Monday, November 14, 2016

Picture the real you

I got a text from my aunt, Walsh's step mom few hours ago out of nowhere  "You need to put on some make-up."

Me-:"Huh? Was that meant for me?"

Aunt-:"I was just noticing that you're not wearing any make-up in your photos. On instagram."

Me-:"I never wear make-up."   which is true, other than eyeliner and shadow.

Aunt-:"You will look prettier when you do yourself up. I have a friend who makes these organic lipsticks, she's actually got a profile on there."  she sent me the link.  

A-ha! This was about money. My aunt is co-owner in like a million different things here in town. She's always pushing some product or business. This had nothing to do with my level of ugliness. Mostly.

Aunt-:"Why didn't you tell me you're on instagram? I would have sent you a ton of links"

Me-:"Cause I just joined the other day. Didn't think about it."

I immediately had to message my cousin, cause his step mom was making me feel like crap. 

Me to Walsh-:"Hey. You're step mom just texted me. Told me I'm not pretty enough for photos."

Walsh-:"hahahahah! How's everything else?"

Me-:"Same as always. I've hit another writer's block."

Walsh-:"Oh? I haven't been to your blog since before Hallowe'en. Give me a bit I'll catch up with the fairy tale." 

I managed to make supper and watch half an episode of Star Trek before he got back to me.

Walsh-:"I don't see anything wrong with it? It seems to me like you're on a bit of a roll actually."

Me-:"Yeah? I'm not feeling it. Dude! I swear every time I comment about how I'm inspired, my muse is taken from me. I talked about how I totally dig the New Company, and like a week later they are no longer on tv."

Walsh-:"hahaha! I think I saw a post about that on their facebook."

Me-:"Yeah. I actually caught that."

Walsh-:"It's dated after you made your comment about it."

Me-:"Yeah, I think I cursed it and myself. The show got cursed because I said I like it. And now I'm stuck without a muse. Writer's block sucks."

Walsh-:"It's not like they are sitting there beside you whispering in your ear what to write."

Me-:"I'm a very out of sight out of mind though, I need to have constant fresh footage to inspire.Why wrestling works so well. Same guys, different stuff."

Walsh-:"They have a youtube you know."

Me-:"This is me sticking my tongue out at you right now, tongue out spit flying."

Walsh-:"You know what? I think they wrote that for you, cause you said they were your new muse."

Me-:"Did you forget to wear your hardhat at work today? A hammer fall off a ladder and smash your brains in?"

Walsh-:"Then I would be dead. Think about it. Even you have to admit the timing of it is weird."

Me-:"Only thing I have to admit is you have a lot of theories that you mind warp me into believing."

Walsh-:"I don't mind warp you, when have I ever mind warped you?"

Me-:"You drilled it into my head about Kevin back in school, about your one buddy few years ago.You are evil."

Walsh-:"Fine! I'm the devil. But, I'm standing by this one. I think they announced because you did."

Me-:"That would mean that someone at the New Company would have to know who I am."

Walsh-:"Well, it makes sense right? We know there are a few wrestlers who do read you."

Me-:"We know they used to, but who knows about now a days?"

Walsh-:"Don't! No pouting! You never know who your fans are till you meet them."

Me-:"I dont' have fans."

Walsh-:"Then what do you call your regulars?"

Me-:"Regular readers."

Walsh-:"Yeah, that's the definition of a fan."

Me-:"No. Fans interact. My readers just read. And talk among themselves, cause my ears burn a lot right after I post the fairy tale each week."

Walsh-:"hahahahah! That's funny."

Me-:"The muse becomes the muse or something?"

Walsh-:"You know what you should do...instagram! Honestly I hate to say it but my step mom is right, you need to use it for dating."

Me-:"You're not funny."

Walsh-:"Not trying to be. Make sure you put up a few photos of yourself in something hot with make-up."

Me-:"You're still not funny."

Walsh-:"I'm just telling you like it is."

Saturday, October 22, 2016

Do Tell

Pussycat-:"Our horoscope says that this is the time to tell the person we have a crush on that we have a crush on them because they have only eyes for us."

Me-:"I have a crush on you."

Pussycat-:"Doll, everyone has a crush on me. I'm just so crushable. hahaha!"

I didn't have any clients booked for tarot readings, so stayed home today. Which is fine, as the one staff I don't care for was working Pussycat's shift today.

Me-:"But you have eyes for all of your crushes?"

Pussycat-:"I have a few. Like the new guy who has been delivering the homemade olive soap to the cafe lately. Have you seen him? To die for."

Me-:"I really don't understand why the dish soap has to be organic? I mean, dude it's just soap and it's not like any of the staff are allergic to the regular stuff?"

Pussycat-:"It's locally made. Helping the community and it's green. Keep it green babes. So, you ready to face the world and slide up to your mans? Huh? Don't dream it be it doll." 

Me-:"This would imply that first off I have a crush on someone, and second that it's someone I see on a regular basis. And third, someone crushes on me.  You're really the only guy I see on a regular."

Pussycat-:"There's got to be someone?"


Pussycat-:"No one in your building, or at the store? What about The Salesman?"

Me-:"Over that. Nope. The only guys around here are like seventeen year olds, and gay guys. You really have a better shot in my neighbourhood than I do."

Pussycat-:"Just think, there is some guy out there right now thinking about you! Believe it doll. Everyone has a crush on someone. And somewhere there is a guy who is thinking about you with his hands down his pants."

Me-:"Somehow doubt it, but thanks for the image."

Pussycat-:"I see a tough loving tattooed bearded man."

Me-:"What do you mean tough loving?"

Pussycat-:" I dunno in my mind I see him looking at you with mad love in his eyes."

Me-:"You see me with a crazy person, good to know."

Pussycat-:"Ya. Crazy about you..."

Me-:"So what does that feel like? To have someone want you that much?"

