Monday, November 24, 2014

Sunday night late

Got a message from my cousin Walsh about an hour ago. I figured it was the same old same old about the ppv, so didn't bother to check it right away. Waited till after the ppv was over to bother to look. And it wasn't about that.  He asked if I was okay?  Told him I was fine, then asked why?

Walsh-:"You killed the fairy tale. What's going on?"

Me-:"I did not kill it. Everything is fine."

Walsh-:"You broke up the leads. Are you sure you're okay? Depressed?"

Me-:"No. Totally fine."    I did decide to move the fairy tale into a new direction, hell after almost two years, it's time to get that soap opera some new blood. 

Walsh-:"You talked about not being interested in Mad Hatter anymore, then you kill the asking..."

Me-:"You worry me. You are way too invested in my fairy tale. Get a hobby..."

Walsh-:"I have more then enough hobbies...don't have enough time for my hobbies at it is. I like reading your stuff. So all this time, I thought the lead male was based on Mad Hatter and the lead female on you, but you had the male do your stuff..."

Me-:"I'm the writer, everything the characters do is my stuff. Where is this going?"

Walsh-:"Nowhere I guess. What did you think of the ppv?"

Me-:"Fine, nothing overly special. I have hobbies too you know."  

Walsh-:"Yeah yeah. so, you going to fix it?"

He seemed very determined to have me change the new direction back to the old boring direction. "No. Don't think so. Think I'm going to see where this new direction takes me. I haven't worked Cinderella into it yet or Jekyll and Hyde."

Walsh-:"Jekyll and Hyde isn't a fairy tale."

Me-:"To a point it is. It's a version of Beauty and the Beast."

Silence for a few minutes.  "Okay, I'll buy that. Hang on..." more silence. "I've picked out Alice in Wonderland, Red Ridding Hood, Hansel and Gretel, Rapunzel... Miss anything?"

Me-:"Sleeping Beauty, Frankenstein, Dracula, Robin Hood..."

Walsh-:"Robin Hood! Okay yeah see that now."

Me-:"Obviously, Beauty and the Beast."

Walsh-:"Obviously...okay, carry on. Just make sure you patch up the leads. They really belong together."

Me-:"They need some strife. Can't be all roses and hearts."

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Jon the metal dude

Mardi and I were talking this morning. Her husband had to go into work, and she had the day off. I met her few months ago, standing in line at the movies.  We were talking about Mr. Freeze at one point. Her reaction, went from shock to disgust.

Mardi-:"Never had that happen."

Me-:"I find that hard to believe. You've never in your whole life, had a man just stare at you like that? Follow you around?"    Mardi can only be described as a goddess, perfect skin, perfect hair, perfect waist size. And her husband looks like he should be on the cover of fitness magazines.

Mardi-:"Not that I've seen. Mind you, I don't pay attention to people. But, you need to do something about it. Sounds like a total stalker." I heard her gulp down her tea. "Don't want to find you locked up in a deep freezer somewhere, hacked into hamburger."

Me-:"Good point."

Mardi-:"What's that? You got company?"

I had been watching a lecture on youtube, and bumped the mouse unpausing it.  "No. Just a video."

Mardi-:"For what? Tv show?"


Mardi-:"Send me the link."  I heard her start the dishwasher.


Mardi-:"Why not? I've got nothing else to do right now other then moping the floors." I sent her the link, knowing she's an Atheist. Couldn't wait for her remarks on this one. "Okay, got it. How far into are you?"

Me-:"Bout half way." 

Mardi-:"Then let me fast forward to where you are."  then I heard giggling. "He's cute! I see the appeal of the lecture."

Me-:"Yeah, have to admit, his lectures make it easy to listen."  I could hear part of the youtube lecture over the phone, didn't have to unpause my video. "Dare I say, a new favourite celebrity crush."

Mardi-:"Is he a celebrity? This living god dude? I've never heard of him before."

Me-:"That's because you're an Atheist." that got me laughing then for no real reason.

Mardi-:"That your type?" there was crunching. "Dark hair, heavy metal, and all that?"

Me-:"Pretty much. Why?" I decided I needed a coffee then as I waited for her to continue. There was more crunching for a long minute, the video no longer audible on her end. "Mardi?"

Mardi-:"Just thinking. There's this guy at work who kinda looks like this dude. I know he's single, he asked me out before he realized I was married. Wears death metal shirts to work all the time."

Me-:"Huh. If you tell me he's name is Johnathan I'm hanging up."  she was silent, even stopped crunching on her snack.

Mardi-:" know him?"

Me-:"No. I just...seriously? Are you screwing with me right now?"  I was standing in the middle of the kitchen, not sure if I wanted to laugh or cry or hyperventilate.

Mardi-:"Why would I screw with you about introducing you to a guy?"   I had to tell her about the whole cosmic joke and how every time I turn around, there's another Johnathan popping up. She laughed at me for like ten minutes. 

Sunday, November 9, 2014

Dirty Laundry 42

Knock on the window made me jump five feet. My cousin Walsh was standing there. I let him in, wondering if everything was okay?

Walsh-:"Did you tape the show on Friday?" he followed me into the hallway to my apartment.

Me-:"Yeah, but I deleted it already."

Walsh-:"Crap. Kids were messing around with the dvr and I didn't get it. What were you doing?"

Me-:"Watching Cutthroat Kitchen. My chef just lost."

