Wednesday, December 21, 2011

What's a man when there are mountains

"Why do you think Mr. Scratchy hasn't contacted you yet?"

The famous question.  This time it came from Nura's husband.  I don't have an answer.  I have theories, lots and lots of theories but no real answer.  Both Nura and her husband Earnan believe that Mr. Scratchy is too nervous.   I laughed at that one.

Earnan-: "Okay, well then why won't you message the guy from the dating site that we think would be perfect for you?"

Me-: "Because he's gorgeous.  I have no idea how a man that good looking would need a dating site." I answered looking at the link they sent me.

Earnan-: "You think he's hot?"

Me-: "Uh yeah. I'm betting he's got an overflowing inbox of offers. There's no point in me even trying."

Earnan made a grunting sound then shook his head at the webcam. "So you think that you can't measure up to the other women who might be talking to him?"

Nura-: "His profile says he's divorced."

Me-: "What's that got to do with anything?"

She shrugged.

Earnan-: "How do you know your Mr. Scratchy isn't thinking the same thing?"

Me-:" That this guy is way too hot and most likely has an overflowing inbox and therefore I don't stand a chance? Do I even want to know what you are doing looking around a dating site?"

Nura laughed and said no then laughed again.  "I was checking out this guy Tammy is hot for and spotted this other guy and your name came into my mind.  I think this one is totally perfect for you."

Earnan-:"No that he can't measure up. Mr. Scratchy I mean. And you didn't answer my question."

Me-: "I'm trying not to."

Nura-:"This guy's profile says he's 34." 

Earnan-:"Do you or do you not think it is possible that he's not coming forward because..." he pointed at the webcam with the biggest shit eating grin and said "...because you think he's the best thing since sliced bread? That's a lot of pressure."

Nura-: "Isn't it the greatest thing since slice bread... not best?"

Me-: "Yeah it is. Greatest thing.  One of the bread companies obviously came up with that.  I like that speech in the movie Julie/Julia with the  toast saying she's the butter to his bread.  I cried the first few times I saw that part.  Then they use it again at the end of the film for the other ones."

Nura-: "So you going to message this guy on the dating site or do I have to do it for you?"

Me-: "No! Don't even think about it. So you're saying you think that Mr. Scratchy, my Mr. Scratchy is a chicken?"

Nura-: "Maybe not a chicken... okay yeah. We think that he's just afraid. Afraid he'll disappoint you."

Me-: "That's so wrong.  Turkey maybe but not a chicken."

Earnan-: "What's the difference?"

Me-: "Turkey's are usually free range birds that are large and have that thingie on their beaks called a snood... I think it's on their beaks and not on their throats. Do not make me google I hate googling."

Nura-: "What the hell are you going  on about?"

Me-: "You know that cockscomb thingie.  It's used in stuff with the other organ meat. Cassoulet and stews and sausages."

Earnan-: "How did we go from you dating to bird parts?"

Me-: "You started it with your bread and chicken sandwiches talk there."

Nura-: "We're just saying that maybe he's afraid to step out of his comfort zone you know. "

Me-: "Cocks and peckers.   Why do chickens and other poultry have to be named after a man's penis? But yet girls are called birds and chicks in slang. Now that's something to wonder about."

Nura-: "Oh my god. Please tell me you're drunk."

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