Dirty Laundry 67

I just got a message from Marie asking me if I knew who the new tarot reader at the cafe was?  I didn't. Have to admit, little bit hurt to learn they hired someone new. Could be why my ears have been burning for the last 3 days, not too sure.  Could also be why I feel like something has shifted last few days. At first, I thought it was just where the temperature has jumped and the pressure has dropped. But, it would seem it's something more than just that.
I just finished reading a book, one that I had read 20 years ago. Found myself crying a lot for some unknown reason while reading it this time. It's not particularly a sad story, but for whatever reason, this time around it really got to me?

And if you're wondering, no I never did hear from Yoga Guy. Then again, I wasn't putting any stock into it. Not to say it wouldn't have been nice to finally get back off the shelf, but I knew the second Pussycat told me he'd tried to play cupid that nothing would come of it.  Love him to death, he's got a good heart. But really crappy taste in men.

Jane Austen once said "for a woman to find the perfect guy, she has to write him herself".  Fits right in with my Frankenstein themes.  Would you be shocked to know that I can't even hear myself think right now because I've got my music blasting in my ear phones? Have to, the neighbour's on the other side of my kitchen wall, are going at it like rabid dogs. Seriously, I guess someone took the blue pills instead of the red.

Dirty Laundry 66

Pussycat-:"Tell me how it went with Yoga Guy?"

Me-:"He never messaged."

Pussycat-:"Really? I'm sure he will still."

Me-:"Okay sure."

That's how my morning started. Smooth when you think about it. Then, Marie messaged, asking me if I've had any issues with facebook lately? 

Me-:"Haven't been in there in months. Can't say."

Marie-:"Can you please? I'm having issues with messages in there. I sent one to buddy and he hasn't answered. I need to know it's working."

So I did. Everything ended up being fine, the message to her went through, her message back to me went through. Smooth right.  Yeah.

Me-:"Why wouldn't he be answering? You get into a fight?"

Marie-:"No. Don't know?"

Me-:"Has he asked you yet this week about going to Vegas?"   This guy lives there, and about three times a week, he tries to convince her to join him.

Marie-:"lol"

Me-:"I'll take that as a yes. Why do you keep turning him down? He's going to stop asking soon."

Marie-:"Everything in it's divine time remember."

Me-:"Yeah, well I've got no mind for being patient."

Marie-:"So tell me about your guy?"

Me-:"What guy? You been chatting with Pussycat?"

Marie-:"No. Why what's going on there?"

Me-:"Nothing. He's been playing cupid so nothing."

Marie-:"No, I mean the one I saw the other week for you. The one with the light hair and the pink and yellow."

So this was one of those random moments Marie, who is a witch/medium was referring to.  I'm lucky to be accurate once out of twenty when I get those random tarot moments. But Marie, she's scoring 100% every time. This happened about two weeks ago, we were talking about her daughter in law, when she just started giggling and snorting back a laugh pointed at me and declared "there's a new guy, yellow and pink and he's got light coloured hair. Pay attention."   Which, of course could mean anything. So I'm suppose to be on the watch for a guy with either light brown hair or dark blonde hair or red hair or white hair or dyed pink and yellow for all I know?

Me-:"Nothing. I'm starting to think that all the straight single men on the planet have been vacuumed up into oblivion."

Marie-:"This new guy, he's a keeper so keep an eye open."

Me-:"Eye open for a flamingo got it"

Dirty Laundry 65

My phone rang. Scared the life out of me cause other than my mother, everyone else texts. So it rang, and the caller id said it was the hospital. I went to full on panic mode. Ended up being Pussycat.

Me-:"What happened?"

Pussycat-:"What. Nothing, lost my phone so stopped in here to use the phone. Oh my god, I couldn't even think where to go to find a phone anymore. They need to bring back phone booths for when stuff like this happens."

Me-:"You bastard! What do you want?"

Pussycat-:"I met a guy!"

Me-:"The guy from Valentine's?"

Pussycat-:"What? No doll, not him he's done. Done had and no repeats remember. No I mean I met a guy for you."

Me-:"I'm not interested."    as much as I love Pussycat, I'm not sure I want to trust his taste in men. Which is sad, cause if he were straight, I'd be totally after him. Yeah, dude, that's messed up I know. The irony is not totally lost on me.

Pussycat-:"You know it cost 75 cents for this call? Oh my god, I remember when it was 10 cents for local calls."

Me-:"Well, like you said no one needs phone booths anymore."

Pussycat-:"Well, they should. Make it so much easier for when you loose your phone. But, you need to meet this guy, he's perfect for you. He's a bartender..."

Me-:"I'm not interested."

Pussycat-:"Shut up and listen. He's a bartender, met him in my yoga class. Girl! The ass on him was like a big slab of butter! I wanted to cry his ass was perfect! Like that guy from that superhero movie the British guy Cubberbutt or what is his name?"

Me-:"Benedict Cumberbatch."

Pussycat-:"Yeah that guy. He's hot."

Me-:"Yes he is. His butt is little on the flat side for me but...all puns intended."

