Thursday, February 27, 2014

We made a boo-boo

Was watching The Big Bang Theory, and I got a message from my cousin Walsh. "You need to see this." there was a link.

Me-:"Will it upset me?"

Walsh-:"No. Shouldn't."

Me-:"What is it?"

Walsh-:"Your boys. Rebel without a Cause and Mad Hatter doing an interview."

Me-:"And I want to see this why?" 

Walsh-:"Just watch it."  I punched in the link and then hit pause when the youtube came up.  I wasn't sure I wanted to see whatever it was he was wanting me to see.  I finished watching Big Bang Theory, and decided to watch the second half of the rookie wrestling (I had the dvr recording it, which ended up being a repeat from a few months ago) and got another message from Walsh. "You watch it?"

Me-:"Nope, can't. Just tell me what's in it."

Walsh-:"Trust me, you need to see this interview."  

Okay, I sucked it up and watched the interview which was from earlier this month. "Okay, so Mad Hatter is unable to sit still, a complete flirt and Rebel without a Cause seemed angry. Why did I need to see that?"

Walsh-:"I think you jumped to conclusions. It's can get over your writer's block and make the fairy tale better. So it doesn't suck."

Me-:"That I jumped to conclusions? You're the one who pointed that whole thing out and pushed me, into the conclusions face first."

Walsh-:"Get over it. Obviously we were wrong. That should make you happy?"

Me-:"How? Why? Obviously? All it proves is that he's straight."   Writer's block doesn't work like that. I don't work like that. 

7:00pm Feb 27

"Why on earth would you admit to that?"  my aunt asked as she sat with a cup of herbal tea in hand. We were doing tea leaves readings.  Well, trying to. I couldn't make any sense out of anything. I did see what looked like an anchor and a boot, which when I looked them up in the book, are two of the most common things the tea leaves form.

Me-:"Uh... because when I make a complete fool out of myself, I seem to have more hits. My wrestlers like to laugh?"

Aunt-:"So you're just going to let them build themselves up by knocking you down farther? How does that help? How does that make your life lighter and more fulfilled?"

Me-:"They're reading, right now that's all that matters."

She put her tea down and poked my shoulder. "You've got to stop it! Stop letting everyone walk all over you."


Aunt-:"Were you really that shocked to learn your ex was sleeping with a teenager?"

Me-:"No. That's not the point."

My aunt shrugged swirling her cup. "Then what was?"  I didn't have an answer. It bothered me, it shouldn't have but it did.  She made a grunting sound nodding. "You think that guy was the big love of your life?" All I could do was shrug. "I know you, and if you 100% thought that, you wouldn't have dated anyone else."

Me-:"Like my love life has been anything but a desert last few years."

Aunt-:"Who's fault is that?"

Me-:"The universe? Every time I've decided I was going to start dating again in the last few years, I've ended up on crutches or in hospital. I swear, something is blocking me."

Aunt-:"Then unblock it. Do whatever you have to do to unblock whatever is blocking you."   Which, if I knew for sure what that was, I'd have fixed it already. "What would you do honestly, if that guy came back into your life tomorrow?"


Aunt-:"Why? If he's the big love of your life, why won't the idea of seeing him again make you feel good?"

Me-:"Because he was a lying cheating drunk slut."

Aunt-:"Ahh, see so not the right man for you. Obviously unblock your path, and know that the right man is on his way still. You just need to be patient and keep your mind off the negative stuff. And don't talk to that girl on there anymore. But you've got to understand, everything happens for a reason and your talking to her was for a reason. Have you figured out why?"  I shook my head no, and by this time I had started to sniffle. "What else did you say she said?"

Me-:"She's a big fan of my favourite wrestlers too. Mad Hatter mostly."

Aunt-:"And that's bad?"

Me-:"She's met him."

My aunt shrugged. "Again, how is that bad?"


Aunt-:"Ah! Now we've gotten to the real issue."   She finished off her tea and told me to think about that for awhile.  Apparently, my aunt wants me to have a complete mental breakdown. The idea that my ex could be less than one degree away from my current favourite wrestler. Thanks, get right on that.

Jealous much

I have been sitting here for the last two hours, trying to write something for the fairy tale, have about a half a hand written page, most of which is crossed out because it's just not working. So I decided to distract myself by watching an episode of Charmed and hanging out again on the fashion site.
I got a private message from someone on there who had seen some of the creations I put together, and who also lives in my area. We chatted, ends up she's another big fan of Mad Hatter (she's even going under a combo of his stage names) and Werewolf King (does no one have internet love for Rebel without a Cause?) and then I found out the girl, who is only 20 years old, dated one of my exes.
This floored me. 

I literally sat here, doing a double take when she mentioned -----'s name, and described this old t-shirt he wore everywhere that had an old cartoon from the 1980's on it.  Took me a bit to process what she was telling me.

I was beginning to think this was a prank by my cousin or something, so yes, I checked out her profile, saw a bunch of photos of her at meet and greets with bands I've never heard of, and even...Mad Hatter. 

I've been one upped by a kid.

So, not a prank, and I'm still left in a strange numbed shock.  I'm jealous. I'm jealous this kid has a cooler life then I do, and I'm jealous that my ex ----- who is only five years younger then I am, is sleeping with girls who are fifteen years younger then he is.

This is bad. Very bad. I feel like a jilted wife.

Talk about a cosmic joke.

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

The Opposite of Like

We've all heard the terms "like attracts like"  and "opposites attract".   The entire romantic comedy genre is based on the idea that opposites attract, and we've all learned that when you're positive good things come into your life, and when you're negative, bad stuff appears.
So if both view points are true, then what should we be looking out for when it comes to relationships? 

The two big loves in my life, both ended up leaving me for women in the same business as them. Ironically, both times they happened to be actors. 

