Well that sucked

Walsh and my aunt stopped by for a bit this afternoon. Invited mom to a Canada Day party tomorrow. While he was there, we hung outside for a few minutes.  "what are you thinking about?:"

Me-:"I was thinking about heavy metal music, from like the 80's. Thinking of tattoos and eyeliner on boys, of cigarette burns and hazy morning after bedrooms that you have to fan out.  Thinking about the lousy few songs I have on my iPod and the fact that I might not be able to retrieve all the music I have on my dead MAC. Thinking that my sister who is 8 years younger then me is like a world apart from where I am. She's the one who's all grown up with the husband and the step kids and the house. I'm 38 and I'm just... old. "

Walsh-: "You're not old. You're only 3 years older then me."

Me-:"I still want to call it a walkman.  My iPod, I still want to call it my walkman."

Walsh-:"Okay that's sort of old. What's got this all started?"

Me-:"Just a movie I was watching. Sort of the movie. Sort of just... realized how out of touch I've gotten."

Walsh-:"You're upset over a f**king movie?"

Me-:"Did you ever waver when you met your wife? I mean, back in the beginning when you first met her?"

Walsh-:"What do you mean?"

Me-:"Did anything get in the way of you asking her out?"

Walsh-:"No. Well, she was dating someone else when I first met her and she was my sister's best friend. That's how we met."

Me-:"That's what I thought. He's never going to say who he is. It's been like four years, and Mr. Scratchy has never once even commented. At lest, not to say who he is, if he commented it was anonymously."

Walsh-:"All this because of a movie?"

Me-:"I'm just tired.  You know, when I first wrote the movie..."

Walsh-:"You mean your vampire movie that never got finished because of Sophia?"

Me-:"Yes, my poor excuse for a script. Anyways, when I first wrote it, I wrote my character as a divorced woman.  She was a D-List horror star goth and the ex husband was a A-List porn star. That was suppose to be part of why the marriage didn't work."

Walsh-:"Oh my god. No wonder the movie sucked"  

Me-:"You're not funny." but we were both laughing like lunatics to the point my cousin was beet red and my chest hurt.  When we finally stopped laughing and calmed down I tired to continue telling him what my point was, but he never let me.  He changed the subject talking about his kids.

Walsh-:"Hey, I haven't heard you mention Nura in awhile. You two still friends?"

Me-: "No idea. I haven't heard from her in a few months. But she gets like that, drifts in and out of people's lives.  I've given up on her twice before in the past only to have her pop up like no time had past at all. Last time I did talk to her, she mentioned having to go back to the U.S. for awhile.Something about her duel citizenship and her needing her birth certificate. Why?"

He shrugged and made a face. "Haven't heard you talk about much of anything lately other then wrestling."

Me-: "Dude, I've been cooped up with a broken leg for the last four months, not much to talk about. Going stir crazy. I know I said I was going to wait till after the second surgery before I went home, but I think I might have to rethink that idea."

Walsh-: "You'll just get home and then they contact you for the surgery. Then you'll have to come right back here. You know what else sucks? You deserve to be happy. Don't be so hard on yourself."

Me-:"I'm just being honest. If Mr. Scratchy really wanted something, he'd have contacted me by now. Everyone always says to me that my time will come, that I'll meet that right man and get married. But, dude, I'm 38 years old. I don't think it's ever going to happen. Marriage just isn't in the cards for me."

Walsh-:"Speaking of wrestling. And yes I'm changing the subject cause I don't want you crying...I think that the DoubleStarr has a crush on you."

I broke out laughing for another few minutes to the point my throat was burning and my chest hurt massively. "Well I didn't see that coming at all. What the hell? "

Walsh-:"Lest you're not crying. I don't know, why not? Anything is possible right?"

Me-:"Almost anything. But I don't know about that one."

Random Friday -June 29th

So the male nurse at physio therapy 's name is Greg.  The place was nearly empty today while I was there, and when he came in to help one of the patients back to their room, he turned around twice looking at me.   So I asked who he was.  Not the smoothest but the simplest way to find out.

