Sunday, May 11, 2014

happy now?

I was at mom's for awhile earlier, when my uncle brought Mavis by to wish my mom a happy mother's day. Mom was getting ready to go for dinner with my sister. Mavis pointed at me and told me to call Walsh. Still seems to be some sort of issue with the texting on my phone.

Me-:"Got your message. What's up?"

Walsh-:"Having a bbq. What's up with you?"

Me-:"Nothing. I was told to call."

Walsh-:"I thought you'd call few hours ago. Doesn't matter now. Matt never showed."

I'd love to think he's doing these 'set ups' for me, but I know it's got nothing to do with me, and everything to do with his buddies lack of a life.

Me-:"I've meet Matt. I didn't like him."

Walsh-:"When?"

Me-:"Grandma's funeral."

Walsh-:"That was like over a decade ago."

Me-:"Once was enough."

Walsh-:"Did you get that call you were looking for the other day?"

Me-:"No. I'm hoping to hear something tomorrow. Otherwise, I guess I need to give up on it."

Walsh-:"I'm sure you'll hear something tomorrow. Don't give up."

Me-:"Well, somethings just aren't meant to be. Like me moving somewhere safe without loads of stairs, keeping a muse, finding the right guy..."

Walsh-:"I don't know what to tell you about the apartment, but you already know what I'm going to say about Mr. Scratchy."

Me-:"Like I said, somethings just aren't meant to be and I'm really starting to think, you know..."

He interrupted me. "that' you're looking for something real?"

Me-:"....that I've had...."

Walsh-:"...here's a secret guys want that too."

Me-:"...that I've had my happiness..."

Walsh-:"What happiness?"  I could hear cooking noises and the kids laughing. "Not to be an ass, but name one boyfriend who treated you good."

Me-:"I was happy when I was with -----, for a little while I was really really happy."

My cousin made a sound of disgust as he then yelled at the kids to leave the neighbour's dog alone. "And he cheated on you for it. How can you say you were happy?"

Me-:"Cause I was for a bit."

Walsh-:"Okay, whatever. I don't want to hear about him." he swore a few times then got really silent. "You deserve to be happy. With a guy who actually loves you. You're just like both my sisters you do know that right? You all have the same taste when it comes to picking boyfriends. You all keep telling me how you want to find the right guy and then you end up with assholes who don't love you, who abuse you..."

Me-:"Where's this coming from? Who did what?"

He sniffed and got silent again. I can only guess that one of his sisters got in with yet another creep. "Nothing. You keep talking about how great our grandparents relationship was, and yeah it was like a fairy tale when you look at it from our point of view. But we don't know what happened the rest of the time? Right? Nothing's perfect. I mean...if either of them gave up...."

Me-:"Sort of not making sense now."

Walsh-:"I'm just really tired of it. My sisters making the mistakes they keep making. They never take my advice."

My turn to get silent. "One thing I've learned is love isn't always...enough. Though it kills me to say it. Just destroys everything. He would never have left me if it was. He would never have..."

He interrupted me again. "...you think he loved you?"  My cousin laughed at me. 

Me-:"Yeah, I do. Just...not enough."

Walsh-:"You're so better off without him. You realize that right? It's been what? Ten, eleven years? Hope you know that. That you're better off."

Me-:"Everyone else seems to think that."  I was sniffing by this point. I know that I am better off, but still hurts sometimes.

Walsh-:"Everyone else knows that. I know that, you know that, and Mr. Scratchy knows that. And one of these days, when you lest expect it, Mad Hatter..."

Me-:"Mr. Scratchy..."

Walsh-:"Mad Hatter, will show up and sweep you off your feet."

Me-:"Okay, you made me cry so I'm going to go now. Tell your wife I said happy mother's day, and I'm going to try to calm down enough to blog this..."

Walsh-:"Fine. Blog it. See if I care. I'm getting tired of that too."


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