On Sex and the City, for the fifth season and part of the sixth, Carrie dates fellow writer Berger. On the surface, it seemed like the greatest match for her, but quickly the cracks became obvious. The relationship falls apart, and Carrie meets Petrovsky, whom she moves away with. Her relationship with him is too much of an opposite and it doesn't just develop cracks, it explodes.  This is one instance when art really does imitate life, or life imitating art, depending on how you look at it.

On the show, Carrie experiences both versions of the "attracting rules" and neither works for her. Too many of us end up in similar situations in real life. Either we have too much in common and it causes jealously and stress, or else we have nothing in common and it causes co-dependance and insecurity.

On a night like this, I just can't help but wonder, do we like our opposite or do we oppose what we like?

Monday, February 24, 2014

Late Coffee Continued

I was watching the match just now, trying to finish my now cold coffee, when another message came in from my cousin.  "You cut me off so you could blog?"

Me-:"We were done."

Walsh-:"No we weren't."

Me-:"Oh. Well...continue then."

Dead silence.

Walsh-:"He looks like he was outside."

Me-:"What? Who?"

Walsh-:"Mad Hatter."

Silence on my end this time.  I made a fresh coffee, then half way listened to the so called main event.

Me-:"Sure. Smoke break?"

Walsh-:"???? I'm in my pajamas  too cold to go outside and can't smoke in the house."

Me-:"No, not you, you goof! Mad mentioned him looking like he'd been outside..."

Walsh-:"Oh! Hahaha! I thought you meant...nevermind. It's late I have to work tomorrow."

Me-:"Well what did you want?"

Walsh-:"Nothing. Just to yell at you for blogging in the middle of the conversation."

Late coffee

Message came in from my cousin Walsh. Must be a Monday. 

Me-:"Yes I'm watching the show. Are you?"

Walsh-:"Hahahah! Did the television survive or did you throw it out the window?"

Me-:"Big old tv, too heavy to lift."

Walsh-:"So you're not happy with the pay-per-view? From last night?"

Me-:"Um...huh? No I'm good with it. Why?"

Walsh-:"I'm shrugging at you right now. Caught up with the fairy tale, sort of starting to suck. Not as funny as before, and you need to bring the ghost stuff back in."

Me-:"Told you. I've got writer's block. I've been sitting here since yesterday afternoon staring at a half sentence unable to think of anything...oh Werewolf King is on."

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Well there's an alarm clock for ya

Bang, bang, bang. oh god, oh god, oh my f***ing god. Right there, harder. yes, yes, bang bang hang.

Took me a minute to shake off the dreams and realize my downstairs neighbour has a new girlfriend. Well, that's one way to make sure everyone in the building knows he's seeing someone new.

I wish I could say that was an isolated "alarm clock" but, that's pretty common given how thin the walls are here.
What is new, is that a few minutes after that, the lady who moved in across the hall stomped her way downstairs, banged on his door and told him to try to be more quiet as she's got two little kids.

And how's your morning going?

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Supper time 20th Feb

Doorbell rang about an hour ago. My cousin Walsh was standing there trying to relight his cigarette as a large half melted droplet of snow fell from the roof, smacking him in the face. It was funny, I laughed.

Walsh-:"You aren't at auntie's? I went over thinking you were there."

Me-:"Came home the other day. Mom's doctor gave her the all clear so..." 

He had to toss the cigarette and grumbled because he didn't have any more. "What ya been doing?" he clunked up the stairs on purpose, half trying to get the snow and slush off his shoes, half to see if the neighbours would open their doors to see what was going on.  No one else was home in the building thank god.

Me-:"Not much. Hanging out on this fashion site actually."   Walsh looked at me and started laughing. "Shut up! I've been trying to get some sort of creative something going, this writer's block is driving me up a wall."

Walsh-:"Not saying a word."  I showed him the site, again he just looked at me laughing.

Me-:"I've had a ton of 'likes' and stuff for my little fashion snapshot thingies. It's nice to have..."

Walsh-:"huh. Okay. You're way too excited for this thing."

Me-:" have people actually liking my stuff." I pointed to a few I've done, the ones with the most 'likes' and a few I'm really happy about how they turned out.  He just continued to giggle.

Walsh-:"You did a wrestling one? One track mind is all I'm saying."

Me-:"You say that like it's news or something? What did you want anyways?"

He let out a sound that was half deep sigh, half giggle. "Nothing. Kids are at a friend's, wife is at work late tonight, so had some time to kill. Not enough time to go home before I had to be back this end of town to get the kids again, just hanging around this end of town, my mom is out so just..."

Me-:"Didn't have anywhere to go?"

Walsh-:"Pretty much."  he was already fidgeting from lack of nicotine. "And you can't tell me that your boys don't like your stuff. They read you." he stood back up checking his pockets for some hint of cigarettes, and found one crumpled looking patch.

Me-:"Yeah but they never tell me they like my writing. I like the fact on this fashion site thingie that people let me know they like my stuff. Good feeling."

Walsh-:"You're playing fashion editor, not like you're designing the stuff from scratch."

Me-:"You like killing my buzz don't you?"

He nodded then shook his head no.  "I know I'm an ass. Sorry. I just don't understand what it is with clothes? My wife's niece wants to be a model, my older sister has tried to be a model, now she's got Daffiny signed up for it, Mavis has been talking non-stop lately about that stupid fashion show they are having for Easter over at her you're at it."  he ripped up the patch throwing it in the trash. "I need a smoke." Walsh started to head towards the door again, then turned closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. "My sister's ex has been hounding her for visitation of her daughter."

Me-:"Daffiny's a teenager she should be allowed to make her own mind up."

Walsh-:"No, my other sister,  L. Her ex. He suddenly showed up out of the blue the other week. Wife thinks we should get a restraining order since they are living with us and all."

This is what he really wanted to talk about. "If you think he's trouble then go with your gut, otherwise, what's a few visits if you feel it's safe?"

