Price check

Seems the silence is over.

I was walking into the grocery when Storm spotted me.  He was near the first row of checkouts working on a display of mangoes.  He smiled and waved then just stopped what he was doing so I went over to where he was and noticed his hair is about two inches longer falling around his collar. 

Yes, I commented on the length of his hair and he in turned commented on the fact mine is growing out.  Ironically, I was thinking this morning it's time for a cut and maybe a colour but just did not have the time today.

He was beaming about his hair, like the length was a good thing or something.  I didn't have the heart then to point out I don't like long hair.  Seriously, there are only two men on the planet I think look good with long hair, rock star Nikki Sixx and The Beer-Cowboy in the wrestling company I love. 

Anyways, then he made the statement that I look different.  My reply, that it's the fifteen pounds I've put on the last few months. 

Storm-: "No. You just... you look different. You look good though."    he said this as he took a step back and started to pull his pants up tucking in his shirt, which by the way was not messed up nor needing to be tucked in.  "You look really good." 

And that was it.  End of conversation as I needed to be somewhere and he had to get back to the display.

Just when I think all is lost on him, he pops up.  I'm as confused as ever.  All I know is that I really hate his hair.

Random Friday 10/28 2011

My brother in law's mom is in town and my sister is in hell.
Whenever she's around, my brother in law is like a two year old child hanging onto his mom's side.

What is it about families that drives us insane?  We are constantly in search of them. Does not matter if we are trying to build one with our mates, or if we fall naturally into them with our friends/co-workers, family is something everyone wants.

I'm no exception.  I keep waiting for the right people to fall into my life.  So far, it's all been crap.

If you've been reading this blog with any regularity then you know I spend my days at my mother's for a bounty of reasons.  One of those is her health is bad.
As much as I bitch about my mother and dislike-distrust the way things are with her; I have to admit when she goes I'll be lost.

I have been thinking about this a lot as of late.  My sister will have her husband and his kids, I will have no one.  Zero, none, totally by myself.

Damn, that is depressing. 

I can only keep the faith that the right guy will come into my life before that happens.

The one who got away

I came across an email from last year this time that I had forgotten about.
It was a horoscope reading I had done for the year.   In it, it talked about there being a man coming into my life in early January (2011) who would interfere with me getting together with the one I'm suppose to be with. It continued to say that I needed to avoid this man until middle of September (2011)

As I look back over things, I see that Storm started talking to me back in January and ironically, stopped talking to me middle of September.
Has my semi-crush on him destroyed my future? Did me putting energy into that whatever it was, take away from the energy I was suppose to be putting into finding Mr. Scratchy?

I may never know.
The really odd thing is, that type of horoscope reading is not something I would have normally forgotten.  It's the type of thing in the past I would have opened and read every single day and lived in total fear of meeting the wrong guy.

As far as life as the grocery goes,  Zane has gone off to university full time; I haven't seen him at the store at all in the last month.   Conrad hasn't been on shift either, I have no idea what happened to him. The Drama Queen, I bumped into her yesterday when she was on her break and I was coming back from the liquor store {I needed a cocktail} and her only topic was her husband having to work late.

Then there is Storm. 
As much as I hate to admit it, I'm still hurt about the fact he's ignoring me.   I have no idea what the situation is, but I'm wondering if maybe he's dating someone again?
And I'm still not sure I even really ever liked him. 

Dirty Laundry 8

After the comment the other week about how my magick is in my writing, I decided to sit down and try writing what I thought was the perfect man.

It sounded like The Celebrity.  The physical description sounded like The Celebrity.

Okay, so I think physically The Celebrity is perfect.

I also can not argue on the fact that Mr. Scratchy is nowhere to be found.  He's not here beside me, he has not come out and said who he is or where he is, nor has he even contacted me.
I feel like I am waiting around for a ghost. There is just this part of me that feels like I already belong to someone.  Like I am waiting to hear keys in the door every night.

Plus, I can not seem to shake this nagging feeling that over in company #1, the Tattooed Anarchist reads me. Just something that was said by him got me wondering.
Come to think of it, the Tattooed Anarchist could be damn well considered perfect physically too.

Mindless Monday 10/24

Debbie, one of the ladies who lives in my mother's building, does tarot readings.  She was outside with a group of the other smokers today when I was leaving the building.  
She pulled me to the side and simply said  "What you are waiting for will be here soon. You'll get your letter... two letters. One's got something to do with real estate the other... relationship."

It's no secret about me being single nor about me looking for a new place to live.  Then she made a comment that sort of threw me for a bit of a loop,  she commented on me "getting back to the job I was doing."

