post it june 25 2013

Right off the bat can I nag... Dimmer, shave. Please.

Okay Herman, I'm counting on you to pass that plea on to your buddy. Less of course you're him in which case, there you go.   More and more Mr. Scratchy, I think you were connected at one time to the late Trent Acid.  Which means, you're either The Celebrity, Rebel without a Cause or Mad Hatter.

Anyways, I imagine you checking in tonight after work, tired bruised and needing a laugh. That's what I'm here for. To make you laugh, smirk and relax.
I think you're sitting there with a cup of tea, in a travel mug, wearing those wire rimmed glasses and grey shorts. I think there is a stack of comic beside you given it's a new release day. Or at lest it's new release day where I am.

If you are The Celebrity... hey. How is everything? I miss the silliness, do you miss the silliness of stuff that I would spew out in black and white?  I'm sure you must on some level. I was cleaning out some old wrestling on the DVR few days ago, and came across an old ppv from like a year and a half ago from Company #2.  The Celebrity vs DoubleStarr.  Can't believe I forgot about that match.

Well Mr. Scratchy, Herman; we're sitting at +29C with a humidex of +33C today. Too hot to think. My brain is melting. So I will just say...smile. While you sit there in your cool aired shadows in a twist of barbed wire. Smile. You know you want to.

post-it after midnight

Herman, earlier in the night, I said finding out who you were right now wasn't relevant. Well, that's a lie. You know it's beyond relevant, I was just feeling...don't even know.
Confused, ecstatic, scared, depressed, relieved you name it, I was feeling it few hours ago.  Now Mr. Scratchy, I guess I'm feeling desperate.

You know my reasons for not believing you could be Mad Hatter. Good reasons, bad reasons, either way, my reasons.  Would I like you to be him, um yeah.
I'd also like you to be The Celebrity, the DoubleStarr, Dimmer, Rebel without a Cause, and a few others.

But you're just one guy. Hiding in the shadows. My little twist of barbed wire.  I've been saying for god knows how long, that the ball is in your court, and I really did believe that.  Maybe it still is? I've begged, I've demanded, I've whined, I've been cute about it.  Nothing. It's gotten me nothing.
I'm right back where I started, with hints and clues.  Only this time, things are piling up and making less sense to me.
I don't know why you have stayed in the basement?  There are more then enough theories on why, but only you know the truth.

It's been a long night. Lots to think about. Which of course is one of my problems. I think about everything too much.  That's the writer in me, I can see every side of the box inside and out, and tend to wonder why it's painted white and not blue or why it's held together with tape and not glue?
I didn't mean for that to rhyme  honest.

I'm at a loss as what to do?  All I know, is that I have a feeling things are close man...as I write this I vaguely remember someone on the show tonight saying Alice in Wonderland, only I don't remember who or during what match.  This is me, losing it now.

Okay Mr. Scratchy,  I imagine you checking in to this after work, most likely sore from the night. I imagine you drinking a few glasses of bourbon tonight because tea just won't cut it now. Your pajama bottoms on, those stripped ones I think you wear, no shirt cause you spilled stuff on it the other day and haven't done laundry.
I imagine you are listening to the Doors, because like millions of people world wide, you found out that one of the main members died yesterday and are a bit sad.

I think too, that you are waiting for me to figure it out.  Okay Herman, it's all about the doors of perception, which ironically, fits with everything including Alice in Wonderland theme.  So on that, tonight I will say I hope I made you smile some, even if you are shaking your head at me eyes closed, saying "that's my girl." And quote "When you're Strange" by the Doors. 

Dirty Laundry 28

"How many gay men did you add to this?"   Walsh was reading the latest two chapters I added to the novel. He had stopped by after work because he didn't want to go home while his wife's friends were over. Which I've been noticing has become a weekly thing.

"There's only a couple." I said counting the characters. "Okay four. There are only four Stanfords in my story."

Walsh-:"I don't understand why you just don't make your lead a woman, it's clearly you here. These are totally your issues, so why make the main character a man?"

