Monday, March 9, 2015

Insecurities to gratitude

The video project was suppose to make me feel good. To connect to other witchy types. To help find Mr. Right. So far, I just feel like I'm standing outside the window with my face pressed against it watching everyone else have fun.
Being the new person in the community sucks.

As I mumbled there last week, all the witchy-men are gay. Doesn't build confidence at finding a compatible mate. I don't understand why I'm still banging my skull against the wall? I've chatted with everyone, done the "love your work" comments when I actually do love their work, subscribed to everyone who seemed genuine at what they do; and yet, here I am talking to myself. 

Herman, I have to admit, I seem to have lost any ability to make friends. Well, guess I should be grateful that I can identify that. Now, if I could just identify where I'm going wrong... admit it Mr. Scratchy, you're secretly a witch aren't you?  Would make sense, all part of the cosmic joke. Which keeps slapping me in the face. One after another I keep meeting guys names Jonathan. But the last two, both gay men.
Can't tell if the universe is laughing at me or trying to encourage me?  Either way, I'm grateful for this space to put these post it notes. I know you read them Mr. Scratchy, even if it is just to relax and laugh for a moment.

I'm grateful Herman for you. And your buddies who I'm sure are leaning over your shoulder right now as you guys get ready for tonight's show. I'm grateful for the fact you found me, all those years ago.

Anyways...I imagine you checking in, a coffee in hand, tape falling off your wrist not secured, a plastic spoon hanging out of your a stir stick from the coffee, dressed in black pants...track pants, and a grey shirt. I want to say a baseball cap on backwards...Igor reading over your shoulder out loud laughing, and I think he's dressed right now in brown cords and a brown plaid button up shirt.

Okay Mr. Scratchy- Herman, one of these days I'll figure out what the key is.
until then Smile, smirk and snarl.

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