He leaned against the wall as he thought about it. "He's not violent, just a total drunk asshole. L. wouldn't be in half the mess she's in if it wasn't for him." he let out another sound that reminded me of a cat hissing as he opened the door. "Okay, I'm going to go get a pack of cigarettes then pick something up for dinner so that I don't have to cook before getting the kids again. Which should give you more then enough time to blog about it all before I get home with them."  he grinned at me suddenly. "There, now your wrestlers have something juicy to read, there you go, I gave you something. I want all the credit." he walked down the stairs and was leaning on the front door of the building. "Don't over think it when it comes to Mr. Scratchy."

Me-:"What's that got to do with anything?" 

He shrugged. "Just changing the topic."   And with that he grabbed his cell phone, checked his messages and left.  Seriously, I'm not the only weird one in this family, I just wear it better.

Monday, February 17, 2014

17th feb

I had come in to do a post on a random episode of SATC, but I got interrupted. I should have known it was coming, the usual message from cousin asking if I was watching the wrestling tonight.
Yes, sort of.

Walsh-:"What do you mean sort of? Either you're watching or you're not."

Me-:"It's on, I'm sitting here in front of the tv, but I've been trying to write. DVR is taping so I'll flip through it later catch what I missed."

Walsh-:"Did you see your man?"

Me-:"I heard the Pack's promo and Werewolf King's match, yeah. Why?"

Walsh-:"Don't sound so excited."

Me-:"Okay I will try to keep it to myself."

Walsh-:"So when they break your boys apart and have them feud against each other, where's your loyalty going?"

Me-:"That's one of the stupidest things you've ever said to me. And you mean if."

Walsh-:"No, I mean when."  another message came in less then thirty seconds later.  "????????"

Me-:"Depends on what they do with the characters."

Walsh-:"What do you mean?"

Me-:"Just what I said. Depends on how the characters evolve?"

Walsh-:"What's wrong with you tonight?"

Me-:"I haven't written anything in over a week. I'm really trying to fight writer's block."

Walsh-:"It's just writer's block. Nothing to be a bitch about."

Me-:"Really? Okay, you go and not be able to poop for a week get clogged up and gassy and then tell me how bitchy you are. That's the way writer's block is. You get mentally and emotionally clogged up."

Dead silence. I got up got a coffee. When I sat down to watch the end of the show, I got another message.

Walsh-:"Potty mouth."

Sunday, February 16, 2014

10pm Feb 16th

(let's do this Bridget Jones's Diary style)

Cups of coffee consumed today: 4 and a half (spilled some)
Pages written on fairy tale today: 0
Number of Sex and the City episodes watched today: 4 
Times today a variation of the name Johnathan has popped up : 5 (two Johnny Cash songs, grocery store check out guy named Jon, lead character in movie I watched today named John, man who walked past me in grocery while talking to his buddy on cell phone who was named John)

While I was at the grocery shocked at the lack of much of anything on the shelves because they apparently didn't get their deliveries today, Storm came up beside me, for no reason. He looked at me twice, nudged my shoulder so that I turned to look at him, then looked at me again and said "Oh hi didn't see you there." with this big grin on his face.
Then as he was turning to answer someone's questions, this chain that he's been wearing around his neck for awhile, sipped out of his shirt. There was a wedding ring on the end of it. He grabbed at it at lightening speed, tucked it back into his shirt saying "You didn't see that."

So, Storm's married and he's hiding it. That's just so wrong.

Friday, February 14, 2014

Where's your roses?

Mavis was dropped off for babysitting about an hour ago, walked in dropped her bag and handed my mom a large stuffed bear holding a heart. She looked at me then turned in a full circle, went over to the table, crossed to the kitchen and asked in a loud near scream "Where are all your valentines' day stuff?"  she ran back to the dinning room table, patting it.

Mavis-:"Where are your teddy bears and cards and roses and presents?"

Mom-:"You just handed me the bear."

Mavis-:"No, I was talking to her." she pointed at me then moved over to where I was standing and started to smack my back. "Both my sister's got roses and chocolates and Connie and Daffiny got some too, plus Daffiny's boyfriend took her to dinner at a restaurant and I heard my teacher saying that every girl today would be getting something from the flower shop."

Me-:"I don't think your teacher meant every girl in town, most likely just every girl in your class."

She looked really confused all of a sudden as she crossed back to the sofa turning on the cartoon channel. "So, you didn't get any valentines presents at all? No cards? No teddy bears? No chocolates? Nothing?"  she seemed honestly confused by the idea.

Me-:"Not a thing."

Mavis jumped back up and over to where I was again, grabbed a chair climbed up on it, and reached up to pat me on the shoulder. "That's so sad! Even my cat got a new mouse. Well, it's not a real mouse, it's a stuffie but it's pink and has a little bell inside it so that when she plays with it it makes noise."

Mom-:"Not everyone has a valentine."

Mavis-:"But if not everyone has a valentines, that means that not everybody loves someone, and everyone should have someone love them. I'd be your valentine but I'm already valentines with this boy in my class, he's allergic to bread so he can't have I mean he's allergic to wheat so he can't have bread, so I made him a valentines card with a picture of a ham sandwich on it."

Thursday, February 13, 2014

I have that affect on dogs

I was on my way to the grocery earlier, the winds and snow picking up, so I was trying not to fall. And I see movement out of the corner of my eye. Turning, I spot this beautiful white husky that lives in the building next door. Most of the dogs in the neighbourhood are small things that can fit into your purse, so to see such a large and happy looking dog is always a bonus. Every time I pass by this guy's apartment lately, his dog is usually sitting just inside the door, nose pressed against the glass watching everyone pass by. This is the first time I've seen the dog outside on a leash.
It came up to me wagging it's tail, sniffing the contents of my purse, and the guy who owns it came out and yelled at me.

Guy-:"You feeding my dog?"


Guy-:"You're not giving it dog treats or bacon or anything are you?"

Me-:"No, why would I?"

He grabbed the end of the leash and tugged, poor dog went half way back towards him, then turned and came back as close to me as he could, sniffing.