Pussycat-:"Well I think it's perfect. Anyways, he's got a beard, long dark hair..."

Me-:"I'm really not interested. No seriously, I hate long hair on men. I'm not overly thrilled with beards either." 

Pussycat-:"He's just gotten divorced..."

Me-:"I don't date divorced men either. Give up. Thanks for thinking of me, but everything you just listed, I've dated before. Like, broken my own rules gone against my gut instincts and massively regretted it; dated before. I'm grateful you thought of me when you saw him, but he's not my type in anyway."

Pussycat-:"Okay miss thang. Miss king shit. What then is your type?"

Me-:"For starters, short hair. And I mean short hair, like if it's at the collar it's too long. Clean shaven, thick thighs. Bit of a tummy, chest hair. Men who look like their age you know. I don't want to be with a guy wondering if I should be blowing him or burping him. That too smooth skinned waxing thing men do way too often is a turn off."    when guys are like walking skeletons that's a turn off too. I've lost a lot of weight in the last year, but I have this thing about being with men who's thighs are at lest as large as my own.

Pussycat-:"The Salesman had a beard."

Me-:"Not when I first met him he didn't. And he only had the beard for like a month before he shaved it off again."

Pussycat-:"Well, pretend to be interested because I gave him your number told him to text you."

Dirty Laundry 64

Pussycat was drunk when he called me. Yes, called me. Not texted, but actually phoned. That's how drunk he was.

Pussycat-:"What's your perfect man?"

Me-:"Don't you mean who?"

Pussycat-:"No. what? I'm going to find you someone tonight! Girl!"

Me-:"I'll believe that when I see it. Where are you? I thought you were on a date?"

Pussycat-:"Later, later not till he gets off work. I'm with my girls."   he actually meant his drag queen friends. When he's with actual female friends he calls them by their names. "Pub crawling doll. Tell me!"

Me-:"God, I don't even know anymore."

Pussycat-:"We're going to the next one now cause, it's all good baby. I've got your instagram up dolly. I'm going to be your fairy godmother get it. Fairy. I'm your fairy god drag mother."  he mumbled something I couldn't catch and ended the call.

Here's the thing about Valentine's Day. Most people don't realize it started off as a pagan fertility rite. Names would be put into a bucket or bowl or what have you, and people would randomly draw a name, then go off and have sex. So if a half dozen couples had been trying for a long time to have kids, and nothing was working, this was their chance to see who was the cause of not having kids, without cheating. Really romantic right? Some places used masks instead of the draw. Which is where part of the whole masquerade ball came from. Party goers would have these elaborate masks and without knowing who, they would hook up with someone. Good in some ways I suppose, bad in others.  And lets not forget the fact, the sex rites were to make sure the crops were good for the coming year. Sex magick is still the best way to add energy to a spell.

Pussycat called back shortly after 8pm. Again, asking me what my ideal man would be. Again, mumbling something and having the call end. I think he was trying to show people photos while still trying to talk on the phone? Yeah, like I said, he's already drunk.  Which is sad in itself. When I met him, he had been two years sober. Now, he's toasted a lot.

So while he's being him tonight, I'm sitting here listening to the neighbours sneak into the hallway, and talk to the people they are having affairs with, or the girlfriends they have out of town, while the other neighbours fight over what restaurant they are going to, and why they feel disappointed by the lack of attention. Etc, etc, etc.

He called again while I was typing this.

Me-:"Norman Reedus. I like guys who look like Norman Reedus."   well, doesn't everyone?  He wouldn't know who any of my wrestlers are so there isn't a point in telling him.

post it note Feb 13th 2017

Dear Mr. Scratchy:

It's 9:30pm EST where I am, sitting here trying to write the next piece of the fairy tale, yawning my head off.  I posted something few weeks ago on that blog. It got five times the normal amount of hits in three hours, than I get for a post in a full week. I will assume you saw the post and know what I'm talking about. I have to admit, Herman, the fact it went unanswered sort of left me deflated.

Anyways, I just felt the need to write a quick note. Just to say hey. So hey.  My friend Marie was running the psychic fair this weekend. She told me that most of the clients wanted to know about if they were going to meet a new boyfriend/girlfriend this year? There really is only two things people want a reading for, and thats to find out about love or money. Pussycat and I had a small bet going, that he would be asked out before tomorrow night. Just when he thought he'd won the bet, one of the guys who used to be a regular at the cafe texted him. So I win. The craziest bit of serendipity happened during my chat with Marie. I commented about the blog post and the number of hits, and she quoted a line she'd heard from a song once. "That you need to remember when you're dreaming of someone, there is someone out there dreaming of you". Neither of us could remember the song or the band or what have you, but it made me smile thinking of that idea.

I imagine you checking in tonight, sweat pants, and an orange-yellow shirt. Some faded logo on it for one of your buddies. I think you've got a bowl of instant ramen in hand, and a banana.  Don't ask, I have no idea why. I also think you've got a radio station on in the background. Oldies station. 70's music. I believe your hands are covered in paint. Cause I think you've taken up painting again. Shades of black-blue and coral. The craziest part of this is that I want to say your painting something for your grandmother.