Pussycat-:"I have no idea babe...Never had that in my life! Trust me I was almost always space filler."

Me-:"I don't believe that. You are not just filler."

Pussycat-:"I'm not the kind of guy men drool over. Or even go out of their way to be with. Just a fling or the other man...I'm the Samantha. So the Samantha."

Me-:"So you going to take your own advice on this and tell your mad crush you only have eyes for him?"

Pussycat-:"I will if you do."

Me-:"I just did, you said you knew."

Pussycat-:"hahahaha! I mean for real. Be open then to hearing someone tell you they have a crush on you."

Saturday, October 15, 2016

Drag my insecurity out of me

I got a message from my cousin Walsh this afternoon while I was at the cafe. I had been scheduled for tarot readings. 

Walsh-:"What happens?"


Walsh-:"In the fairy tale. I saw your post and went got caught up. And?"

Me-:"You will just have to wait for the weekly post like everyone else."

Walsh-:"You suck."

Me-:"Only sometimes. Sometimes you just don't want to even look at it."

Walsh-:"And that's why you're single."

Pussycat was late getting there for work today, Princess had the morning shift and was in a fit because the owner decided to "invite" her to dinner, not informing Princess that she'd invited her son who is home from university.

Pussycat-:"What's wrong with her?"

Me-:"She's angry because she's got a social life. Dinner, a party, going to a concert."

Princess-:"I don't want to have a social life. Take it, it's all yours."  she stormed off ripping her apron off in a huff. "We're out of onions, I'll be back in ten minutes just walking to the grocery."

Pussycat-:"Seriously, what happened?"

Me-:"She's mad because the owner tricked her into a date with her son."

Pussycat-:"Oh! Yeah that's not good. How's you?" he hugged me. "Your phone is lit up like a tree."

Me-:"Walsh. He's trying to worm information out of me."

Pussycat-:"About what?"

Me-:"Just that fairy tale I'm writing. I told you about it." he nodded then looked at me mouth open.

Pussycat-:"You are totally coming to this thing I have to host this week. I'm sending you the invite on facebook right now. You'll doll, love it! LOVE IT! My girls will be there."  he meant his drag queen friends. "It's a queer night, but don't mind that because because...there sent...because you can't drop a tiara without hitting a straight person. Besides, this is a Hallowe'en thing. Everyone will be there. We're going to get you a social life too if we have to drag you kicking and screaming. Get it? Drag."

A handful of customers came in then and I went off to my little corner table where I had the cards set up.

Walsh-:"Does he actually like her?"

Me-:"What? Who?"

Walsh-:"The new lead stupid. You said you chickened out of what you wanted to write."

Me-:"Oh that. Um...if I tell you, you won't read it. Dude."  I started wondering what might be going on in my cousin's life if he's back reading my stuff?  Last I heard, everything in his life was fine.  "You doing okay?"

Walsh-:"Yeah. Wife went to her sister's for the weekend for a wedding. Youngest is at soccer, oldest is staying at friends over night. By myself. You seriously not going to tell me? Not even a hint?"


Walsh-:"Okay, I'll bite. Why did you chicken out?"

Me-:"I don't know, just couldn't do it."


Me-:"I broke down crying when I wrote it. It hit a nerve that I didn't realize I had to deal with so I chickened out."

Walsh-:"Ah. You need to let go of your insecurity."

Me-:"Yeah yeah. I know I know, get over my crap and Mr. Right will finally arrive."

Walsh-:"Mr. Scratchy is there, just silent."

Me-:"I didn't say Mr. Scratchy, I said Mr. Right."

Walsh-:"Same thing."

Me-:"Actually, I don't think anymore that they are the same person."

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Burp the night away

I was hanging out last night with Pussycat, talking about the way the city has become even more divided then it was when we were younger. Upon seeing a couple of hot university students jogging past us, Pussycat started to talk about how the men here have gotten better looking.

Me-:"That's because no one is from here anymore. They all come in for school."

Pussycat-:"Then leave. No one stays here. I would totally do that one." he was pointing at some guy who had pulled up at the street lights as we were crossing the street. I made a face, I know I did cause Pussycat got little offended. "What you don't think?"

Me-:"Not my type."  the guy had long hair tied up in a ponytail, wearing a camouflage shirt.

Pussycat-:"See this is your problem." he reached into his bag pulling out a jar of something pink taking a gulp as we continued walking. "You keep saying that you are open to love, to having the right man show up..." he took another gulp. "Yet it's on your terms. You need to just go with it, cause your sending mixed messages to the universe." and another large gulp of it before putting the now empty jar in his bag again.

Me-:"I know what I'm attracted to."

Pussycat-:"That's what I mean! You think you know, but can you really know? You're trying to control it and it just doesn't work that way." he burped. "Like this whole Germany thing. You still thinking about that?"

Me-:"Seemed like a good idea a month ago. Still be a year or more away."

Pussycat-:"Exactly. How do you know that you're suppose to go there? I mean..." he burped again. "If you were truly meant to go, wouldn't you have been able to get the whole thing in motion already? Wouldn't the universe have given you hints and a big wad of money or a free trip or something by now?" we crossed another set of lights. "Take Vegas for instance. You said you keep seeing ads for it, and Janny is going..."

Me-:"What about it?"

Pussycat-:"Maybe the universe is telling you to go there." he elbowed me burping again. "I would love to go. A friend of mine's mom works at that one travel place if I had my passport..." he snapped his fingers almost smashing into my nose. He did smack into my shoulder.

Me-:"I have zero interest in Vegas."

