"How many gay men did you add to this?" Walsh was reading the latest two chapters I added to the novel. He had stopped by after work because he didn't want to go home while his wife's friends were over. Which I've been noticing has become a weekly thing.
"There's only a couple." I said counting the characters. "Okay four. There are only four Stanfords in my story."
Walsh-:"I don't understand why you just don't make your lead a woman, it's clearly you here. These are totally your issues, so why make the main character a man?"
Me-:"Women are boring. Men are so much more interesting."
Walsh-:"Wow, no one would ever mistake you for a feminist."
Me-:"Damn f***ing straight. Besides, no one wants to read about me."
Walsh-:"Then why do you blog so much?"
Me-:"Cause my wrestlers read me."
Walsh-:"Why do your wrestlers read you if no one wants to read about you?" he had that smirk again.
Me-:"They don't read me for me, they read me to see if they made the blog that week. To see who is the latest obsession, therefore being the hottest guy in the company. Except for Mr. Scratchy who seems to read me in silence in order to torture me. You're the one who keeps telling me I have more influence then I think. Well, fine then, I'm thinking who I ramble about means something. And right now, it's all about the Rebel without a Cause."
Walsh-:"I thought it was all about the Mad Hatter?"
Me-:"It is, for my novel. Mad Hatter doesn't need me rambling about him to help his ... cause." I laughed at myself cause damn it, I'm funny. "But, I have a feeling the Rebel without a Cause is feeling the short end of the lack of blogging love. He was who had my attention in Company #1 first, then that whole thing with Mad Hatter came up out of nowhere. And just what was that the other night anyway?" I was rambling and walking in circles.
Walsh-:"What thing?"
Me-:"The comment you left on the blog? About the segment on the show with the hat?"
My cousin looked up at me from the computer screen his face scrunched up in confusion. "I never left a comment on the blog. When have I ever left a comment on the blog?"
Me-:" Who else would have left it?" I pulled up the blog showing him the comment as if that would jog his memory or something. He swore for like five minutes it was not him.
Walsh-:"Maybe it was Mr. Scratchy!" he was laughing like a maniac. He was reading the last couple of posts and then pointed to the one post. "A list eh?"
Me-:"Well, there's the obvious, The Celebrity. Which, a part of me will always lean towards.
Then there is the DoubleStarr. Which makes less sense the farther away I get from company #2.
Then there is the hot British wrestler who looks like actor Richard Armitage. Next on the list is Dimmer. Next would be the GraveDigger from the rookie show. He's on the list because...I'm not sure, just gut instinct. Next on the list would be the Vlad the Impaler look a like, also from the rookie show. That's a given. Next
would be The Rebel without a Cause. He was one of the first ones I
thought about as a possibility as far as Company #1 goes. Next of
course would be the Mad Hatter. I don't know, it's a bit more then just your rambling. There are a few things that I just can't ignore. But
it's a list, and since I have no idea who on the list are straight or
single, it's just theories. Things I can't prove. Things I want to prove
but don't have the logical physical to back them up. Just gut
reactions and a few rounds of blog hits that used to have a pattern.
Even that has gone out the wayside." I was gesturing towards the window.
Walsh-:" Mad Hatter for sure. That's a lot of guys actually from the rookie show." he was laughing at me. "That's a lot of guys. Damn, like you say about the Rebel without a Cause's hair, pick one and stick with it."
Me-:"What's your point?"
He shrugged. "It's Mad Hatter no doubt."
Me-:"He didn't say anything."
Walsh-:"Maybe he couldn't? Maybe he never saw it in time?"
Me-:"Dude, if he's Mr. Scratchy, he saw it with more then enough time to hit the deadline. He didn't say it, so you have to be shsshh-y."
Walsh-:"Shsshhh-y?"
Me-:"Yes, shsshhh-y. I'm tired, brain fried."
Walsh-:"Shsshhh-y. I don't doubt it with that many guys on your list."
Me-:"Oh shut up." but we were both laughing by that point. "But it seems I was really on his mind during the show. Most likely waiting to see what I would say about Mad Hatter not saying anything. Cause like look." I showed my cousin my right shoulder which is scratched to pieces right now. "There's some nasty looking ones on my back and thigh too."
Walsh-:"UUghhh! Don't need to see those thanks. I'll take your word for it." he went back to reading the draft of the novel. "You should dump the affair part, it makes the one woman character seem not right for the main guy. Are you ever going to get over what happened with my sister and your bothes ex?" Referring once again to the fact his sister the addict stole that one boyfriend from me. "Like ever? That's like the fifth story you've added that plot to that I've read of yours."
Me-:"I'm over it. Seriously. No seriously, seriously I'm done. I'm so totally over it." he was looking at me like he didn't believe me. "I'm fine! I'm good, really. Seriously, dude I'm not dumping the affair with the best friend. It stays."
Walsh-:"Noticed you made the best friend look a lot like the Rebel without a Cause."
Me-:"Hence the affair."
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Morning memos
Woke up to see a message from Cheryl, talking about how she had gone out last night with a new guy she met over the weekend, and how they ended up at the same bar as her real life Berger. Her Berger, got upset, bordering on jealous.
I find that interesting given she told me he's been avoiding her for the last week and a half.
What is it with some men? I've seen it happen way too often, you seem to want us when you can't have us, and then don't seem to when you can. Is there a switch that can be flicked in your brains to correct this?
You know, I've said it before and I'll say it till I'm really old, and given I plan to live to be 200 that's a lot of years still, relationships are suppose to get easier the older we get but it seems to be the opposite. They seem to get more confusing, less mature and more emotional, more messy.
There is a line in one episode of SATC, where Carrie gets a second chance with an old boyfriend, and says "Did we have it right the first time." (or something close to that, I'm not home can't check my DVDs for the exact quote) meaning, that teenaged gut response to lust/love/desire might be the more honest readings we get of people. The more innocent self, the more child-like/childish part of us ruled by crazy changing hormones and not years of wisdom and logic, might just be the right way to follow our hearts.
I know I've let my head rule my decisions about romantic issues way too many times, and look what I've got to show for it. Hard to believe given the way I talk, but it's true. I've over analyzed things so much, I no longer know a gut reaction from a math equation.
Which is why, I'm sure, Mr. Scratchy has been reading me for years staring me in the face and me just not clicking as to whom he is. And he's laughing all the way in the corner of the room dipped in shadows, waiting.
Okay wrapping this up, in true SATC fashion... on a morning like this I just couldn't help but wonder, when it comes to love and trusting our guts, have we lost our edge?
I find that interesting given she told me he's been avoiding her for the last week and a half.
What is it with some men? I've seen it happen way too often, you seem to want us when you can't have us, and then don't seem to when you can. Is there a switch that can be flicked in your brains to correct this?
You know, I've said it before and I'll say it till I'm really old, and given I plan to live to be 200 that's a lot of years still, relationships are suppose to get easier the older we get but it seems to be the opposite. They seem to get more confusing, less mature and more emotional, more messy.
There is a line in one episode of SATC, where Carrie gets a second chance with an old boyfriend, and says "Did we have it right the first time." (or something close to that, I'm not home can't check my DVDs for the exact quote) meaning, that teenaged gut response to lust/love/desire might be the more honest readings we get of people. The more innocent self, the more child-like/childish part of us ruled by crazy changing hormones and not years of wisdom and logic, might just be the right way to follow our hearts.
I know I've let my head rule my decisions about romantic issues way too many times, and look what I've got to show for it. Hard to believe given the way I talk, but it's true. I've over analyzed things so much, I no longer know a gut reaction from a math equation.
Which is why, I'm sure, Mr. Scratchy has been reading me for years staring me in the face and me just not clicking as to whom he is. And he's laughing all the way in the corner of the room dipped in shadows, waiting.
Okay wrapping this up, in true SATC fashion... on a morning like this I just couldn't help but wonder, when it comes to love and trusting our guts, have we lost our edge?
post-it after midnight
Herman, Mr. Scratchy.
I just finished writing you a long post, but decided against it and wrote this instead. The other post was a long list of who I think you are. There were 8 names on it.
Another night gone by, and you're still in the shadows. What are you doing there besides driving me silently insane? Second thought, whatever it is I probably don't want to know, just make sure you wash your hands.
