Dear Herman:
I just wanted to come in and write you a little note. It's been way too long since I have let myself believe in...well this I suppose.
The other day, this 20something guy saw me walking down the street and opened a door for me. I wasn't even going into that building, I was headed to the building next to it, but it was just very cool and sweet and so not the kind of thing that happens to me. V-neck shirt and a bra really does do wonders eh?
Definitely the boost I needed that day.
Weird dream about The Celebrity; nothing interesting, nothing steamy sadly enough, just a dream about him cooking eggs. They were scrambled eggs. So weird, so out of place. Maybe not so much, given the way I would tease him on my blog about food for those few years. So I suppose fitting.
Anyways Mr. Scratchy, I imagine you checking in tonight, drained of energy. I believe you're dressed in navy shorts, bare feet, a red baseball cap on backwards, and have a red twizzlers candy hanging out of your mouth. I think you've just made yourself a cup of tea, and are catching up with the last three parts of the fairy tale.
I hope I put a smirk on your lips tonight.
as always, smile smirk and snarl.
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
Tuesday, July 7, 2015
Cooking with tarots
I was out for a few hours this morning, ended up stopping at mom's and then the grocery on the way home. Old grocery, in the old neighbourhood. Storm was working, and he screamed at me from across the whole place, very hyper.
This lady who was standing right behind me at the tofu counter, was looking around and she is like "Oh, he's talking to you. I'm like who the hell is that, I don't know him why is he calling me, but he's not he was talking to you." then she just giggled, started to walk away and came back "Shame, thought he was flirting with me." she shrugged and walked off.
Storm-:"You are looking really good. I mean really good."
Me-:"Thanks. I've lost 30 pounds." I didn't tell him it's taken since x-mas to do so, but still. "So what's new?"
Storm-:"The cherries are half price."
Me-:" No what's new in your life?"
Storm-:"Oh! My ex and I broke up again. But I'm dating this new chick." The smile on his face was like a little kid. "What's new with you?"
Me-:"Not much. Doing the tarot readings."
Storm-:"Oh yeah! I've just got a set of runines."
Me-:"Runes."
Storm-:"Yeah, however you pronounce it." he went on for a good ten minutes then about some instructor he came across on youtube and how he's getting into the Aztec mythology. He ended up writing down the dude's name making me promise to check it out.
As I was leaving the place, I decided to head into starbucks, and there was this group of construction workers just hanging around waiting for their orders. One just kept staring at me. On the walk home, an old guy tipped his hat to me as he passed. He actually tipped his hat. Like something you see in a movie about the 1800's.
And then there was the dude in the silver van who was just grinning at me like a goof while at the lights, and started waving. I have no idea who it was. One of those situations when I had to look around to see who was behind me. There wasn't anyone. No cars even waiting to cross in that direction.
So weird some days.
This lady who was standing right behind me at the tofu counter, was looking around and she is like "Oh, he's talking to you. I'm like who the hell is that, I don't know him why is he calling me, but he's not he was talking to you." then she just giggled, started to walk away and came back "Shame, thought he was flirting with me." she shrugged and walked off.
Storm-:"You are looking really good. I mean really good."
Me-:"Thanks. I've lost 30 pounds." I didn't tell him it's taken since x-mas to do so, but still. "So what's new?"
Storm-:"The cherries are half price."
Me-:" No what's new in your life?"
Storm-:"Oh! My ex and I broke up again. But I'm dating this new chick." The smile on his face was like a little kid. "What's new with you?"
Me-:"Not much. Doing the tarot readings."
Storm-:"Oh yeah! I've just got a set of runines."
Me-:"Runes."
Storm-:"Yeah, however you pronounce it." he went on for a good ten minutes then about some instructor he came across on youtube and how he's getting into the Aztec mythology. He ended up writing down the dude's name making me promise to check it out.
