Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Oh boy!

My phone rang few hours ago, it was my mom. I was terrified to pick it up, just knowing there was going to be bad news on the other end. My mother was yelling, but not why you would think.

Mom-:"Is this for real or is it a publicity stunt?"

Me-:"Is what for real?"

Mom-:"I just saw this post on facebook about Rebel without a Cause."  My mind being on death and hospitals and the like, I thought the next sentence was going to be that there was a horrible accident involving a bunch of my favourite wrestlers.  She read me the post, with much laughing as she did. I waited processing the information.

Me-:"Oh my god mom! You scared the shit out of me! With everything going on..."

Her laughter soon turned to hostility. She went from reading the post to me twice, her voice getting louder and more high pitched, focusing on the whole scandal, then she jumped right into talking about dad and how she was glad the internet wasn't around like it is now when he had his countless affairs. It was brutal. Sitting there hearing her vent her anger and frustration like that. I was almost too scared to hang up, afraid who she might call after me.

It was really sad in a way too. My parents met when they were 15 years old, and have been part of each others lives for the last 50 years. I find that in itself impossible to wrap my head around. Specially given that the last 30 of those years have been bad and bitter ones. 
By the time we got off the phone, she was crying.

Those of us who are out there searching for that right perfect mate, we don't really fathom just how long they might or might not truly be part of our lives. There's the fairy tale version of forever, and then there is the reality of forever.
One of my cousins had 8 years with her husband. They had met when she was 30 years old, were together for 7 years before they got married, and didn't even make it to their first wedding anniversary when he died. She was widowed before her 38th birthday.

While I had been on the phone with her, I got a message from my cousin Walsh about the Rebel without a Cause thing.

Walsh-:"You seen this?"

Me-:"Heard."   I seriously wasn't in the mood.


Granted, my family can't deal with real stuff like life and death situations, and meddling in other people's love lives is something we turn to when we can't handle. I used to be such a good matchmaker back in the day, but that was years ago.

Me-:"The dude's human."

Walsh-:"You should blog about it. He reads you right?"

I kept waiting for my cousin to ask how things were going with my family, but he didn't. Just kept it light, focused on the wrestler. I got angry, just wanted to scream at him. Ended up breaking down crying for awhile.
The one time I want to have a serious conversation about a real topic, no one wants to. They all want to be distracted. Real emotions are exhausting. Bottling them up, letting them loose, feeling like you should have seen it coming, being mad at yourself for not being able to get over it sooner, or worse, for having gotten over it quicker then others thought you should.

How do you deal with something you're just not grown up enough to deal with?

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