Okay Herman, I imagine you reading this right now with a disgusted look on your face because of me writing that, and that's fine. I suppose any reaction out of you would be a good thing.
Well Herman, Mr. Scratchy, I'll talk to you later... actually how's your back?
I just finished writing you a long post, but decided against it and wrote this instead. The other post was a long list of who I think you are. There were 8 names on it.
Another night gone by, and you're still in the shadows. What are you doing there besides driving me silently insane? Second thought, whatever it is I probably don't want to know, just make sure you wash your hands.
Okay Herman, I imagine you reading this right now with a disgusted look on your face because of me writing that, and that's fine. I suppose any reaction out of you would be a good thing.
Well Herman, Mr. Scratchy, I'll talk to you later... actually how's your back?
Monday, April 29, 2013
Tea Time continued
I got a message from my cousin Walsh few minutes ago. "Are you watching the show?"
Me-:"Reason I stayed at mom's for the evening. He didn't say it."
Walsh-:"He didn't say it yet."
Me-:"He didn't say it. The deal was, if Mad Hatter did not say it on the live show tonight, therefore admitting to being Mr. Scratchy, you would drop the idea. He did not say it."
Walsh-:"Show's not over. They have another segment."
Me-:"You're cracked you know that?"
Walsh-:"Maybe he wasn't allowed to say it? Maybe the script was you know, air tight?"
Me-:"I love you for this, but it's time to drop it."
Walsh-:"I still believe it's Mad Hatter."
Me-:"Well, he didn't say it." I said scratching the right side of my body to bits. Huh, Mr. Scratchy that's not fair. You sitting there in the shadows, knowing what you know.
Me-:"Reason I stayed at mom's for the evening. He didn't say it."
Walsh-:"He didn't say it yet."
Me-:"He didn't say it. The deal was, if Mad Hatter did not say it on the live show tonight, therefore admitting to being Mr. Scratchy, you would drop the idea. He did not say it."
Walsh-:"Show's not over. They have another segment."
Me-:"You're cracked you know that?"
Walsh-:"Maybe he wasn't allowed to say it? Maybe the script was you know, air tight?"
Me-:"I love you for this, but it's time to drop it."
Walsh-:"I still believe it's Mad Hatter."
Me-:"Well, he didn't say it." I said scratching the right side of my body to bits. Huh, Mr. Scratchy that's not fair. You sitting there in the shadows, knowing what you know.
I see in your future
"These cards are not for you. You're not advanced enough to be reading them. And they are usually only used by witches." Tarot Lady said bit ago. I decided to have the audition so to speak, for the tarot group this afternoon. Didn't go very well. The cards in question are a deck I've had for ten years and are the best deck I own.
I didn't tell her that I am a practicing witch. Just kept my mouth shut and nodded. I did a reading for her, with her cards because according to her they are more my speed and everything I said she turned around to fit the psychic fair that's in the fall.
Spiffy. I felt like crap. Then she did a reading for me and pointed to the Lovers card saying "If I were twenty years younger...you are going to be so lucky when the time comes but it's years off. There is a British guy coming into your life."
A British guy, who's name starts with a 'D'. And that's all she would tell me. Spiffy, I'm confused and sort of pissed off now. But according to her, it's not going to matter for at lest another ten years.
I've been on both ends of a few hundred readings in the last twenty plus years, and I've yet to have anything anyone has said to me come true for me.
But according to Tarot Lady, there is a British man in my future. I asked if he would be wearing red tights but she just looked at me like I was speaking in tongues. I'll take that as a no.
Now I'm starting to wonder if doing this psychic fair is a good idea?
I didn't tell her that I am a practicing witch. Just kept my mouth shut and nodded. I did a reading for her, with her cards because according to her they are more my speed and everything I said she turned around to fit the psychic fair that's in the fall.
Spiffy. I felt like crap. Then she did a reading for me and pointed to the Lovers card saying "If I were twenty years younger...you are going to be so lucky when the time comes but it's years off. There is a British guy coming into your life."
A British guy, who's name starts with a 'D'. And that's all she would tell me. Spiffy, I'm confused and sort of pissed off now. But according to her, it's not going to matter for at lest another ten years.
I've been on both ends of a few hundred readings in the last twenty plus years, and I've yet to have anything anyone has said to me come true for me.
But according to Tarot Lady, there is a British man in my future. I asked if he would be wearing red tights but she just looked at me like I was speaking in tongues. I'll take that as a no.
Now I'm starting to wonder if doing this psychic fair is a good idea?
Sunday, April 28, 2013
That's just too cute man
"Who's he?" Mavis asked as she leaned over my shoulder pointing to the computer screen while I was flipping through the wrestling site.
Me-"Dimmer."
Mavis-:"That a movie?" I nodded "Play it!" I looked at her, trying to remember if it was appropriate for kids or not, but she pushed the button. "Are there more?" she asked once the wrestling promo was done.
Me-:"Lots. But not all are good for you to watch."
Mavis-:"All of that boy...what's his name again?"
Me-:"Dimmer."
Mavis-:"There more with him in them?"
Me-:"A couple."
Mavis-:"Okay I want to see them. Can we watch them? NOW please. Please?"
Me-:"One. We can watch one more." I hit the replay button, but the kid caught on.
Mavis-:"We watched that one. Different one. Here I'll check." she was leaning over me all her weight on my bad knee moving the mouse on my laptop till she had scrolled enough to find another promo. She was laughing like it was the funniest thing on the planet, and all it was, was Dimmer staring at the wall talking funny. "What page is this?" I told her it was the wrestling site. "Can you save it? My mom saves stuff for me so I can find it again on her computer. Can you save him for me so I can watch him again next time?"
Me-:"I can find it again."
She looked at me with this grin, the same grin her brother Walsh has been giving me when he talks about Mad Hatter. "Promise?" she poked me in the cheek.
Me-:"Promise."
Mavis-:"Okay." she moved from the sofa and went to the kitchen and got herself a cookie then ran back to the sofa throwing herself sort of on it. "I wanna watch it again."
I've created a monster, and I wasn't even trying.
Me-"Dimmer."
Mavis-:"That a movie?" I nodded "Play it!" I looked at her, trying to remember if it was appropriate for kids or not, but she pushed the button. "Are there more?" she asked once the wrestling promo was done.
Me-:"Lots. But not all are good for you to watch."
Mavis-:"All of that boy...what's his name again?"
Me-:"Dimmer."
Mavis-:"There more with him in them?"
Me-:"A couple."
Mavis-:"Okay I want to see them. Can we watch them? NOW please. Please?"
Me-:"One. We can watch one more." I hit the replay button, but the kid caught on.
Mavis-:"We watched that one. Different one. Here I'll check." she was leaning over me all her weight on my bad knee moving the mouse on my laptop till she had scrolled enough to find another promo. She was laughing like it was the funniest thing on the planet, and all it was, was Dimmer staring at the wall talking funny. "What page is this?" I told her it was the wrestling site. "Can you save it? My mom saves stuff for me so I can find it again on her computer. Can you save him for me so I can watch him again next time?"
Me-:"I can find it again."
She looked at me with this grin, the same grin her brother Walsh has been giving me when he talks about Mad Hatter. "Promise?" she poked me in the cheek.
Me-:"Promise."
Mavis-:"Okay." she moved from the sofa and went to the kitchen and got herself a cookie then ran back to the sofa throwing herself sort of on it. "I wanna watch it again."
I've created a monster, and I wasn't even trying.
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Tea time
I spent the weekend at mom's. The plan was to come over, watch the shows that she had recorded for me on her DVR, thus catching up with some wrestling, and that new show Hannibal.
In the middle of wrestling, when the door opened and there was my 7 year old cousin.
Mom had this look on her face because she just babysat last night. The kid only went home about three hours ago. What the hell is she doing back? Walsh was with her. The kid had decided she didn't want to stay at Walsh's over night like she was suppose to. She's still scared of their sister, the drug addict.
She came in and announced very loudly that she would now be called Mavis. This was to be her name from this point on. I laughed.
Me-:"Okay Mavis. Try not to fly around the room too much, I don't feel like having to clean up the bat droppings."