Guy-:"You have to be doing something, because everyone else that passes by, he doesn't take notice of. Which he's not suppose to because he's a care dog, but I see you going past my living room window every day just about and the dog goes nuts. So if you're feeding him don't!"

A care dog. Which means he's been trained to be oblivious to everyone but his owner. Interesting.

Me-:"I'm not, I swear. But he's a really beautiful husky."

Guy-:"He's a husky/wolf mix. And stop petting him! You're going to undo his training then he'll be worthless." he pulled on the leash again dragging the dog back inside. "He's a working animal, stop treating him like a house pet."

I was trying to figure out what I might have had in my purse that was so interesting, but all I had was my wallet, keys and cellphone. Nothing that interesting. I continued on to the grocery, and on my way back, past by the guy's apartment again. The dog inside.

They say when you encounter certain animals, it's a sign/omen. Some of them are totem animals, some are animal guides. It's up to you to figure out why you encountered them and what they have to tell you. 
Dogs mean loyalty, community, and communication (as do wolves actually)  and healing. They are also connected to Mercury, transitions, and the underworld. (both Anubis and Hecate)

All I can say on this is that most dogs I encounter are friendly with me, I just have that affect on them.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014


Walsh messaged asking me if I was okay? He said he read the last blog post and thought it was odd, even for me.

Me-:"Fine. Why?"

Walsh-:"It Everything okay?"

Me-:"You realize I weigh as much as one of my wrestlers right now?"

Dead silence.

Walsh-:"Have you seen my older sister lately? She's too thin."  This is true, she looks like a walking skeleton.  "She's barely able to stand more then a minute at a time, she's always so weak."

This is the one who's the same age as me, who's long time boyfriend just left her. She used to be gorgeous, perfect hourglass with thick blonde curls that made everyone else feel like crap. Now, she's not even a 100 pounds.
Walsh having a serious conversation for the first time in like what, a year? Good to know my self absorption for once opened a small window of communication.

Walsh-:"She was having heart palpitations the other day. Had to drive her to the hospital, they had her on iv for a few hours."

No wonder my cousin doesn't want to have any real conversations, there's nothing but bad news going on.

Walsh-:"Which one?"


Walsh-:" Which one of your boys do you weight the same as?"   

Me-:"If the company website profiles are honest...hovering between Dimmer's weight and Rebel without a Cause's."

Dead silence.

Walsh-:"You've been worse."  

This is true, my heaviest was 298 when I was in college twenty years ago. I've been like a yo-yo over the years. My lowest 120pounds when I was going through everything with -----.

Walsh-:"Don't worry about it. At lest you know they could bench press you."

Lower your profiles

Anyone else find that the world of dating has become something out of a sci-fi movie?  I get newsletters and articles and links to experts and etc constantly sent to me, and the trends for how to meet a date, in the last few years has become almost scary.
Everything is online now. There was a time when using any sort of online dating anything was considered the work of only extremely desperate and creepy people. Now it's the most normal and expected way to meet. I've heard more in the last five years from people that they met their husband/wife on a dating site or on facebook etc.
And it's no secret, I've done the dating site thing in the past, and blogged about it (elsewhere on the net, which is what gave me the idea to start this blog, too bad my timing was up in the dating world)  All the scary, silly, and retarded moments of that few years of my life.

The other thing I've really noticed is that flat out scare tactics that all the so called experts use to get your attention. All the articles and information I've seen over the last decade seem to be about getting back that cheating ex, or scaring you into believing they are a cheating ex. Making you believe that if you had just done this one thing different, they would never have left you. 
Maybe, maybe not.  Sometimes, there really is a few things you can do different in a relationship to improve it, and sometimes, that ex really is just an arse.

I'm sitting here today, my inbox overflowing with all of this type of stuff, trying to get me to panic because Valentine's Day is in 48hours and I'm alone. I can't be the only one feeling a bit more then just overwhelmed and shall I say bullied, by the rest of the online love world.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

post it note 11th Feb 2014

Mr. Scratchy, Herman.

I swore I wasn't going to do any more of these, ever. They don't get me any results, so you know...but I guess habits are just really hard to break. Lest they are for me.
I'm going to sound more like a nutball then normal, but...I almost had the feeling that you were hovering around the blog tonight waiting for something. Killing time maybe?

And Dimmer needs his own t-shirt. Just thought I'd get you to pass that on to whomever. All the other wrestlers seem to have one, he should have one in grey. But what the hell right?

Right. The nutball wants to see the Dimmer in a grey t-shirt with his name on it. Roll your eyes all you want, I'm fine with that.  And just between you and me, what the hell does Rebel without a Cause actually put in his hair to make it so smooth when he does his trademark ponytail? It's just too smooth to be...normal.

Okay Herman, I think your sitting there reading this winding down after work, your chair pushed back against the wall, the front legs of it off the ground, yellow shirt and dark I want to say red bush yellow shirt and dark hoodie, dark pants, and you're shooting elastic bands at your buddies as they walk into the room. You're waiting for Rebel without a Cause so that you can grab a drink at the end of the night. Bourbon of course.

You know what else I think...that you made a bet with one of the guys, that I'd do more of these. So I think you're up $5.

Anyways Mr. Scratchy, Herman, I hope I made you smile. I hope I've made you smile a lot over the last few years.
At some point...till later.

99 Plus One

"I was reading your blog, and I'm curious, who do you think it is?"  my cousin's wife asked.  She had been at the pharmacy when I went to the grocery, which is in the same building, so we were chatting for a bit while we were standing around waiting for her prescription to be filled. I was a bit taken a back that she's been reading the blog, as I was under the impression she didn't approve of it.

Me-:"Who are we talking about?"

WW:"You don't agree with Walsh that your mystery man is this wrestler? So, who is it?"

Me-:" have no idea. Could be him, could be someone else?"   I waited to see if there was anything else before trying to change the topic. Storm wandered past us but he didn't acknowledge us.  "How is everything with you?"

