister said the weirdest thing.  "don't think about it. You can do better then the meatballs she scrapes from the bottom; of the bottom of the barrel. Don't give up on your wrestlers."

Odd. My sister has those split seconds of positiveness once a year or so. I do mean split seconds, because then she was right back to mocking me about everything else.

No one is perfect. I have learned to admit that more each day, Herman.

Well, Herman, Mr. Scratchy; I hope you've had a decent day and that you're reading this while you're relaxing for the night. maybe with a large bowl of soup.
And wherever you are, I hope you're keeping safe.  Thinking of the next part of the teenaged vampire movies that comes out in a few months. 
See, made you smile. 

Saturday, September 15, 2012


Two things have me thinking about that word today.  Two very different situations.

First, I was watching the movie Bel Ami.   About the guy who seduces his way into proper society during the 1800's.
The story is about a guy who can not commit to a relationship. However, he has committed himself to making his mark in society, by the women he seduces and ruins.  It's such a twisted thought really. 
It's also a very common one. It's the type of man too many of us fall victim to. The rake as they were classed as in the 1800's. 
The people and things that we commit ourselves to says more about us then some of the actions we take.

Second,  my sister was over earlier and she commented about my Monster's Library project.  She was watching me add some stuff to a wish list in order to get a handle on the project, and said that when she first heard me talking about it last x-mas, she didn't give me a full month before I would quit. And here I am, nearly a full year into the project.

My reply was that was the pot calling the kettle black.  As my sister has never stuck with anything that she's done in the past.  She snarled cause she knew I was right and changed the subject. 

I'm really looking forward to the second half of this project in the new year. I think I might have unlocked an old passion that I should never have buried.

Usually when we hear the word, we think about relationships and how it connects us to other people. But how often when we hear the word do we think about the commitment we make to ourselves and the connections to our own self?
And no matter what, can we have one without the other?  If we're not committed to our own selves and our own passions, are we really able to commit to someone else fully?

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Post-it Sept 13th

Mr. Scratchy; Herman, how was your week?
I've been keeping busy with physio therapy and working on a new project.  Well, getting some of the pieces I need for the new project, wont' be starting it for another few months.
I think I might have mentioned that a few days ago, I don't remember.

I was watching a movie few hours ago, and my mother was asking questions through the whole thing. The whole thing started when she asked who the lead actress was and why she was familiar looking.  I told her it was the chick from Twilight.  Less then a minute later, she asked if that was the one who'd had the messy scandal.
It was, and then she just went on about.  Through most of the movie, nearly ruining it for me. 

Laugh, it's okay. It would be good actually to know I could make you laugh.  Make anyone right now laugh and feel better.

I'm guessing, that you are reading this either while watching Company #2 given it's a Thursday, or maybe you're catching up with my ramblings after it's over, in a few hours. 
Either way, I imagine you tonight Herman, dressed in those stripped pajama bottoms, wearing a spare pair of glasses -maybe thicker in black- and I have no idea what makes me think that you are. Maybe, you broke your normal ones?  And I believe that you are sitting there with a large cup of hot tea... no not tea tonight, spiced latte. One of those specialty flavoured coffee that Starbucks only has for Fall. Eating a plate of brownies. 
Yes, I think you're treating yourself to a food binge night. Did you finish that painting I want to believe you've been working on?  Or maybe that thesis I have been believing you've been researching?
Either way, I hope your night is a relaxing one.  And I hope, Mr. Scratchy; Herman, that I've made you smile and given you a reason to think of me tonight.  In a good way.

Monday, September 10, 2012

post-it Sept 10th

Well, Mr. Scratchy... Herman, it's been a few days since I last left you a note.
Hope your day is going well. 

One of my other blogs has been emailed all over Britain.  Over a hundred hits from random places there to one of my blogs in the last few hours.  Sort of got me unnerved as I don't know if it's a case of someone liking my work and wanting to share something, or if someone was wanting to use me for a prank?
Hoping it all dies down soon.