Me-:"Women are boring. Men are so much more interesting."

Walsh-:"Wow, no one would ever mistake you for a feminist."

Me-:"Damn f***ing straight. Besides, no one wants to read about me."

Walsh-:"Then why do you blog so much?"

Me-:"Cause my wrestlers read me."

Walsh-:"Why do your wrestlers read you if no one wants to read about you?"  he had that smirk again.

Me-:"They don't read me for me, they read me to see if they made the blog that week. To see who is the latest obsession, therefore being the hottest guy in the company. Except for Mr. Scratchy who seems to read me in silence in order to torture me. You're the one who keeps telling me I have more influence then I think. Well, fine then, I'm thinking who I ramble about means something. And right now, it's all about the Rebel without a Cause."

Walsh-:"I thought it was all about the Mad Hatter?"

Me-:"It is, for my novel. Mad Hatter doesn't need me rambling about him to help his ... cause."  I laughed at myself cause damn it, I'm funny. "But, I have a feeling the Rebel without a Cause is feeling the short end of the lack of blogging love. He was who had my attention in Company #1 first, then that whole thing with Mad Hatter came up out of nowhere. And just what was that the other night anyway?" I was rambling and walking in circles.

Walsh-:"What thing?"

Me-:"The comment you left on the blog? About the segment on the show with the hat?"

My cousin looked up at me from the computer screen his face scrunched up in confusion. "I never left a comment on the blog. When have I ever left a comment on the blog?"

Me-:" Who else would have left it?"  I pulled up the blog showing him the comment as if that would jog his memory or something. He swore for like five minutes it was not him.

Walsh-:"Maybe it was Mr. Scratchy!" he was laughing like a maniac. He was reading the last couple of posts and then pointed to the one post. "A list eh?"

Me-:"Well, there's the obvious, The Celebrity.  Which, a part of me will always lean towards.
Then there is the DoubleStarr.   Which makes less sense the farther away I get from company #2.
Then there is the hot British wrestler who looks like actor Richard Armitage. Next on the list is Dimmer.  Next would be the GraveDigger from the rookie show. He's on the list because...I'm not sure, just gut instinct.  Next on the list would be the Vlad the Impaler look a like, also from the rookie show. That's a given. Next would be The Rebel without a Cause. He was one of the first ones I thought about as a possibility as far as Company #1 goes.  Next of course would be the Mad Hatter.  I don't know, it's a bit more then just your rambling. There are a few things that I just can't ignore.  But it's a list, and since I have no idea who on the list are straight or single, it's just theories. Things I can't prove. Things I want to prove but don't have the logical physical to back them up.  Just gut reactions and a few rounds of blog hits that used to have a pattern.  Even that has gone out the wayside."  I was gesturing towards the window.

Walsh-:" Mad Hatter for sure. That's a lot of guys actually from the rookie show." he was laughing at me. "That's a lot of guys. Damn, like you say about the Rebel without a Cause's hair, pick one and stick with it."

Me-:"What's your point?"

He shrugged. "It's Mad Hatter no doubt."

Me-:"He didn't say anything."

Walsh-:"Maybe he couldn't?  Maybe he never saw it in time?"

Me-:"Dude, if he's Mr. Scratchy, he saw it with more then enough time to hit the deadline. He didn't say it, so you have to be shsshh-y."

Walsh-:"Shsshhh-y?"

Me-:"Yes, shsshhh-y. I'm tired, brain fried."

Walsh-:"Shsshhh-y.  I don't doubt it with that many guys on your list."

Me-:"Oh shut up."  but we were both laughing by that point. "But it seems I was really on his mind during the show. Most likely waiting to see what I would say about Mad Hatter not saying anything. Cause like look."  I showed my cousin my right shoulder which is scratched to pieces right now. "There's some nasty looking ones on my back and thigh too."

