Woke up to the sound of a very loud rap band just outside my window. One of the neighbours pulled their car up to the building, less then a foot from my window, their doors open and speakers booming. This was before 7 am. Dude! Instantly people complained. And rightly so.
Then as I was getting a coffee, saw a message blinking on my cell phone. Surprised to see it was the Musician. He's back in town. Didn't even know he had been out of town. Talk about synchronicity; as I had that crazy dream the other week about him and Jimmy Jacobs.
There was also a message from my cousin Walsh, asking if I'm "over it yet?" Which I'm not sure what that refers to? Kinda don't think that one was meant to be sent to me.
As I am sitting here typing this, I opened my messages from the dating site. 18 men want to meet me. None of which live in this city and are all in their 50's.
I suddenly feel like that scene from season 6 of Sex and the City where Carrie's boss asks her to find a date for her, and then tries to steal Carrie's artist boyfriend, because dating is just depressing. (episode called "Splat!" #18 of season, #92 of series)
Wednesday, June 17, 2015
Tuesday, June 16, 2015
deja date 3
There are exactly 47 available straight single men in their 30's in my area. I've looked at all their profiles in the last 48hours. Messaged 4 of them. With zero replies.
Wait, it gets sadder.
The Rooster is one of the 47 profiles. Told you he's got a different chick every night.
This is what I don't understand, in a city the size I live in, how is it that with that little available to date, we can walk past each other all day long, yet never find anyone? We have to resort to flipping through profiles online? And heaven forbid if you try to message a guy who lives out of city. You'll get your arse jacked to the tenth degree.
Everyone is looking to find the local, yet no one is ever happy with what's in their area. How does that work in the end?
How much wheel spinning do we have to do before we tell the candyman to stop the ride, we just want to get off on that platform?
I just keep thinking of the scene in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, where the Johnny Depp character kicks his buddy while in the carnival, and blames it on the carney.
Wait, it gets sadder.
The Rooster is one of the 47 profiles. Told you he's got a different chick every night.
This is what I don't understand, in a city the size I live in, how is it that with that little available to date, we can walk past each other all day long, yet never find anyone? We have to resort to flipping through profiles online? And heaven forbid if you try to message a guy who lives out of city. You'll get your arse jacked to the tenth degree.
Everyone is looking to find the local, yet no one is ever happy with what's in their area. How does that work in the end?
How much wheel spinning do we have to do before we tell the candyman to stop the ride, we just want to get off on that platform?
I just keep thinking of the scene in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, where the Johnny Depp character kicks his buddy while in the carnival, and blames it on the carney.
Monday, June 15, 2015
Deja Date continued
Well, it's official. There are no decent available men in my city. There are some hot ones, mostly men who have moved here for the year to work. The decent ones all seem to be in the upper U.S. area, not even in my country. Go figure.
I don't know why I bothered?
Why is it, the men I have zero interest in, are the ones messaging me, and the ones I'm interested in, don't return mine? Law of attraction or something. What you put in, you get back. Only, you would think there would be some braking even at some point right?
I know I'm not going to find Mr. Right, on that site, but I thought I would at lest find a decent guy for awhile. Last time I went through all this, I spent almost a full year on it. I just don't have the energy or patience do spend that kind of time again, just trying to make one connection.
At what point did it all become so cynical? I actually remember a time when men were just happy to find a woman who could cook more then Kraft Dinner, and were willing to get naked. Now, every guy out there is looking for the woman who can climb mountains while breast feeding and making a four course meal all at the same time.
And gross on the breast feeding by the way.
To be honest, nothing has changed that I can see as far as what type of woman snags the man. The guys out there still seem to want some 23 year old anorexic stick figure who looks like she fell straight out of a underwear catalog. The same as they did when I was younger.
Dating sucks.
I don't know why I bothered?
Why is it, the men I have zero interest in, are the ones messaging me, and the ones I'm interested in, don't return mine? Law of attraction or something. What you put in, you get back. Only, you would think there would be some braking even at some point right?
I know I'm not going to find Mr. Right, on that site, but I thought I would at lest find a decent guy for awhile. Last time I went through all this, I spent almost a full year on it. I just don't have the energy or patience do spend that kind of time again, just trying to make one connection.
At what point did it all become so cynical? I actually remember a time when men were just happy to find a woman who could cook more then Kraft Dinner, and were willing to get naked. Now, every guy out there is looking for the woman who can climb mountains while breast feeding and making a four course meal all at the same time.
And gross on the breast feeding by the way.
To be honest, nothing has changed that I can see as far as what type of woman snags the man. The guys out there still seem to want some 23 year old anorexic stick figure who looks like she fell straight out of a underwear catalog. The same as they did when I was younger.
Dating sucks.