Pussycat-:"You're not listening! Girl! I'm telling you that you have to let go of your expectations. Mr. Right is waiting for you to get off your wishlist doll and just embrace it. Like in Practical Magic, you know how the aunts warn the chick to be careful what she wishes for and then later on when the husband dies they admit to having done the spell with molasses." he began opening his arms and actually quoting the lines from it. And sort of swaying. Whatever had been in the jar seemed to have kicked in. "Whatever. The point is, you don't know. You don't know who you're meant to be attracted to. Right? What if you're just binding yourself with molasses to the wrong man? What if you're suppose to plan a trip to Vegas and then get detoured to...I don't know some other of the lower parts of the world cause Mr. Right is somewhere else? He could be sitting in a cardboard box in India right now doll, and you'll never know because you are too stuck on your wishlist of he has to have this and dress like this and..." another heavy burp with him covering his mouth taking a deep breath. "I'm not feeling the best now."

Me-:"That's because you drank too much of whatever that goop was."

Pussycat-:"Stop judging. I think you should go with Janny."

Me-:"She hasn't invited me. I can't go somewhere I haven't been invited to."  he made a tisk noise rolling his eyes at me.

Pussycat-:"Go alone."

Me-:"To the States?"

Pussycat-:"Really? You're fine with going alone to Germany and god knows where, but you're not good with crossing the border alone?"

Me-:"I'm afraid of Americans." I started to sing the David Bowie song then.

Pussycat-:"What if Mr. Right is American?"

Me-:"You just said he's in a cardboard box in India. Can't be both make up your mind sister."

Pussycat-:"Don't make me laugh, I'll puke." He took a couple of deep breaths straightening up and then did begin to laugh."I think it's a plan."

Me-:"You puking?"

Pussycat-:"Going to Vegas!"

Me-:"Deja vu. I don't want to."

Pussycat-:"You say that now, but few months from now you'll see." he started to burp again."I'm putting it out there to the universe."

Me-:"Fine, just leave me off your travel plans."

Sunday, October 9, 2016

post it note October 9th 2016

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving, Herman.  I will never understand why we celebrate it a month apart?

Anyways, I don't know if you caught today's section of the fairy tale or not, but I think I over thunk it. Got too wrapped up in my own fears of what people might think of it, undid a whole storyline I was going towards. Turned a great new leading man into the same old excuse to pull out the same old plotlines. Doubted myself, and chickened out of where I really wanted to take the story.
When I started writing the fairy tale, I knew beforehand what I wanted the personalities to be like of the main characters, had a plotline figured out. But this new hero, totally sideswiped me. Never saw him coming. Weird how that works Eh?  Few months ago, I was bored ready to throw in the towel on the whole thing, desperate for inspiration. Then one Sunday; turned on tv and there was the answer. My area got a new sports channel, with new wrestling shows and guys I've never heard of before. Wanna hear the really ironic of it...the one who has become the sidekick in the fairy tale, he was suppose to be the new leading man. Yeah, was all set, even introduced him first into the fairy tale. But, the one character who was actually suppose to come in for one part...well to put it simply, he stole the show.  Sideswiped!  Can't seem to figure out what the character wants? It's almost as if his personality is evolving as I write? Like I plot out the main key points of the fairy tale on day one of the writing week, and by post time, completely the opposite ends up on the page.
Like today, with me chickening out of where I was planning on taking the next few chapters. I let my fears of what my readers would think if I went with what my gut was telling me to write, get the better of me.
What the hell does that say about me? Damn Eh?, I finally create the "perfect man" and I resort to shifty tactics reducing him down to "questionable at best". Maybe this is why my Mr. Right, hasn't come through in real life yet? I have a difficult time believing a man when he is nice to me. And it shows screamingly in my writing. 

Anyways Mr. Scratchy, Herman dear, I imagine you checking in today, a bottle of bourbon beside you, those wire rimmed glasses on that I think you wear, no scratch that, I don't think it's bourbon today, I think you've got a cup of coffee beside you. In a cartoon character mug. Something you picked up in some dollar store somewhere. I imagine you in those black track pants, and grey hoodie shaking your head at me, unable to hide your grin.

I'm going to leave you with this thought; two episodes from season 2 of The Munsters, episodes 10 of the season (48 of the series) A Man for Marilyn, and 17 of the season (55 of the series) Just Another Pretty Face. 

as always smile, smirk and snarl.

Friday, October 7, 2016

Dirty Laundry 61

Pussycat-:"Remember, Pluto has shifted and now it's all going to be death and rebirth."

Me-:"It's gone direct. It's been retro most of the year."

Pussycat-:"That's what I said, it's gone direct. hahaha!"   We were talking about the general crappiness of the last week.   "But that is odd." 

I had told him about running into my ex yet again, not once but twice today.  The first time I was standing outside freezing to death waiting for a bus, and the second time was about four hours later when I was slugging groceries home.

Me-:"Yeah, it's been all safe since that first day the other month, like I actually thought he'd moved again. Then poof, two times today."

Pussycat-:"Did he say anything? Do anything?"

Me-:"He spotted me the first time, he was like ten feet away pulling out of the parking lot, looked right at me, adjusted his mirror and then fixed his hair. Like he was wearing a hoodie and pushed the hood down, finger combing his hair and looked at me a few times before moving on. There was no traffic for him to be needing to linger on the edge of the street. Then  later on, he literally cut me off by two bloody feet when I was returning with my five hundred bags of groceries. I just don't get it? Why? After all this time, twice I see him in a matter of hours."

Pussycat-:" Oh girrrrlll! Hit that! He was making himself pretty for you! I said it before he's still thinking of you if you know what I mean."

Me-:"I don't need that in my mind. And he's like the biggest whore in town. But I've been racking my brains all day trying to figure out why the universe keeps dropping the ass in my lap like this? I think we should do a final removal spell. Just when I start getting comfortable and happy-ish; poof there he is."

Pussycat-:"Yeah that's bit on the shady side. Is it possible that he did it on purpose?"

Me-:"What move in to my building?"

Pussycat-:"hahahaha! No doll, happen to be there the second time today? Like, maybe after he saw you the first time, he just circled around all day waiting?"