She laughed like a maniac thinking it was funny. Walsh shook his head and my mom just stared opened mouthed.
Me-:"Hotel Transylvania. The little girl vampire is called Mavis." I was pointing at my cousin. "She went as that for Hallowe'en remember." My cousin who now wishes to be called Mavis nodded and started to jump around in circles singing about being a baby vampire. "Don't look at me, that's not my fault. I'm not the one who took her to see it."
Mavis-:"I saw it with my friend for her birthday at the movies. And then my mom took me to see it again. And I went with another friend for her birthday to see it cause I really wanted to see it again, but I didn't have cake because it was brown cake and I don't like brown cake. And then we rented it, and then you brought the DVD and we watched it here that one day when you were here. And you know what, I rented it again on tv." she was twirling still, making me dizzy. "So I've seen it 6 times" she held up one hand and tried to count off on her other hand the right amount of fingers but realized she had miscounted. "Call me Mavis! Call me Mavis!"
I noticed Walsh wasn't saying much. I guess he's still little put out with me. He stuck around long enough to have a cup of tea, at which point he commented on having seen the wrestling last night, this grin on his face. "Did you watch it yet?" I nodded. "And you still going to tell me that Mad Hatter isn't him?" he yawned.
Me-:"You're worse then a girl lately you know that."
Walsh-:"Well, what do you expect I'm surrounded." he nodded towards 'Mavis'. "What's it going to take to make you believe?" he was out right laughing now.
Me-:"I don't know? Besides a full confession?" I was waiting for the kettle to boil, making the tea, and pointed my spoon at him. "okay here's the deal. I'll write something on the you know where, and if by chance Mad Hatter's him and he sees it before Monday in time for the live show, then if he mentions... if he mentions the sentence Feed my Frankenstein, in their promo. You know, that old Alice Cooper song. Then okay I'll believe you. But if he doesn't, then you shut up about Mr. Scratchy being the Mad Hatter."
Walsh looked at me with this smirk and nodded. "Don't worry it's him."
I finished making the tea and handed him a cup. "God that's ironic."
Walsh-:"What is?"
Me-:"Talking about the Mad Hatter while having tea." I lifted my cup to make my point. Walsh burst out laughing to the point he had tears. "God, it's not that funny. I'm not that funny. Don't die on me."
In the middle of wrestling, when the door opened and there was my 7 year old cousin.
Mom had this look on her face because she just babysat last night. The kid only went home about three hours ago. What the hell is she doing back? Walsh was with her. The kid had decided she didn't want to stay at Walsh's over night like she was suppose to. She's still scared of their sister, the drug addict.
She came in and announced very loudly that she would now be called Mavis. This was to be her name from this point on. I laughed.
Me-:"Okay Mavis. Try not to fly around the room too much, I don't feel like having to clean up the bat droppings."
She laughed like a maniac thinking it was funny. Walsh shook his head and my mom just stared opened mouthed.
Me-:"Hotel Transylvania. The little girl vampire is called Mavis." I was pointing at my cousin. "She went as that for Hallowe'en remember." My cousin who now wishes to be called Mavis nodded and started to jump around in circles singing about being a baby vampire. "Don't look at me, that's not my fault. I'm not the one who took her to see it."
Mavis-:"I saw it with my friend for her birthday at the movies. And then my mom took me to see it again. And I went with another friend for her birthday to see it cause I really wanted to see it again, but I didn't have cake because it was brown cake and I don't like brown cake. And then we rented it, and then you brought the DVD and we watched it here that one day when you were here. And you know what, I rented it again on tv." she was twirling still, making me dizzy. "So I've seen it 6 times" she held up one hand and tried to count off on her other hand the right amount of fingers but realized she had miscounted. "Call me Mavis! Call me Mavis!"
I noticed Walsh wasn't saying much. I guess he's still little put out with me. He stuck around long enough to have a cup of tea, at which point he commented on having seen the wrestling last night, this grin on his face. "Did you watch it yet?" I nodded. "And you still going to tell me that Mad Hatter isn't him?" he yawned.
Me-:"You're worse then a girl lately you know that."
Walsh-:"Well, what do you expect I'm surrounded." he nodded towards 'Mavis'. "What's it going to take to make you believe?" he was out right laughing now.
Me-:"I don't know? Besides a full confession?" I was waiting for the kettle to boil, making the tea, and pointed my spoon at him. "okay here's the deal. I'll write something on the you know where, and if by chance Mad Hatter's him and he sees it before Monday in time for the live show, then if he mentions... if he mentions the sentence Feed my Frankenstein, in their promo. You know, that old Alice Cooper song. Then okay I'll believe you. But if he doesn't, then you shut up about Mr. Scratchy being the Mad Hatter."
Walsh looked at me with this smirk and nodded. "Don't worry it's him."
I finished making the tea and handed him a cup. "God that's ironic."
Walsh-:"What is?"
Me-:"Talking about the Mad Hatter while having tea." I lifted my cup to make my point. Walsh burst out laughing to the point he had tears. "God, it's not that funny. I'm not that funny. Don't die on me."
Post-it for Herman
Mr. Scratchy, Herman, it's late.
For me, it's late. I would assume that if you're reading this right about now, just after 2am, it's most likely normal time for you. Can't sleep. Was thinking, which is really never a good thing for me. I over think everything.
I don't know why I feel the need most nights now to leave you some sort of note? But I do. Even when I have nothing to really say, I just believe I need to leave you a post-it.
I keep saying lately, I think you're one of four. I'm not even really sure of that anymore? Some days I think you're one of seven, other days I think you're one of one. I'll make up my mind at some point I'm sure.
I'm sure you'd love to know who the four are at the moment? Or maybe you've already figured that part out? You know more then me at the moment.
At the moment, at the moment, at the moment. Becoming my catch phrase.
Okay Herman, my insomnia babble fest is even grating on my nerves so, I'll wrap this up for the night.
I imagine you reading this, maybe laying in bed, one arm behind your head, letting out a deep sigh as you wonder for a change what I'd be like while writing this? One of these days, you'll give in to your will to be weird and say hi. And when you do, I guess I'll find out everything I need to know. Until then, I hope you have a relaxing night.
As always Mr. Scratchy, I hope I brought a smile to your face.
For me, it's late. I would assume that if you're reading this right about now, just after 2am, it's most likely normal time for you. Can't sleep. Was thinking, which is really never a good thing for me. I over think everything.
I don't know why I feel the need most nights now to leave you some sort of note? But I do. Even when I have nothing to really say, I just believe I need to leave you a post-it.
I keep saying lately, I think you're one of four. I'm not even really sure of that anymore? Some days I think you're one of seven, other days I think you're one of one. I'll make up my mind at some point I'm sure.
I'm sure you'd love to know who the four are at the moment? Or maybe you've already figured that part out? You know more then me at the moment.
At the moment, at the moment, at the moment. Becoming my catch phrase.
Okay Herman, my insomnia babble fest is even grating on my nerves so, I'll wrap this up for the night.
I imagine you reading this, maybe laying in bed, one arm behind your head, letting out a deep sigh as you wonder for a change what I'd be like while writing this? One of these days, you'll give in to your will to be weird and say hi. And when you do, I guess I'll find out everything I need to know. Until then, I hope you have a relaxing night.
As always Mr. Scratchy, I hope I brought a smile to your face.
Friday, April 26, 2013
Bite size
I was chatting with Jody for a little while during tonight's wrestling. I don't know why I bothered, given I don't get to see it until the replay in the morning. We had been talking about Dimmer for a few minutes, you could say wasting time while Jody waited for her semi-boyfriend to call her.
Sadly, he never called as he was suppose to.
But, anyways, I mentioned having seen a match that Dimmer had on the one show earlier.
Me-:"Dimmer has a nice butt... he's really starting to grow on me."
Jody agreed with me, which is sort of weird as she was just last week telling me how crazy I was for thinking he was cute and that I had really bad taste in men. Tonight, she was all but slobbering over Dimmer.
Me-:"Not liking the green on him though. Should stick to either all black or grey or red."
Jody-:"What the hell? Who died and made you the wrestling tights fashion police?"
Me-:"Have we met? This is what I do, less then a job more then a hobby. I let them know when they have hit a good idea and when they haven't."
