Cursed-id-ed

My sister dropped off some groceries for me. I suppose mom told her to because of the weather we've had again last two days. 

Sister-:"So what's this I hear about some pizza guy? Johnny?"

Me-:"You been talking to Walsh?"

Sister-:"He was at the mall yesterday when I was picking up the kids. He said to ask you if he'd won yet, and then mentioned someone named Johnny."

Me-:"No, no one's won the bet yet"

Sister-:"What bet?"

Me-:"There is this one delivery dude that Walsh seems to think likes me. He's cousin's with ----- from high school. He bet me that Johnathan was going to ask me out."

Sister-:"Johnny, Johnathan, Jon-Jon, Jonnycakes, whatever. So he asked you out?"

Me-:"No. Haven't seen him since the day of the bet. But Walsh bumped into him, and you know what, it's retarded."

Sister-:"What is it with you and Johnnys? That's what, four guys with that name?"

Me-:"I'm cursed-id-ed. Put me in a room with 50 guys, I'll end up talking to the only Johnathan there."

Sister-:"Cursed-id-ed? Where is that from?"

Me-:"The Pest."

My sister broke out laughing cause the actor is wait for it... John Leguizamo.  But yeah, I've had a couple of Johnathans in my past, not to mention some of my favourite actors are Johnny Lee Miller and of course Johnny Depp. I also have a soft spot for the character Johnathan Harker in Dracula. And the big reveal at the end of season six of SATC after not knowing what Mr. Big's name is throughout the series, the last scene is Carrie looking at her cell phone id to find it saying simply Jon. (thought I'd just throw that piece of information out there given I like to compare myself to the Carrie character)

Sister-:"Is he cute?"

Me-:"Yeah. Connie is head over heels for him. She'd probably stand a better chance with him."

Sister-:"Oh god really?"   she was rolling her eyes at me making faces. "You know what your problem is? You keep looking for guys who are Hunter S. Thompson types. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas wannabes.  And when you find them you go full tilt, but they cheat on you, lie to you, and are just bar stars. When you realize that what you thought was a really funny sense of humour is just some f***wit drunk, it's too late. They've already cheated, they've already hurt you. You keep searching for a guy who doesn't really exist. And you know why I think it is?  You, you need to admit that the big love of your life as you put it, your big soulmate, you had back twenty years ago. Yeah, that's right I'm saying it. Mr.B, Mr.B. was your real big love..." she moved her arms gesturing towards the stairs. "...and you screwed it up. You were the one who had the tantrum and walked out. The one guy who was worthy of you, and you walked out. And ever since then, you let yourself be cheated on, belittled, lied to. I'm not saying ----- didn't hurt you, he was a scumbag, but I'm saying, he's not even the root of your problem. I know you think of him as your big love, and yeah I can relate, but come on admit it for once, the one guy who was perfect for you, you screwed it up."

Me-:"You done?"

Sister-:"No." she was pointing at me, her face red. "God. Why can't you just be happy? If the guy asks you out, then go out with him! Who cares if he's ------ cousin? You whine and complain that no one likes you and when someone does, you screw it up. What are you Stupid?"

Me-:"He's too young. He's like seventeen years younger then I am. That's a bit much."

My sister let out a deep breath, closed her eyes and started to fix her hair. "Well you didn't say that! Okay, yeah that's a bit much even for you, but come on! Get your head out of your arse and realize what your real problem is! You are afraid to be in a relationship. They're uncomfortable at times, messy and never going to make you happy unless you let it just happen. Stop trying to control everything. Damn it! God. You and your f***ing Gonzo shit. You're gonzo. Okay that's it I'm done talking to you, when you're ready to grow up I'll talk to you then. Not every relationship is going to be the way you want it to."

Me-:"Wow! Okay, do I dare ask what brought that on?"

Sister-:"No. Stupidhead."  then she started to laugh and her mood changed again, calmed down some as she left.

Whenever she's angry about work, or the kids, or her man, she gets moody. And moody equals screaming at me like an angry buffalo.