I was about to say that my ex isn't that smooth, that he was never the type to lounge around after a woman, but I stopped myself. I stopped myself because I did not want to defend him in anyway.

Pussycat-:"What if the universe didn't do it to you? What if the universe keeps dropping you into his lap because he's got stuff he needs to work through? Ever think of that?"

To be honest, no I did not. I was trying not to think about anything. In fact, I had a couple of episodes of  the New Company in the machine from the past month, and randomly picked one for a distraction, just as background noise.

Pussycat-:"What colour is his hair?"

Me-:"Dark brown nearly jet black natural. Why?"

Pussycat-:"What if  he's the guy the tarots have been talking about? Have you thought about that? The Knight of Cups?"

Me-:"Knight of Cups is light brown to blonde hair, with blue eyes and pale skin. My ex has dark brown eyes and badly tanned skin. Practically orange at times. Not him thank god."

Looking at the tv screen, I realized I don't care for the conservative look my New Favourite has been sporting last few episodes. I liked the hairdo he had few months ago, when he was a few pounds heavier in the tummy and before he waxed everything. He's starting to look too much like every other wrestler out there.

Pussycat-:"The fact he did show up the second time just as you were coming back from being gone all day, that's not just coincidence. He was looking to have you see him doll. Feel free to love it! Love it doll, he was waiting for you to get home I'm sure of it."

I sat there staring at the tv screen, rewinding the end of the match as my New Favourite was screaming at the camera man, practically spitting everywhere, trying to read lips, as I had it muted. Refusing to let any of what Pussycat was hinting at infect my brain for the night, I made plans with him for after the weekend, cause god forbid you get between a drag queen and the weekend; made a coffee and sat down to work on the fairy tale. But instead, I ended up writing out this post. With the tv screen still on pause, wondering just how many cameras get mucked over by the wrestlers spitting when the ringside cameraman gets too close? 

Monday, September 26, 2016

Like a hydrogen bomb in your corset

I was at the cafe doing tarot readings on the weekend, and both Pussycat and the Princess were working. Princess was telling us about her latest date.

Princess-:"There was no chemistry. Totally bored me to sleep couldn't wait to leave. Then he hugs me, and asked what I was doing next weekend? I had to tell him there was another guy I'd met few days before who I'd sort of started something with and wanted to be exclusive."

Me-:"So you lied."

Princess-:"No...there is another guy. "

Pussycat turned from the dishes he was stacking into the machine and looked at her. "Wait, didn't I hear this last week?"

Princess-:"Yeah, I had to tell the hippy from last week the same thing. Cause, he was too relaxed."

Me-:"So you lied twice. Two different men were into you and you told them the same lie. Wow."

Pussycat-:"Um...too relaxed? How does that work? Oh forgot, you're Miss Super Extreme Type A Personality where everything has to be so tightly wrung."

I handed Princess my phone so I could get a few photos of me that weren't bad extreme close ups. They came out blurry.

Princess-:"What do you need the photos for?" she smiled wide nodding. "Are you going to do a dating site? Huh are you huh huh?"

Me-:"I've done that in the past and it's never been any good. But I'm glad you are finding it fun."

Pussycat made a few popping noises with his mouth and blushed, which is not something he ever does. Then dropping the dish soap into the machine he stood up and looked over at Princess.

Pussycat-:"I'm bursting here. Okay I can't deny or confirm cause I was sworn to secrecy, but I can say that Bob commented that he really liked the reading the other week."  he had this big grin on his face as he moved around the kitchen getting his phone. "I totally need to show you this dick pick some guy sent me." he started flipping through the little machine while Princess cleared her throat. "Oh right, yes I was sworn to not say anything, but Bob did comment that he enjoyed sitting with you."

Me-:"I had a headache after doing his reading."

Princess-:"Yeah, he's given me a headache sometimes when he's been here too. It's the aftershave he uses when you get too close."

Me-:"No, I really had a migraine for a few days after doing his reading. Like vomit worthy. I literally wanted to puke after doing his reading."

Both stopped what they were doing, Pussycat's face going ten shades of red his eyes wide and Princess's mouth dropping to the edge of her shirt. Pussycat blinked went another shade darker which I didn't think was humanly possible, and then mumbled something as he held the phone up to us.

Pussycat-:"I guess there is no point in continuing."

I left few minutes after that. It didn't sink in till I was half way home what he was doing. He was trying to play matchmaker.  Wonderful, so it's not a case of not being able to find someone, it's just a case of not being able to find someone I can stomach.

Friday, September 23, 2016

Patiently Passing Past Pastimes

I got a message from my cousin Walsh two days ago simply asking "are you going?"  I had no clue what he was talking about?


Walsh-:"The wrestling. Next week. You going?"

Me-:"What wrestling?"

He sent me a link to the facebook page. No sooner did I start checking it out, when my mother called me to tell me she'd seen a flyer for it.  Huh. I find this interesting as I was thinking about my old sports blog and wondering if I should start it up again?  It's gets a bit more synchronized. I ended up with two hits within an hour of hanging up the phone with mother, to my sports blog to an old review I did. The review was about the big named wrestler who is suppose to be coming here for this tour.
Then today, while hanging out at the occult shop, Keira was working, and she asked me if I was going to go? 

Me-:"I haven't decided. But, funny you should mention it. You're like the third person in as many days to tell me it's coming to town."

Keira-:"I think that's your answer. Don't over think it."

I can't help but overthink it. It's just who I am. Then we got talking about Janny and how she snagged a new boyfriend in the last few days. One of the regulars who comes into the occult shop.

Me-:"That's it! This place has been lucky for everyone but me. That's what five of the six! Cause if he's dating a staff member, that's six of the regulars who come here who met someone here."   Keira laughed and nodded and laughed some more.

Keira-:"I never even noticed you know. It's because of you though! You know how you talked me into making those love mojos. Everyone of them bought one. Every single one." she pointed at the little red silken baggies.