Jody thought that was the funniest thing she'd ever heard. I think I should be offended, but strangely I'm not.
Jody-:"The Pack is on. It's one of their little videos."
Ah yes, my favourite new obsession. Everyone's favourite new obsession actually.
Jody-:"I don't think that I should be dating him." this came out of nowhere.
Me-:"Dimmer?"
Jody-:"Oh god I wish I was dating Dimmer. No my semi-boyfriend. I don't think I should be dating him. He's not the type of guy I normally date, and besides if my dad found out he'd skin us both alive."
Me-:"Will he bread you too or just dip you in tartar sauce?"
Jody-:"OMG! What are you talking about?" I was being my sarcastic self, but Jody didn't pick up on that it would seem. "I'm telling you that my dad would kill me if he found out about my semi-boyfriend and you're talking about cooking?"
Dark humour it seems doesn't translate that well in a chat thread.
Sadly, he never called as he was suppose to.
But, anyways, I mentioned having seen a match that Dimmer had on the one show earlier.
Me-:"Dimmer has a nice butt... he's really starting to grow on me."
Jody agreed with me, which is sort of weird as she was just last week telling me how crazy I was for thinking he was cute and that I had really bad taste in men. Tonight, she was all but slobbering over Dimmer.
Me-:"Not liking the green on him though. Should stick to either all black or grey or red."
Jody-:"What the hell? Who died and made you the wrestling tights fashion police?"
Me-:"Have we met? This is what I do, less then a job more then a hobby. I let them know when they have hit a good idea and when they haven't."
Jody thought that was the funniest thing she'd ever heard. I think I should be offended, but strangely I'm not.
Jody-:"The Pack is on. It's one of their little videos."
Ah yes, my favourite new obsession. Everyone's favourite new obsession actually.
Jody-:"I don't think that I should be dating him." this came out of nowhere.
Me-:"Dimmer?"
Jody-:"Oh god I wish I was dating Dimmer. No my semi-boyfriend. I don't think I should be dating him. He's not the type of guy I normally date, and besides if my dad found out he'd skin us both alive."
Me-:"Will he bread you too or just dip you in tartar sauce?"
Jody-:"OMG! What are you talking about?" I was being my sarcastic self, but Jody didn't pick up on that it would seem. "I'm telling you that my dad would kill me if he found out about my semi-boyfriend and you're talking about cooking?"
Dark humour it seems doesn't translate that well in a chat thread.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Dirty Laundry 27
My doorbell rang. I wasn't expecting anyone, so imagine my surprise to see Connie and one of her friends standing there.
Connie-:"Hi.Hi.Hi." she bound into the building like a tornado, her friend behind her. "I need to ask you something."
There is only one thing anyone would ask me for. Spells. Teenaged girls usually are looking for one thing, love spells. I ushered them both into my apartment before anyone spotted them. And I don't like having people over, they disrupt the cobwebs and dust.
Connie-:"My Grandmother told me where you live." meaning Walsh's mom. She started picking at my canvases I have piled up against the one wall. Most of my paintings are half done, there are a few that are completed, but I haven't bothered to hang them. I do have one vampire I painted up in the living room, and a drawing of wrestler Raven I did, that hangs over the tv. Anyways, Connie was flipping through my art, not really paying attention and randomly saying "Cool, pretty, cool."
Then her friend who looked like she was about to jump out of her skin elbowed her. "Um so I know that like tonight is a Full Moon and that it's suppose to be when witches do spells and stuff. And I was wanting to know what I have to do for a certain kind of spell. Like would I have to do anything gross or weird if I wanted to say, make someone dream of me and like show up?" she was looking everywhere but at me.
Me-:"New Moons are for bringing love to you." The words were out of my mouth before my brain caught up with me. Stupid me, now the kid will just have an extra two weeks to plan her plan.
Connie-:"So I can't do it tonight then?"
Me-:"Nope. And I wouldn't advise it anyway." she looked at me with total confusion on her face.
Connie-:"Advise?"
Me-:"I would tell you not to do it anyway. Bad idea for someone your age to be doing what I know you are wanting to do."
Connie-:"But I haven't told you what I want to do?"
Me-:"You want to do a love spell." her friend's mouth fell open. "Careful, you might swallow a spider." she shut it quick and sort of looked over her shoulder.
Friend-:"She wants to make Johnathan fall in love with her." she said it in a sing song voice.
Connie-:"Lest he's not Brad."
Me-:"There's a Brad?"
Friend-:"Shut up!" she was blushing ten shades of red. "Just this guy at school. I really want him to ask me to the dance next week."
Connie-:"Yeah, you can go with Brad and I'll show up with Johnathan." they were giggling like well the 15 year olds they are. Which sadly reminds me of me now.
Me-:"How about you try just asking your Brad without a spell and see what happens? And you, you're talking about the Pizza Dude right?" Connie nodded smiling bright this look in her eyes that lit up her whole face. Shit. "Don't you think he's a bit old for you?"
Connie-:"He's only a couple of years older. He told me he's 22. Oh he said to say hi by the way."
Friend-:"Yeah, we were just there at the pizza place. My mom took us." the two of them started grinning wildly.
Me-:"Yeah, it's sort of illegal for him to date you. So, maybe you should find someone at school..."
Friend-:"what do you mean?"
Right, wonderful I had the dumb luck of having to explain it to them about being underage. Fun times that I never want to relive, ever. You could see Connie's heart breaking into a million pieces as I did my best to be the adult for two minutes all the while thinking she's closer to his age then I am.
And you know what happened, she shook her head got a stubborn look on her face and said her parents never need to know. Double shit.
Me-:"I'm not going to give you any spells. Sorry."
Connie's friend brought her hand up pinching her thumb and finger together. "Not even a tiny little tiny spell? Like not even a love spell but just an I like you spell?" I shook my head and told them no. The two of them sulked off out of the building and took off. I'm sure if they still really want the spell, they'll just hunt them down online. But, hey no one can blame me for that.
Connie-:"Hi.Hi.Hi." she bound into the building like a tornado, her friend behind her. "I need to ask you something."
There is only one thing anyone would ask me for. Spells. Teenaged girls usually are looking for one thing, love spells. I ushered them both into my apartment before anyone spotted them. And I don't like having people over, they disrupt the cobwebs and dust.
Connie-:"My Grandmother told me where you live." meaning Walsh's mom. She started picking at my canvases I have piled up against the one wall. Most of my paintings are half done, there are a few that are completed, but I haven't bothered to hang them. I do have one vampire I painted up in the living room, and a drawing of wrestler Raven I did, that hangs over the tv. Anyways, Connie was flipping through my art, not really paying attention and randomly saying "Cool, pretty, cool."
Then her friend who looked like she was about to jump out of her skin elbowed her. "Um so I know that like tonight is a Full Moon and that it's suppose to be when witches do spells and stuff. And I was wanting to know what I have to do for a certain kind of spell. Like would I have to do anything gross or weird if I wanted to say, make someone dream of me and like show up?" she was looking everywhere but at me.
Me-:"New Moons are for bringing love to you." The words were out of my mouth before my brain caught up with me. Stupid me, now the kid will just have an extra two weeks to plan her plan.
Connie-:"So I can't do it tonight then?"
Me-:"Nope. And I wouldn't advise it anyway." she looked at me with total confusion on her face.
Connie-:"Advise?"
Me-:"I would tell you not to do it anyway. Bad idea for someone your age to be doing what I know you are wanting to do."
Connie-:"But I haven't told you what I want to do?"
Me-:"You want to do a love spell." her friend's mouth fell open. "Careful, you might swallow a spider." she shut it quick and sort of looked over her shoulder.
Friend-:"She wants to make Johnathan fall in love with her." she said it in a sing song voice.
Connie-:"Lest he's not Brad."
Me-:"There's a Brad?"
Friend-:"Shut up!" she was blushing ten shades of red. "Just this guy at school. I really want him to ask me to the dance next week."
Connie-:"Yeah, you can go with Brad and I'll show up with Johnathan." they were giggling like well the 15 year olds they are. Which sadly reminds me of me now.
Me-:"How about you try just asking your Brad without a spell and see what happens? And you, you're talking about the Pizza Dude right?" Connie nodded smiling bright this look in her eyes that lit up her whole face. Shit. "Don't you think he's a bit old for you?"
