Feel it again

Nura asked me in a deadpan question what I was afraid of when it came to The Celebrity.
I had no idea what she was talking about. I must have been having an extra dumb blonde moment or hour.

"Why haven't you tried emailing him?"

"I did."

"When?" 

"Five years ago. And last year."

Nura stopped dead and just half shook her head at me.  "That's it? Twice? In all this time you only emailed him twice?"

"I didn't see the point in trying anymore. He knows all about me. He knows how to get a hold of me."

"So then what are you afraid of? Don't answer that cause I'm going to tell you what you won't admit to yourself. You're afraid that if you give it a real chance, you might actually get what you want. And that terrifies you."

"What? You making no sense."  I said in a mocking tone.

"I'm making perfect sense."  Nura shifted in her chair. "You are scared that he might actually... no let's do this right.  Okay, say I buy into him actually liking you.  I mean liking you liking you, not just liking you.  Say I buy into this. And if the guys are right and you've gone and scared him a bit with your hero worship cause he's just a guy, then think about it.  You are the one who is intimidating.  I know you think he's all high and mighty with his career and all, but in the end you're the only one who needs to be happy."

"You lost me way back there somewhere.  Say all that again, slowly in English."

"Okay. You are scared that you might actually get what you want. Then you have to live up to your end of your dreams. Ever think that you are blocking yourself from having anything with him because you are too chickenshit to talk to him.  I mean directly talk to him?"

"So you're saying it's not him it's me?"

"Yes Darling."

"Well that sucks."

"Email him."

"No."  I started to get just a tad defensive.

"Email him!" Nura nodded as if she were agreeing with something.

"He meets like hundreds of people on a daily basis."

"So?"

"He has traveled all over the world like hundreds of times. He can speak three languages that I am aware of maybe more. Just the thought of who he's met over the years, what he's learned, what he's managed to accomplish..."

"You're making excuses. Making yourself sound like a complete chickenshit more so then you were five minutes ago."

"Have I mentioned how beautiful he is?  Cause you know..."

"You told me his eyes are beady."  her voice started to raise to a yell.

"They are.  Beady little eyes. Sort of what Grandma would have called squished together."