Walsh-:"UUghhh! Don't need to see those thanks. I'll take your word for it."  he went back to reading the draft of the novel. "You should dump the affair part, it makes the one woman character seem not right for the main guy. Are you ever going to get over what happened with my sister and your bothes ex?"   Referring once again to the fact his sister the addict stole that one boyfriend from me. "Like ever? That's like the fifth story you've added that plot to that I've read of yours."

Me-:"I'm over it. Seriously. No seriously, seriously I'm done. I'm so totally over it."  he was looking at me like he didn't believe me. "I'm fine! I'm good, really. Seriously, dude I'm not dumping the affair with the best friend. It stays."

Walsh-:"Noticed you made the best friend look a lot like the Rebel without a Cause."

Me-:"Hence the affair."

post-it Sept 28th

I had a very odd day at physio therapy that started with my cab driver wearing a shirt for the DoubleStarr.
That was pretty groovy actually, as I rarely see anyone in this city wearing wrestling tees other then myself.  And the few I have over the years, has always been for Company #1 wrestlers, never guys from Company #2.
So I mentioned his shirt and soon learned that not only are we both big fans of the DoubleStarr, we both think he's got a great ass and a wicked smile.  I like his eyes, there's something deep and mischievous in those sapphire blue eyes of the DoubleStarr.

Anyways, in physio itself, my therapist was working with a new patient, and ever few minutes would say something and then direct it at me.  I agreed with what he was saying, but after a few minutes I let my sarcastic side take over.  I'm the only one who I've ever seen in that place argue with their therapist and not get booted out. 
As I was leaving, one lady who had been in the room same time as me, took the elevator with me, and asked if I knew the therapist outside of physio?

Me-: "No why?"

Lady-: "He doesn't flirt like that with me."

Me-: "He wasn't flirting with me. He's married and about to have a kid any day."

Lady-: "Sweetie, I've been around a lot longer then you and that guy was flirting with you."

This is the second time since April when I started there that someone thought he was flirting with me.

And while I was waiting for my cab back, I spotted this chick coming out of the building.  It was a local author/publisher that I had worked with back in 2009.  It didn't go well.  She was pregnant back then and she looked to be pregnant again today.  She spotted me and smirked and continued on to her car. 
This was the author who wrote a really bad book about the city and self published it.  She kept making promises to publish my work but never did.  In the end, all she had wanted was a groupie type to give her ego a boost.   Her book failed epically and her second one, didn't even make it to the local book stores because no one wanted to take it on after the trash of the first. 

So, Mr. Scratchy, Herman that was my odd day.  How has yours been going?
I can only imagine you reading this over your dinner, I'm thinking pasta; your fork poised halfway between your plate and mouth while you shake your head at me laughing.   Dressed in track pants and a plan grey tee shirt. Feel free to let the DoubleStarr know there is a 60+ year old male cab driver in my city ready to drive him anywhere. 

Post-it after dark

Listening to the  Nick Carter song, Heart without a Home.  Great song. Sad, but aren't all slow romantic songs in the end?
Yeah, you my dear Mr. Scratchy, get a two for one blog ticket on here tonight.  Just because.
Okay, fine, I'm feeling lonely and this helps. Blogging to you. Blogging to The Celebrity, to The Other Guy, to the DoubleStarr. Makes me feel less alone right now.

Is there a slow song you like, or think I would want to check out, Mr. Scratchy? Or a song in general?


I know, I do all the talking, and I'm starting to feel like the cliche of what a woman is always made out to be. The never shutting up part I mean.  But, at this point I have no idea what else to do.  So I keep blogging Mr. Scratchy, keep leaving you these post-it notes. 

Tonight, I imagine you Mr. Scratchy, to be sitting with a few new comics in hand, maybe having just come in from washing your dog. Yes, I still have this feeling you have a dog.  Dressed in a pair of dark jeans, waiting for the laundry to be done, maybe waiting for your buddy to call you back. 