Well Herman, Mr. Scratchy; good night and I do hope once and a while you maybe dream of me. It's comforting to think someone does.

P.S. Tell New Favourite, I just discovered his old comedy show. Unless you're him...in which case Herman; I don't know what to say.

Dirty Laundry 63

It's been one of those days again, where I couldn't keep up with the texting. I got a message from my cousin Walsh asking me if I was okay.

Me-:"Yeah, why?"

Walsh-:"My mom said you fell. What happened?"

Me-:"For once nothing. Wasn't me it for once. It was my sister. She was walking their dog and slipped on a patch of ice. Broke her tailbone and tore up her knee."

Walsh-:"Damn eh? She needing surgery?"

Me-:"Not sure yet. The doctors told her to come back in a couple of days when some of the swelling has gone down, cause the x-rays weren't clear."

I barely managed to sit down with my coffee when I got a text from Pussycat. 

Pussycat-:"The Salesman was asking about you!"

Me-:"Oh? When was this?"

Pussycat-:"This morning. I bumped into him at the fancy tea place in the mall."

Me-:"Yeah, I bumped into him last week too while I was there. What was he saying?"

Pussycat-:"Asked how often you go to the occult shop and when you might be there again. He's so still interested!"

Me-:"Have you ever actually seen him there? Cause I haven't. Like ever."

Pussycat-:"No haven't either."

When I had bumped into him last week, I commented on a necklace he was wearing, mentioning I'd seen something similar at the occult shop. The Salesman told me he hung out there all the time. But I've never seen him there. Nor has any of the staff mentioned seeing him. They are starting to play matchmaker, and last few times a new guy has come through the shop, they've messaged me. The Salesman has never been on their radar.

Pussycat-:"I told him you should be there on the weekend."

Me-:"What you do that for?"

Pussycat-:"Cause doll, he likes you"

Me-:"Then why not just ask me out the other day? Or ask for my number?"

Pussycat-:"No idea. But go find out."

I couldn't get the whole thing off my mind all day. I haven't thought about The Salesman in months, and suddenly he's popping up like weeds. I texted my cousin Walsh.

Me-:"Do you think I should bother with The Salesman again?"

Walsh-:"No."

Me-:"Okay, why?"

Walsh-:"Just a gut reaction."

Me-:"Can you explain that?"

Walsh-:"Not really."

Me-:"Big help thanks."

Walsh-:"You asked."

I have to admit, I need to know, when I walk into a room, the guy I'm there to see is happy I'm there. To actually see that look where I know the guy is having that butterfly moment, because he's near giddiness that I'm there.  The Salesman doesn't do that for me.

post it note Jan 18 2017

Dear Mr. Scratchy:

Been too long Herman. Too long. I was sitting here tonight, processing some of the events happening around me. My day started with a text from Pussycat, telling me he's quit the cafe. Sad to hear that one. He then informed me that the last tarot reading I had done there for Princess came full blown true. I predicted she'd start dating a tall man who happens to be a Pisces or Cancer zodiac. I was seeing a water personality. And she's begun dating a Pisces. Here's hoping her fishy is a much more decent one than the Pisces men I've dated over the years.
My afternoon was uneventful, unless you want to consider the very nice East Indian guy who was being yelled at in the hallway by his one girlfriend. She's Canadian and just found out he's got a fiancee in India. And I know this because they were literally leaning on my front door when she started swearing at him. This is what I get for being so close to the exit.  Scared someone is going to get shoved into it and break my locks.
Supper time was almost as fun, not as scary but you know...odd. My ex ----- has taken to standing right outside my window when he goes out for a smoke. I can't believe he's still living in the building. Marie, one of the girls from my witch group, couldn't believe I ever dated him. Told me I could do better. I know this. I have done better since.
Well, I've got some work on the fairy tale to do. So...I really want to ask you a bunch of questions about movies. I watched this one the other day, and there was a line in it that got me thinking. Anyways...

I imagine you checking in tonight Herman, dressed in those black track pants, a yellow t-shirt with some faded logo on it. Those little wired rimmed glasses I think you wear, and a cup of tea beside you. I believe you're winding down after a long day, maybe sitting with the tv on while you check in. I want to say that you've got the movie Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas on in the background, god only knows why that popped into my head.

p.s. I've typed this twice and deleted it but...I want to say watch your back. The real reason I felt the need to post this tonight Herman, is that the ten of swords and the five of pentacles has been coming up all week in the tarots. Grief and mistakes. And everyone in my physical life seems to be good with their current situations. Or at lest at peace with them.

Do Tell

Pussycat-:"Our horoscope says that this is the time to tell the person we have a crush on that we have a crush on them because they have only eyes for us."

Me-:"I have a crush on you."

Pussycat-:"Doll, everyone has a crush on me. I'm just so crushable. hahaha!"

I didn't have any clients booked for tarot readings, so stayed home today. Which is fine, as the one staff I don't care for was working Pussycat's shift today.