Me-:"See, I can fix everyone's love life but my own."

Keira-:"Buy one of the mojos."

Me-:"It's my recipe! I have plenty." I was laughing then, half laughing half pouting. "I don't understand. I swear the universe is taunting me. Big cosmic joke that I'm the butt of."

Keira-:"Well, maybe you'll met Mr. Right at the wrestling?"

Me-:"Or maybe Mr. Best Friend of Mr. Right Who Will Introduce Me..." 

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

post it note Sept 20th 2016

It's just before 3pm here where I am, and for some strange reason, I had this overwhelming urge to come in and write a little note, Mr. Scratchy.  I was working on the next couple of segments of the fairy tale, when I literally felt like something was tugging me towards here. To write a post it for you guys.  And I do mean it that way Herman, I think this is meant for you and one of your buddies. Don't ask, I'm learning to trust my intuition more and when something grabs me, I am just jumping in.

I had the craziest out of nowhere for no point in anything vivid as if it were happening image/vision. A pink fishnet glove. It's got something to do with something, only I have no idea what?  Not something I'd ever wear. In fact, it was a man's hand and they were reaching out to touch my face. Creepy on so many levels. I really kinda hate fishnets.  No, not you then, had to ask.

But, not even the point of why I felt the need to write this. The cards are coming up like madness talking of being stabbed in the back. Of someone out to sabotage. One thing I've learned, is that when the tarots repeat constantly, they will continue to repeat the same cards until I find out what the situation is, or who I am suppose to be helping. And when I say repeating; I mean no matter what deck I use (I have over 20 tarot decks) no matter who I'm doing the readings for or how often they are shuffled (by me or the client) the same few come up every time.  The cheating cards. The 10 of Swords with the 2 of Cups and Lovers. The cups and lovers both reversed. The Lovers card is about choices, and ironically the 2 of Cups is more about relationships.

And now...I imagine you reading this, a cup of hot chocolate in hand, a bagel beside you. I imagine you are wearing a green shirt, jeans and a dark jacket. I don't think you've shaved in a few days and are looking as if a round of sleepless nights have left you zombied.

Okay Herman, consider this a hug from me.

Friday, September 2, 2016

Dirty Laundry 60

I got a text from Pussycat this morning letting me know I'm booked for readings tomorrow at the cafe.

Me-:"Cool. Am I scary? I know I'm not pretty, but am I scary? I was on my way to the store and this car was chugging along beside me, plenty of room for him to get around but, when I looked, he sped off like the devil was in his pants."

Pussycat-:" No doll not scary. Maybe he was just being creepy and when you noticed he freaked?"

Me-:"He was almost looked like the Salesman. But not too sure."

Pussycat-:"I tagged you on the thing for tomorrow. Waaa? Oh nice. Did you see the post, I can't find it anymore?"


Pussycat-:"Reposted, my phone has been doing strange things."

Me-:"Mercury went retrograde."

Pussycat-:"Ahhh. That explains a lot. He was just probably freaked because you caught him looking. Maybe it was the Salesman and he was checking you out?"

Me-:"Then why not say hey?"

Pussycat-:"Maybe because he's a creeper? But doll you're not scary. You could use some more make-up once and a while but not scary. You're a wickedly wonderful witch! Not a pilgrim."

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Dirty Laundry 59

I got a text from Pussycat-:"You friends with Chai-Chai?"

I stood there staring at the text racking my brains as to who he was talking about. Then I realized he meant one of the ones from our witchy group. "I've chatted with her on the online group why?"

Pussycat-:"She can't stop talking about you."

Me-:"Would explain why my ears have been burning today. Now who'd I piss off?"

Pussycat-:"No I mean she can't stop talking about you! You need to tell her you're straight like right now."

Oh crap!   "How does she not know? I even talked about my hot East Indian neighbour  who always smells like fresh mint, and sometimes helps me with my groceries."

Pussycat-:"Don't know, don't care take care of it! She thinks you two are going out next week."

Me-:"Hang on. What? The group ritual thing?"

Pussycat-:"What group ritual thing?"

Me-:"The New Moon ritual thing."

Pussycat-:"Isn't one this month. Kiki has to work can't host it. It's been cancelled."

Balls!   "You remember you offered to do that spell the other week. Did you? To help get us men?"

Pussycat-:"Yeah. Worked for me I've had three sleepovers with Nathan since"  he went silent for a few minutes then sent me a facebook message. "phone died. I used the candles you gave me from the gift basket, the herbs Nathan gave me and the large amethyst that Chai-Chai gave me."  he went silent again. "Oooooohhhhh girl! Okay I'll fix it. My bad. love you doll."

Yeah, thanks man. Like my life isn't crappy enough as it is. Now I've got misguided cupids mucking it all up. There are seriously days when I wish I had just let my dad's uncle set me up in an arranged marriage back when I was 15 to his adopted son. But then, I wouldn't be me. I'd be some poorly treated housewife to a raging alcoholic in Rotterdam.  Much better to be single and depressed then you know, dead.

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

post it note Aug 17th 2016

The tarots keep bringing up the Knight of Cups. It's been the one constant for the last few years. I should by now, have figured out what it's trying to tell me, only I haven't. I have no idea Herman, if that means anything to you? But here's hoping. Most decks have the Knight of Cups representing a man with light hair, pale skin and blue eyes. A shy man, romantic, creative.

I imagine Mr. Scratchy, that you are checking in tonight, wearing a pair of black track pants and a green t-shirt. I think there is a small ink stain on the bottom left sort of to the side but not quite. I believe you are sitting there reading this, a cup of tea beside you in a travel mug. Winding down after a long week. Those little wire rimmed glasses perched on your nose, missing me.
Right, this is where I have to ask Herman, if you've in the last few days, hurt your left arm? More than once, Mr. Scratchy, in the last couple of days, I've been sitting here watching tv or reading and my left arm has felt as if something has happened to it. As if someone has slammed into it, or wrenched it. And well I automatically thought "he's done something to himself ". 
Anyways, I think you're reading this tonight, missing me. Missing my dreamy stubbornness, missing my blogging shoulder to lean on. No pun intended. I imagine you've got a copy of a vampire novel beside you, possibly reading something I've mentioned recently.  Okay Mr. Scratchy, I have to go write now about my New Favourite. He's been inspiring me a lot lately.

sweet dreams, Herman.