Managed to make it for a short walk when I got back.  When I say short walk, I mean it took me another hour to go two buildings, to get to and from the grocery again this week.  This time around, Storm talked for a moment.  I was sort of struck dumb when I spotted him, as he's shaved his skull. It looks dreadful.  Doesn't suite him at all.  Makes him look like a psycho killer from some bad movie.

When he asked where I'd been for the last four months, I told him about my knee.

Storm-: "Yeah, when I had mine replaced I was months, but I didn't do the kind of damage you did. That explains where you've been all this time. Starting to wonder if you moved out of town. I'm glad to see your not dead though."

Me-:"There's a lot of that going around."

Storm-:"Men telling you that they are glad your not laying dead somewhere?"

Me-: "I meant the knee replacements."

What I've learned so far

That's a bad title, because, I'm not sure I have learned much.

I was thinking about the movie You've Got Mail,  ever since I heard about the death of Nora Ephron earlier this week. It's always been one of my favourite films by her.


It's no secret that someone like me would adore a movie about two lovers who find each other online and share a desire for books.  Cliched, but no secret.

I also have a thing about films done in the heart of Manhattan.  Annie Hall, Melinda and Melinda,  Sex and the City, Mrs Parker and the Vicious Circle   just to name a few.

I'm going to compare You've Got Mail with Beauty and the Beast.  Think about it for a second and just go with me here.  The classic story of Beauty and the Beast deals with trust and loyalty, and falling in love with someone for who you know they are; not for what they look like or can get you. 
It's a theme that runs through the story in You've Got Mail. 

Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks find that element in each other without ever seeing the other person.  And when they do, there is that heated tension that brings out a new level of flirting between them.  Even though as the viewer, you are in on the joke, you're not suppose to be which makes it all that much more delicious when the characters realize what is happening.

Now, I've never seen the stage play or even the 1940's version of the movie so I can not compare.
But, it's obvious that this version of the story, given it was released in 1998/1999, it was way ahead of it's time.  You can also say it's a throwback to when we had no other way to communicate other then letters. 
And if anything, I'm a big defender of love letters.

Strippers and angry boyfriends

This is the weekend that, that movie about the male strippers opens. 
Sister is going with one of her best friends, Sasha.  Then they are going to the Chippendales that is happening.  Seriously, nothing out of the ordinary.
My brother in law thinks it's fine, doesn't have an issue with it.  They come through here about twice a year, and someone in my sister's group of friends seems to want to go every time. 
The problem seems to be coming from Sasha's boyfriend. He is forbidding her to go.

This is a guy who hangs out at the strip clubs here in town on a regular basis. I can only imagine that his double standard is because he's too insecure himself.  

Personally, I don't get the appeal of male strippers.  I don't get the appeal of strippers in general.
But I've also seen too many guys in this city over the years, act like they hit the goldmine by dating strippers. 
Seems I'm missing the big missing link here.  Strippers as status symbols?   

Few years ago, I was at a wrestling event, and bumped into a guy I'd gone to school with. He still looked the same as he had twenty years ago in grade 8.  And for some reason, when he spotted me, he had the need to pull his wife to him, and express his gratitude that she was a stripper.  And let me just say, she looked like she'd just walked out of an old Guns and Roses video from 1989.  She also didn't seem like she really wanted to be manhandled in public.

Mirror doesn't lie, does it?

I heard voices outside the window few hours ago.  I went to look, and spotted a group of teenaged girls sitting on the sidewalk.   I'm guessing they were either waiting for the bus, or for someone from the building.
Either way, like all teenagers, they were loud.  And the topic seemed to be the fact that one of them had been called ugly.

She was dressed like she was trying out for a spot on a bad reality show; tight shorts, a thinly strapped tank top that did not hide her push-up bra, heels, sunglasses that made her look like an owl and long straight hair. 
Her friends weren't dressed much different.

I heard her swear a few times cursing the guy who called her ugly and planning how to get revenge.

If I got revenge on a man for every time I've been called ugly or unattractive or whatever; I'd be one hell of a vengeance demon.
I usually just handle the situation with 5 cheesecakes, two bottles of wine and three days of crying.  Trust me, there's been more cheesecakes in my past then I want to even think about counting.