WW-:"Fine, the usual. The kids are good, L. is driving me insane staying with us. Lest she's suppose to be, but..." she rolled her eyes. "She spends all her time at the bar or with whatever piece of crap she's picked up at the bar, so she's rarely home. Really stressing out Walsh and his mom. Well, moms plural. His real mom, and his dad and step mom are all you know..." she checked her cell phone clearing her throat.  "Right, your blog. Say something nice about me on it later eh? I'll even talk about who you think your mystery man is so that you do add me."

Me-:" Dimmer? Rebel without a Cause, could be Mad Hatter? Still a slim chance it's The Celebrity."

WW-:"Yeah I don't even know who half those guys are. I know they're wrestlers. Were they on last night?"   

Me-:"Mad Hatter and Rebel without a Cause were. Dimmer wasn't, and The Celebrity doesn't work for Company #1."

WW-:"I'll have to pay attention to the show figure out who you're always talking about."


Her prescription was finally ready and she turned to get it. "You really should take Walsh's option cause as much as I hate to say it, he's right like 99% of the time. So annoying."

Monday, February 10, 2014

10:37pm Monday night

"Are you watching the show?"  Walsh's weekly text came in.

Me-:"Yes, sort of. Your step mom was here for awhile, so it was on but sound was off."

Walsh-:"They're getting ready to rip your boys apart."

Me-:"Ssshhh! Don't tell me that. Leave the Pack alone."

Walsh-:"Split them right down the middle."

Me-:"There's a dirty joke there."

Walsh-:"What's wrong with you?"

Me-:"Generally or right now?"

Walsh-:"Some guy hits on you and you did nothing?"

Me-:"You read the blog?"

Walsh-:"I had time." 

Me-:"I wouldn't call it hitting on me. He just asked the time."

Walsh-:"He was so hitting on you. When a guy bothers to stop moving in -35degree weather, he's hitting on you."   I was starting to type this up when another message came in. "This you need to blog. Make your boy realize he's got competition."

Me-:"There's an obvious joke there."


Me-:"He's an international wrestling superstar, he's always got competition. See obvious joke."



My aunt was over, having dropped off a container of homemade meatballs for my mom. "I think one of your problems is that you're too picky."

Me-:"What makes you say that?"

Aunt-:"There are plenty of guys here in town. You just have to understand that most of them are divorced."

I cringed when she said that. Just cringed.

Me-:"Well, I'm not going to change my mind on that. I've dated divorced guys, more then once over the years and it's never gone well."

Aunt-:"Have you made a list of what you're looking for? That website I sent you the link for says if you make a list and do the gratitude prayer every day..."

Me-:"Yeah, been doing that for the last few years. Hasn't really worked unless you count the Kid from Mexico I had been friends with on the social site. He hit like five of my things on the list that I'm looking for in a guy."

Her mouth dropped open. "Then why did you pass him over?"

Me-:"Because I learned something. To listen to my gut. He was cute, he was sweet, but I just knew he wasn't the one. Even though he's been like the only guy to ever have more then one thing on my husband/soulmate wish list; he just wasn'"

Aunt-:"Maybe he just wasn't it yet."  she waggled her finger at me, nodding. "Eh? Maybe your timing was just off, and he's going to come back into your life?"

Me-:"Uh, no. He just wasn't the right guy. Which means, that I should have a better idea when the right guy does."

Aunt-:"You know, you're not going to find anyone as long as you're so insecure. You've got to start believing in yourself girl."

Okay fine, I believe that the right man for me will let me know he's the guy when he shows up in my life, and talks about Frankenstein or the Addams Family or the Munsters.

Aunt-:"When was the last time you even put on make-up?"

Me-:"Uh...okay yeah don't know, years."

Aunt-:"Live a little. You'll never catch a man looking like a bum."

Me-:"Better to look like a bum then to try to have a man looking at my bum."

She screwed up her face on that one, just not getting the funny.

Too cold to care

Okay, I think today what's left of my brain is in my arse.  I have been stuck inside since the day of mom's surgery, and thought it was time to get out of the apartment for a few hours. I checked the weather channel and it was -20C with a -30C windchill. And I'm like "dude, I live in one of the coldest places in Canada, I've been out in worse, I'm only needing to stand around for less then five minutes to catch a bus." 

This is my ego talking at that point. Bad stupid ego. No hat, no gloves, bus was late. Got where I was going, did everything I had in mind to do. Go wait for another bus back. 

I'm sitting there listening to a couple of really cute security guards on their coffee break talking about how they hate women who smoke. Just nasty stuff they are comparing them to, then this chick who works at one of the hair salons in the mall comes out on her smoke break, lights up an extra long king size and these two guys are a drooling mess. Just standing there trying to come up with any reason to talk to her, total hypocrites.
Chick stays there for a few minutes after they cute security guards go back inside, and this guy pulls up in the parking lot. Tall, short dark hair, clean shaven, dark jeans, black jacket. Typical looking guy. And I'm sitting there shivering, thinking to myself, what's this dude going to come up with as an excuse to talk to the chick as he passes by? 

"Excuse me, my cell phone seems to have died, do you have the time?"  he spoke. I found myself looking up as his shadow crossed over me. He spoke to me? He passed the chick every other man in the building has been drooling over for the last ten minutes.


He hovered for a long second, nodded, did this half step sideways and went into the building. The chick finished her smoke and headed back inside, had to pass by the guy, and purposely brushed up against him. He did nothing, didn't look at her, didn't say anything. Then I saw him look over his shoulder at me again.

Okay what?  I actually looked around to see if there was anyone else standing there that I hadn't noticed before. Nope, just me. 
Maybe the drop in temperature made me more appealing? All I know is that I was too frozen to even bother trying to flirt with the guy.

Sunday, February 9, 2014


What happens when you're sleeping next to the wrong person?  When you know you've made a big mistake in your life but you can't get out of the relationship? Or you're too scared to be alone? 
It's the basis of 90% of the romance novels out there. The love triangle. Being involved with person A when your heart is firmly belonging to person B.