Connie-:"He's only a couple of years older. He told me he's 22. Oh he said to say hi by the way."
Friend-:"Yeah, we were just there at the pizza place. My mom took us." the two of them started grinning wildly.
Me-:"Yeah, it's sort of illegal for him to date you. So, maybe you should find someone at school..."
Friend-:"what do you mean?"
Right, wonderful I had the dumb luck of having to explain it to them about being underage. Fun times that I never want to relive, ever. You could see Connie's heart breaking into a million pieces as I did my best to be the adult for two minutes all the while thinking she's closer to his age then I am.
And you know what happened, she shook her head got a stubborn look on her face and said her parents never need to know. Double shit.
Me-:"I'm not going to give you any spells. Sorry."
Connie's friend brought her hand up pinching her thumb and finger together. "Not even a tiny little tiny spell? Like not even a love spell but just an I like you spell?" I shook my head and told them no. The two of them sulked off out of the building and took off. I'm sure if they still really want the spell, they'll just hunt them down online. But, hey no one can blame me for that.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Post-it break
And this is the part of the evening when I find myself going in circles on the internet between music videos on youtube and the one social site I hang out on, because I have no idea where to take my novel now?
I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee, I lost count but I think it's my seventh cup of the evening. Having written about ten pages on the novel in the last two hours, and finding myself walking in circles in the apartment working out the next segment.
Time for a break. This is why movies about writers always deal with their romances or something, because otherwise, all you would see on screen is a person sitting in a room by themselves typing and talking out loud to themselves every so often. Glamorous eh?
As always Herman, you being the chatter-box you are never letting a girl get a word in edgewise, must do something about that. Do you have decent microphone skills there Mr. Scratchy? Are you one of the guys who can run the crowd on the fly with the simple use of your vocabulary? Or are you one of the ones who needs to have his microphone privileges removed? Do you Mr. Scratchy, give good script?
Well, I imagine you reading this right now, maybe wiping the screen from spitting out whatever you were drinking when you read my last few lines. Rolling your eyes at me, mumbling to yourself that "at lest she didn't mention that damned Mad Hatter again." Unless of course he's sitting there with you reading over your shoulder laughing. (In which case you are someone I might need to tell to pick one hair colour and stick with it.) Or you know, you. In which case you're probably going "dude, you made the blog again this week."
So where was I...right, I imagine you sitting there dressed in a pair of ripped track pants, maybe you don't even realized you snagged them on something tearing a small spot on your ass, exposing your underwear.
And on that note Mr. Scratchy, I hope I brought a smile to your face, and maybe a blush to your pale skin.
I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee, I lost count but I think it's my seventh cup of the evening. Having written about ten pages on the novel in the last two hours, and finding myself walking in circles in the apartment working out the next segment.
Time for a break. This is why movies about writers always deal with their romances or something, because otherwise, all you would see on screen is a person sitting in a room by themselves typing and talking out loud to themselves every so often. Glamorous eh?
As always Herman, you being the chatter-box you are never letting a girl get a word in edgewise, must do something about that. Do you have decent microphone skills there Mr. Scratchy? Are you one of the guys who can run the crowd on the fly with the simple use of your vocabulary? Or are you one of the ones who needs to have his microphone privileges removed? Do you Mr. Scratchy, give good script?
Well, I imagine you reading this right now, maybe wiping the screen from spitting out whatever you were drinking when you read my last few lines. Rolling your eyes at me, mumbling to yourself that "at lest she didn't mention that damned Mad Hatter again." Unless of course he's sitting there with you reading over your shoulder laughing. (In which case you are someone I might need to tell to pick one hair colour and stick with it.) Or you know, you. In which case you're probably going "dude, you made the blog again this week."
So where was I...right, I imagine you sitting there dressed in a pair of ripped track pants, maybe you don't even realized you snagged them on something tearing a small spot on your ass, exposing your underwear.
And on that note Mr. Scratchy, I hope I brought a smile to your face, and maybe a blush to your pale skin.
So I asked a question
I put a few questions out there on the book site fan groups I'm part of and the one other social network I'm on, and one of the questions was about men feeling the pressure to wax/shave their upper bodies.
I know as a wrestling fan, you never see wrestlers who are hairy, it just doesn't happen anymore. But more and more men in general seem to be hairless. Twenty years ago, when I was young and foolish I would have said I'd never date a man who was hairy. That's something I'd laugh at my young self for now. (I'm still foolish)
I've dated guys who have been so smooth you wonder if they even hit puberty yet, and I've dated guys who were so hairy that I wondered if they were the missing link?
Personally, there's just something about a guy with some fuzz.
Of course, none of the guys in the groups or on my friends lists answered. But about a dozen of the women did with their options on hairy men.
I'm ashamed to say, most of them were negative on the topic.
So what does that say about us, the women of our species? Have we become so intolerant? (yeah I made that same comment few weeks back about the uncircumcised issue too) Apparently, for a few of the ladies who answered me, yes they have, as they stated hairy men are deal breakers.
Seriously? Dumping a man because he's got hair on his chest? I can't get over that, specially considering there are worse issues to face in relationships at any given time.
The ironic part of this bit of research was, all the women who bothered to join in and answer me, said they expect a man to accept everything about them.
Is that the key issue that really needs to be faced in this generation, the idea that no one seems to want to tolerate each others quirks?
On a night like this I just couldn't help but wonder, are we expecting too much for too little in return?
I know as a wrestling fan, you never see wrestlers who are hairy, it just doesn't happen anymore. But more and more men in general seem to be hairless. Twenty years ago, when I was young and foolish I would have said I'd never date a man who was hairy. That's something I'd laugh at my young self for now. (I'm still foolish)
I've dated guys who have been so smooth you wonder if they even hit puberty yet, and I've dated guys who were so hairy that I wondered if they were the missing link?
Personally, there's just something about a guy with some fuzz.
Of course, none of the guys in the groups or on my friends lists answered. But about a dozen of the women did with their options on hairy men.
I'm ashamed to say, most of them were negative on the topic.
So what does that say about us, the women of our species? Have we become so intolerant? (yeah I made that same comment few weeks back about the uncircumcised issue too) Apparently, for a few of the ladies who answered me, yes they have, as they stated hairy men are deal breakers.
Seriously? Dumping a man because he's got hair on his chest? I can't get over that, specially considering there are worse issues to face in relationships at any given time.
The ironic part of this bit of research was, all the women who bothered to join in and answer me, said they expect a man to accept everything about them.
Is that the key issue that really needs to be faced in this generation, the idea that no one seems to want to tolerate each others quirks?
On a night like this I just couldn't help but wonder, are we expecting too much for too little in return?
Post-it with a hug
Herman, Mr. Scratchy, how are you tonight?
I think Herman, that you are checking into this scratching, scratching like a maniac. I would love to say that I'm totally done asking who you are, but we both know at some point I'll just end up bringing the topic up again, so... anyways...
I imagine you checking in tonight, a beer in hand, crunching on something, maybe beer-battered peanuts? I think you have a day's worth of facial scruff and you're debating if you should shave.
These notes were always meant to let you know I appreciate that you are out there, somewhere. A way to connect. But trying to figure out who you are, has really gotten in the way.
You're out there, alive, all that matters.
Okay Herman, Mr. Scratchy, I'll keep it simple tonight, and say I hope that if you wrestled tonight, you stayed safe, and if you're traveling instead, stay safe.
Sweet dreams Mr. Scratchy.
I think Herman, that you are checking into this scratching, scratching like a maniac. I would love to say that I'm totally done asking who you are, but we both know at some point I'll just end up bringing the topic up again, so... anyways...
I imagine you checking in tonight, a beer in hand, crunching on something, maybe beer-battered peanuts? I think you have a day's worth of facial scruff and you're debating if you should shave.
These notes were always meant to let you know I appreciate that you are out there, somewhere. A way to connect. But trying to figure out who you are, has really gotten in the way.
You're out there, alive, all that matters.
Okay Herman, Mr. Scratchy, I'll keep it simple tonight, and say I hope that if you wrestled tonight, you stayed safe, and if you're traveling instead, stay safe.