Me-:"But you have eyes for all of your crushes?"

Pussycat-:"I have a few. Like the new guy who has been delivering the homemade olive soap to the cafe lately. Have you seen him? To die for."

Me-:"I really don't understand why the dish soap has to be organic? I mean, dude it's just soap and it's not like any of the staff are allergic to the regular stuff?"

Pussycat-:"It's locally made. Helping the community and it's green. Keep it green babes. So, you ready to face the world and slide up to your mans? Huh? Don't dream it be it doll." 

Me-:"This would imply that first off I have a crush on someone, and second that it's someone I see on a regular basis. And third, someone crushes on me.  You're really the only guy I see on a regular."

Pussycat-:"There's got to be someone?"

Me-:"Nope."

Pussycat-:"No one in your building, or at the store? What about The Salesman?"

Me-:"Over that. Nope. The only guys around here are like seventeen year olds, and gay guys. You really have a better shot in my neighbourhood than I do."

Pussycat-:"Just think, there is some guy out there right now thinking about you! Believe it doll. Everyone has a crush on someone. And somewhere there is a guy who is thinking about you with his hands down his pants."

Me-:"Somehow doubt it, but thanks for the image."

Pussycat-:"I see a tough loving tattooed bearded man."

Me-:"What do you mean tough loving?"

Pussycat-:" I dunno in my mind I see him looking at you with mad love in his eyes."

Me-:"You see me with a crazy person, good to know."

Pussycat-:"Ya. Crazy about you..."

Me-:"So what does that feel like? To have someone want you that much?"

Pussycat-:"I have no idea babe...Never had that in my life! Trust me I was almost always space filler."

Me-:"I don't believe that. You are not just filler."

Pussycat-:"I'm not the kind of guy men drool over. Or even go out of their way to be with. Just a fling or the other man...I'm the Samantha. So the Samantha."

Me-:"So you going to take your own advice on this and tell your mad crush you only have eyes for him?"

Pussycat-:"I will if you do."

Me-:"I just did, you said you knew."

Pussycat-:"hahahaha! I mean for real. Be open then to hearing someone tell you they have a crush on you."

Drag my insecurity out of me

I got a message from my cousin Walsh this afternoon while I was at the cafe. I had been scheduled for tarot readings. 

Walsh-:"What happens?"

Me-:"??????"

Walsh-:"In the fairy tale. I saw your post and went got caught up. And?"

Me-:"You will just have to wait for the weekly post like everyone else."

Walsh-:"You suck."

Me-:"Only sometimes. Sometimes you just don't want to even look at it."

Walsh-:"And that's why you're single."

Pussycat was late getting there for work today, Princess had the morning shift and was in a fit because the owner decided to "invite" her to dinner, not informing Princess that she'd invited her son who is home from university.

Pussycat-:"What's wrong with her?"

Me-:"She's angry because she's got a social life. Dinner, a party, going to a concert."

Princess-:"I don't want to have a social life. Take it, it's all yours."  she stormed off ripping her apron off in a huff. "We're out of onions, I'll be back in ten minutes just walking to the grocery."

Pussycat-:"Seriously, what happened?"

Me-:"She's mad because the owner tricked her into a date with her son."

Pussycat-:"Oh! Yeah that's not good. How's you?" he hugged me. "Your phone is lit up like a tree."

Me-:"Walsh. He's trying to worm information out of me."

Pussycat-:"About what?"

Me-:"Just that fairy tale I'm writing. I told you about it." he nodded then looked at me mouth open.

Pussycat-:"You are totally coming to this thing I have to host this week. I'm sending you the invite on facebook right now. You'll doll, love it! LOVE IT! My girls will be there."  he meant his drag queen friends. "It's a queer night, but don't mind that because because...there sent...because you can't drop a tiara without hitting a straight person. Besides, this is a Hallowe'en thing. Everyone will be there. We're going to get you a social life too if we have to drag you kicking and screaming. Get it? Drag."

A handful of customers came in then and I went off to my little corner table where I had the cards set up.

Walsh-:"Does he actually like her?"

Me-:"What? Who?"

Walsh-:"The new lead stupid. You said you chickened out of what you wanted to write."

Me-:"Oh that. Um...if I tell you, you won't read it. Dude."  I started wondering what might be going on in my cousin's life if he's back reading my stuff?  Last I heard, everything in his life was fine.  "You doing okay?"

Walsh-:"Yeah. Wife went to her sister's for the weekend for a wedding. Youngest is at soccer, oldest is staying at friends over night. By myself. You seriously not going to tell me? Not even a hint?"

Me-:"Nope."

Walsh-:"Okay, I'll bite. Why did you chicken out?"

Me-:"I don't know, just couldn't do it."

Walsh-:"Why?"

Me-:"I broke down crying when I wrote it. It hit a nerve that I didn't realize I had to deal with so I chickened out."

Walsh-:"Ah. You need to let go of your insecurity."

Me-:"Yeah yeah. I know I know, get over my crap and Mr. Right will finally arrive."

Walsh-:"Mr. Scratchy is there, just silent."