I've been sitting here the last couple of hours, my mind racing, unable to focus on much of anything, and decided to pick up a random book from the book shelf. Randomly opened it to a page and read the first line I saw.  It didn't help.

The part I landed on had been a line about a guy confessing how miserable he was because he waited too long to tell the woman he was in love with that he cared. 
I flipped through the book and randomly picked another page.  That was worse.  That one was a scene where the guy was laying in bed with one woman, hating her for keeping him away from the woman he really wanted to be with because she'd conned him into marrying her.


In real life, would anyone really put up with something like that?  To be kept from the one person you know you should be spending your life with?  No, probably not.  But in movies, books, tv shows, it's the baseline for any plot. And why is that?  What is it about bad relationships that seems to keep us coming back for more? Are we addicted to the drama, or is it something deeper in our natures?


"How's it going?"  message from my cousin Walsh.

Me-:"Biggest orders from the doctor is that mom's not suppose to bend for anything. Not so much as to tie her shoe, and I've been screaming at her to just sit and let me take care of everything. She's not listening, she is going to end up back in hospital."

Walsh-:"Oh, right auntie's surgery. Haha. I meant in general."

Nice eh? 

Me-:"Usual. You?"

Walsh-:"Dropped kids off at their friend's. Heading over to the hardware store."   little while later. "You're going with that?"


Walsh-:"Sorry, that was meant for wife. But, you're going with that? With the fairy."

I'm guessing he meant the fairy tale? Cause I don't know anything about any "fairies" at the moment.


Walsh-:"You're the writer."

That sounded very much like he was in a snobbish tone. And that he was not liking the direction that I think I'm taking the whole thing.  He's making me doubt myself, which is not good ever. This is why most writers don't risk serials anymore and work mostly on stuff they can fix with many, many drafts.
I wrestled with this - no pun intended- for a half hour, thinking about if taking the character based on Rebel without a Cause in the new direction, a darker direction is good?

Me-:"It's solid. Good look on him."

Walsh-:"I would have actually shown it happen. Hahaha!"   I had to remind my cousin that the blog the fairy tale is  being written on is a PG/PG-13 sanctioned blog, I can only go so far with things.  "So basically, you're saying you think Rebel without a Cause is capable of something like that? huh? huh?"

Me-:"I think the real dude has a dark side."

Walsh-:"You're blogging this aren't you? He's going to read this."

Sunday coffee

Getting up early is both good and bad.

I finally had a chance to catch up with Friday's wrestling.  Yay.  But I've been thinking about something Mavis said yesterday.  She doesn't care for her niece's boyfriend.  Yes, you read that right, the seven year old has a 16 year old niece. Mavis's oldest sister is my age...anyways, we were sitting here yesterday, while I was babysitting, and she out of nowhere turned to me, rolled her eyes, flipped her hair and said she didn't want to go to her sister's house because Daffiny's boyfriend would be there. When I asked why she didn't care for him, she just got up went to the kitchen and started to avoid me.

Seriously, if Daffiny's anything like her mom, I'd hate to see what kind of bottom of the barrel boyfriend she has. In any case, it can't be good if Mavis chose to come stay with me over going there. It's been plaguing my mind all since yesterday.

It's a good thing I don't have any kids, I would make a horrible mom. Panicking over everything.

Side note, I managed to scrape up a short piece on the fairy tale. It didn't quite connect to the rest of the fairy tale as I had first thought, but it's enough to keep the writer's block from falling down around me like a ton of bricks. I think if I shift my attention just a few degrees to the left for a bit, making the character based on Rebel without a Cause the current main character, I might be able to salvage it. At lest till a new proper crush happens to give me a new muse.

Which brings me to Friday's wrestling. Rebel without a Cause took over a segment. He needs to do that a lot more. He needs a bigger spotlight period.

Well, enough panicking and conspiracies for one cup of coffee.

Saturday, February 8, 2014


It's been a chaotic week, with mom's surgery.  I haven't seen the inside of my own apartment in weeks, and I actually miss it. I never thought I'd say that, but I actually miss my own hovel.
Ended up babysitting Mavis last night. So, I didn't get to see last night's wrestling yet.
I really need to nip this writer's block in the bud before it turns into the mess it was the last few years. Writer's block for a couple of days is one thing, but last time it beat the crap out of me mentally for three years.   I think I'm going to put stock in Grave Digger from the rookie show and see if that breaks the ice?

Writer's block. It's uncomfortable, like a really itchy sweater that doesn't fit.

Friday, February 7, 2014


I'm sitting here, ready to either cry or throw something.  I sat down about two hours ago to work on the next part of the fairy tale and I got nothing.  Started a few lines here and there, but nothing that is making any sense. Can't seem to get into the headspace of the characters.  Even pulled up old episodes of wrestling to watch, hoping that would kick start even a few ideas; but stuck.

This is what I feared, writer's block. 

This means one thing, I need to find a new wrestler to crush on. A new muse.

Why do we use the word "crush"  to describe liking someone?  When you look the word up, it's given to mean an informal version of love/lust, one that is fleeting in comparison to real romantic love, sometimes a first love often felt by teenagers, the affection and worship towards pop idols.

It's compared to that of courtly-love from the middle ages.  When a a couple were kept apart, usually because one was already married to someone else, and couldn't give in to their feelings/desires, and usually it was members of nobility.  A knight who was favoured by a queen, often they were openly-secretly in love.  (you catch that?)

Something tells me that Shakespeare never had to deal with writer's block because his muse was no longer...musing.

Sneak Attacked continued

I sent my cousin Walsh a message asking him if he knew anything about this guy his step mom was going on about.  He messaged me back this morning saying that if it's who he thinks it is, I should just forget about it.

Well that got my interest. I want to know why he thinks this?  So I messaged back.

Walsh-:"If it's Dave, he spends all his time in the casino."

Me-:"I don't know what his name is. She didn't say, showed me a photo."  I told him what the guy looked like.