As I was leaving the place, I decided to head into starbucks, and there was this group of construction workers just hanging around waiting for their orders. One just kept staring at me. On the walk home, an old guy tipped his hat to me as he passed. He actually tipped his hat. Like something you see in a movie about the 1800's.
And then there was the dude in the silver van who was just grinning at me like a goof while at the lights, and started waving. I have no idea who it was. One of those situations when I had to look around to see who was behind me. There wasn't anyone. No cars even waiting to cross in that direction.
So weird some days.
Friday, July 3, 2015
Take that as a sign
I was just thinking how dating this time around has been uneventful and totally misleading compared to when I was younger. Comparing the time I met -----, and how my life has changed in areas and not in others. I had just made a cup of tea, sat down to check my messages, and there in my inbox was a newsletter from some life coach dating guru.
The opening line said in big bold pink letters "Don' Give Up On LOVE...You're never too old for real love"
Talk about timing or what?
I don't even remember having signed up for this particular newsletter. Must have been one of those "because you signed up for blah blah we thought you'd like blah blah blah" those come all the time.
There is a part of me that thinks I should never have bothered to start dating again, and part of me that just can't give up on the idea of finding the right guy. Honestly, I'm just tired of the going in circles.
Too much bad advice over the years mixed with living in a small city, has left me making really poor dating decisions. Which now I see were really poor dating decisions. If I could flip a switch and go back in time the men I would avoid...not too mention some of the advice I'd have run away screaming from...
Anyways, it's a Friday afternoon in the middle of summer and I'm sitting here wondering what other little hidden messages the universe has up it's sleeve?
The opening line said in big bold pink letters "Don' Give Up On LOVE...You're never too old for real love"
Talk about timing or what?
I don't even remember having signed up for this particular newsletter. Must have been one of those "because you signed up for blah blah we thought you'd like blah blah blah" those come all the time.
There is a part of me that thinks I should never have bothered to start dating again, and part of me that just can't give up on the idea of finding the right guy. Honestly, I'm just tired of the going in circles.
Too much bad advice over the years mixed with living in a small city, has left me making really poor dating decisions. Which now I see were really poor dating decisions. If I could flip a switch and go back in time the men I would avoid...not too mention some of the advice I'd have run away screaming from...
Anyways, it's a Friday afternoon in the middle of summer and I'm sitting here wondering what other little hidden messages the universe has up it's sleeve?
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
Zero points no one wins
The dating thing was a really horrible idea. The first day, I got a message from a guy here in town, and I knew he wasn't my type in any way shape or form. But, I sent a reply because he was the first guy to send me a message.
Didn't hear anything else from him, which was fine. Til I woke up this morning and saw he'd sent me a message at 1am, last night/this morning. I answered his question. He just messaged me again, but before I could read it, it was deleted. His profile is still there, so he obviously decided to be a dick and add me to the no fly list. Normally, that would bother me to the ends of the earth, but dude if you're going to be a child then find someone who likes that cause I've got no time for it.
I really think that communication is only part of the issue between people these days. As I really think the core issue is that men and women have a different definition of what "dating" is.
When women say dating we mean relationship, early stages maybe, but relationship none the less. When men it seems say dating, they mean one night stands or friends with benefits.
When a woman says one night stand, we mean it was one night and doubt it will ever happen again.
The one decent guy I've talked with on the dating site, cut the conversation when he realized I didn't live in his city. Otherwise, he was down right perfect. 38, single no kids, 5 foot 11, jet black hair, pale skin, chocolate brown eyes, a photographer, vegan and into New Age spirituality. Totally beyond my dream come true. Only, he lived on the other side of the country. Damn it! Life is truly not fair.
Seriously, could Aphrodite custom make a man for me any better?
There is a lesson in here somewhere, I'm just too tired to look.
Didn't hear anything else from him, which was fine. Til I woke up this morning and saw he'd sent me a message at 1am, last night/this morning. I answered his question. He just messaged me again, but before I could read it, it was deleted. His profile is still there, so he obviously decided to be a dick and add me to the no fly list. Normally, that would bother me to the ends of the earth, but dude if you're going to be a child then find someone who likes that cause I've got no time for it.