Me-:"I didn't say Mr. Scratchy, I said Mr. Right."

Walsh-:"Same thing."

Me-:"Actually, I don't think anymore that they are the same person."

Burp the night away

I was hanging out last night with Pussycat, talking about the way the city has become even more divided then it was when we were younger. Upon seeing a couple of hot university students jogging past us, Pussycat started to talk about how the men here have gotten better looking.

Me-:"That's because no one is from here anymore. They all come in for school."

Pussycat-:"Then leave. No one stays here. I would totally do that one." he was pointing at some guy who had pulled up at the street lights as we were crossing the street. I made a face, I know I did cause Pussycat got little offended. "What you don't think?"

Me-:"Not my type."  the guy had long hair tied up in a ponytail, wearing a camouflage shirt.

Pussycat-:"See this is your problem." he reached into his bag pulling out a jar of something pink taking a gulp as we continued walking. "You keep saying that you are open to love, to having the right man show up..." he took another gulp. "Yet it's on your terms. You need to just go with it, cause your sending mixed messages to the universe." and another large gulp of it before putting the now empty jar in his bag again.

Me-:"I know what I'm attracted to."

Pussycat-:"That's what I mean! You think you know, but can you really know? You're trying to control it and it just doesn't work that way." he burped. "Like this whole Germany thing. You still thinking about that?"

Me-:"Seemed like a good idea a month ago. Still be a year or more away."

Pussycat-:"Exactly. How do you know that you're suppose to go there? I mean..." he burped again. "If you were truly meant to go, wouldn't you have been able to get the whole thing in motion already? Wouldn't the universe have given you hints and a big wad of money or a free trip or something by now?" we crossed another set of lights. "Take Vegas for instance. You said you keep seeing ads for it, and Janny is going..."

Me-:"What about it?"

Pussycat-:"Maybe the universe is telling you to go there." he elbowed me burping again. "I would love to go. A friend of mine's mom works at that one travel place if I had my passport..." he snapped his fingers almost smashing into my nose. He did smack into my shoulder.

Me-:"I have zero interest in Vegas."

Pussycat-:"You're not listening! Girl! I'm telling you that you have to let go of your expectations. Mr. Right is waiting for you to get off your wishlist doll and just embrace it. Like in Practical Magic, you know how the aunts warn the chick to be careful what she wishes for and then later on when the husband dies they admit to having done the spell with molasses." he began opening his arms and actually quoting the lines from it. And sort of swaying. Whatever had been in the jar seemed to have kicked in. "Whatever. The point is, you don't know. You don't know who you're meant to be attracted to. Right? What if you're just binding yourself with molasses to the wrong man? What if you're suppose to plan a trip to Vegas and then get detoured to...I don't know some other of the lower parts of the world cause Mr. Right is somewhere else? He could be sitting in a cardboard box in India right now doll, and you'll never know because you are too stuck on your wishlist of he has to have this and dress like this and..." another heavy burp with him covering his mouth taking a deep breath. "I'm not feeling the best now."

Me-:"That's because you drank too much of whatever that goop was."

Pussycat-:"Stop judging. I think you should go with Janny."

Me-:"She hasn't invited me. I can't go somewhere I haven't been invited to."  he made a tisk noise rolling his eyes at me.

Pussycat-:"Go alone."

Me-:"To the States?"

Pussycat-:"Really? You're fine with going alone to Germany and god knows where, but you're not good with crossing the border alone?"

Me-:"I'm afraid of Americans." I started to sing the David Bowie song then.

Pussycat-:"What if Mr. Right is American?"

Me-:"You just said he's in a cardboard box in India. Can't be both make up your mind sister."

Pussycat-:"Don't make me laugh, I'll puke." He took a couple of deep breaths straightening up and then did begin to laugh."I think it's a plan."

Me-:"You puking?"

Pussycat-:"Going to Vegas!"

Me-:"Deja vu. I don't want to."

Pussycat-:"You say that now, but few months from now you'll see." he started to burp again."I'm putting it out there to the universe."

Me-:"Fine, just leave me off your travel plans."

Dirty Laundry 61

Pussycat-:"Remember, Pluto has shifted and now it's all going to be death and rebirth."

Me-:"It's gone direct. It's been retro most of the year."

Pussycat-:"That's what I said, it's gone direct. hahaha!"   We were talking about the general crappiness of the last week.   "But that is odd." 

I had told him about running into my ex yet again, not once but twice today.  The first time I was standing outside freezing to death waiting for a bus, and the second time was about four hours later when I was slugging groceries home.

Me-:"Yeah, it's been all safe since that first day the other month, like I actually thought he'd moved again. Then poof, two times today."

Pussycat-:"Did he say anything? Do anything?"

Me-:"He spotted me the first time, he was like ten feet away pulling out of the parking lot, looked right at me, adjusted his mirror and then fixed his hair. Like he was wearing a hoodie and pushed the hood down, finger combing his hair and looked at me a few times before moving on. There was no traffic for him to be needing to linger on the edge of the street. Then  later on, he literally cut me off by two bloody feet when I was returning with my five hundred bags of groceries. I just don't get it? Why? After all this time, twice I see him in a matter of hours."