Sunday, June 14, 2015
Deja Date
I'm having a "Samantha Jones" moment. I finally broke down and went back to an old dating site I had marginal success with back like eight years ago. Updated my old profile a bit, and to my shock and awe, was pounced upon. Okay, yeah I get it that I have "new girl smell" and am listed as new member, but some of the men messaging me, I've actually dated before. And they didn't remember me.
Should I be insulted or grateful?
I can't believe I am even considering...well considered given I've just spent the last four hours on there...dating through a dating site again. Ugh! Yeah, really had only one other choice for meeting guys, since the whole youtube-snag-a-male-witch didn't work. The other option would be to return to facebook, but since my entire family is on there, and connected to my old profile, I wouldn't be able to sneeze without them butting into my life.
Imagine, me actually finding Mr. Right and changing my status on there from single to in a relationship, or parish the thought, putting up a photo of me and him...I'd never survive my family's onslaught of noisiness.
So, I caved. I rejoined a dating site. I think I might be sick.
I'm officially dating again.
Should I be insulted or grateful?
I can't believe I am even considering...well considered given I've just spent the last four hours on there...dating through a dating site again. Ugh! Yeah, really had only one other choice for meeting guys, since the whole youtube-snag-a-male-witch didn't work. The other option would be to return to facebook, but since my entire family is on there, and connected to my old profile, I wouldn't be able to sneeze without them butting into my life.
Imagine, me actually finding Mr. Right and changing my status on there from single to in a relationship, or parish the thought, putting up a photo of me and him...I'd never survive my family's onslaught of noisiness.
So, I caved. I rejoined a dating site. I think I might be sick.
I'm officially dating again.
Dirty Laundry 52
Today I met the Rooster.
I was coming back from the grocery, and heard a door open at the far end of the hall. Looked up, and there was this guy, dressed in black track pants, a black shirt, flip-flops, carrying his trash.
I looked. Of course. Dude had jet black hair, bit too tan for my taste, okay any tan is too much of a tan for my taste, and a goatee. And from where I was standing, couldn't really see his eyes. And tall. Can't get over how tall guys are now a days...I'm clocking him at 6foot 4.
He caught me looking. Turned his head just enough to smirk at me over his shoulder as he slowed down in the hallway, while I stood there trying to get my groceries in. He waited, hovering in the doorway of the main doors until I closed my apartment door. Then I watched him through the peeper for a few long seconds as he just, hovered as if waiting before heading out. Big ass grin on his face.
I've seen him pass by my window at night, always with a different chick on his arm. Never seen him in the daylight. Here's the thing, he didn't need to go marching through the whole building to get outside to the trash shed. He could have gone through the doors by his end of the building, which is closer. Something tells me he's the kind of guy who likes to be seen every chance he can get.
And the big thing, he's like the only man in this city who doesn't seem to bathe in the same cologne. Every guy who lives in this city seems to just roll around in that Axe stuff that was popular a decade ago everywhere else on the planet. But the Rooster, doesn't.
A sign of class, or just really great taste?
I was coming back from the grocery, and heard a door open at the far end of the hall. Looked up, and there was this guy, dressed in black track pants, a black shirt, flip-flops, carrying his trash.
I looked. Of course. Dude had jet black hair, bit too tan for my taste, okay any tan is too much of a tan for my taste, and a goatee. And from where I was standing, couldn't really see his eyes. And tall. Can't get over how tall guys are now a days...I'm clocking him at 6foot 4.
He caught me looking. Turned his head just enough to smirk at me over his shoulder as he slowed down in the hallway, while I stood there trying to get my groceries in. He waited, hovering in the doorway of the main doors until I closed my apartment door. Then I watched him through the peeper for a few long seconds as he just, hovered as if waiting before heading out. Big ass grin on his face.
I've seen him pass by my window at night, always with a different chick on his arm. Never seen him in the daylight. Here's the thing, he didn't need to go marching through the whole building to get outside to the trash shed. He could have gone through the doors by his end of the building, which is closer. Something tells me he's the kind of guy who likes to be seen every chance he can get.
And the big thing, he's like the only man in this city who doesn't seem to bathe in the same cologne. Every guy who lives in this city seems to just roll around in that Axe stuff that was popular a decade ago everywhere else on the planet. But the Rooster, doesn't.
A sign of class, or just really great taste?
Monday, June 8, 2015
Monday june 8th 2015
I had a chat this evening, with Jeff, the male witch. We were talking about how the world has become so overshadowed with living online, how everyone is connected but no one really pays attention. Ironic when you think about it. Everyone is energetically together in what can only be considered a borg mentality, striving not for divine oneness as we were brought to believe in the 1960's sci-fi shows that something like this would bring. But, in fact, it's divided the world that much more. That's an entire spiritual conversation for another time.
But it got me thinking of one thing. I miss my affair of the blog.
The whole time Jeff was talking about how no one respects each other, really honestly respects each other anymore, all I could think was few years back when The Celebrity was reading my blog. I know, bad of me right? No, not really.