I really think that communication is only part of the issue between people these days. As I really think the core issue is that men and women have a different definition of what "dating" is.
When women say dating we mean relationship, early stages maybe, but relationship none the less. When men it seems say dating, they mean one night stands or friends with benefits.
When a woman says one night stand, we mean it was one night and doubt it will ever happen again.
The one decent guy I've talked with on the dating site, cut the conversation when he realized I didn't live in his city. Otherwise, he was down right perfect. 38, single no kids, 5 foot 11, jet black hair, pale skin, chocolate brown eyes, a photographer, vegan and into New Age spirituality. Totally beyond my dream come true. Only, he lived on the other side of the country. Damn it! Life is truly not fair.
Seriously, could Aphrodite custom make a man for me any better?
There is a lesson in here somewhere, I'm just too tired to look.
Friday, June 19, 2015
I couldn't help but wonder
As human beings in the digital world, are we even capable of making meaningful connections anymore? Today is the deadline I gave myself for the online dating site. One solid week of looking, messaging, working the site.
I came up with zero. Not one single coffee invite, not one email address or phone number, not one single conversation that passed the "how you doing?" part.
I got more then a few sleazy offers from married men, and even an attack by one witch-hunter who tried to convert me to being a Christian, because I had Wiccan listed as my religion. The really sad part about that is that he was the only guy to actually bother to read my profile.
And my page count of how many guys were actually looking at my profile, went from a steady flow of five every two minutes, to zero in the last 24hours. Best I can figure is because I removed an old photo from 2009 that was the only full body selfie.
So it really is true, show the curves and get the stares. Or in this case, prove you don't have any and get the approval.
I even upped the age limit I was willing to date to in the mid 40's, and expanded my search to cover the whole province I live in, not just my city. Even that brought me nothing new.
So why do we do it? Why do we let ourselves believe that a real connection can happen when no one is truly trying? For some, the surface noise is enough. But for those of us out there who sort of wish the world wasn't jacked in 24/7/365, it's difficult to trust that this is the right way to "try something new".
By the shear number of men I searched through on that site, just in my province; there are a lot of lonely people out there. If they admit it or not. Granted, half of them are morons and the other half are dickheads, but that's another story itself.
So as I wrap up another chapter in my life, proving once again that I'm un-matchable in my pursuit to finding Mr. Right...I couldn't help but wonder; in a time when everything is connected, do we know when we've found a real connection?
I came up with zero. Not one single coffee invite, not one email address or phone number, not one single conversation that passed the "how you doing?" part.
I got more then a few sleazy offers from married men, and even an attack by one witch-hunter who tried to convert me to being a Christian, because I had Wiccan listed as my religion. The really sad part about that is that he was the only guy to actually bother to read my profile.
And my page count of how many guys were actually looking at my profile, went from a steady flow of five every two minutes, to zero in the last 24hours. Best I can figure is because I removed an old photo from 2009 that was the only full body selfie.
So it really is true, show the curves and get the stares. Or in this case, prove you don't have any and get the approval.
I even upped the age limit I was willing to date to in the mid 40's, and expanded my search to cover the whole province I live in, not just my city. Even that brought me nothing new.
So why do we do it? Why do we let ourselves believe that a real connection can happen when no one is truly trying? For some, the surface noise is enough. But for those of us out there who sort of wish the world wasn't jacked in 24/7/365, it's difficult to trust that this is the right way to "try something new".
By the shear number of men I searched through on that site, just in my province; there are a lot of lonely people out there. If they admit it or not. Granted, half of them are morons and the other half are dickheads, but that's another story itself.
So as I wrap up another chapter in my life, proving once again that I'm un-matchable in my pursuit to finding Mr. Right...I couldn't help but wonder; in a time when everything is connected, do we know when we've found a real connection?
