Dear Funky Spunk

"OHMYGOD! I so need to talk to you NOW. Oh you look like shit, tres tres not good. Okay tell me tell me, what was the thing in that one episode of Sex and the City when the slutty one, dates the guy with the bad juice?"

This was the whirlwind that is JTGG.  He spotted me as I was leaving Blockbuster, he was coming out of the Burger King next door, and nearly ran me down. 

Me-: "Come again?"

JTGG-: "Hahahhahahahha. You're so with the puns." he said hugging me, then brushing off the spilled drink he just glopped on my shoulder.  And I was wearing my grey wrestling tee today to, which everyone knows is like my baby because I can not get another one if it gets destroyed. "You know the episode. Where she doesn't want to swallow when she gives the guy a blow job because he tastes bad. What was it on that one that she gets him to drink to help?"

Me-: " Oh. Wheatgrass shots. Why? And I am asking with fear in my chest right now pounding like a mad rabbit. Please don't gross me out right now."

JTGG-: "Hahhahaha! You mean like this?" he started to play with his drink, which ended up being some sort of iced coffee looking thing, the straw in and out of the cup licking it.  "You think I can get that at the grocery?"

Me-: "I haven't seen it. Try the health food store in the Square by the old movie theater."

JTGG-: "How did she talk the guy into drinking it on the show? Cause I need to know."

Me-: "I think she told him it was the latest fad or something. Do I want to dare ask?"

JTGG-: "I had sex with this hot guy I met at a concert in the park. I think I might like to again, only ..."  he shook his head sticking his tongue out at me making a face.  "Let's check the grocery." he grabbed me by the elbow and dragged me about three feet across the parking lot heading for the grocery. But I sort of stopped him because I did not want to go in there with him.  The grocery is a place I need to go again, a place I am starting to make friends with the staff at, and JTGG is too high strung and not subtle in the slightest.

Me-: "I am telling you they dont carry wheatgrass here. You're going to have to go uptown."

JTGG-:"Uptown? That means a bus. I'll go later. So what if they don't carry it? What do I do then?"

Me-: "Hold your nose and just don't swallow."

He looked at me with his eyes wide and his mouth hanging open showing off his new tongue ring.
JTGG-:"OhMYGooodddddd! I can't not do that. How so not ... you'd never make it as a gay man. Never."