Okay, yeah, I get that he was mocking me half the time, and ripping off my blog topics the rest of the time, but in order to do so he had to spend god knows how long reading me. I mean really reading me.
Here's the sad part. While Jeff was yammering on about how the world is a gutter, I admitted to myself, that mocking or not The Celebrity paid more attention to what I had to say then any guy I've ever dated. Ever.
Yeah, I'm not sure how to react to that either? Other then I miss the knowing that he reads me. I miss the idea of what that means, what that could mean and the possibility it could bring.
If a guy I've never met, never had a conversation -outside of this blogging thing- with can find it in himself to listen to what I have to say; and I mean open ears open mind, listening to what I have to say, then finding that level of connection with an average guy should be a given.
I find it a bit sad now too that company #2's blog that The Celebrity had been writing for back few years ago, no longer exists. I went just now after the conversation with Jeff to re-read some of the posts, and it's no longer there. See, you should never take anything for granted.
And if The Celebrity is reading this...we really should catch a vampire movie sometime.
But it got me thinking of one thing. I miss my affair of the blog.
The whole time Jeff was talking about how no one respects each other, really honestly respects each other anymore, all I could think was few years back when The Celebrity was reading my blog. I know, bad of me right? No, not really.
Okay, yeah, I get that he was mocking me half the time, and ripping off my blog topics the rest of the time, but in order to do so he had to spend god knows how long reading me. I mean really reading me.
Here's the sad part. While Jeff was yammering on about how the world is a gutter, I admitted to myself, that mocking or not The Celebrity paid more attention to what I had to say then any guy I've ever dated. Ever.
Yeah, I'm not sure how to react to that either? Other then I miss the knowing that he reads me. I miss the idea of what that means, what that could mean and the possibility it could bring.
If a guy I've never met, never had a conversation -outside of this blogging thing- with can find it in himself to listen to what I have to say; and I mean open ears open mind, listening to what I have to say, then finding that level of connection with an average guy should be a given.
I find it a bit sad now too that company #2's blog that The Celebrity had been writing for back few years ago, no longer exists. I went just now after the conversation with Jeff to re-read some of the posts, and it's no longer there. See, you should never take anything for granted.
And if The Celebrity is reading this...we really should catch a vampire movie sometime.
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
8:48pm something something
You know you've hit rock bottom when you realize that you've managed to binge watch the entire catalog of Hallmark made for tv movies in a week, and go through a bucket of chocolate bars and a full bottle of wine alone while doing so.
Welcome to rock bottom. Feels like you'd expect it to...rough and cold. Like falling down an endless pit of despair only, there's no light at the top to shadow down on you.
This was suppose to be a time to reevaluate things, meet new people, and write. I haven't left the sofa in god knows how long, and the only thing I've written is one piece to the fairy tale. It's like every time I sit down to get started on anything else, the fairy tale nags at me, guilt tripping me into working on it yet again! Not that it's a bad thing, but it's really time to work on something else even for a few weeks.
Have not seen Jon the repair guy around at all. Nor has Mr. Freeze said anything else to me. So zero for zero no win situations.
Had a really crazy dream though the other night about wrestler Jimmy Jacobs and my former buddy the Musician. Dreamed Jimmy Jacobs was going around the building with a clipboard checking people's hall closets for neatness, and that he barged in ripping mine apart reorganizing it. And that my former buddy the Musician was behind him mopping up muddy footprints handing him fresh pens every few seconds because every time he checked something off, he tossed the pen over his shoulder. Crazy enough right?
Damn, I havent' seen or heard from or even thought about the Musician in about four years. Wonder if he even still lives here?
Welcome to rock bottom. Feels like you'd expect it to...rough and cold. Like falling down an endless pit of despair only, there's no light at the top to shadow down on you.
This was suppose to be a time to reevaluate things, meet new people, and write. I haven't left the sofa in god knows how long, and the only thing I've written is one piece to the fairy tale. It's like every time I sit down to get started on anything else, the fairy tale nags at me, guilt tripping me into working on it yet again! Not that it's a bad thing, but it's really time to work on something else even for a few weeks.
Have not seen Jon the repair guy around at all. Nor has Mr. Freeze said anything else to me. So zero for zero no win situations.
Had a really crazy dream though the other night about wrestler Jimmy Jacobs and my former buddy the Musician. Dreamed Jimmy Jacobs was going around the building with a clipboard checking people's hall closets for neatness, and that he barged in ripping mine apart reorganizing it. And that my former buddy the Musician was behind him mopping up muddy footprints handing him fresh pens every few seconds because every time he checked something off, he tossed the pen over his shoulder. Crazy enough right?
Damn, I havent' seen or heard from or even thought about the Musician in about four years. Wonder if he even still lives here?
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