Monday, August 15, 2016

Dirty Laundry 58

You know how they say when it rains it pours. Okay, so my normally hermit life was uncharacteristically busy today.  Started with a text from my cousin Walsh. "Did you tape the show?"

Me-:"Which show?"

Walsh-:"The one on yesterday morning."

Me-:"Dude, there were like five different wrestling shows on yesterday, which one?"

Walsh-:"The New Company. Did you tape it?"

Me-:"Yeah, why?"

Walsh-:"Do you still have it in the machine?"

Me-:"So far."

Walsh-:"Okay put on New Favourite's match...tell me something, his tights why do I think I've seen that design before?"

I got a message from Pussycat interrupting me for a few minutes. "So how did it go with The Salesman?"

Me to Pussycat-:"It didn't."


Me to Pussycat-:"It didn't."

Me to Walsh-:"Have you been to the New Company's website yet? His tights look a lot like their background design."

Pussycat-:"Tell me everything that happened blow by blow, and I mean it!"

Walsh-:"hahahahahahaha! What a dork."

Me to Walsh-:"You asked."

Me to Pussycat-:"I went there, asked him and..."   another texted came in from one of the girls that works at the occult shop here in town.

Keira-:"Hey, how's your weekend? Little bird told me you had a date. How'd it go?"

Me to Keira-:"No, bird lied."

Keira-:"Oh? What happened?"

Me to Pussycat-:"Um, you've been talking to Keira today?"

Me to Keira-:"I went to see The Salesman, asked him for coffee he spent ten minutes telling me why he couldn't then turned around and said he'd love to sometime."


Me to Keira-:"I know right?"

Pussycat-:"Um maybe. So what happened?"

Me to Pussycat-:"I went to see him, he was his normal flirty self, I asked him for coffee, he got weird said no then said sure. I have no idea if that was a rejection or not?"

Pussycat-:"Or not lol. But you went for it. That's fab. Now you can stop wondering and move on. It is perfect doll."

Okay so for the past year, this one guy who works at one of my favourite stores here in town, has been overly flirty. There have even been times he's pushed his coworkers out of the way to be the one to help me. I for once, did not think on it, assuming he was flirting to sell more crap. One of the times I went there with Pussycat, he was not working so we started chatting with one of the coworkers and found out, they do not get paid on commission. It's minimum wage.There was no reason for him to be jumping over them to get to me. The next time I went in and The Salesman was working, Pussycat was with me again, and The Salesman made it a point to come over to where we were and just say hi. That was a few months ago. As I said, this has been going on for just over a year. The last few times, his coworkers have just wandered off leaving us alone in the store. We've talked about a bunch of random crap, he once even started to fix displays that didn't need to be fixed just as an excuse to continue the conversation. Pussycat convinced me it was time to ask The Salesman out.  As I said, it did not go smooth.
The Salesman looked at me, took a deep breath and told me he doesn't date anymore. Then went into this ten minute speech telling me that he's been bleed dry by women, loosing everything from his house to his friends to his job to his money; all the while getting angrier as he did. Then turned his shoulder towards me telling me he'd love to hang out at the coffee shop next to the store sometime and have coffee with me.

So here I am, confused as to if I should be insulted or not and wondering why he would say no if he seems to be interested?

I got a texted then from one of the other girls who works at the occult shop, Janny, "Hey, how'd it go with the guy?"

Me to Janny-:"Well not good."

Janny-:"Keira was just telling me. I walked in when she was reading your last text. Screw him."

Me-:"Obviously that's not going to happen."

Janny-:"hahaha! Okay right. Look at it this way, you have to wonder what kind of a guy he is if he's claiming that he always attracts the same type of woman? It can't be all the woman's fault? You don't need that anyways.Look at it this way, you did him a favour."


Janny-:"Betting he has been bottling it up and needed to tell someone. If he found you comforting enough to explode on you then you triggered something in him."

I laughed for a bit on that one. 

Walsh-:"There's nothing fresh there."

I was lost for a few minutes on that, as my head was spinning from the other messages.Then I realized he was talking about the wrestling website. "Yeah, I noticed. Too bad too, would like to see some pics of the Manager."

Walsh-:"So, what's up?"

Me-:"Oh my god its like telegram, telephone, telea-drag queen. And you can read about it in a few minutes."

Walsh-:"Whatever he's told you to do, do the opposite."

Me-:"Too late. Seriously, this mess is blog worthy."

Sunday, August 7, 2016

Dirty Laundry 57

I did a reading for my friend Scarlett the other day, that went shall I say, horribly wrong. According to her, it went horribly wrong. The main relationship cards came up in the reversed positions, Two of Cups, Lovers, and Four of Wands. All bottoms up. She physically cringed and sort of pulled her hands into her sleeves when she saw them. It got worse from there, as the pregnancy cards came up, Empress, Ace of Wands, and Queen of Pentacles.  She looked at me with this absolute fear in her eyes.  She then admitted she's been sick off and on for the last week, thinking it was stress from the original situation she was asking about.

Okay, don't shoot the messenger, I am only telling you what I see here.  I happened to notice she'd taken off her engagement ring too. Hence the desire for a reading to begin with.

While we were sitting in the cafe doing the reading, this really cute guy came in. He's a regular there and I've noticed only comes in on days when Scarlett is working. I've noticed this, Pussycat has noticed this, Scarlett has not. I left a few minutes after Cute Regular got there.