Pussycat-:" Oh girrrrlll! Hit that! He was making himself pretty for you! I said it before he's still thinking of you if you know what I mean."

Me-:"I don't need that in my mind. And he's like the biggest whore in town. But I've been racking my brains all day trying to figure out why the universe keeps dropping the ass in my lap like this? I think we should do a final removal spell. Just when I start getting comfortable and happy-ish; poof there he is."

Pussycat-:"Yeah that's bit on the shady side. Is it possible that he did it on purpose?"

Me-:"What move in to my building?"

Pussycat-:"hahahaha! No doll, happen to be there the second time today? Like, maybe after he saw you the first time, he just circled around all day waiting?"

I was about to say that my ex isn't that smooth, that he was never the type to lounge around after a woman, but I stopped myself. I stopped myself because I did not want to defend him in anyway.

Pussycat-:"What if the universe didn't do it to you? What if the universe keeps dropping you into his lap because he's got stuff he needs to work through? Ever think of that?"

To be honest, no I did not. I was trying not to think about anything. In fact, I had a couple of episodes of  the New Company in the machine from the past month, and randomly picked one for a distraction, just as background noise.

Pussycat-:"What colour is his hair?"

Me-:"Dark brown nearly jet black natural. Why?"

Pussycat-:"What if  he's the guy the tarots have been talking about? Have you thought about that? The Knight of Cups?"

Me-:"Knight of Cups is light brown to blonde hair, with blue eyes and pale skin. My ex has dark brown eyes and badly tanned skin. Practically orange at times. Not him thank god."

Looking at the tv screen, I realized I don't care for the conservative look my New Favourite has been sporting last few episodes. I liked the hairdo he had few months ago, when he was a few pounds heavier in the tummy and before he waxed everything. He's starting to look too much like every other wrestler out there.

Pussycat-:"The fact he did show up the second time just as you were coming back from being gone all day, that's not just coincidence. He was looking to have you see him doll. Feel free to love it! Love it doll, he was waiting for you to get home I'm sure of it."

I sat there staring at the tv screen, rewinding the end of the match as my New Favourite was screaming at the camera man, practically spitting everywhere, trying to read lips, as I had it muted. Refusing to let any of what Pussycat was hinting at infect my brain for the night, I made plans with him for after the weekend, cause god forbid you get between a drag queen and the weekend; made a coffee and sat down to work on the fairy tale. But instead, I ended up writing out this post. With the tv screen still on pause, wondering just how many cameras get mucked over by the wrestlers spitting when the ringside cameraman gets too close? 

Like a hydrogen bomb in your corset

I was at the cafe doing tarot readings on the weekend, and both Pussycat and the Princess were working. Princess was telling us about her latest date.

Princess-:"There was no chemistry. Totally bored me to sleep couldn't wait to leave. Then he hugs me, and asked what I was doing next weekend? I had to tell him there was another guy I'd met few days before who I'd sort of started something with and wanted to be exclusive."

Me-:"So you lied."

Princess-:"No...there is another guy. "

Pussycat turned from the dishes he was stacking into the machine and looked at her. "Wait, didn't I hear this last week?"

Princess-:"Yeah, I had to tell the hippy from last week the same thing. Cause, he was too relaxed."

Me-:"So you lied twice. Two different men were into you and you told them the same lie. Wow."

Pussycat-:"Um...too relaxed? How does that work? Oh forgot, you're Miss Super Extreme Type A Personality where everything has to be so tightly wrung."

I handed Princess my phone so I could get a few photos of me that weren't bad extreme close ups. They came out blurry.

Princess-:"What do you need the photos for?" she smiled wide nodding. "Are you going to do a dating site? Huh are you huh huh?"

Me-:"I've done that in the past and it's never been any good. But I'm glad you are finding it fun."

Pussycat made a few popping noises with his mouth and blushed, which is not something he ever does. Then dropping the dish soap into the machine he stood up and looked over at Princess.

Pussycat-:"I'm bursting here. Okay I can't deny or confirm cause I was sworn to secrecy, but I can say that Bob commented that he really liked the reading the other week."  he had this big grin on his face as he moved around the kitchen getting his phone. "I totally need to show you this dick pick some guy sent me." he started flipping through the little machine while Princess cleared her throat. "Oh right, yes I was sworn to not say anything, but Bob did comment that he enjoyed sitting with you."

Me-:"I had a headache after doing his reading."

Princess-:"Yeah, he's given me a headache sometimes when he's been here too. It's the aftershave he uses when you get too close."

Me-:"No, I really had a migraine for a few days after doing his reading. Like vomit worthy. I literally wanted to puke after doing his reading."

Both stopped what they were doing, Pussycat's face going ten shades of red his eyes wide and Princess's mouth dropping to the edge of her shirt. Pussycat blinked went another shade darker which I didn't think was humanly possible, and then mumbled something as he held the phone up to us.

Pussycat-:"I guess there is no point in continuing."