Walsh-:"Who's that?" he found the matches on the bookcase lighting a cigarette.

Me-:"Chef Marcel Vigneron." I pointed to the screen with my tv remote in hand.  My cousin just stood there for a second, taking a drag on his cigarette. He screwed up his face shrugging. "Then why'd you ask?"

Walsh-:"Why not?" he wandered around the kitchen. "Smells good. What's for supper?"

Me-:"Nothing. I was putting away spices, filling up the jars. Everything okay?"

Walsh-:"Yeah. Just thought you would have the wrestling still in the machine." he shrugged again taking another drag on the cigarette then stomping it out in the sink.  "So, what's going on with that new guy?"

Me-:"What new guy?"

Walsh-:"The one from the trash bin. Saw you posted about him."

Me-:"Ah, nothing. Haven't seen him since. Haven't seen Mr. Freeze either lately, starting to think he doesn't work at the grocery anymore."

Walsh-:"Huh. I wouldn't dwell on it too much, not like either of them are Mad Hatter."

Me-:"I'm so sick of talking about him. We need to find someone new to talk about. Like the Peacock. He should get bumped up to the Friday night show any time now."

He looked at me, not knowing how to read me. "Something happen?"

Me-:"No, just he's become too popular. Time to move on to someone new. Someone...worthy..."

Walsh-:"Okay, seriously what's wrong with you?" my cousin was opening and closing the cupboards looking for something to snack on.

Me-:"What if there is more then one Mr. Scratchy? What if I told you I think that The Celebrity checked in recently...and I can't get him off my mind."

Walsh-:"You think or you know?" he had found the baking nuts, eating them.

Me-:"Does it matter. The point is, he's on my mind the last while. Which is like bad right?"

He started laughing for whatever reason, shaking the pecans bag for the final crumbs. "It's only bad if you believe it's bad. Why would you believe it to be bad?"

Me-:"Cause. He's who I always thought for how many years was Mr. Scratchy, till you pointed out stuff to me, putting things inline with Mad Hatter. And, if there is another Mr. Scratchy...then that rips apart everything I have believed in. Starting to doubt everything."

Walsh-:"Ah, so this isn't really about Mad Hatter as much as it is...what now?"

Me-:"I'm not even sure anymore."   Walsh's phone rang, his wife telling him she had dinner ready. He headed out of the apartment, and was standing in the hallway about to say something else when one of the neighbours entered the building, carrying furniture. My cousin had to double back through the building to get out.

Thursday, November 6, 2014

My gay-dar is so off

One lesbian cousin, one gay uncle, a dozen gay and lesbian friends over the years, plus having dated more bi-sexual men then I want to admit would think I'd be able to spot a gay man five miles away.

But no. Sadly, I still have no solid clue half the time, unless the guy is so over the top flamboyant.  I could chalk it up to the fact half the men I've slept with have been bi-sexual, or I could put it down to evolution. Sex and the City (season 2 episode 23 {of the series. #11 for the season} 'Evolution') dealt with the confusing phenomenon with the gay-straight-man-straight-gay-man storyline.  The gay-straight man is a straight man who has been overexposed to musicals, furniture, and fashion while the straight-gay man is a gay man who plays sports and won't f*** you.  (that's a quote from the episode) 

Then there are the gay men who flirt with you...which is another issue for another time.

Anyways, I met one of my neighbours earlier when I took the trash out.  I was slugging towards the garbage shed, when I saw this really good looking guy come out of the back of the building also carrying his trash. The guy spotted me, and kept looking at me. We got there at the same moment, and instead of rushing in and slamming the door in my face like some of the others in the building have done, he nodded, said hi, opened the door took my trash from me, tossed it in then carried his own in. The whole time he had this look on his face that can only be classed as a sheepish grin.

Now, when I first spotted him come out of the building and around the parking lot, something in his movements screamed in my mind that he was gay. But the closer I got to him, the less that seemed the case. His body language changed, and the way he looked at me was the same way this one ex-boyfriend used to.  There he was, smirking at me with a seductive look in his eyes, standing so close to me that I could feel his nervousness as he asked me if I had just moved in, while he fumbled with his keys for the garbage shed. And then this car pulled up and he says "there's my guy." and got into the car.

What the hell?  What happened here? Was I right with my first thought that this very good looking man is gay and therefore unavailable? Cause there was an attraction happening. Or, and I dread to think it, have I stumbled once again on another bi-guy?

I can't tell anymore. I'm just going to start assuming that every man left on the planet is bi. That way I never have to try to figure the score.

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Return of the Deperate Housewife

Woken by this banging and rattling sound. Loud enough that I thought someone was trying to get in. Given it's a big building and one drunken wrong turn could find you trying your keys in the wrong door...then I heard a woman screaming to be let in. I peeked out the peeper and saw the Desperate Housewife standing in the hallway. She was screaming for her husband to let her in.

Here's the thing, I thought they had moved two weeks ago. The furniture people came, sofas and tables and boxes were moved. I haven't seen him coming or going, nor have I heard their baby.

But there she was this morning, rattling the key that simply wasn't working, screaming to be let in. I saw her then banging on the door closest to her left, waking the neighbour. They told her something, not in English, pointing to her apartment door. She left her stuff in the hallway, stormed up the stairs, stormed down the stairs, and was screaming into the phone.

Security arrived few minutes ago.  Something tells me this is going to be a noisy day around here.