Anyways, Mr.Scratchy; by the time you read this, I'll most likely already be up getting ready for yet another way too early round of physio therapy and doctor's appointments. I get to get yelled at by an egomaniac in the morning. My physio therapist I mean. The dude has admitted to never having any sort of injury ever, never having to even in his training, ever have to simulate what it's like to have an injury, yet he still thinks that everyone should be healed from things at the same degree and speed. Even you, being in the wrestling industry, have witnessed certain injuries heal different for different people. I'm sure you've had a few yourself? Do you have any scars Mr. Scratchy?

As always Mr. Scratchy, I hope I've made you comfortable with a metaphoric hug and maybe made you giggle a bit.

Post-It July 14th 2012

I had come in here with the full intention of talking about family and when you have kids after the age of fifty.  But I deleted that post. 
Mr. Scratchy, I bought the book American Psycho  this week.  Haven't cracked the spine of it yet. I have a stack of books that I hope to finish reading before the end of the year.  I think it just went to the top of the pile.
And for anyone who hasn't seen the movie or read the book; who might be asking what does it have to do with this blog; tons.  I oddly am one of the only women I know who actually likes the movie version. But I loved Clockwork Orange (movie) and Naked Lunch (book and movie) when other women I talked to were grossed out by them.  I do have to admit, Naked Lunch has one of the craziest pornographic scenes I've ever read.
When I was doing book reviews, I found myself reading a lot of  erotica that was labeled as romance. And trust me there was nothing romantic about half of those novels.  Nor were most of them very erotic, just sort of there in your face.  No real plot, no character development.  One book I had to review was listed as paranormal romance and it was a mess.  A ghost, a werewolf and the same sex scene repeated every seven pages for the majority of the book.  Even the very thin character outline seemed to not match up from the first few pages to the end.  As if the actual story was an extreme after thought.
I actually tried my writing skills at an erotic short story few years ago.  It was for a contest. I lost, totally rejected by the publisher.  But I don't really blame them, as my heart wasn't in it.  I did end up having it posted on a former friend's website.  I got two extreme responses for it.  Half the people who read it thought there was too much sex in it and half thought there wasn't enough.
Maybe one of these days I'll re-write it, sort it out a bit and build on the characters.

I realize I missed your check in tonight Mr. Scratchy. 
Have I mentioned that my cousin Walsh is hoping you turn out to be the DoubleStarr.  For once I'm the one who is telling him not to be having such a wishful thinking.  Feels weird.
Take a breath, stop laughing it's funny I know.

Tonight, I imagine you Mr. Scratchy, sitting reading this with your windows open letting in a light breeze, maybe the smell of fresh donuts coming from somewhere nearby, a cup of tea beside you. And you wearing a pair of shorts- blue- pushing up the little wired rimmed glasses I think you wear, suddenly thinking that you want to watch the movie American Psycho.
While I sit here listening to an Alice Cooper song wondering if I should take some of my cousin's advice and give in, checking out The Celebrity and The Other Guy's side project?

Post-it July 8th

I was watching the pay-per-view tonight.  There was a preshow interview with the DoubleStarr. 

I knew there was a reason I wanted to write a cookbook with him. (To Be or Not To Be)

A message came in from Walsh through my mother's Facebook profile, asking if I'd seen the pre-show interview, and making the comment that he thinks the DoubleStarr is just perfect for me. 

Yeah, I'll get right on that; order up one deep dish DoubleStarr with a side order of goat cheese and artichoke dip.

I do adore the wrestler, I think he's one of the best in the business, but even I know when to draw the line at some things.  And if he's reading this, which I think he does once and a while,  it was a wicked match.  One of my favourites of the year. If fans are not talking about that match for the next five months then they don't know their arse from their elbow.

I'm serious about the cookbook if you're ever thinking about it.