Society feeds us a double edged sword when it comes to our looks.  Half the time, we're sold an almost impossible image and told to reach it, and half the time we're reminded that beauty is within, and different to everyone.

I would love to say that I'm over it, but I can only say that some days I am and some days not so much.

Post-it June 24

Ever notice how something seeps into your subconscious, only to pop up in ways you'd never think?
I read the book The Wanders   when I was in high school.  I still have a beat up copy that I had gotten from a second hand store for $1.50, somewhere in my apartment.  All these years later, an image from that novel popped into my head.
Popped into my brain, Mr. Scratchy, while I was thinking about something completely different.  I don't know if you've ever read it?
I remember it not making sense. I actually found it difficult to read, but then again, I was 16 myself at that time. 
But what always struck me about that novel, and the movie for that matter, was the sense of family.  Or more put, the sense of a fractured family.  The desire to be part of something stronger, larger, safer then just oneself.
It's a theme that I use all the time in my own writing.  That's not even what got me thinking about that novel today.  I was thinking about the movie the Outsiders. 
Which is about loyalty and honor.  Or so I've always taken.
Anyway Mr. Scratchy, I just thought I would share that with you over coffee this morning.  Hope your day is a great one.

Tidbits- June 22

There is a male nurse at the hospital that I wouldn't mind getting to know.  Pale, dark hair, dark eyes, around 27 years old, and about my height. 
In other words, just my type.  Seen him twice now transporting some of the patients from their rooms to the physio department.  But he's never alone, so there hasn't been much opportunity to talk to him. 

I have been stuck inside for 17 weeks.  Other then physio therapy and doctor's appointments, I haven't been out. 
After the day I had in physio therapy, I decided that after I got back, I wanted to go to the grocery.  Two buildings away. 

We ended up with a mini heat wave while we were in there.  Two buildings away, and almost a full hour.  Oh my god.  Okay, it was a difficult walk. Slow, painful but so totally needed. Many times I had to stop and sort of message the knee. But my physio therapist will be over joyed to hear of my walk.  I still can't believe it.  What normally takes me less then 4 minutes took me 40 minutes today.  I used the crutch not the cane so in theory I should have been faster.

So, if you're keeping up with this blog, you know that I have not been in the grocery in the last 4 months since shattering my kneecap. 
Which means, I have not seen Storm in all that time.  He was working an afternoon shift today.  Which he used to never do.  But it has been 4 months and who knows what sort of changes have gone on over there at the grocery. 

Well, seems, with him that's the only thing that's changed.  He pulled one of his zip past me straight to the staff room when he saw me enter the building with his nose in the air. 

I'm starting to wonder if that Jekyll and Hide comment I made way back over a year ago wasn't bang on?  As Storm seems to be one of those guys who flip flops constantly.

haunted

"So you like, um lived in a haunted house?"  my sister's oldest step son (she's got four step kids) asked last night, stuffing a handful of chips into his mouth while he waited for my sister to finish getting a pair of pants hemmed. Mom is always having to refit the length on stuff for her.

Me-:"Yes. Why?"

Mom-:"Get out of here. Our house wasn't haunted."

My sister looked at mom and rolled her eyes. "Yes it was! You just refuse to admit it."

Mom-:"You just think that cause you were scared of the basement. Nothing wrong with our old house. No such thing as a haunted house, being ridiculous."

Sister-:"Explain the electric heater coming on by itself while it was unplugged that one time? You can't can you. The house was haunted."

Me-: "The whole street was.  Remember our neighbour's dad across the street who kept hearing the scratching from inside his freezer."

Sister-:"Didn't he end up buying like four new ones thinking it was broken or something?"

I nodded. "Okay, so what brought all this up anyway?" 

Kid#1 -:"Hum, J.J. said something about it."  he blushed.  J.J. is the oldest son of one of our cousin's, and this kid's best friend. Kid#1 looked at our mom then started to fiddle with the kitchen cupboards, almost like there was more he wanted to say but wouldn't. "You've seen the movie the Craft right?" 