I hadn't said anything to any of the ladies around mom's building about my failing career, nor has my mother as she does not hang out with any of them.
This does come at an odd moment, as I've been debating for the past week on what direction I need to go in my writing.  I had thought about the idea of doing a column for the local newspaper but ended up changing my mind.

There is a line in an episode of Sex and the City, where Carrie comments on how in New York, everyone is always looking for one of three things,  a place to live, a relationship and a career, and that she's found two out of three.   
I, it would seem, am looking at the moment for all three. 

I've been putting off the tarot reading I agreed to have her do for me for the last two weeks because it's sort of out of my price range right now, but this little nugget today has got me wondering. 

Three's a crowd

"I feel like I'm cheating."

Me-:" That's because you are cheating."  I pointed out to Bonnie. Okay with maybe just a bit too much disgust in my voice.

Bonnie-: "I'm not cheating, he's cheating. I'm just the f**k buddy." She waved her way too pink nails in my face.   

We had bumped into each other when I went to drop a book off at my sister's. Bonnie had been coming from the laundromat which was at the end of the street and spotted me. It's been months since I've seen Bonnie.

Me-: "Okay then splitting hairs honey. So why are you involved with him if you know he's in a relationship?"

Her mouth fell open and she blushed at me slapping her hands to her thighs then said  "I knew you'd be all like that! I knew it. Darling, okay it's complicated."

Me-: "Did you know when you met him that he wasn't available?"

Bonnie- : "Don't hit me. Yes but it's complicated."

Me-: "Catch phrase of the decade. How'd you meet him?"

Bonnie- :"At daycare. He's got a two year old and our kids play together sometimes. His girlfriend won't give him blow jobs, like ever."

Me-: "This was a pity job?"  I was laughing at this point even though it's not funny.

Bonnie- :"Me likey. But I feel bad a bit because I met his girlfriend like a month ago when she picked the kids up from my place after a play date. I think she's figured it out."

Me-: "Well, at lest you finally found a straight guy."

This caused Bonnie to burst out laughing because she's got a trail of past relationships with gay men who haven't come out yet. {go here}

Win a date

In the movie Coyote Ugly,  there are a few scenes where the lead character puts her boyfriend and her dad up for as a prize to the highest bidder.


I was joking around recently about this idea with Pattie, one of the ladies who lives in my mom's building;  who thought it would be a great idea if I offered myself up as a prize in some sort of contest.  The scary part is, she was serious.

I've said over the years that if any man can correctly answer my "compatibility test"  I would marry him. So far, no one has. Given the men I seem to meet that might be a blessing in disguise.

Pattie also suggested that I should take my ass back to the dating sites.  So I did for about an hour tonight.  It got me wondering about how different it really is between selling yourself on a dating site to listing yourself as a prize?

Your being packaged in both situations, only in one you are right there for everyone to see in the flesh and are able to see in real time who's rejecting you and the other is all done from behind a computer screen.   Not sure which is actually better?

Everyone wants to be adored and desired, it's part of what drives us to do whatever it is we do in life.  But no one wants to ever be rejected.
I can not see myself sticking around much on the dating site.  I've tried it in the past and found it useless. I know the man for me is not going to be hanging around a dating site.
As far as setting myself as a "prize in a contest"  unless I suddenly turn into a wrestling title belt, I am not sure I'd want to be.

Staying put

G-Babbs was coming into the lobby of mom's building tonight as I was leaving. We started talking about random nothings,  one of which was that she'd bumped into Storm and wanted to let me know.
She then told me about the son of one of the ladies who has just moved in two buildings away; who happens to be a pilot.
She told me this a second time leaning forward speaking louder as if I had not heard her.  I know she's thinking of playing matchmaker but the last thing I want is a guy who is never home. {and why do I have a thing for wrestlers then you might be asking?}

The city has a great aviation school here which is part of the college and I've seen a few of the guys taking the course.
Not going to lie, there are a nice batch of very cute guys all studying to be pilots.  I know it does it for some women out there.  Just not me. 

P.S. To The Celebrity, there is this great song on the  SixxAM  cd  This is Gonna Hurt   called "Are You With Me".  Something tells me you might dig it.

It's the thought that counts

A friend of Nura's once said to me that my magick was in my writing.  I thought he was being cheeky, but now I have to wonder.

When I was a teenager and in my early twenties, I wrote the same guy all the time in my novels and poems and short stories. 
One day he popped into my life.  Right down to the brand of cigarettes he smoked.  Just as if he had come out of the pages of my writing.  That was my ex.

After him, I started to write a new hero.  A guy who showed up in my life not too long afterward.  Once again, it was as if the perfect man had been waiting to spring from the pages of my writing.