Well that sucked

Walsh and my aunt stopped by for a bit this afternoon. Invited mom to a Canada Day party tomorrow. While he was there, we hung outside for a few minutes.  "what are you thinking about?:"

Me-:"I was thinking about heavy metal music, from like the 80's. Thinking of tattoos and eyeliner on boys, of cigarette burns and hazy morning after bedrooms that you have to fan out.  Thinking about the lousy few songs I have on my iPod and the fact that I might not be able to retrieve all the music I have on my dead MAC. Thinking that my sister who is 8 years younger then me is like a world apart from where I am. She's the one who's all grown up with the husband and the step kids and the house. I'm 38 and I'm just... old. "

Walsh-: "You're not old. You're only 3 years older then me."

Me-:"I still want to call it a walkman.  My iPod, I still want to call it my walkman."

Walsh-:"Okay that's sort of old. What's got this all started?"

Me-:"Just a movie I was watching. Sort of the movie. Sort of just... realized how out of touch I've gotten."

Walsh-:"You're upset over a f**king movie?"

Me-:"Did you ever waver when you met your wife? I mean, back in the beginning when you first met her?"

Walsh-:"What do you mean?"

Me-:"Did anything get in the way of you asking her out?"

Walsh-:"No. Well, she was dating someone else when I first met her and she was my sister's best friend. That's how we met."

Me-:"That's what I thought. He's never going to say who he is. It's been like four years, and Mr. Scratchy has never once even commented. At lest, not to say who he is, if he commented it was anonymously."

Walsh-:"All this because of a movie?"

Me-:"I'm just tired.  You know, when I first wrote the movie..."

Walsh-:"You mean your vampire movie that never got finished because of Sophia?"

Me-:"Yes, my poor excuse for a script. Anyways, when I first wrote it, I wrote my character as a divorced woman.  She was a D-List horror star goth and the ex husband was a A-List porn star. That was suppose to be part of why the marriage didn't work."

Walsh-:"Oh my god. No wonder the movie sucked"  

Me-:"You're not funny." but we were both laughing like lunatics to the point my cousin was beet red and my chest hurt.  When we finally stopped laughing and calmed down I tired to continue telling him what my point was, but he never let me.  He changed the subject talking about his kids.

Walsh-:"Hey, I haven't heard you mention Nura in awhile. You two still friends?"

Me-: "No idea. I haven't heard from her in a few months. But she gets like that, drifts in and out of people's lives.  I've given up on her twice before in the past only to have her pop up like no time had past at all. Last time I did talk to her, she mentioned having to go back to the U.S. for awhile.Something about her duel citizenship and her needing her birth certificate. Why?"

He shrugged and made a face. "Haven't heard you talk about much of anything lately other then wrestling."

Me-: "Dude, I've been cooped up with a broken leg for the last four months, not much to talk about. Going stir crazy. I know I said I was going to wait till after the second surgery before I went home, but I think I might have to rethink that idea."

Walsh-: "You'll just get home and then they contact you for the surgery. Then you'll have to come right back here. You know what else sucks? You deserve to be happy. Don't be so hard on yourself."

Me-:"I'm just being honest. If Mr. Scratchy really wanted something, he'd have contacted me by now. Everyone always says to me that my time will come, that I'll meet that right man and get married. But, dude, I'm 38 years old. I don't think it's ever going to happen. Marriage just isn't in the cards for me."

Walsh-:"Speaking of wrestling. And yes I'm changing the subject cause I don't want you crying...I think that the DoubleStarr has a crush on you."

I broke out laughing for another few minutes to the point my throat was burning and my chest hurt massively. "Well I didn't see that coming at all. What the hell? "

Walsh-:"Lest you're not crying. I don't know, why not? Anything is possible right?"

Me-:"Almost anything. But I don't know about that one."

May 23rd 2012

I just wanted to say a short Happy Birthday to The Celebrity today.

I know if he doesn't check in today, either The Other Guy, or The DoubleStarr or even Mr. Scratchy will pass this on. 

Happy Birthday.