Sister-:"Okay I think I know where this is going. Say no."

Me-:"If you want to borrow my copy the answer is no because that would mean she'd have to go to my apartment and hunt through four boxes of movies to find it and I have no idea which box to tell her to look through."

He shook his head still blushing. "That's not what I was wanting. Forget it. Nevermind."

Me-:"How could I nevermind it if I have no idea what the thing was to begin with in order to nevermind it?"

Kid#1 -: "Huh?"

My sister was actually laughing at that one.

Kid#1-:" But you've got books on that sort of stuff right? I mean, J.J. said you're like a white witch, right, like more like... like that one from The Craft who has the real powers, not the goth chick, the other one."

Me-: "Okay now I'm confused. Start again, slowly in English please."

The kid gave a big sigh and just shook his head swinging on the cupboard door, which mom told him to stop cause he might break it.

Kid#1 -: "Can I borrow one of your books, for a ... I need to make a spell." he was still blushing.

Me-:"No. And there is no such thing as a white witch. Either you work with magick or you don't. Magick is neutral. It can go either way because that's just how life is, sometimes it works out the way you hope, sometimes not so much."

Sister-:"Just like TunaGirl."  she started to snicker for a moment.

Kid#1-: "TunaGirl?"

Sister-:"Friend of mine back in like grade 8 and in high school.  She did a love spell on one of the guys in our class.  It worked, they dated for awhile, then he started to get abusive and cheated on her. We ended up having to help remove the spell."

Me-: "Yeah, took 5 of us to do it. You, me, Sophia, her sister and TunaGirl."

Mom-: "I don't remember that."

Sister-: "Cause you never pay attention.  Come on mom, you're going to sit there and tell me that you didn't notice that the guy was abusive? You can't!  He hated her like all through grade 8 and suddenly he was madly in love with her? She was gross, her teeth were fuzzy."  

Me-: "and one of the many reasons I don't lend out my stuff anymore. Still can't believe you two stole my books."

Sister-: "Didn't steal, we put them back."

The kid left pissed off that I said no.

You could go blind

In physio therapy today, my therapist had students following him. As they were talking about my case file, my therapist was pressing on my knee right along the scar where the wires are.  He then told one of the students to rub  along the edge of it, feel the difference between the bone and the hardware " just touch it"

All of a sudden, we hear this voice from behind us say "My brother said if you touch yourself too much  you can go blind."

The lot of us turned to see this lady and  her five year old son.  The lady was beet red as she told her kid to be quiet.
My therapist broke out in a fit of laughter to the point he had to leave the room.

Post-it June 18th

Morning, Mr. Scratchy.   It's a nice, grey, rainy day here.  Just the way I like it.
What was up at 4am?  The scratching woke me, which it hasn't done in months. 
I hate this computer, the cursor keeps flipping around to the middle of the sentence if I stop typing for more then a few seconds.  Can't wait till I can afford a proper one.
Cereal this morning. Nothing fancy, Special K.  Nothing fun, they don't sell Count Chocula here anymore. That was always my favourite.
I imagine you sitting there with a bowl of cereal, before getting ready to head out for your day.  Maybe reading the paper.  I always figure you for a newspaper type.  Then the gym, for a run today. And a soundtrack in your pocket.  I don't know where the soundtrack part came from but what the hell, let's go with it.  Something you found in a second hand store, so maybe a soundtrack from ten years ago or something. The Crow.  Yeah, that's it.
And I think you're wearing a dark blue hoodie that has been stretched out a bit from over use, and black track pants, that are frayed at the left cuff.
And your afternoon will be filled with yard work.   Well, one of these days you have to let me know if I'm even sorta close.
No matter what,  hope you're day is a really great one. 

The art of seduction

I was just watching the movie  Cruel Intentions.  It's one of those movies that left me unsure if I liked it or hated it.
There were elements that had me wanting to throw something at the screen, and elements that had me sitting up hanging on every word.

The plot is fairly simple, one girl who wants to get revenge on an ex boyfriend cons the people around her into helping. 
Or so it seems that simple at first glance.  But, it seems to get a bit more complicated when you start seeing the point of view from the character of Ryan Phillippe, who at first seems like the perfect accomplice, but in fact has a tint of revenge on his sister (Sarah Michelle Gellar) in mind.