Things are otherwise, as boring as ever here lately.   But enough on me today, how Mr. Scratchy, Herman, are you today?

I am guessing you are reading this after having come in from a run, maybe having been out at the gym today.  Is it Fall yet where you are?  Weather sure has dropped here in the last few days.
I thought I would come in here and just write you a short note, Herman, just cause I haven't written in a few days.
Besides everything else, I've got vampires on the brain.  Not much of a shocker there though I suppose.
But anyways... Mr. Scratchy, I hope your day is going well.

Friday, September 7, 2012

Friday night post-it Sept 7th

Big spider crawling up the wall, that no one seems to want to touch right now.  Icky.

Well, Mr. Scratchy, I'm going to give you a first name. I'm going to start calling you Herman.  As in the Munsters.  After all this time, I think it's okay.  Mr. Herman Scratchy... it works for me.

Okay, Herman, how was your day?  Did you have to kill any large spiders?  I imagine you reading this right now, laughing at what I just wrote.  It's time to lighten the mood.  The mood around here has been sort of blah all week.
So, Herman, I imagine you reading this right now, having maybe been out to a soccer game, because it's not time for hockey yet... lest not where I am.  I imagine you are dressed in those pajama bottoms, a very large mug of tea in hand as you avoid a large stack of research notes you have to do for something.  I like the idea that I'm a distraction from your real life.  It's a cozy idea.
I imagine, that you are drawing superheroes just to relax and unwind.  I think you'd be an excellent comic book artist.
Okay, Herman, I would like to ask what was up the last few days, as the right side of my body has been scratched off.    Is everything okay?  Should I worry? 
Anyways, Herman, I will wish you a good evening if you're reading this before 3am, and a good day if you're reading it after getting home from somewhere after 3am. 

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Post-it Sept 5th

Well, it's been an odd ... just odd.

It's been nothing but issues with people online today.  To top it all off Mr. Scratchy, my jaw hurts. I seriously don't know what I did to it, but just one more health issue right now.

Was coming in here to write something, and there was a computer/Blogger issue that just freaked me out and now I can't remember what I was coming in to talk about.
Yeah, it's been just little odd crap after another.

Anyways, Mr. Scratchy,  I imagine you tonight reading this dressed in dark jeans and a blue shirt.  Dark blue.  I imagine you have been maybe hanging out today playing video games.  I think you're a major gamer.
Do you ever miss me when I don't blog?  I think you do.  You miss my weirdness, and obsessive letters. 
Do many men keep diaries?  Do you Mr. Scratchy, keep a journal of your desires and dreams and just stuff from your day?  I imagine more men do then ever admit to it.
So, I imagine you tonight Mr. Scratchy, reading this, with a smirk on your face as you make yourself a cup of tea and write in your journal.   I hope there are some nice things about me in it. 

As always, Mr. Scratchy, I hope I brought some comfort to your day.

Monday, September 3, 2012

Is it the power or the person?

I'm watching the Cashmere Mafia marathon on Cosmo Canada, and it's got me thinking about affairs.

One of the main plots in the whole series (which only ran for 7 episodes)  is the long term married power couple falling apart because the husband has a string of affairs. Which come to a head when the husband crosses the unspoken rule of not having an affair with a friend of the wife. She then threatens to get even by having an affair of her own.

Throughout history affairs have been happening.  Some destroyed marriages, some helped to strengthen them (mostly in the 1770's between arranged marriages of royalty)

As someone who's seen affairs destroy lives, I have to wonder what it is that drives some people into those relationships?  If you're in a good relationship, why would you want to destroy it?

What is the draw of an affair? 

As a writer, the subject of affairs are ideal for moving a plot along. You can draw lines of villains, heroes, or blur the lines to create moral points. 

Real life is not a 250 page romance novel, and the fall out of affairs can ripple out to affect more then just the people having the affair.   