Dirty Laundry 16

"You are not watching that right now?"   This was my aunt as she came to get my cousin whom my mom had been babysitting.
My aunt was referring to the fact I was sitting in front of the wrestling pay-per-view. The Celebrity and The Other Guy were on.  They lost.  Bit upset over that fact but I was digging on the new pants The Celebrity was wearing.

Me-:"Yes it's live don't touch the remote. I've paid $50 for this so don't even.. they lost.  What do you mean they lost? Damn it!"

Aunt-: "Ha! Serves you right for watching that with a 6 year old around. Did your skunk cut his hair yet?"

Me-:"Sure. I'm trying to listen to the thing.  I have a review to do."

My mom was gathering up my cousin's stuff and getting her coat.  "The Other Guy shaved those stupid sideburns off."

Me-: "I'm blogging that. You've been warned."  I had the ice pack on my knee and it was caught in the edge of my brace. "You missed the disco shorts that  the DoubleStarr was wearing. Spiffy very spiffy."  I caught my aunt grinning then as she's made comments before about liking the DoubleStarr.  

Pulling punches

Nura-:"You should do like a whole theme of sex in another city. Like they did on the show"

Me-:"Yeah brilliant idea get right on that expect for the nagging fact my knee is broken and I'm going to be looking at close to four months or more of hell known as therapy."

Nura-:"I mean like afterwards. When you're better and can travel smartass."

Me-:"At the rate this is going, I'm looking at not being able to even get to the grocery until October."

Nura-:"You really need to calm down. But I was watching SATC this morning, the one where she dates the writer. And I started to wonder what happened to that writer you were with."

Me-:"Sci-Fi Guy? What about him?"

Nura-:" I thought you said the two of you got along. Why don't you call him?"

Me-:"Because that was three years ago and the last time I did talk to him, he seemed like he was into someone else."

Nura-:"But you liked him?"

Me-:"Bit. He has these blue eyes that could give The Other Guy a run for his money."

Nura-:"And there is your problem. Enough with the wrestlers. No man will ever measure up to The Other Guy or The DoubleStarr and not The Celebrity. Specially not The Celebrity so you really need to you know, think about normal men."

 Me-:"And I wouldn't call one date being with."

Nura-:"It was more then that wasn't it?"

Me-:"Few emails, couple of phone calls but otherwise no. Just a date."

The chat was short tonight, or I should say it got derailed as I started to have a freak out over the new blogger regional issues. Nearly had a full on panic attack when things started to go shifty on me. But as I sit here now trying to deal with the new blogger stuff, I have to admit Nura is right. No one will measure up as far as I'm concerned. That is other then Mr. Scratchy.  But in the meantime...

Dirty Laundry 13

I got a message from Walsh asking if I'd caught this week's show yet.  I had not, and didn't even realize it had been posted online yet.  So I decided to check.   It was up and running so to speak.  As always, I ended up fast-forwarding through much of it till I spotted the DoubleStarr. 
I can not even tell you what made me decide to actually pay attention but I did.  I'd been having this weird sick feeling since the message from my cousin, then I heard it.   The theme song for my tag team.   The Celebrity had returned.

Here I thought I was going to find out something really horrible the way my cousin was taunting me about watching the show. 

The Celebrity looked good. Then again he always looks good.

And had he been sitting here beside me when I watched it, he would have slapped me upside the head because that sick feeling turned into this weird cry-laugh thing for a brief few seconds.  Yes, he's got some really crazy affect on me and I can't understand it myself.  Which I think he totally gets his rocks off on knowing that he can make me react like a 12 year old. 

To be or not to be

"So it's NOT the Musician?"  Nura asked me few hours ago.

Me-: "He swears it's not him that he's not touring right now, says he's been in town for the last few months."

Nura-: "Okay hon, you have any clue who this is?  This is like bordering on stalker."  she licked her lips. "Shit I'd be freaking out."

Me-: "Well, whomever it is, I have to remind myself my wrestlers deal with this kind of thing all the time.  So far, I'm guessing they are harmless cause they're just you know hitting the blogs like five times a day. This week, Elliot Lake."