The game is getting the local virgins to brake their own vows and morals, thus getting not just the upper hand but destroying reputations.  
Nearly every romance novel that was written between the 1700's to the 1970's has this theme as a baseline.
Would this movie have had the sort of cult following if even one of the leads were cast differently?  I don't think so.   There is just something about Phillippe that screams "17th century rake", and you end up believing every fake smile he delivers during the first half of the film. 

Post-it June 13th

I've come in here to post about four times this morning and honestly, just wasn't sure what to say.  Then, oddly enough, I was told that someone needed me today more then I know.  Only I wasn't told who needs me.   Well, okay it wasn't directed to me personally but it was hard not to listen.
It was one of those random things, I was reading another blog online, and that sentence was like the quote of the day or something as four people left it in comments.{the first person left that comment, then the second person quoted them and the other two said they agreed}

So I'm back here to blog feeling like I'm suppose to be saying something to someone.  Is it you Mr. Scratchy who is feeling low and needing a smile?   Is it one of the wrestlers who is in need of a distraction?  Or is it one of my other readers? 

I actually have a day without physio therapy this week.  It's nice, and it gives me some time to rest a bit.

Hand me the screwdriver

My cousin Walsh stopped by for a bit with some books his mom had borrowed, and we had a short coffee; sitting outside while he had a smoke. He said he'd read a few of the posts I'd done recently.

Walsh-: " Why do you think he's never answered your blog?"

Me-:"He thinks I'm a nutball. Plan and simple. I scare men remember."

Walsh-: "So, fix it." he said this with a grin on his face, reminding me of our Grandfather.

Me-: "Way too late for that. Way too late.  No, there's nothing to say to fix it.  The Celebrity thinks I'm crazy, and now I don't know what to do with myself. I think I'm trapped."

Walsh-:"Did you do what I suggested?"

Me-:"Nope, still quaking in my boots about the idea of checking out his side project."

Walsh-:"See, now that I just don't understand. What the hell are you so afraid of?"

Me-:"You know, we've had this conversation. And I've had it with Nura and her husband too. I just can't. So yeah. He's going to sit quietly reading and continue thinking I'm a total screwdriver."

Walsh-:"You are a total screwdriver total tool."

Me-:"Thanks love you too."

Two of the ladies from the building came outside with their dogs.  Walsh started to play with the dogs for a few minutes before getting up to leave.  "What's it going to take to get you to get over this fear of yours? An engraved invitation to check into the side project?"

Me-: "Do you have one of those? Cause that's about what it would take at this point"  I picked up my crutch and my coffee cup reaching for his.

Walsh-: "Can you carry that?"   I handed them to him making him come back inside with me for a moment. " How much longer you think before you can get home?"

Me-: "Another few weeks. Makes sense now to just wait till after the second surgery. Why"

He shrugged making another face."You're not crazy. You are crazy however for being afraid, that's crazy."

Me-:"Well, there you go craziness. Best excuse for not risking stuff."

Walsh-:"Get over it. Ever thought that he was having a crap week and you happened to be where he lashed out?"

I was shaking my head at him. "Nope. I think it's still up on the company blog, read it for yourself again. there was no mistaking what he meant or why.  But thanks for making me feel more like a cripple then I already am. Love that."

Random Saturday Morning

I'm looking at my knee.  It's shaped funny now, like a cone and not a smooth roundness.
Is this the lesson I'm meant to learn this year?  To not judge my looks the way I have been the last few years?

The few people who knew me in college and are still in my life.. I think there is maybe one... told me not too long ago, that I was more confident back then.  More sure of myself, my talents.
They were not wrong.

I can't really pinpoint when I started to become such a mess.

Now, Saturn.  I forgot about the fact Saturn affects the sector of a person's love life in their astrology charts.
Saturn can basically deliver a dry spell. For how ever long it's running through your relationships area.  I did the math just now, and I'm seeing a connection here.  But according to my charts, Saturn is due to leave my relationships area in October. So there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I just have to have a bit more patience.

