You don't want him

I was on my way to mom's, and as I passed the grocery, I saw that Doris was outside having a smoke. She's one of the ones who works the express check out. I stopped and chatted for a few minutes, and spotted Conrad coming into work.
Doris spotted me spotting him.

"Don't waste your time with him. You don't want him." she said as she lit her smoke.

"What's wrong with him? Is he married?"

"Not that I am aware of."

"Is he gay?"

"Don't think so." she took a very long drag on her cigarette trying not to blow the smoke in my face, but the wind had other ideas. All I can say is I was this close to asking for a cigarette.  and I don't smoke.  Is there such a thing as Second Hand Smoke Addiction?  If so, I think I might have that.

"Then what? Is he a total player?"

"Not that I am aware of.  No. Just I know you, and he's not who you want. You won't be happy if you started up with him."

"Okay. You lost me."  I actually started to think maybe she had her sights on him herself, or maybe that he'd said something to her about me or something. I was starting to feel like total crap, paranoia and everything. "Why, would you tell me not to go after him?"  seriously, I was starting to sneak glances at my reflection in the glass door of the grocery taking stock of myself.

" Oh come on!" she made a noise as she gestured nearly knocking me in the face. "He looks like The Celebrity. Don't go there. Just don't do that to yourself."

"You think he looks like The Celebrity?"  okay, yeah now that Doris said it out loud, Conrad does have the same height, hair colour, eye colour, nose, and yeah I can't lie, it's crossed my mind a few times. Body wise though, Conrad is thicker through the waist and smaller in the shoulders.

"Fine don't listen to me. You're going to do what you want anyway.  But Conrad's just..." she butted her cigarette and took out her cell phone checking for messages before finishing the small coffee beside her on the picnic table the staff use for their breaks. "I see the way you look at him. I think you're building yourself up for a big let down." Doris headed then back into the grocery.

Well isn't that a kicker. I've just basically been told I'm not good enough for the produce stock boy. Thanks.