Wanting and waiting

Was talking to Mardi last night for awhile. Her and her husband have been trying to have kids for a while now, and it's just not happening. I told her about a few herbs and rituals that can help, and she went silent.

Mardi-:"So these are guaranteed to work. Like, totally end up pregnant if I follow this?"

Me-:"Seen it work twice before. Once for a friend ten years ago, who doctor's told would never have kids."

More silence, then heard her breathing change. "Now, if I don't do that...you know what, write them down for me and if I decide to take your advice...cause you know I don't believe in any of this..."

Me-:"Don't have to believe it, just have to try it. Sometimes something as simple as a change in diet can help fix something."

I could tell she was debating on wither or not to take my advice.

Mardi-:"I'm not sure. We are sort of taking a break right now from trying..."  

And there was the reason for the silence.

Me-:"If you're not sure it's what you want why did you ask for my advice?"

Mardi-:"I don't know. Just thought that someone outside of our friends might have something different to say. I mean, you don't have kids. Figured you'd tell me why you don't?"

Me-:"I never wanted any."

Mardi-:"So you are living your dream life."  it was a statement not a question, but it sort of got my under my skin.

Me-:"No. I always thought I'd be married."

More silence from her, I could hear the tv in the background as she moved around the apartment.

Mardi-:"And why didn't you?"

Me-:"Just never worked out that way. I guess not in the cards for me."  This got us on the topic of her husband, and how his new job keeps him gone all the time. "See, I would go crazy being married and not being with my husband. I don't know how you do it?"

Mardi-:"I'm glad most of the time lately that he's gone. We've been together since we were seventeen. This almost feels like living on my own." 

They are both in their early 30's now.  I could feel the tension in her voice as she talked about some of the little things that he does that drives her nuts. And all I could think was everyone drives someone closest to them insane with stupid stuff. It's what makes a relationship. That and how much I envied her. Every time over the years I've sat listening to my friends complain about their husbands/wives/boyfriends/girlfriends, it makes me sad.

Me-:"I've lived alone for so long that I just don't see myself ever being able to deal with someone now. Too late for any of it. Even if I were lucky enough to find a man who loved me enough to marry me."

She brought it back to the topic of kids, saying how it was the next logical step. Marriage, house, kids. How she's not sure she's ready to give up her job to look after them, and that I was the only friend she had who didn't have kids.  I didn't know if I should take that as a good thing or a slightly hooded insult?

Mardi-:"Anyways, anything else with your stalker?"

Me-:"Mr. Freeze. Nope. Haven't seen him in weeks, guess he doesn't work there anymore."

Mardi-:"You sure? I saw a guy working there yesterday who looked a lot like the Reporter. Didn't you say he looked like him?"

Me-:"Uh, yeah. Did he creep  you out too?"

Mardi-:"Didn't even look up from his boxes. Did you notice, he's got a new tie he wears all the time now."

Me-:"Your husband?"

Mardi-:"No the Reporter. Like for the last week straight, he's been wearing this dark coloured tie that doesn't clash with his suite."

Me-:"Huh. I never watch the local news unless I'm at mom's. Haven't been there at suppertime for awhile."

Mardi-:"I think someone told him about your comments about his ties."  she giggled when she said it.  This does not bode well if she did tell him.

Me-:"I don't even want to know."

Mardi-:"He was doing a news story the other day at my work. Just commented that his ties were a little loud and that I wasn't the only one who thought it. Didn't mention your name."

I didn't have much else to say to that. The conversation went back around to one of her other friends who lives in New Zealand now, and how she's just had twins. It seems Mardi has nothing on her mind but babies.