Patience. Something I've never been good at. Ever.

This has me thinking about that episode of Sex and the City from season 1 called "The Drought"  where Carrie is afraid of having offended Mr. Big to the point of making herself believe he's not wanting her anymore, and Miranda hasn't dated in 3 months.  {episode 11}

We know that everyone is on a different timeline for things in their lives, so why is it that we keep comparing ourselves to others?  
I'm the first to admit, I'm horrible for doing this.  I am always looking at my sister and cousins and wondering what it is that magically fell into place for them to find husbands/wives and why I'm still searching?  Specially with the fact I'm one of the oldest in the family and I'm the only single one of us left.  Same with the people I grew up with.  All of them have managed to find that one big love and have married, had kids, and bought houses.

So what is it that has half the world comparing ourselves to the other half?

Post-it June 7th 4:00pm

This one is for The Celebrity.



I know you parted ways with company #2. I was sad to hear it.  But everyone has to do what the right thing is for them at that time.
I was feeling guilty actually about having still supported company #2 since I learned you had left.  I'd said once that if you ever left, I would pull my support. I have not yet; simply because The Other Guy is still, for the moment there.
I know that when you read my stuff, you sometimes laugh, sometimes cringe.

f**k; I'm not sure what it is that I am trying to say here. I had sat down earlier and written out this uber long post trying to get something off my chest; and in the process remembered something someone had asked  me about you once.
"Was it just part of his gimmick?"

There few years back, after having read something on the company blog that you'd written; I'd offered to listen.  I can't remember at this point what the blog post was about that you had written, but I do remember there being this vibe off of it.  This sad energy like you're entire world was falling down around you.  And my instincts were to offer you a cup of tea, banana loaf and ask you if you wanted to talk about it. No venom, no jokes, just straight up ask you if you're okay.

No gimmicks.
If you feel the need, the offer is always there.

What's your type?

The ladies in my mother's building were all a flutter because a new guy moved in.  He's like 55 years old, which is pretty young for this place given it's a seniors place. I didn't get a look at him yet, but even my mother was giddy after having bumped into him while checking the mail this afternoon. 
Jackie, the lady who lives across the hall, was over for a bit and in the twenty minutes that she was, she mentioned the fact this guy is divorced about seven times. Patting me on the shoulder a couple of times.

I laughed, shook my head and just said he's not my type. Then she asked me what I do go for?

Me-:" Younger then me for starters. Around 5'9, with short spiky jet black hair, brown eyes. I love pale skin like the IrishLad from company #1. I love Irish men, artists, photographers, painters. I dig guys who look like Nikki Sixx from Motley Crue, huh, the whole reason I got into bass players. Total Jim Morrison from the Doors type of look. Guys who have a sense of humour like the character from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas."

Jackie-: "Well hell,you're not looking for much are you?"

My mom just had this look on her face the whole time.

Jackie-: "Sounds like you want one of them rock stars who pretend to be vampires. Good luck at finding that."

Mom-: "Sorry now that you asked?"

Post-it June 5th 2012

It's 11:44pm on a fairly still night. Light breeze coming through the window. Someone somewhere is talking about me as my ear is burning.
Okay Mr. Scratchy, I had started to write something else for you, but I changed my mind. Totally chickened out.
Instead, I'm going to ask you if argyle is meaning anything to you right now?  I have no idea where that came from, just popped into my brain as I was typing.  I scare myself sometimes.
And if it does mean something to you, then I've no doubt scared you a bit as well.  And if it doesn't, then write it off as my normal bizarreness.
Hopefully, I stopped scaring you years ago.  Hopefully, when you read the oddities that I type, you just smile and say things like "yeah sounds about right".
So Mr. Scratchy, what is it tonight?  Just getting in from the gym?  Maybe you had a lovely spring night where you are and were out mountain biking?  Or for a jog or something?  Disk-golf maybe?
And now, I'm imagining you sitting with a beer maybe while you work on that painting I believe you do. Or, with a guitar, working on some lyrics?    Whatever it is Mr. Scratchy that you're doing, I hope you've had a great day and a lovely night.  

