Fruitcake

I was in the middle of making dinner when my cousin Walsh phoned. Not texted, but actually called. "Hey what's wrong?"

Walsh-:"Auntie's not answering her door. I've been standing here for almost ten minutes buzzing. Did she go out for the day?"

Me-:"Uh...mom went to Toronto to spend the holidays with her sister. She left last week, why are you even there?"

Walsh-:"Crap! My mom sent me over to get some recipes of grandma's. She said your mom had them."

Me-:"Good to see communication is flowing freely. What recipes?"

Walsh-:"The fruit cake for one. A few cookie recipes. You don't have copies do you?"

Me-:"Depends on what ones. And why didn't your mom just call my mom, or email or something?"

Walsh-:"Said she tried calling all morning, but didn't get an answer, she started to get worried something had happened."

Me-:"Nope, all is fine. She's there till after new year."  I told him to just come over and he could look through my one recipe book that had copies of grandma's stuff. I ended up having to turn the stove off and go wait in the lobby for him, cause my buzzer is still broken. He got here a few minutes later, cigarette hanging out of his mouth.  "Since when does your mom like fruit cake? I thought me and Uncle B. were the only one's who did?"

My cousin made a face as we past one of the neighbour's doorway, pointing to their apartment commenting on how much it smelled like dirty socks, before sighed loudly then started smirking unable to be serious. "Mom's got this new neighbour who just moved in across the street. She found out he likes fruit cake."

Me-:"There's like a billion recipes for fruit cake online. Why on earth did she have you hunt down grandma's?"

He shrugged. "Wants to impress him." he was laughing to the point his face was red. "Never going to happen." he sat down in the kitchen, the recipe book in front of him. Which he dropped sending all the pages sliding across the floor.

Me-:"Why not?"

He looked at me still laughing, as he turned in his seat at the kitchen table, the recipe book in one hand. "I'm sorry, I love my mom but seriously, she's just...to say she's let herself go is an understatement. There is no way that woman is ever going to get anyone to look at her ever again. Just not going to happen."

Me-:"Nice son you are."

Walsh-:"Oh come on, don't tell me you think otherwise?"   I just pointed at the recipe book while I stirred the pot of cheese sauce. "Besides, it's fruit cake. Seriously, if you were trying to seduce some guy, would you make him a fruit cake?"

Me-:"Well...maybe. I guess it would depend on the guy." I was starting to blush. I have gone through the trouble in the past of making big meals before for boyfriends only to have them cancel last second, not bother to call or show up; just bailing on me or show up hours late only to have it totally ruined. So I see why my aunt is wanting to do this to try to impress this new guy.  My cousin waved his hand in my face snapping his fingers at me like our one uncle does.

Walsh-:"You're not even listening. I asked if you saw the wrestling last night?"

Me-:"Most of it. Wasn't that good."

He was looking for a pen to copy down the recipes, mumbling something about the main event having been wicked. "What? That was one of the best episodes in months. How could you say it wasn't that good?"

Me-:"I'm bored with most of the guys on there right now. Tired of seeing the same six over and over and over right now." I shrugged.

Walsh-:"Don't let Mad Hatter hear you say that."

Me-:"Oh boo hoo I'm sure"

Walsh-:"Oh yeah. He hears you say that and he'll be crying in his shoes for days." he leaned in towards me eyes wide unable to hold back the laugh. "Weeks even." the pen went flying out of his hand. "Devastated that you said something so cruel as to be bored by him. Heartbroken and bitter..." by this time we were both giggling like little kids. "You can't say things like that about your heroes. They have magic ears, things fly through the airwaves and they just know. They know when fans stop loving them and they send out...out...I have no idea but it's something really bad that will make you feel...bad for saying it." he was sniffing he was laughing so hard. "Okay I'm out of ideas."

Me-:"Yeah yeah, I know. You should be loyal to your heroes or they may turn on you."

Walsh-:"Yeah! That's what I meant to say."

Me-:"It's a quote from Trick or Treat."

Walsh-:"I've seen that! The one about the Hallowe'en stories all mushed up together."

Me-:"No the one from 1986 with Gene Simmons and Ozzy."

Walsh-:"No...I haven't then." he shrugged still laughing.