Thursday, June 18, 2015
message in a bottle continued
My cousin Walsh stopped by for a few minutes. I was in the middle of a meltdown when he did. I had been texting my buddy the Musician, and basically freaking out whining about Mr. Uber-Hot not messaging again. My buddy was telling me to just ask for the guy's number.
Walsh-:"Don't. Bad move." he was reading over my shoulder the message. "Worst advice ever." I have to agree with my cousin on this one. I went to show him the original message, and it was gone. In fact, Mr. Uber-Hot was just gone.
Me-:"Can he do that? Disappear?"
Walsh-:"Don't think so. I don't know. Maybe."
Me-:"Great, I lost my chance before having it. Wait, does that mean he's deleted it? Or..."
Walsh-:"Deleted I would guess. Otherwise, he'd just ignore you and still show up I think?" he slapped my shoulder. "You over think things. Don't worry about it. Besides, he's not Mr. Scratchy."
Me-:"Well, Mr. Scratchy isn't anymore either." Totally defeated. "Okay, that's it. The universe gave me this wicked chance, and I blew it by disbelieving it was meant for me, and it was snatched away again."
Walsh-:"Sounds about right." he laughed.
Me-:"Not helping."
Walsh-:"Neither is your buddy there. What's he telling you..." he lit a cigarette looking for something to use as an astray. Ended up grabbing my incense burner.
Me-:"That guys want playboy centerfolds."
Walsh-:"Well yeah." he snorted nearly choking on his cigarette.
Me-:"I'm doomed."
Walsh-:"Just means this guy wasn't the right one for you."
Me-:"He was beautiful! I deserve a beautiful man damn it!"
Walsh-:"I didn't say you don't. I've been telling you for how long now to stop putting yourself down. This would be sad if you weren't so funny right now. No one takes these sites seriously."
Me-:"Well, it's my last shot."
Walsh-:"Only if you believe it is. What's he saying now?" he pointed to the text from Musician.
Me-:'To update my photos and stuff. Not to give up."
Walsh-:"I think you just need to relax and not take it so seriously. And let me say again, doesn't matter because you won't be happy with anyone."
Me-:"Thanks a lot. So you're saying I can't make a man happy?"
Walsh-:"Not what I said. Don't be putting words in my mouth. I said YOU won't be happy. You are too much like our grandfather was. He wouldn't settle for anything either when he had something in his mind. And you're like that. You talk about soulmates so don't try to tell me that you're not going to be happy with anything other then what you believe is your soulmate."
Okay, I can't argue with that as much as I want to.
Walsh-:"Don't. Bad move." he was reading over my shoulder the message. "Worst advice ever." I have to agree with my cousin on this one. I went to show him the original message, and it was gone. In fact, Mr. Uber-Hot was just gone.
Me-:"Can he do that? Disappear?"
Walsh-:"Don't think so. I don't know. Maybe."
Me-:"Great, I lost my chance before having it. Wait, does that mean he's deleted it? Or..."
Walsh-:"Deleted I would guess. Otherwise, he'd just ignore you and still show up I think?" he slapped my shoulder. "You over think things. Don't worry about it. Besides, he's not Mr. Scratchy."
Me-:"Well, Mr. Scratchy isn't anymore either." Totally defeated. "Okay, that's it. The universe gave me this wicked chance, and I blew it by disbelieving it was meant for me, and it was snatched away again."
Walsh-:"Sounds about right." he laughed.
Me-:"Not helping."
Walsh-:"Neither is your buddy there. What's he telling you..." he lit a cigarette looking for something to use as an astray. Ended up grabbing my incense burner.
Me-:"That guys want playboy centerfolds."
Walsh-:"Well yeah." he snorted nearly choking on his cigarette.
Me-:"I'm doomed."
Walsh-:"Just means this guy wasn't the right one for you."
Me-:"He was beautiful! I deserve a beautiful man damn it!"