Scarlett messaged me awhile after that asking "What should I do?"

Me-:"Cute Regular. Grab him like now, while you've got the chance before you move."

She must have told Pussycat what I'd said because he texted me last night.

Pussycat-:"I agree!"


Pussycat-:"I've been telling her for two years this guy is no good for her. She needs to dump him, and I think Cute Regular is just what she needs to do. So I agree."

Everyone has been telling her if she's doubting her relationship then she already knows what she needs to do about it. 

Pussycat-:"How's it going for you?"


Pussycat-:"Has your ex seen you?"

Me-:"No. I've managed to avoid bumping into him again." 

Pussycat-:"You need to get a new mans. New mans!!! We all need new mans."

Me-:"Preach it sister."

Pussycat-:"I'm doing a spell to bring just more love into my life. Do you want me to do one for you? Not a love spell, I don't touch those, but a spell just to make you more sexy."

Me-:"Thanks. Cool."

Pussycat-:"But...if I were to word something in there what do you want in a man besides a big penis?"

I laughed on that for a few minutes.  "Um...someone with the same sense of humour as me, and someone who speaks the same language as me."

Pussycat-:"Sweetie everyone pretty much speaks English now that's not a hard one to find."

Me-:"True but I was meaning someone who really gets my weirdness."

Pussycat-:"I get your weirdness!!!! We are the weridos Mr."

Me-:"You're gay, you don't count"

Pussycat-:"I love the Craft. I have the soundtrack on right now."

Me-:"But that's what I mean. I want a man who speaks vampire movie."

Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Dirty Laundry 56

My cousin Walsh messaged me bit ago. "So, you alive?"


Walsh-:"And? What happened the other day? You bump into him again?"

Me-:"I hid like a coward never poked my face out of the apartment door. Finally had to as trash needed to go out. Wrote lots though. Like five parts to the fairytale already posted a couple."

Walsh-:"I saw the one about the guy getting raped."

Me-:"Good, bad what?"  he went silent for awhile. "What did you think of that part?" 

Walsh-:"It was okay better than some of the other stuff you'd written lately. I like the new characters."

Me-:"I was inspired by that new company lately."

Walsh-:"You're New Favourite, he's going to company number two eh?"

Me-:"NOOOOO!!!!"  I actually think I whined. "Don't tell me stuff like that! I stopped watching company number two like two months ago. Damn it! He's the main reason I've been interested in the new company."


Me-:"You're lying to me aren't you?" He sent me a link to the wiki page for company number two, and sure enough my New Favourite is listed as being on their roster. Damn it!  "You do these things to make me cry don't you?"

Walsh-:"Yes. This case yes. You going to be okay?"

Me-:"Yeah, just means I have to start watching the other company again is all"

Walsh-:"I meant the real thing with ----- living upstairs. You over it yet?"

Me-:"Well I wasn't thinking about it right now till you brought it up again."

Sunday, July 31, 2016

Dirty Laundry 55

I was typing so fast my text came out like this "ohmygodheishere" 


Me-" He's here! Upstairs!"

Pussycat -"Who?"

Me-"My ex!"

Pussycat-"Your ex is where?"


I really didn't understand how that sentence could be misread? I then shot the same panicked message to my cousin Walsh.  He didn't reply right away.

Pussycat- "What do you mean, he's upstairs?"

Me-"I mean my ex just moved in upstairs!!!!!"   the phone binged while I was typing. It was Walsh.

Walsh-:"What's going on?"

Me-:"He's here. In the building. Upstairs. Saw him as I came home from groceries."


Pussycat-:"Tell me exactly what happened."

Walsh-:"You sure he moved in and not just visiting?"

Me to Walsh-:"Yep! I was coming across the parking lot, and he was pulling out of it, looked at me, looked down as if caught doing something he shouldn't, then ripped out of the lot like the devil after him."

Walsh-:"Again, I ask, are you sure he moved in and is not just visiting?"

Me-:"Yes! He's been back and forth with stuff making noise on the stairs."

Walsh-:"It's a huge building. He might not even be on your side of it?"

Me-:"He's in the apartment right above. I've seen him go past my window twice in the last hour."

Me to Pussycat-:"My ex, the one who shattered my self esteem, just moved in to the apartment above me. I can't breathe."  I sent him the same message I had just sent my cousin.

Pussycat-:"If you made him that uncomfortable it is better than you think if he turned and walked away with his tail between his legs you have a one up."

Me to Pussycat-:"I don't see it. I just see death and destruction."

Walsh-:"Go for a walk. Calm down."

Me-:"Don't want to. Just want him to leave. I was here first!!!"

Walsh-:"Yeah, that's mature."

Me-:"Mature was never in the...hold up Pussycat is phoning."

Walsh-:"You ran and told your little drag queen?"

Me-:"Someone's jealous."

Walsh-:"Whatever he tells you do the opposite!"

Sunday, June 5, 2016

Dirty Laundry 54

Why is it, even when we know better, we do really stupid things?

I've been home sick with a horrible head cold, sneezing, snotting, coughing, watery eyes, headache etc. So I've been kicking back and hanging out on facebook today. Chatting with a few of the new people who've come into my life in the last few months. Aka, the local witches and drag queens. All was going fine, you know covered in snot but otherwise normal, when bam! There he is. My ex. Not just any of the guys I've been dumb enough to get involved with, but THE EX.   His picture keeps popping up.

You have 5 mutual friends.

5 mutual friends. Why is the universe doing that? And why oh god am I stupid enough to check out his page?  That's the real question right? Can I just blame it on the snotty kleenex and cold pills? No, just checking.