Since 2005, I've been writing about The Celebrity, The Other Guy, the DoubleStarr, and a bunch of wrestlers.  They have been the centerpoints for all my lead characters.

If Nura and her friend are right, have I counteracted my own strength?  Have I kept my next relationship from "popping off my page into my world"  because I have stopped creating from my mind and have been creating around someone ?  Or have I saved myself from another disaster of a relationship because of it?  

If it's truly the thought that counts, can I get my Mr. Scratchy back?

An Oral Contract

So I just read this article on the connection of oral sex and throat cancer.

The article compared giving head to smoking in the risk factors for getting throat cancer.  The reader comments on the site were split as to what they thought about the article, mixed with the usual rude jokes.

This is not the first time I've come across an article like this.  The main idea of the articles I keep coming across, seems to be pointing out more then anything,  the rise in the number of teens/twentysomethings who are opting for oral over intercourse.  The reason the teens/twentysomethings gave when asked why they are having more oral sex was that they believed it was safer.

But that's not the case. 

As everyone knows, it's very easy to say "use a condom" every single time you have any form of sex; but not always so easy to do so. 

The article has got me wondering if we have become too careless in general when it comes to sex?

A break up album?

There is a soundtrack to everything someone does.  Either a bit of music that just seems to fit with a certain part of your life right when you need it, or a fabulous playlist of songs you've made yourself.

In this case, I think I found a cd for surviving a break up.   Like A Man  by Adam Cohen.
It's clear by the theme going on with this cd that the artist was going through a major life change romantically speaking. 

I'm sort of hooked on the song "What Other Guy"  as well as "Out Of Bed" and "Matchbox"

All I have to say about this cd is that's a love letter.

Thursday Random 10/13

I was cleaning up from dinner at mom's, when I saw the local news come on. I nearly dropped the dishes I had in my hand.
One of my ex-boyfriends was on camera holding a microphone.  It looks as if he's a new reporter.

That makes four of my exes that have ended up working at the local media.   One at the radio station, one at the newspaper and two at the television station.

It's like I am a magnet for the media but not able to boost my own career.

Roses are red Violets are blue

Dear Blog Readers:

We are two weeks away from this blog's first year anniversary.   Beautiful word, anniversary. If you've been reading for any length of time you know that this blog has not stayed the course I had planned for it. 

But that's the good news.  Because that means I've done a bit of growing in the time that I've been adding to this blog. 

I sit here now, running late which I seem to do at lest once a week; wondering what the next year of this blog will look like?
It seems Mr. Scratchy has abandoned me almost completely.  Yes the scratching has nearly stopped altogether since I posted something few weeks ago.  It could be his life has taken a new turn too, or that on my end I'm not thinking of my wrestlers the way I used to? 

What I have been thinking about has been the wicca side of things.  Cringe if you must, but many of you know that my spiritual side has been a strong element on this blog. It's a big part of what makes me me.

I also never in a million years thought I'd ever become a fan of Charmed.  But, I have.

The original idea for this blog was to write about my love life, about my dating adventures and all the mess that comes with it, with the idea that it would be a record of me landing the right relationship. 
Well that didn't really end up working out now did it. 

I didn't even meet one guy when I went on my trip earlier in the month. Not one. But I did write.  I finally found the peace that I've been needing to write.  Filled half a notebook with the first half of a story.

I was ironically talking to G-Babbs last night for a few minutes when I bumped into her walking her dog.  She wanted to know what the deal with me and Storm was?   I still have no answer on that. One day he's squeezing my shoulder flirting up, a well storm, the next he's ignoring me to the point of walking away when I enter the room.  Been like that for weeks.

I have no idea where the next year will lead me, but I hope it's to a decent relationship!

Love Darling

Dirty Laundry part 7

It was the holiday weekend here in Canada, Thanksgiving.  My family was doing it's usual eat and run with everyone stopping in and out all day yesterday.
Mom had been at one of my Aunt's for a brunch earlier in the day and could talk about nothing but my one cousin.  The cousin had just gotten out of the hospital.
The topic was not her being sick, but her "new man".

Mom -: "You should see the guy she's with now. If you want to call him that. He's the same age as her dad and looks it."

Me- :"Let me guess, she met him at the bar?"

Mom-: "He's a cab driver.  She met him coming home from the bar. I don't even want to get into it, just know that your Uncle is not happy with the whole thing. Disgusted is more the word, but she's 30 years old and grown woman if you want to call her that."

Me-: "I just don't get it you know. Uncle is what 66? And she's dating someone his age?"

Mom-: "And she's looking yellow.  That's cause she's sick drinking herself in and out of the hospital. What does a man his age want with someone like her? Well, we know what he wants.  But you know what I mean."