Walsh-:"I didn't say you don't. I've been telling you for how long now to stop putting yourself down. This would be sad if you weren't so funny right now. No one takes these sites seriously."
Me-:"Well, it's my last shot."
Walsh-:"Only if you believe it is. What's he saying now?" he pointed to the text from Musician.
Me-:'To update my photos and stuff. Not to give up."
Walsh-:"I think you just need to relax and not take it so seriously. And let me say again, doesn't matter because you won't be happy with anyone."
Me-:"Thanks a lot. So you're saying I can't make a man happy?"
Walsh-:"Not what I said. Don't be putting words in my mouth. I said YOU won't be happy. You are too much like our grandfather was. He wouldn't settle for anything either when he had something in his mind. And you're like that. You talk about soulmates so don't try to tell me that you're not going to be happy with anything other then what you believe is your soulmate."
Okay, I can't argue with that as much as I want to.
message in a bottle
Went for a coffee last night with my buddy the Musician. Which only slightly has anything to do with things.
Let's start with the fact, the newest hottest guy in the city messaged me yesterday. I couldn't believe it either. Part of me still thinks it's a joke or something. Not too mention, my ears were burning like stoplights for over an hour while I was talking to this guy and getting ready to go out.
Here's where my coffee with my buddy comes into play; I had to end the conversation with Mr. Should-Be-An-UnderwearModel because I was already late for coffee. You know what he said, message him later.
Message him later. Like it was the most natural thing in the world. Oh yeah totally did. Only, I totally screwed it up. Don't know how I got his attention to begin with, but when I messaged him back, he quickly forgot I existed.
I know why too. I stumbled. Just choked. Any witty cute intelligent things I had been saying to that point, stopped pouring from my typing. I froze and became like a driveling moron.
Ended up becoming my big "Miranda" moment like the episode of Sex and the City when the hot cop asks her out and she's so shocked someone thinks she's worth it, that she drinks too much and blows her cool having the guy turned off. (Season 3 "What Goes Around Comes Around", #17 of the season, #47 of series)
Why is it, I can shamelessly flirt with wrestlers constantly, making an ass out of myself telling them how hot they are, letting them know they are my current muses for my art, and the greatest thing since sliced bread and yet, when one real normal guy steps into the picture, I crack? I become the village idiot.
Can't say my audaciousness is just because there is a computer between myself and my wrestlers, because, there was a computer between myself and Mr.Uber-Hot last night. So why is it that the average man sends me into a state of cold sweats and intimidation?
Let's start with the fact, the newest hottest guy in the city messaged me yesterday. I couldn't believe it either. Part of me still thinks it's a joke or something. Not too mention, my ears were burning like stoplights for over an hour while I was talking to this guy and getting ready to go out.
Here's where my coffee with my buddy comes into play; I had to end the conversation with Mr. Should-Be-An-UnderwearModel because I was already late for coffee. You know what he said, message him later.
Message him later. Like it was the most natural thing in the world. Oh yeah totally did. Only, I totally screwed it up. Don't know how I got his attention to begin with, but when I messaged him back, he quickly forgot I existed.
I know why too. I stumbled. Just choked. Any witty cute intelligent things I had been saying to that point, stopped pouring from my typing. I froze and became like a driveling moron.
Ended up becoming my big "Miranda" moment like the episode of Sex and the City when the hot cop asks her out and she's so shocked someone thinks she's worth it, that she drinks too much and blows her cool having the guy turned off. (Season 3 "What Goes Around Comes Around", #17 of the season, #47 of series)
Why is it, I can shamelessly flirt with wrestlers constantly, making an ass out of myself telling them how hot they are, letting them know they are my current muses for my art, and the greatest thing since sliced bread and yet, when one real normal guy steps into the picture, I crack? I become the village idiot.
Can't say my audaciousness is just because there is a computer between myself and my wrestlers, because, there was a computer between myself and Mr.Uber-Hot last night. So why is it that the average man sends me into a state of cold sweats and intimidation?
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