So his page is half loaded when I hit the close tab button. Like a teenaged girl dialing her crush and hanging up. That's how I feel right now. Not that I think teenaged girls bother dialing the crushes and hanging up now a days. Now a days, I'm fairly sure they just stalk them on twitter or instawhateverishotnow. Sending them naked photos of themselves.  It takes guts to be a teenaged girl in today's instant digital world.  Dude, I had it so easy back in the stone ages. You could only be rejected one of two ways, by phone or in person. And your friends only found out about it if they were there when it happened or you cried to them afterwards.  Now, everybody knows instantly. And if they check their instawhateverishotnow before you, there's a high chance they know even before you do.

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

Queens and Nones

There was a knock on the window just after 8pm last night. My cousin Walsh was there with a tray of take-away coffee. We haven't talked or hung out in months. Figured he was pissed at me or something.  Letting him in the building, he seemed good. Calm.  Handing me one of the coffees he took a seat in the kitchen. Said nothing, just sat there for a few minutes. He noticed a flyer that was half way sticking out of my purse.

Walsh-: "Burlesque dancers and drag queens?" he motioned to it.

Me-:"Yeah uh-huh." I sipped the coffee, it was way too sweet. "Yeah how many sugars did you add to it?"

Walsh-:"Triple triple just like you always have it."

Me-:"Walsh, I don't have sugar in my coffee."   He blinked a few times, this look on his face tears pooling. It hit me, his sister used to take triple in hers. He must have ordered out of habit and hence the drive by coffee-ing. He wasn't here to be here, he was here because he didn't know what else to do.   "Yeah, burlesque dancers and drag queens. I fit right in don't you think?" I was trying to keep the mood light, but it didn't work. He got up went to the bathroom for a few minutes, and I could hear him sniffing a lot. He came back to the kitchen table.

Walsh-:"Can I get a reading?"

Me-:"Reading won't help. It will just come up with all the bad cards because you're thinking about crappy stuff."  He got up walked around my tiny apartment, stopping in front of a photo of our grandparents. It sits on an altar, he disrupted my altar.  I had no idea how to make him feel better? A hug seemed inappropriate. I caught the look he gave my ouija board. Saw him start to grab for one of the little talismans I had sitting beside the incense burner. I'm pretty sure I knew what he was going to ask next. But he didn't. He surprised me, just stood there smiling at everything before putting down the photo again. Then he did what he's always done when things are too heavy, he brought in the silly.

Walsh-:"This cause of the new boyfriend?"  he meant the flyer

Me-:"Don't let him hear you say that. It's the cosmic joke in stereo." 

I've met this guy recently, he's everything I've been looking for in a man. Brown eyes, jet black hair, in his 30's, loves the same music and tv shows and books and movies I do. Vegetarian and a witch. His birth name is even Johnathan. The big kicker is, he's gay. Gayest gay man I've ever met. Heartbreakingly so. The universe is kicking my arse 24/7 with this one. I don't know if the universe is saying here what you're looking for in life exists keep the faith, or if it's telling me to quit while I'm ahead? He keeps inviting me to his drag shows.

Walsh-:"No doubt."

Me-:"It's a witch thing. Seriously, the witchy group in the area are two types, the Wiccan moms and the gay guys. Tell me which one makes more sense for me to hang with?"

He shook his head snorting at me. "I see your theory. You got the one sports channel now right? Like I can watch the one here?" he was scratching at his hand mindlessly searching my bookshelf for the tv remote. "Company #3 is on isn't it?"

Me-:"Not for another few hours. You want me to leave it in the machine for you?"  He shook his head yawning.

Walsh-:"Na, they repeat it like ten times in the week. I'm good. I'll be good." he turned towards me suddenly eyes wide.  "Better go. The stairs coming in smelled like piss and dirty clothes."

Me-:"yeah, I never touch the railings bare handed."

Sunday, May 15, 2016

Dirty Laundry 53

Walsh's sister died.  The one who I was bitter with. It was a few weeks ago, in hospital. Kidney failure. It's been weird to watch my aunt, my cousins, my uncle trying to hold it all together. Odd and uncomfortable.

Mom was babysitting Mavis yesterday when I went over. She hasn't babysat in awhile. Walsh picked her up while I was still there. He's lost weight, looks tired. He's had the weight of the world on his shoulders for the last few years, and now, it's over.

How do you recover from something like that? To breathe finally because the issue came to an end in the only way it could?  Brutal right?

Sunday, February 14, 2016

post it note Feb 14th 2016

Dear Herman:

I had stopped doing these because, well you've never answered. But, I've got an old Bon Jovi song stuck in my head all day "Never Say Goodbye". Thought it was strangely needing to be mentioned.

Anyways, so you can tell by the lack of anything on here in the last few months, there is nothing going on in my life. Nothing of interest anyways. My big mouth has got me locked into hobbies and challenges and projects that I've no real interest in. But people are holding me to them. My mouth gets me into trouble a lot. Though, must admit not like it used to. Insert crude joke right about here.

Okay Mr. Scratchy, I imagine you checking in tonight, dressed in plain dark jeans, a faded black t-shirt with a logo for the Ramones, hair freshly washed and cut for that matter, little wire rimmed glasses on, glass of whiskey beside you. I think you're stretched out on your bed, waiting. Waiting for your night to get started.

I'm going to go watch Downton Abbey

Thursday, January 7, 2016


For the last while, I've been under the assumption that my neighbour- the desperate housewife- was having an affair with her female best friend. Every time her husband leaves for more than an hour, the best friend is over like a shot and many sexual noises can be heard through the wall.
So, assumption firmly established.

Little bit ago, there was shouting, doors slamming, and everyone suddenly in the hallway. There was the husband home early, and the desperate housewife's best friend being shoved in her underwear into the hall.
Assumption still firmly established by myself and the other two people who peeked out their doors at the noise.

Then more screaming as the husband threw their laptop into the hallway smashing it, before shoving the wife back into the apartment.

None of this was in English by the way, so I have no idea what was actually being said. Only, that it scared the hell out of me and the other two people who had peeked out their doors at the noise.

Sometimes it just doesn't pay to get online.