Sweet dreams Mr. Scratchy.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Now what?
"Why do you think he was disappointed?" Cheryl asked after I had filled her in on my conversation with my cousin.
Me-:"It's got nothing to do with Walsh, it sure as hell has nothing to do with me. He's lost. This whole thing with his sister has him floundering. He's been the rock in the family for years, and then his younger sister you know, she's been in and out of rehab a dozen times in the last few years, she was in hospital few months ago from an overdose, she's got liver failure and needs a transplant. Walsh and his wife are looking after her and her daughter. Her kid's like 7 or 8 years old, and add to it that she's been his best friend his whole life, he's needing something to distract him. I'm not stupid, Walsh and I haven't been close since we were teenagers. He's hanging out with me lately because he needs something to take his mind off of the real world."
Cheryl-:"So what then? You think he's disappointed because he feels helpless?"
Me-:"You nailed it. I think that he feels helpless. I'm a very silly woman, never denied that fact. I think you need to be when you're any kind of artist. But, his interest in helping me find out who my mystery wrestler is, is distraction. I mean, he's got a family of his own, he's got work, his friends. But when you even mention his sister you can see it in his body language, see it in his eyes even before he tells you he doesn't want to talk about it that it's really weighing on him. My cousin is in a lot of pain. His way of dealing is denying."
Cheryl-:"So you threw it in his face, with your disapproval of his idea of who it might be? Don't you think that was a bit of a mistake? If he's needing something to distract him, if you're aware that he needs something to keep his mind off of the bad stuff, shouldn't you give him this? Take his advice even if it is with a really big grain of salt or spoon of sugar or whatever that metaphor is?"
She had a point. I hadn't really thought about it from his point of view before. About Walsh needing something not so heavy to hold onto.
Cheryl-:"Have you thought that this could be why he's pushing you so much lately to follow your dreams? Maybe he just doesn't want to see you waste yourself like his sister has?"
Me-:"Never thought of it like that. You make everything seem so sensible. How do you do it?"
Cheryl-:"Gift. I guess I can just see it from all points of view. Speaking of men, have you gotten off your high horse yet?"
Me-:"No. I don't see a solution to my romanticless life right now."
We chatted a few minutes more, about nothing serious, until she had to go back to work. But all this has got me thinking about where I really do fit in the big picture.
Me-:"It's got nothing to do with Walsh, it sure as hell has nothing to do with me. He's lost. This whole thing with his sister has him floundering. He's been the rock in the family for years, and then his younger sister you know, she's been in and out of rehab a dozen times in the last few years, she was in hospital few months ago from an overdose, she's got liver failure and needs a transplant. Walsh and his wife are looking after her and her daughter. Her kid's like 7 or 8 years old, and add to it that she's been his best friend his whole life, he's needing something to distract him. I'm not stupid, Walsh and I haven't been close since we were teenagers. He's hanging out with me lately because he needs something to take his mind off of the real world."
Cheryl-:"So what then? You think he's disappointed because he feels helpless?"
Me-:"You nailed it. I think that he feels helpless. I'm a very silly woman, never denied that fact. I think you need to be when you're any kind of artist. But, his interest in helping me find out who my mystery wrestler is, is distraction. I mean, he's got a family of his own, he's got work, his friends. But when you even mention his sister you can see it in his body language, see it in his eyes even before he tells you he doesn't want to talk about it that it's really weighing on him. My cousin is in a lot of pain. His way of dealing is denying."
Cheryl-:"So you threw it in his face, with your disapproval of his idea of who it might be? Don't you think that was a bit of a mistake? If he's needing something to distract him, if you're aware that he needs something to keep his mind off of the bad stuff, shouldn't you give him this? Take his advice even if it is with a really big grain of salt or spoon of sugar or whatever that metaphor is?"
She had a point. I hadn't really thought about it from his point of view before. About Walsh needing something not so heavy to hold onto.
Cheryl-:"Have you thought that this could be why he's pushing you so much lately to follow your dreams? Maybe he just doesn't want to see you waste yourself like his sister has?"
Me-:"Never thought of it like that. You make everything seem so sensible. How do you do it?"
Cheryl-:"Gift. I guess I can just see it from all points of view. Speaking of men, have you gotten off your high horse yet?"
Me-:"No. I don't see a solution to my romanticless life right now."
We chatted a few minutes more, about nothing serious, until she had to go back to work. But all this has got me thinking about where I really do fit in the big picture.
Dirty Laundry 26
My cousin Walsh is working in the area this week, and stopped by on his lunch break to believe it or not, return the roasting tray. Crazy the one thing I didn't think I'd ever see again, nor really thought about and poof there it is. He had this smug look on his face.
"You catch the show from last night? You're boys won. The Pack won just like you wrote it on your blog. Someone loves you."
Me-:"I know. The question is who? It's snowing, can you take the trash out for me please? And it wasn't exactly the way I wrote it, I had written I'd like to see The Rebel without a Cause get the pin, but Mad Hatter got it."
I handed him the trash and he tossed it in the trash bin, behind the building for me. Lighting a cigarette he had this look on his face as he stood there for a moment.
Walsh-:"So, just what is your damage lately? Why don't you seem to want to believe that the Mad Hatter is Mr. Scratchy?" Walsh asked laughing his ass off at me.
Me-:"Fine, we'll go there. Hypothetically, say it is. What good does that do me?"
Walsh-:"What do you mean? You would know finally, and you could be happy." he blew smoke in my face just being a bit of an arse. Damn, he was in a goofy mood.
Me-:"Hypothetically, if it is the Mad Hatter, then what? Huh? This situation with Mr. Scratchy has been going on since what, late 2008 early 2009 right, so hypothetically if it is him, he would have been in the independents when all this was starting, why not let me know who he was then? Wouldn't that have made more sense?"
Walsh-:"Maybe he was in a relationship? Could have been focusing on his career? Who knows? You yourself said you were all about The Celebrity and The Other Guy then. You said you didn't really know who Mad Hatter was till recently." He pointed his cigarette at me, nodding.
Me-:"Right, very true. I admitted that I'd seen photos of him but no video, thought he was hot but that was about it. Till now. Which brings up a ton of what ifs and stuff. I just don't understand why you're so jazzed up hot on the idea that it's him?"
Walsh-:"Well, because I am. I believe." he was grinning like the damned cat that ate the canary. "Isn't that what you want? Why are you acting like it's the end of the world?"
Me-:"It is the end of the world! If it happens to be him, again what damned good does that do me now?"
Walsh-:"I don't understand?"
Me-:"Oh my god. Okay look, again hypothetically speaking, say it's him, say the Mad Hatter is him..."
Walsh-:"I am saying it's him." he was still laughing, like red faced gut grabbing laughing.
Me-:"He's the hottest thing in the industry right now. And I don't see that changing anytime soon, or ever." I was really starting to loose it with him.
I wasn't able to get through to my cousin, just could not explain myself well enough to get him to understand why this would be a bad thing. Not because the idea of Mad Hatter being Mr. Scratchy is a bad idea, just a really outrageous one.
I still don't know if I can explain myself properly on this topic.
I hate being a bandwagoner. Just hate the idea. I like discovering people in the beginning of their careers and being a fan along the journey. This, me finding out about Mad Hatter this late in the game, annoys me to no end. I'm just kicking myself for not paying attention sooner.
So how damned ironic would it be if Walsh is right? Oh hell, that would mean my sister is right too as she off handedly said it herself weeks ago, half joking. Fitting karma though would it not?
Me-:"If it is, then it's too late. If it's anyone in Company #1, it's too late. I don't understand why you just don't understand?"
Walsh-:"You're right, I don't understand. And I don't think it's too late. He's not dead, therefore never too late. You know what I think you're real problem is...you're afraid of getting what you want. You get so far and you give up. You did that when you were working for the tv station, you've done that with your writing. You start seeing that the universe is giving you exactly what you've always wanted and you're panicking."
Me-:"Well tell you what, when he actually says hey how you doing I'm Mr. Scratchy, then we'll deal with it. How about that? Dude, he has had how many years to step up and say who he is and he hasn't yet. I think it's time to think that he's not going to. That he's just not that interested."