I left few minutes after that. It didn't sink in till I was half way home what he was doing. He was trying to play matchmaker.  Wonderful, so it's not a case of not being able to find someone, it's just a case of not being able to find someone I can stomach.

Dirty Laundry 60

I got a text from Pussycat this morning letting me know I'm booked for readings tomorrow at the cafe.

Me-:"Cool. Am I scary? I know I'm not pretty, but am I scary? I was on my way to the store and this car was chugging along beside me, plenty of room for him to get around but, when I looked, he sped off like the devil was in his pants."

Pussycat-:" No doll not scary. Maybe he was just being creepy and when you noticed he freaked?"

Me-:"He was staring...it almost looked like the Salesman. But not too sure."

Pussycat-:"I tagged you on the thing for tomorrow. Waaa? Oh nice. Did you see the post, I can't find it anymore?"

Me-:"No."

Pussycat-:"Reposted, my phone has been doing strange things."

Me-:"Mercury went retrograde."

Pussycat-:"Ahhh. That explains a lot. He was just probably freaked because you caught him looking. Maybe it was the Salesman and he was checking you out?"

Me-:"Then why not say hey?"

Pussycat-:"Maybe because he's a creeper? But doll you're not scary. You could use some more make-up once and a while but not scary. You're a wickedly wonderful witch! Not a pilgrim."

Dirty Laundry 59

I got a text from Pussycat-:"You friends with Chai-Chai?"

I stood there staring at the text racking my brains as to who he was talking about. Then I realized he meant one of the ones from our witchy group. "I've chatted with her on the online group why?"

Pussycat-:"She can't stop talking about you."

Me-:"Would explain why my ears have been burning today. Now who'd I piss off?"

Pussycat-:"No I mean she can't stop talking about you! You need to tell her you're straight like right now."

Oh crap!   "How does she not know? I even talked about my hot East Indian neighbour  who always smells like fresh mint, and sometimes helps me with my groceries."

Pussycat-:"Don't know, don't care take care of it! She thinks you two are going out next week."

Me-:"Hang on. What? The group ritual thing?"

Pussycat-:"What group ritual thing?"

Me-:"The New Moon ritual thing."

Pussycat-:"Isn't one this month. Kiki has to work can't host it. It's been cancelled."

Balls!   "You remember you offered to do that spell the other week. Did you? To help get us men?"

Pussycat-:"Yeah. Worked for me I've had three sleepovers with Nathan since"  he went silent for a few minutes then sent me a facebook message. "phone died. I used the candles you gave me from the gift basket, the herbs Nathan gave me and the large amethyst that Chai-Chai gave me."  he went silent again. "Oooooohhhhh girl! Okay I'll fix it. My bad. love you doll."

Yeah, thanks man. Like my life isn't crappy enough as it is. Now I've got misguided cupids mucking it all up. There are seriously days when I wish I had just let my dad's uncle set me up in an arranged marriage back when I was 15 to his adopted son. But then, I wouldn't be me. I'd be some poorly treated housewife to a raging alcoholic in Rotterdam.  Much better to be single and depressed then you know, dead.

Dirty Laundry 58

You know how they say when it rains it pours. Okay, so my normally hermit life was uncharacteristically busy today.  Started with a text from my cousin Walsh. "Did you tape the show?"

Me-:"Which show?"

Walsh-:"The one on yesterday morning."

Me-:"Dude, there were like five different wrestling shows on yesterday, which one?"

Walsh-:"The New Company. Did you tape it?"

Me-:"Yeah, why?"

Walsh-:"Do you still have it in the machine?"

Me-:"So far."

Walsh-:"Okay put on New Favourite's match...tell me something, his tights why do I think I've seen that design before?"

I got a message from Pussycat interrupting me for a few minutes. "So how did it go with The Salesman?"

Me to Pussycat-:"It didn't."

Pussycat-:"What!!!!!"

Me to Pussycat-:"It didn't."

Me to Walsh-:"Have you been to the New Company's website yet? His tights look a lot like their background design."

Pussycat-:"Tell me everything that happened blow by blow, and I mean it!"

Walsh-:"hahahahahahaha! What a dork."

Me to Walsh-:"You asked."

Me to Pussycat-:"I went there, asked him and..."   another texted came in from one of the girls that works at the occult shop here in town.

Keira-:"Hey, how's your weekend? Little bird told me you had a date. How'd it go?"

Me to Keira-:"No, bird lied."

Keira-:"Oh? What happened?"

Me to Pussycat-:"Um, you've been talking to Keira today?"

Me to Keira-:"I went to see The Salesman, asked him for coffee he spent ten minutes telling me why he couldn't then turned around and said he'd love to sometime."

Keira-:"WTF?"

Me to Keira-:"I know right?"

Pussycat-:"Um maybe. So what happened?"

Me to Pussycat-:"I went to see him, he was his normal flirty self, I asked him for coffee, he got weird said no then said sure. I have no idea if that was a rejection or not?"

Pussycat-:"Or not lol. But you went for it. That's fab. Now you can stop wondering and move on. It is perfect doll."