Nura-: "That's not far from where you are... could it be an ex-boyfriend?"

Me-: "I don't know. But getting back to the Musician, he emailed me yesterday and asked if I had a lot of readers cause get this, he wants me to promote his new cd."

Nura-: "Yeah, you seemed pissed about his email. What did he say about your warning?"

Me-: " I don't want to talk about him and that cu--"

Nura's eyes went wide and she gestured at the webcam for me to relax some. 

Nura-:"Okay back to the other things. I think it might be time for a protection spell. Could it be Mr. Scratchy?" she asked her voice taking on a bit of a sing song.

Me-: "No.  Mr. Scratchy is very American."

Nura-: "Oh what about the dude from that electronics store few months back?  Didn't he send you a fan letter. Evil fan letter?"

Me-: "Never thought of that.  I doubt it's him thought."

Nura-: "I still think he was going to hit on you but said what he did to save face."

Me-: " I'm changing the subject now.  You know who I'd love to work with... the DoubleStarr. Like write with him."

Nura-: "Um okay why?  Is he a writer?"

Me-: "Hell if I know.  But I'd love to work on a cookbook with him."

Nura started to laugh, one of those sputtering laughs. "Total non-stop tofu" When she finally stopped she gave a small sigh then made a comment about The Celebrity and The Other Guy. "They might get jealous."

Me-: "Jealous over what? A raspberry tart? A bowl of mushroom soup? Oh yeah can see how that would draw a line in the sand for those boys. Make them want to just have a falls count anywhere in the kitchen match with tables ladles and chairs. Jealous. No man has ever been jealous because of me."

Nura mentioned a guy I was friends with a few years ago who worked the wrestling stuff with me for a brief few months.

Me-: "He was jealous of The Celebrity. There is a difference."

Deal breakers vs Dealing

"I think you should just start dating again. You're driving me mental which means you are driving me mental." Nura said in an email.

My reply -:"Dating involves having to shave your legs daily and bikini area, making sure your eyebrows are plucked, it involves smelling fabulous even when you've been sweating, it involves having at lest three great outfits for the dates, one being up-chic casual for afternoons of errands just in case you bump into someone who might be a potential date, it involves having your make-up and hair done all the time, it involves making sure you have brand new matching bra and underwear usually in lace and having enough money at all times for drinks, movies and cabs home as well as condoms.   Honestly, I just do not have the energy or time for that kind of production." 

Nura emailed back that maybe I should date a few guys anyway to 1- help get out of my rut and 2 - think of it as research for the column.

Am I in a rut?  Here I thought I was just tried of wasting time on men I wasn't interested in.

All I know for sure is that Thursday night between 9pm till after 10:30pm {EST} I was scratching the right side of my body like madness. {Mr. Scratchy ...}

In season 3 of Sex and the City {episode 35 called No Ifs, Ands, or Butts } the question of the week is "In relationships, what are the deal breakers?"
It's the episode where we're introduced to Aidan, the man Carrie nearly marries.

I've been thinking about this question a lot as of late.  For me if I'm not getting butterflies from the thought of the guy then there is no point.  Butterflies are my big deal breaker.
To be honest, the only two men as of the last year to give me butterflies are The Celebrity and the DoubleStarr.
Two famous men on tv.  Talk about flying without a parachute.

It's the thought that counts

A friend of Nura's once said to me that my magick was in my writing.  I thought he was being cheeky, but now I have to wonder.

When I was a teenager and in my early twenties, I wrote the same guy all the time in my novels and poems and short stories. 
One day he popped into my life.  Right down to the brand of cigarettes he smoked.  Just as if he had come out of the pages of my writing.  That was my ex.

After him, I started to write a new hero.  A guy who showed up in my life not too long afterward.  Once again, it was as if the perfect man had been waiting to spring from the pages of my writing.

Since 2005, I've been writing about The Celebrity, The Other Guy, the DoubleStarr, and a bunch of wrestlers.  They have been the centerpoints for all my lead characters.