Walsh-:"Doesn't help. Both him and his brother look alike."

My aunt called, see if mom needed anything, and I waited for her to comment on this guy. When she finally did, she blew it off saying it was a bad idea after all.

Aunt-:"I showed him your photo, from like before your knee injury, and he said you weren't his type. His response was that he likes more 'exotic' women."

Translation- she showed him a photo of me from like three or so years ago before I gained weight becoming a fat cow, and he doesn't date white girls.   I live in a city that is 90% Native, 5% East Indian, 4% Asian, and 1% everyone else. Here finding someone "exotic" is not much of an issue.

Got turned down by a guy I wasn't even interested in. Still sort of stings.

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Sneak attacked

"Who do you know that's a Gemini?"  this from my aunt.


She had stopped by to see how mom was doing from her surgery. "I was reading your blog. I got the feeling that was almost a personal note to someone. Just wanted to know who to?"  she shrugged, this really cat that ate the canary look on her face.

Me-:"No one. I had like three newsletters on the topic this week, all saying Gemini would get hit the hardest. Why?" 

She shrugged again, reading her tablet her finger scrolling through things. "Just thought maybe you'd opened up and met someone."

Me-:"You're worse then your stepson you know that."

Aunt-:"You know my friend Dana? Her oldest son just got divorced, he's moved back to town."

Me-:"Not interested."

She looked at me like I was on fire or something. "You haven't even heard anything about him, meet him first, talk to him, you never know. He could be your soulmate."

Me-:"Well, according to your stepson, my soulmate is Mad Hatter."  I got mom her pain meds and tried to explain to my aunt why a divorced man was not on my menu. "Okay, look at it this way. He's divorced for a reason right. Top reasons would be because he either cheated or is abusive. Either way, that's a really bad guy and not what I want in my life."

Aunt-:"I know for a fact he's not like that."

Me-:"Okay, then the next conclusion would be that his ex-wife cheated. In which case, he's most likely distrustful of anyone, or will be the overly clingy type. Either way, that says he's not ready for any kind of commitment."

Aunt-:"Okay I see what you're saying. What if I say it wasn't like that either? Then what's your excuse for not meeting him?"

Me-:"Then  it's his job. If the marriage fell apart and all was good, then that leaves one thing. Work. If he's the type of guy who travels for work or has a high demand job, he'll never be around and that's not what I want. If it was the wife who had a high demand job, then he's going to be weirded out by the fact I'm a massive homebody/semi-shut in. It won't work."

Aunt-:"So you don't even want to know what he looks like?"

Me-:"Fine what does he look like?"

She showed me a photo. Tall way over the 6foot 5 mark, super skinny, caramel-ish skin and collar length dark hair. And a blue uniform that looked like he worked for an airline.

Me-:"So it's his job that ruined the marriage?"

Aunt-:"He's a flight attendant."

Me-:"So it was his job that ruined his marriage? Never home?"

Aunt-:"I'm texting him. At lest talk to him once."

Just a note

Mercury turns retrograde today for the rest of the month.  What does this mean for relationships?  That communication will be scattered at best, and for some it will breakdown completely. Gemini's will have the worst time during this three week period right now, with the typical Mercury retro travel delays, communication misunderstandings, computer issues and more accidents. 

Mercury, the ruler of messages. Both the planet and the god it's named after, rule communication. Relationships are based on all forms of communication.  Expect this coming Valentine's Day to have a few misunderstands.

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Hen House

Mom had her surgery this morning. We were sitting in the waiting room for them to call her in, when suddenly this lady about three seats away from us called out to the nurse saying she felt dizzy. Before anyone could do anything, she slumped over and fell to the floor, slipped right out of her seat. The two nurses that were in the waiting room took their damned time then getting to her, one guy who had seen it all was trying to help her up, but she didn't respond. When the nurses finally got to where she was, they started to panic as they took her in for help.

Seriously, I don't know what to think about that.

Surgery went fine. Got mom home, barely in the lobby when G-Babbs spotted us. She had been standing around talking to Sean, the dog twisted around her legs with his leash. Spotting mom, she dragged her by the elbow into the now opened again lounge, where Betsy and the crazy stalker lady were sitting.
They were teasing Sean about the whole security camera thing. And I had no idea Sean was G-Babbs grandson! Oh my god, no wonder she was pushy the other day when I said I had no reason to get to know him.

Just how dangerous is an open heart?

"Just how dangerous is an open heart?"  Sex and the City quote of the week, from season 6, episode The Domino Effect, #85.

This episode was on tv this morning, a very edited version, and I have no idea why I wrote the quote down.  I just did.
Few minutes ago, I was flipping channels after wrestling was over, and saw a commercial for Valentine's Day cards. All this stuff started swimming in my head suddenly.  I mean everything. Past relationships, family interactions, my personal desires for the future, romance novels I've written over the years that might never see the outside of the bin I keep them in, the old couple the maintenance guy was talking about, the strange lady from the lady's group at church mom's part of who grabbed me in the grocery today hugging me, to the overwhelming sameness that all the men in this city use that axe body spray. (seriously, I know it's suppose to have more then one scent, but when every man in the city is wearing it, it all smells the same)

Relationships, romance, and believe it or not I'm going to throw tolerance in this mix. This part of the season brings out the best and worst in people for different reasons.

So just how dangerous is an open heart?   In the episode, Carrie is worried about Mr. Big having to go through heart surgery, and in a brief moment of complete surrender, Big makes a comment about them getting married, only to ignore it a few hours later. Which when you think about the whole series, is the underlining theme between them. Being scared to open up to the one you really love.

Valentine's Day.  If you've read much of my babbling over the years, you know it's like my arch nemesis. You'll also know that this year I'm feeling slightly more positive about the whole deal.
I don't believe that you need one day a year to confess feelings of deepness and sexual desire for someone, you should be able to do that all year round.  But what if you can't?
What if you're the type of person that just can't break open your cold shell like that?  What if a day like February 14th is a form of armor for you? The chance to say what you long to say without total fear of the big bad bite of failed love?