Okay so for the past year, this one guy who works at one of my favourite stores here in town, has been overly flirty. There have even been times he's pushed his coworkers out of the way to be the one to help me. I for once, did not think on it, assuming he was flirting to sell more crap. One of the times I went there with Pussycat, he was not working so we started chatting with one of the coworkers and found out, they do not get paid on commission. It's minimum wage.There was no reason for him to be jumping over them to get to me. The next time I went in and The Salesman was working, Pussycat was with me again, and The Salesman made it a point to come over to where we were and just say hi. That was a few months ago. As I said, this has been going on for just over a year. The last few times, his coworkers have just wandered off leaving us alone in the store. We've talked about a bunch of random crap, he once even started to fix displays that didn't need to be fixed just as an excuse to continue the conversation. Pussycat convinced me it was time to ask The Salesman out.  As I said, it did not go smooth.
The Salesman looked at me, took a deep breath and told me he doesn't date anymore. Then went into this ten minute speech telling me that he's been bleed dry by women, loosing everything from his house to his friends to his job to his money; all the while getting angrier as he did. Then turned his shoulder towards me telling me he'd love to hang out at the coffee shop next to the store sometime and have coffee with me.

So here I am, confused as to if I should be insulted or not and wondering why he would say no if he seems to be interested?

I got a texted then from one of the other girls who works at the occult shop, Janny, "Hey, how'd it go with the guy?"

Me to Janny-:"Well not good."

Janny-:"Keira was just telling me. I walked in when she was reading your last text. Screw him."

Me-:"Obviously that's not going to happen."

Janny-:"hahaha! Okay right. Look at it this way, you have to wonder what kind of a guy he is if he's claiming that he always attracts the same type of woman? It can't be all the woman's fault? You don't need that anyways.Look at it this way, you did him a favour."

Me-:"How?"

Janny-:"Betting he has been bottling it up and needed to tell someone. If he found you comforting enough to explode on you then you triggered something in him."

I laughed for a bit on that one. 

Walsh-:"There's nothing fresh there."

I was lost for a few minutes on that, as my head was spinning from the other messages.Then I realized he was talking about the wrestling website. "Yeah, I noticed. Too bad too, would like to see some pics of the Manager."

Walsh-:"So, what's up?"

Me-:"Oh my god its like telegram, telephone, telea-drag queen. And you can read about it in a few minutes."

Walsh-:"Whatever he's told you to do, do the opposite."

Me-:"Too late. Seriously, this mess is blog worthy."

Dirty Laundry 57

I did a reading for my friend Scarlett the other day, that went shall I say, horribly wrong. According to her, it went horribly wrong. The main relationship cards came up in the reversed positions, Two of Cups, Lovers, and Four of Wands. All bottoms up. She physically cringed and sort of pulled her hands into her sleeves when she saw them. It got worse from there, as the pregnancy cards came up, Empress, Ace of Wands, and Queen of Pentacles.  She looked at me with this absolute fear in her eyes.  She then admitted she's been sick off and on for the last week, thinking it was stress from the original situation she was asking about.

Okay, don't shoot the messenger, I am only telling you what I see here.  I happened to notice she'd taken off her engagement ring too. Hence the desire for a reading to begin with.

While we were sitting in the cafe doing the reading, this really cute guy came in. He's a regular there and I've noticed only comes in on days when Scarlett is working. I've noticed this, Pussycat has noticed this, Scarlett has not. I left a few minutes after Cute Regular got there.

Scarlett messaged me awhile after that asking "What should I do?"

Me-:"Cute Regular. Grab him like now, while you've got the chance before you move."

She must have told Pussycat what I'd said because he texted me last night.

Pussycat-:"I agree!"

Me-:"?????"

Pussycat-:"I've been telling her for two years this guy is no good for her. She needs to dump him, and I think Cute Regular is just what she needs to do. So I agree."

Everyone has been telling her if she's doubting her relationship then she already knows what she needs to do about it. 

Pussycat-:"How's it going for you?"

Me-:"Fine."

Pussycat-:"Has your ex seen you?"

Me-:"No. I've managed to avoid bumping into him again." 

Pussycat-:"You need to get a new mans. New mans!!! We all need new mans."

Me-:"Preach it sister."

Pussycat-:"I'm doing a spell to bring just more love into my life. Do you want me to do one for you? Not a love spell, I don't touch those, but a spell just to make you more sexy."

Me-:"Thanks. Cool."

Pussycat-:"But...if I were to word something in there what do you want in a man besides a big penis?"

I laughed on that for a few minutes.  "Um...someone with the same sense of humour as me, and someone who speaks the same language as me."

Pussycat-:"Sweetie everyone pretty much speaks English now that's not a hard one to find."

Me-:"True but I was meaning someone who really gets my weirdness."

Pussycat-:"I get your weirdness!!!! We are the weridos Mr."

Me-:"You're gay, you don't count"

Pussycat-:"I love the Craft. I have the soundtrack on right now."

Me-:"But that's what I mean. I want a man who speaks vampire movie."