Steaming up your windows part eleven

He sat at the small table, his chin resting on his crossed arms, twirling a pen in his right hand before tapping the edge of it on the little wire rimmed glasses. Letting out a deep sigh, Caleb tossed the pen down as he decided to get himself another coffee.
It had been 5 months since he'd seen Estelle. She'd taken a job in Sault Ste Marie working at a small magazine.
Caleb had been doing his best to keep himself as busy as possible, but there were those moments; usually just before he went to bed at night and first when he got up in the morning that he just could not escape from.  Those twenty or so minutes where the city was quite and he let his mind drift.  That's when the loneliness would strike him hard. 


He turned on the radio that was near the stove, the one he liked to listen to at night when he did the dishes. A slow  song was playing.  Dropping his chin, the dark haired man let out a small sound. It was one of Estelle's favourite songs. Caleb suddenly felt like the universe was plotting against him.  
Looking at the clock on the microwave he saw it was still early, Estelle wouldn't be home from work for another hour or so.  But there was just this nagging feeling that he couldn't shake.  He needed to hear her voice, to know she was okay. 
Grabbing the little cell phone from the kitchen table, he dialed her number.  "Hey Estelle, it's just me. I'm sitting here and just ... weird vibes. Let me know you're okay. I'll be up for another few hours."

He watched the clock for the next half hour before giving up and deciding to take a walk. 
**********************************

 The dj was just setting up the booth for an open mic night when he walked into the little cafe. Caleb had wandered around the city for close to an hour and just needed something to drink.  The guys had mentioned a hockey game, but he hadn't been in the mood when they'd called.  Now, he was wishing he'd joined them, but it had already started and he was clear out the other end of the city. 


He'd barely sat down with his cappuccino and a slice of carrot cake when his attention was taken by the tall brunette in the corner.  A deep heat spread across his pale features as he tried not to be seen.  He suddenly wished he'd worn a hat or something to hide his face, but all he could do was slump over in the chair and pray.


The woman turned from the man she had been flirting with and headed straight for the table Caleb was sitting at.  Lisa, still the party girl he remembered from college; was dressed in a skirt so tight and short it left no room for underwear.
"Hey stranger, what brings you here?"  she asked sitting down next to him her hand finding it's way to his knee. 
Clearing his throat Caleb shifted in his seat so that her hand fell off him.


"Just having a bite before getting back to work."  It wasn't a complete lie, he did have a ton of work he needed to do, just nothing that he intended to do that night.  He thought about just asking for a travel mug for his drink and leaving, but thought better of it.  Lisa would get bored in a matter of minutes if he knew right and he'd be left in peace long enough to finish his food.


"I always wondered what happened to you."  she said flicking her hair, leaning in.  Caleb smiled to himself staring at the slice of cake in front of him just as his cell phone rang.  Letting out a sigh of relief he answered it.


"Hello."  it was Estelle returning his call.  Caleb felt a calmness ripple through him as he heard her voice. 

"Hey you got my message?" 


"Where are you?" she asked her voice sounding strained. 


He looked around to see if there was any signs then shook his head to himself. "Coffee place on Arthur. "


"I'm at the airport. Can you meet me?"
*******************************************

His shoes made soft squeaking noises as he crossed the floor of the main lobby.  The airport was surprisingly void of people.  His stomach did flips as he scanned the room for her, but not finding her anywhere.   Reaching into his pocket for his cell phone, he was just about to text her asking where she was when he spotted her coming out of the ladies' room a few feet away.  
She looked tired, in a pair of black yoga pants and an over sized hoodie. Her red hair was still it's short style, but there was just something different about Estelle that he couldn't place.  Taking her suitcase for her; he pulled her tight for a hug.  
With one brush of her lips, she somehow turned the hug into a kiss that brought a weakness to Caleb's knees. 
*******************************************
Part 12 soon

Post-it June 3rd

"better make your move or it's the same sad song for you"   - Headstones.