Would you tell your friend if you discovered their spouse was cheating on them or pretend you never learned about it?

Sunday, September 2, 2012

post-it 2nd Sept

Just spent the last hour and a half writing.  A new short story,  Mr. Scratchy about two demon/angel characters.  Let's see if I can keep the creativity going long enough to finish this one.
Inspired by two wrestlers of course, both from Company #3... okay were in Company #3, one of them is over in Company #1 now, just won a shinny new belt there too. 

I consider that to be productive Mr. Scratchy.  It feels good to get back to writing, even if it's only tablescraps here and there for a few pages.  Been way too long that I've been feeling stuck with writer's block.  Way too long.

Anyways, Mr. Scratchy; how is your long weekend so far?  I'm assuming where you live you have the four day long weekend like we do here in Canada?  

I imagine you today Mr. Scratchy, sitting reading this after supper.  Imagine you shaking your head at me for my latest short story, knowing that it won't take me long to add a character based on The Celebrity like I always do.  That was what derailed the last short story, I added a character based on him and it just seemed to become almost like two plots were happening.  So I imagine you shaking your head at me, a smirk on your face your eyes sparkling with mischief. I want to say that for once, you're imagining me sitting here writing this new short story.  Imagining my pale fingers smoothly hitting the keys in mad strokes of creativity.  And if you can imagine that Mr. Scratchy, then I wonder what else you've imagined my hands could do?  
Oh come on, I'm allowed to start being just a little less innocent with these post-it notes to you Mr. Scratchy.
Anyways, Mr. Scratchy; back to me imagining you... I think you are reading this dressed in a pair of shorts, with a torn pocket, a tee shirt that has your buddy's band on it, or your own band if you're in one. I think you've got a drink in hand, rye on the rocks, and a serious need to sleep.  I also imagine that you are laughing at me for the two wrestlers I was inspired by for this new short story. 

And as always, Mr. Scratchy; I hope I brought a few moments of pleasure to your day. Guilty or otherwise.

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Sept 1st 2:49pm

So I am reading this book about this guy and his really messed up love life.
It's an autobiography about this confessed cheater, who spends half his life traveling back and forth from America to Japan, and his obsession with Japanese food.

And I stopped to make a cup of coffee.  While I was waiting for the kettle to boil, my mind drifted to the book and then just sort of hit on the date.  I think I had been unconsciously avoiding the calendar because of the date.
Six years ago today, on September 1st 2006; I had my car accident.  My life was changed massively.  Both for the good and for the worse. 

I'm not even half way through the book yet.  It doesn't really have chapters as much as parts.  But the guy keeps talking about how he did not connect his depression with his love life. 
Sounds sort of odd at first, given most people right off blame their lack of relationship for their state of mind/heart.

Honestly, I'm not finished reading yet, but so far I've gotten a total male version of Eat Pray Love  off of this.
One of the themes so far, is that the guy seems to want a relationship so bad that he is willing to pretend to be something he's not all the time.  The section I'm at in the book, just talked about him meeting this woman who hated the very idea of Japan, so he down played how big of a role it was in his life.
One of the first warning signs that he was being unfaithful to her and himself.

Hang with me, it will make some sense in a second.

After my car accident, when I was in the process of dealing with the post trauma of it in therapy, one of the things I realized and had to admit was that, I had been completely miserable before hand.  The people I had been surrounded by for the previous seven years were no longer healthy for me to be around, but I had been too much of a coward to break away from them. 
The circumstances of the accident allowed me to do so.   And I became happier for it.  I had been unfaithful to myself  by being around the people involved in the accident.

You seeing the connection with what the dude in the book was going through and how it made me realize something about myself and my own relationships...

And I know I've talked about the topic a few times over the years before, about how when we get into certain relationships, be them romantic or business; we sometimes give up too much of our self, of our passions and our dignity. How some people demand or manipulate us into believing we shouldn't have a voice or a life outside of them.