Walsh tossed his cigarette butt in the snow and shrugged rubbing his hand over his face. "I just can't believe you're giving up on this. I think it's him, and I believe that you do too. Okay I'm going to head back to work. But I think you're being a coward by not trusting that you deserve to get the guy. No matter who he is. If Grandma were alive she'd never let you talk like that."
He actually left with this look of disappointment on his face. Great, I think I just pissed my cousin off.
"You catch the show from last night? You're boys won. The Pack won just like you wrote it on your blog. Someone loves you."
Me-:"I know. The question is who? It's snowing, can you take the trash out for me please? And it wasn't exactly the way I wrote it, I had written I'd like to see The Rebel without a Cause get the pin, but Mad Hatter got it."
I handed him the trash and he tossed it in the trash bin, behind the building for me. Lighting a cigarette he had this look on his face as he stood there for a moment.
Walsh-:"So, just what is your damage lately? Why don't you seem to want to believe that the Mad Hatter is Mr. Scratchy?" Walsh asked laughing his ass off at me.
Me-:"Fine, we'll go there. Hypothetically, say it is. What good does that do me?"
Walsh-:"What do you mean? You would know finally, and you could be happy." he blew smoke in my face just being a bit of an arse. Damn, he was in a goofy mood.
Me-:"Hypothetically, if it is the Mad Hatter, then what? Huh? This situation with Mr. Scratchy has been going on since what, late 2008 early 2009 right, so hypothetically if it is him, he would have been in the independents when all this was starting, why not let me know who he was then? Wouldn't that have made more sense?"
Walsh-:"Maybe he was in a relationship? Could have been focusing on his career? Who knows? You yourself said you were all about The Celebrity and The Other Guy then. You said you didn't really know who Mad Hatter was till recently." He pointed his cigarette at me, nodding.
Me-:"Right, very true. I admitted that I'd seen photos of him but no video, thought he was hot but that was about it. Till now. Which brings up a ton of what ifs and stuff. I just don't understand why you're so jazzed up hot on the idea that it's him?"
Walsh-:"Well, because I am. I believe." he was grinning like the damned cat that ate the canary. "Isn't that what you want? Why are you acting like it's the end of the world?"
Me-:"It is the end of the world! If it happens to be him, again what damned good does that do me now?"
Walsh-:"I don't understand?"
Me-:"Oh my god. Okay look, again hypothetically speaking, say it's him, say the Mad Hatter is him..."
Walsh-:"I am saying it's him." he was still laughing, like red faced gut grabbing laughing.
Me-:"He's the hottest thing in the industry right now. And I don't see that changing anytime soon, or ever." I was really starting to loose it with him.
I wasn't able to get through to my cousin, just could not explain myself well enough to get him to understand why this would be a bad thing. Not because the idea of Mad Hatter being Mr. Scratchy is a bad idea, just a really outrageous one.
I still don't know if I can explain myself properly on this topic.
I hate being a bandwagoner. Just hate the idea. I like discovering people in the beginning of their careers and being a fan along the journey. This, me finding out about Mad Hatter this late in the game, annoys me to no end. I'm just kicking myself for not paying attention sooner.
So how damned ironic would it be if Walsh is right? Oh hell, that would mean my sister is right too as she off handedly said it herself weeks ago, half joking. Fitting karma though would it not?
Me-:"If it is, then it's too late. If it's anyone in Company #1, it's too late. I don't understand why you just don't understand?"
Walsh-:"You're right, I don't understand. And I don't think it's too late. He's not dead, therefore never too late. You know what I think you're real problem is...you're afraid of getting what you want. You get so far and you give up. You did that when you were working for the tv station, you've done that with your writing. You start seeing that the universe is giving you exactly what you've always wanted and you're panicking."
Me-:"Well tell you what, when he actually says hey how you doing I'm Mr. Scratchy, then we'll deal with it. How about that? Dude, he has had how many years to step up and say who he is and he hasn't yet. I think it's time to think that he's not going to. That he's just not that interested."
Walsh tossed his cigarette butt in the snow and shrugged rubbing his hand over his face. "I just can't believe you're giving up on this. I think it's him, and I believe that you do too. Okay I'm going to head back to work. But I think you're being a coward by not trusting that you deserve to get the guy. No matter who he is. If Grandma were alive she'd never let you talk like that."
He actually left with this look of disappointment on his face. Great, I think I just pissed my cousin off.
Post-it late night
Herman, Mr. Scratchy, how are you tonight?
I think all there is to say tonight is that I imagine you checking in after work. Tired, sore. I think you just changed into those striped pajama bottoms... no I think you bought new ones. So they would be...solid grey. Think that they match that faded grey t-shirt with the tiny hole in the sleeve I think you wear.
I imagine you sitting there right now, a cup of something hot, lemon tea, as you read this. A smile teasing at your lips. Maybe a new bruise on your body from work. I'm thinking, your left shoulder for some reason.
Anyways, I'm sure you're listening to your iPod at the moment, something trashy. Don't know why, just do. No, scratch that... no pun intended... I think you've got something mellow, like Frank Sinatra on. Something earthy, emotional, classic. Yeah, that's what I think.
Smile, it's just me.
I think all there is to say tonight is that I imagine you checking in after work. Tired, sore. I think you just changed into those striped pajama bottoms... no I think you bought new ones. So they would be...solid grey. Think that they match that faded grey t-shirt with the tiny hole in the sleeve I think you wear.
I imagine you sitting there right now, a cup of something hot, lemon tea, as you read this. A smile teasing at your lips. Maybe a new bruise on your body from work. I'm thinking, your left shoulder for some reason.
Anyways, I'm sure you're listening to your iPod at the moment, something trashy. Don't know why, just do. No, scratch that... no pun intended... I think you've got something mellow, like Frank Sinatra on. Something earthy, emotional, classic. Yeah, that's what I think.
Smile, it's just me.
Monday, April 22, 2013
Dirty Laundry 25
I was at the pharmacy, when I heard this deep sigh.
"You again?"
It was my cousin Walsh. He was dressed in his work clothes, which meant he was on lunch break.
Me-:"What you doing here?"
Walsh-:"Picking up dad's prescriptions. What about you?" I nodded saying I had to get something for the sinus headaches I've been having and held up the box of tampons. Which made Walsh cringe. "How's the novel?"
Me-:"I left my lead character on a ladder freaking out about his relationship. That was Thursday, I haven't written a word since and it's Monday."
Walsh-:"And that upsets you?"
Me-:"Um yeah. I want to finish the first draft before my crush on the Mad Hatter wears off. Cause when the crush starts to fade, the writers block always follows."
Walsh-:"Is it? Have you stopped liking him?"
Me-:"No. Oddly enough, crush bigger yet novel stalled."
Walsh-:"Ever thought that maybe this crush isn't meant to end?" He had the biggest grin on his face.
Me-:"That's retarded. There is a pattern with me. Crush on a guy, make him the center of my art, stop liking him, like someone new."
Walsh-:"Just saying, that maybe you're not suppose to get over this dude." he was laughing now.
Me-:"Why? No, I know what you're thinking and no. Can't be just no."
Walsh-:"Maybe the Mad Hatter is Mr. Scratchy." he said it half laughing, but more matter-of-factly then a question. I'm really starting to wonder what the hell he knows that he's not telling me? He's so up to something.
Me-:"Don't make me hit you with a fry pan. That's just not possible."
Walsh-:"You yourself always say if you can think it, it's a possibility just waiting to happen."
Me-:"I hate you right now."
Walsh-:"Don't care. So, have I won the bet yet?"
Me-:"Nope. And it's just not going to happen. The dude is way too young for me. Seriously."
Walsh-:"So he hasn't asked you out yet?"
Me-:"Haven't seen him." I shook my head staring over his shoulder at the pharmacy counter.
Walsh-:"Why do you not want to believe that the Mad Hatter..." I didn't let him finish the sentence, I turned and stomped off to the shelf where the muscle relaxers and cold pills were. I waved at him and watched as he just walked over to the pharmacy counter to pick up his dad's pills. He was laughing as he left.
"You again?"
It was my cousin Walsh. He was dressed in his work clothes, which meant he was on lunch break.
Me-:"What you doing here?"