It's so easy from this strange position of observer, to forget that I'm not the only one dealing with the scars of past bad tidings. Everyone has their heartbreak and happy endings that stay with them.
As someone who wears their heart on their sleeve, I have to say,  having an open heart is the most dangerous thing ever. But sometimes the results are worth the pain.

Monday, February 3, 2014

Feb 3rd 2014

"Seriously the Peacock?"   this was from my cousin Walsh.  I see he caught up with the latest part of the fairy tale.

Me-:"Yes. You don't like?"

Walsh-:"So you've found your new 'muse'?"

Me-:"No. Just was watching the rookie show the other day and thought he'd make a great villain."

Walsh-:"You watching the show tonight?"



Me-:"It's been okay so far. I liked the promo the Swamp Preacher did. Reminded me of something..."

I made my cousin wait like ten minutes before I said anything else, left him hanging.

Walsh-:"What's it remind you of?"

Me-:"The piece in the fairy tale I wrote few days ago. There's been no Dimmer yet tonight. Wonder of Rebel without a Cause has any bones in his neck? The falls he takes sometimes..."

Walsh-:"What's wrong?"

Me-:"Nothing. What's wrong with you?"

Walsh-:"I'm great! You're the one sounding like you don't want to talk."

He never wants to have a real conversation anymore. Hasn't in a really long time. Even I, who ducks grown up situations as much as possible, know that this loop of sugary chats can't go on forever.

Caught on tape

I was checking mom's mail, when I bumped into Sean (ha! I remembered his name today) in the lobby. He mumbled something then started to stare at the floor.  I thought he was going to complain about how much mud was about today, but he said off handed that he was afraid to watch the rest of the security tapes from the last few days.  When I asked what happened, thinking someone stole something, he blushed saying that the little reading lounge/library they have set up down the hall, some chick came out of it with nothing but a short t-shirt on and some guy was right behind her buttoning up his pants.  Both drunk and swaying, zig-zagging about.
And now the little room they have for the residents of the building to use for getting together for coffee, or visit with their grand-kids, where they hold meetings for the building etc, will be locked most of the time when the maintenance guy isn't around.  Which means, given he's only ever here for about two hours a day, the room will be locked all the time and pretty much useless now. 

We're not talking twenty somethings either here, my mom lives in a senior's building, so we're talking a couple in their late 60's or older. 

That threw cold water on any images some of you readers might have had floating in your brains eh?

Sunday, February 2, 2014

Pizza land-shark

You know those old Saturday Night Live skits from like the 1970's/early 80's where someone would open the door to find the "land shark" standing there...yeah that's what went through my mind when the buzzer went when the delivery guy showed up. 
I opened the door, and nearly fell backwards, as Johnathan was standing there.  Yeah, the old pizza dude. I thought he didn't work there anymore because he hasn't been our delivery dude in months.  And I was having one of those mouth -open-before-brain-works days.  I literally said "what the hell are you doing here?"

Poor guy had this horrible shocked look on his face. He cleared his throat and handed me the order blushing.

I actually feel stupid now. Really really stupid.

So, Mr. Scratchy...I got the overwhelming sense of confusion and dizziness.  Did you get hit in the skull today?   Like say an hour ago ? (just before 4pm EST)

Saturday, February 1, 2014

Run to

Just sat down to watch the season finale (possibly the series finale) of The Carrie Diaries, and my sister showed up. Went on for a bit about a co-worker of her's who's guy up and left with only a note saying he was leaving her. Tried a second time to watch the episode, when Walsh messaged asking if I saw last night's wrestling. 


Walsh-:"And did you notice?"

Me-:"I'm ignoring you and not talking about him."

Tried for a third time to watch Carrie Diaries. A knock at the door, which ended up being the lady in the next apartment wanting to know if I could go to the store for her and get her some cold medication.  Got back from there and tried a fourth time to watch the Carrie Diaries.

Another message from Walsh. "Scratch scratch scratch."

I finally got finished watching the episode, and I'm surprised to say, it finally felt like a Sex and the City style episode. It only took the entire series to get to the point fans were wanting it to be.
The episode was titled "Run to You" and the theme was beginnings and endings. Facing your fears enough to let something go and dealing with the pain of it, while knowing when to relax and open the door to something new.  I still would have preferred them having at lest introduced Stanford or Charlotte but they didn't. It would have also been nice to have had Carrie sitting writing something at the end with one of her weekly quotes like the original series did. 
I sort of liked the idea that this episode played on the night it did, Chinese New Year, end of the month.

I wasn't going to but I will

Herman, Mr. Scratchy;
It's one of those nights, where the temperature dropped once again. Making it one of those nights where the wind is rattling the windows every so often. Currently sitting at a -30C degree windchill.

I wasn't going to write anymore of these. But, I find myself, not sure what to do, not tired enough to yet go to bed, and babysitting so unable to watch tv in case I wake Mavis up. Should I worry that the one person on the planet who actually gets me is my seven year old cousin? I think I should worry a lot. So no, I have not had a chance to watch tonight's wrestling yet. That will have to wait until tomorrow after I'm done babysitting. 

Strange word, babysitting. Universally understood, most of the time you don't think twice about the actual wording of the term, but in moments like this, I find myself wondering who came up with half the world's common phrases?

It's also nights like this when I wonder how the hell I'm going to get pizza sauce out of the sofa?

It's the rarest moments like this when I'm forced to be a real grown up, and I half way hate it and sort of find it fitting.  Truly, I don't know if I'll ever fit the whole being a grown up thing. Just don't think I'm designed to be 24/7/365 responsible. I think I'll always be the type that you see on tv shows like Big Bang Theory ... an overgrown kid in bad t-shirts.

Okay Herman, whomever you truly are, I guess it's time to turn in for the night. Force myself to try to sleep cause Mavis will have me up at dawn.

Smile, you're not the one scrubbing the pizza sauce out of the furniture.