If Nura and her friend are right, have I counteracted my own strength?  Have I kept my next relationship from "popping off my page into my world"  because I have stopped creating from my mind and have been creating around someone ?  Or have I saved myself from another disaster of a relationship because of it?  

If it's truly the thought that counts, can I get my Mr. Scratchy back?

Dirty Laundry part 6

My cousin Walsh was around yesterday for a few minutes, and I made the mistake of asking if he's read the blog at all lately.   He laughed nodding at me.

 Walsh-: "I knew you were going to ask that. I think you need to not talk so much about the Double Starr and the Canadian Impact Dude."

Me-:"Um why?"

Walsh-:"You're going to make him jealous. You're skunk boy. The Celebrity."

Me-: "What is it with you and your stepmom? She's forever calling him a skunk and a crackhead."

Walsh- :"Well, he does have that going on."

Me-: "No, seriously, why do you think that?"

Walsh-: " Cause I think you hurt The Other Guy's feelings before and are needing to chill out a bit and think about it. I see you're scratches are healing too."

Me-: "Yeah. That's actually not good.  Means Mr. Scratchy has stopped thinking of me like he used to. Is it weird for me to say I want him back?  Given that I don't really truly know who he even is?"

He shrugged making a weird little duckbill with his lips.

Walsh-: "Coming from anyone else yes coming from you, its understandable and dare I say normal thing to hear.  But I think it's time you either did something to make your 'Mr.Scratchy'"  {he dropped his voice smiling bright} "confess to who he is or just you know... date. You know what Grandma used to say.  A watched pot never boils."

Me-: "Yes I know I say it all the time myself."

Walsh-: "Best advice you could give yourself. My advice is just relax he's a guy. 'Mr. Scratchy' " {he dropped his voice again smiling like it was a commercial}  "will tell you who he is when he's ready."

Me-: "Why do you keep doing that saying it like your selling dish soap?"

Walsh-: "I don't know, in a good mood tonight. Besides, could make a ton of money selling dish soap."

A blast from the past

In 2009, I had a few dates with this guy who was a look alike for the Double Starr. 
This DSLookaLike, was a MMA fighter here in the area, on the same spiritual path as me, and creepy.
We were talking on webcam one night and he just started to masturbate as if I wasn't talking to him. 

DSLL was not shy about getting naked on camera, nor was he shy about anything in the sex department.

No, I never actually slept with him.   

Twice in the past week, he's popped up in the neighbourhood.   Once a week ago when I was coming home from a walk,  and this afternoon when I was passing the grocery on my way home.   I haven't seen or heard from DSLL in two years then suddenly  poof there he is.

Both times, he's spotted me and turned away like he's trying to fade into the wall.  Should I be insulted ?
I think I might just chalk him up to a ghost haunting the joint.

Dirty Laundry 5

Mother's birthday today, and I picked up a cake on my way over.   Uncle and Aunt came over with their youngest.   I had my sports blog pulled up on the computer and had in mind to do a post when they showed up.  I never got the chance, but my Aunt was leaning in over my shoulder and pointed to a screen photo. 

"He's cute! I haven't seen him before have I?"

Me-: "That's the Double Starr. He was in the 3rd company for the last while. So I don't think you've seen him."

Aunt-: "Well he's hot. If I ever leave your Uncle I'm going to find a guy who looks like that."

Me-: "Yeah he's got a little bit of snakebite to him. Actually, he's got a lot of snakebite to him."

Aunt-: "His snake could bite me anytime. See now that is a man with some style." My Aunt slapped my shoulder gesturing towards the computer screen. "Much better then your skunked crackhead."

Me-: "What is it with you and crackheads?"

Aunt-: "You want a guy who looks like he just rolled out of bed on his way to the gutter then fine, keep him."  

Me-: "You saying he doesn't have style?  I actually think he looks normal." 

Aunt-: "I'm saying I like this one better."