Me-:"Yeah."

Mom-: "Sad thing all this. She needs to grow up, all this drinking and it's your Aunt I feel sorry for."

Me-: "Understandable."

Mom-: "Makes your obsession with skunky not so bad."  {mom laughed like a mad witch} "At lest he's is not bad looking. I guess I am lucky that you're only real addiction is wrestling. At lest I know I don't have to worry about getting a call saying you died from watching tv or anything. You're Aunt lives in constant fear of getting a call from someone saying that your cousin is dead somewhere from an overdose.  what?"

Me-: "That's oddly enough the nicest thing I've heard you say in I can't remember when. The comment about my taste in men not being bad I mean."


Mom-: "Well. "{she shrugged} "He is cute. Just he's no Johnny Boy"  {mom's got a thing for John Cena}

SATC in the News

Okay, just a bit of a detour here...

We know that Candace Bushnell wrote two new novels in the last two years based on the SATC characters.   I personally loved those books, and looking extremely forward to the next two in this spin off -prequel series.

Rumours have been flying for over a year about a movie being made out of the books.  Fans have weighted in on the pros and cons of it.
Myself, I have gone back and forth in how could they manage to pull it off and still have it fit into the mythos of the show given the books re-write the show's history in places?

I stumbled across an article stating that the young adult novels would be turned into a tv show for this coming year.

How will that work?  Will the die hard tv fans follow?  Will it open up a new fan base of younger girls? Or will it destroy the beloved characters?

I'm sort of on the fence.  As I said, I loved the books in the series, but not sure how I feel about an entire new "sex and the city"  world. 

And is this the hold up on SATC 3?  Because of the new show will it hex any chance of us fans getting a 3rd movie?

I am interested however, in another new Bushnell book to television production in One Fifth Avenue.  When I read that novel back few years ago, I could not put it down.  Again, I must admit, it weaved in elements of SATC as underlined insider jokes.

So this is just something to think about this morning.  Will be interesting to see what they are going to do with it all.

Random Friday Oct 7

I had a short chat with my cousin Walsh tonight as he was dropping his younger sister off at my mom's to babysit.
In passing, I had mentioned the short trip I took out of town last week.  Bit of a mistake on my part. He asked me why I took my trip last week to the city I did instead of going this weekend to Quebec?
Knowing that the wrestling was going to be there this week.

My answer was that I simply do not want to meet The Celebrity as a fan.  Plan and simple.  I would like to meet him in a random place like a coffee shop or something, just randomly.  The idea of meeting him as a fan just feels wrong.

I think I shocked Walsh which is hard to do.  He sort of rocked back on his heels his eyes wide looking at me like a dead fish.

Then he asked if there was any news on my Mr. Scratchy?   Sadly, no there isn't.  And in the last week my scratching has been less then I've been used to. 

What's taking so long?

I was at my mother's getting supper when my aunt called from out of town.  This would be my mom's sister.
Less then two minutes into the conversation my mother started to hackle like a crazy person and held the phone from her ear pointing towards me.  My aunt wanted to say something to me.

Aunt E.S.-: "Why haven't you found yourself a man yet?"

Me-: "You come here and find me one. Nothing here but single dads."

Aunt E.S.- :"So? Long as he's rich what does it matter?"

Me-: "Besides, I like Irish guys, none of that here." 

My aunt went on for a few moments berating me for not being married, pointing out that all my younger cousins and sister are. Then threw in "you're loosing time getting too old."

My mistake was making the comment about my aunt having been married 3 times herself, and that I didn't want to rush into the same mistake her and a few other of the female family members have made by marrying the first guy who remembered my name.

Didn't go over very well. 

And this is why none of the marriages in my family other then my grandparents has ever lasted, everyone has the attitude that you need to marry a wealth guy. 
My grandparents married without money, and during the time they did, there was no hope of money. 

Maybe I am crazy to want a guy who I know will stick around when the chips are down and who knows I will stick around even if we're totally penniless.

That's May Street for you

I was on the city bus this afternoon, and when I looked out the window, I saw these two people walking down the street.   At first it looked like the woman was dragging the guy by his belt, but I realized that was not the case.
She was elbow deep in his pants giving him a handjob as they walked down the main street at 2pm in front of children.
I am going to hope that she was a hooker and not just some crazy chick.  Though you would think a hooker would have more sense then to do their job out in the open in front of kids? 
But then again the hookers in this city are not of the best class from what I've seen.

I understand the thrill of taking the chance of having sex in a public place, but out in the middle of the day on a main street when there are kids running around, just makes me cringe.