Its a Sunday afternoon, we've got a hot sunny day here. 24 degree c. There's a strange battle of music happening in this tiny apartment.  Mom's got some oldie's country station on and I've got my iPod blasting.  Too bad I can still hear her stuff over mine.
But Mr. Scratchy, it got me thinking to how we express ourselves.  I think I might have brought up this topic a few times in the past, but it's a topic that I have thought about muchly.
It's not the only thing that has me thinking about this today, I was watching another Jane Austen movie earlier.  Persuasion. 
In it, the hero Captain Wentworth, tries to hide his feelings towards Anne Elliot because she's broken his heart. He thinks that she understands what he's trying to get across but she doesn't.  She believes he's beyond angry with her.  Meanwhile, everyone believes that Louisa Musgrove is the most perfect match for Wentworth. All the while thinking that Anne's cousin William Elliot would make a perfect match for her. 

I've mentioned this particular Jane Austen story a few times in my shorts stories that I've written online, with my character Caleb. 
It sort of fits with the idea that sometimes we don't express ourselves the way that we think we are, Mr. Scratchy. 


"have a little blind faith, believe" - Rick Springfield

Dirty Laundry 17

"You took your sign away. Why did you do that?"  My sister's step son asked as he stood in the doorway yesterday when my sister and mom brought in the groceries.

Me-: "Sign what sign?"

Kid-: "On your blog. For the wrestling the one on the side."

I don't know how I feel about the 11 year old reading my blog.. no wait I do know and it's why I have this other blog. 

Kid-: "You're late with the wrestling reviews again. Why are you always late with it?"

Me-: "Because I don't have cable, I can only see it on the website."

Sister-: "What garbage are you two talking about now?"  she asked as she brought another large bag in from the car.

Kid-: "I asked why she took her sign down from her blog?"

 My sister screwed up her face while she tried to think what the kid was talking about. 

Me-: "I didn't take it down, just moved it to the bottom of the blog actually. Not that it matters..."  I laughed at my own inside joke there. "the ad for the wrestling tour"

Sister-:"Oh that. Why it not working or something?

Mom-: "Oh she's being stupid. The Celebrity left the company and she's being... herself."

Sister-: "He left? Really?"  she shrugged "Go for The Other Guy,write about him again for awhile.That grease monkey brought in ratings."

Kid-: "When are you going to post the review for the shows?"

Me-: "Not sure."

Sister-: " Not sure When or not sure If? Cause you were a total bitch when you stopped doing the reviews and you made me want to hit you. You know you ... no! I can't believe I'm saying this but you're not allowed to stop. Just start writing about someone else and make them the next center of your attention. Help make someone else a star, someone who'll actually appreciate it. Cause god knows he never did."

Me-: "Don't hold back or anything."

Sister-: "You seem to be able to pick a wrestler before he becomes the biggest thing going, but you've gotten nothing to show for it but your blogs."

Mom-: "She's right you know. She's not trying to be mean..."

Me-: "Yes she is."

Sister started to laugh and nodded almost choking. "Yes I am mom. I'm being mean. You want a career out of this, then pick someone who will actually help you. Someone who will give you interviews and stuff, not just rip off your ideas."

Me-: "God, you make it sound like an ex boyfriend or something. You never reacted this bad when ----- left me."

Sister-:"He was a player and I never liked him. Total jerk. I actually started to believe that The Celebrity might have been your Mr. Scratchy."

Post-it June 1st 2012

Episode 82 of Sex and the City was on tv this morning.  The Catch from season 6 part 1.  Not to be confused with episode 89 which is called Catch-38, which is also from season 6 but part 2. 

The Catch, which as far as fans are concerned is the "jack-rabbit sex episode".  As soon as you say that fans nod and understand which one your talking about.  Isn't that weird, that we remember bits and pieces but rarely the titles?  That's the episode where Carrie has really bad first sex with a buddy of Harry's the night before Charlotte's wedding.

I feel sorry for some of the things the male actors had to do on that series. But it's what made the show great.

I don't really have anything going on right now to tie that episode with. It was just on today and I couldn't get it out of my mind.

P.S.  to The Celebrity... don't ever loose your will to be weird.   And don't forget, you can always write a cookbook.