Walsh-:"Picking up dad's prescriptions. What about you?" I nodded saying I had to get something for the sinus headaches I've been having and held up the box of tampons. Which made Walsh cringe. "How's the novel?"
Me-:"I left my lead character on a ladder freaking out about his relationship. That was Thursday, I haven't written a word since and it's Monday."
Walsh-:"And that upsets you?"
Me-:"Um yeah. I want to finish the first draft before my crush on the Mad Hatter wears off. Cause when the crush starts to fade, the writers block always follows."
Walsh-:"Is it? Have you stopped liking him?"
Me-:"No. Oddly enough, crush bigger yet novel stalled."
Walsh-:"Ever thought that maybe this crush isn't meant to end?" He had the biggest grin on his face.
Me-:"That's retarded. There is a pattern with me. Crush on a guy, make him the center of my art, stop liking him, like someone new."
Walsh-:"Just saying, that maybe you're not suppose to get over this dude." he was laughing now.
Me-:"Why? No, I know what you're thinking and no. Can't be just no."
Walsh-:"Maybe the Mad Hatter is Mr. Scratchy." he said it half laughing, but more matter-of-factly then a question. I'm really starting to wonder what the hell he knows that he's not telling me? He's so up to something.
Me-:"Don't make me hit you with a fry pan. That's just not possible."
Walsh-:"You yourself always say if you can think it, it's a possibility just waiting to happen."
Me-:"I hate you right now."
Walsh-:"Don't care. So, have I won the bet yet?"
Me-:"Nope. And it's just not going to happen. The dude is way too young for me. Seriously."
Walsh-:"So he hasn't asked you out yet?"
Me-:"Haven't seen him." I shook my head staring over his shoulder at the pharmacy counter.
Walsh-:"Why do you not want to believe that the Mad Hatter..." I didn't let him finish the sentence, I turned and stomped off to the shelf where the muscle relaxers and cold pills were. I waved at him and watched as he just walked over to the pharmacy counter to pick up his dad's pills. He was laughing as he left.
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Shoulda, Coulda, Eh? continued
Cheryl sent me a recommendation for this book that she said she is reading and just loves beyond loves. Phyllis Curott's The Love Spell. I told her that I've read it before and agree, the book is fabulous. I know I've mentioned it before a few times over the years.
Cheryl-:"So, has your Mr. Right come a knocking yet?"
Me-:"Has yours?"
Cheryl-:"If you mean, have I had another date with my Berger, no. You think I should call him?"
Me-:"Up to you."
Cheryl-:"Phone works both ways. I think it's done with him, he's made it a point of avoiding me at lunch time at work. He used to come to the staff room with me, but I haven't seen him in days."
Me-:"Sounds bad. Yeah, I would just give up."
Cheryl-:"I know you would. Quitter. So you really haven't met anyone yet?"
Me-:"And I would meet them how? We've had a few blizzard days here, haven't been able to leave the apartment for half the week. It's finally melting so I should be able to go to the grocery tomorrow, but otherwise, haven't met anyone yet."
Cheryl-:"Well get on that pronto. From everything you've told me, you've already wasted enough time by yourself. You really need to start dating again or else you're going to end up just proving your family right about you."
Me-:"Thanks for the vote of confidence. Really."
Cheryl-:"Just lighting that fire under your ass. There is this website by this author who talks about how to bring your soulmate to you...let me just find it. I bought her book for a friend and she swears by it."
It ended up being the Arielle Ford site. I've got that book too, Soulmate Secret. Had it since it first came out few years ago. Another book I've mentioned more then once over the last few years. Okay, so I know that Cheryl isn't opposed to the idea of soulmates, so I told her about Mr. Scratchy. In a clipped short digestible way.
Cheryl-:"I will have to pay attention to that now. See who makes my palm itch."
Me-:"It's the whole right side of your body, and you have to remember, it doesn't work when you're in the room together. Think of it more like a long distance I miss you. But yeah, you should notice stuff like it happening right before certain calls come in or emails, or just before you bump into certain people. "
Cheryl-:"So if you know he's out there, then why aren't you actively looking for him?"
Me-:"Ball is in his court. I don't know, timing must be off or something? But you know what, I've talked about this non-stop for the last few years. New topic."
Cheryl-:"Ever thought that you've made yourself too available? "
Me-:"Yeah it's crossed my mind. A ton of things have crossed my mind about the whole situation. And my mind needs a rest."
We talked a bit more about the books, then she had to go. But all this got me thinking about the first book. So much so I spent a half hour kicking up dust searching for which box of books I had it in. Finally found it, buried on the bottom of a stack of about ten boxes of books.
As I flipped through the book, reading random pages, all I could think was, "I've gotten too far away from this." Dude, I'm so totally feeling like red riding hood right now, having strayed from my path. I think I've strayed so far that I'm not even sure what that path is anymore?
Which is why, more and more I think I need to join the tarot group.
Cheryl-:"So, has your Mr. Right come a knocking yet?"
Me-:"Has yours?"
Cheryl-:"If you mean, have I had another date with my Berger, no. You think I should call him?"
Me-:"Up to you."
Cheryl-:"Phone works both ways. I think it's done with him, he's made it a point of avoiding me at lunch time at work. He used to come to the staff room with me, but I haven't seen him in days."
Me-:"Sounds bad. Yeah, I would just give up."
Cheryl-:"I know you would. Quitter. So you really haven't met anyone yet?"
Me-:"And I would meet them how? We've had a few blizzard days here, haven't been able to leave the apartment for half the week. It's finally melting so I should be able to go to the grocery tomorrow, but otherwise, haven't met anyone yet."
Cheryl-:"Well get on that pronto. From everything you've told me, you've already wasted enough time by yourself. You really need to start dating again or else you're going to end up just proving your family right about you."
Me-:"Thanks for the vote of confidence. Really."
Cheryl-:"Just lighting that fire under your ass. There is this website by this author who talks about how to bring your soulmate to you...let me just find it. I bought her book for a friend and she swears by it."
It ended up being the Arielle Ford site. I've got that book too, Soulmate Secret. Had it since it first came out few years ago. Another book I've mentioned more then once over the last few years. Okay, so I know that Cheryl isn't opposed to the idea of soulmates, so I told her about Mr. Scratchy. In a clipped short digestible way.
Cheryl-:"I will have to pay attention to that now. See who makes my palm itch."
Me-:"It's the whole right side of your body, and you have to remember, it doesn't work when you're in the room together. Think of it more like a long distance I miss you. But yeah, you should notice stuff like it happening right before certain calls come in or emails, or just before you bump into certain people. "
Cheryl-:"So if you know he's out there, then why aren't you actively looking for him?"
Me-:"Ball is in his court. I don't know, timing must be off or something? But you know what, I've talked about this non-stop for the last few years. New topic."
Cheryl-:"Ever thought that you've made yourself too available? "
Me-:"Yeah it's crossed my mind. A ton of things have crossed my mind about the whole situation. And my mind needs a rest."
We talked a bit more about the books, then she had to go. But all this got me thinking about the first book. So much so I spent a half hour kicking up dust searching for which box of books I had it in. Finally found it, buried on the bottom of a stack of about ten boxes of books.
As I flipped through the book, reading random pages, all I could think was, "I've gotten too far away from this." Dude, I'm so totally feeling like red riding hood right now, having strayed from my path. I think I've strayed so far that I'm not even sure what that path is anymore?
Which is why, more and more I think I need to join the tarot group.
Tidbits Sunday
I was chatting a bit with Jody few minutes ago, we had been talking about the new werewolf series on Netflix, Hemlock Grove, when she asked what I thought of Friday night's wrestling?
Me-:"Was watching the werewolves on Netflix Canada, so haven't had the chance yet to catch the reply."
Jody-:"It wasn't as good last night. I hope Monday's show is better. The Pack didn't actually do anything, just one of their little videos but that was about it."
Me-:"So nothing new?"
Jody-:"No, nothing different. Just their video was a little dark."
Me-:"Dark? Like brutal, nasty, evil dark or no lights dark?"
Jody-:"No lights dark. Go to the website and click on the recap it's there."
I did as I was instructed and went to check out the segment. Sure enough, compared to their other videos which always seemed to be overexposed and white-washed, this was shades of darkness and shadows.
Me-:"Was watching the werewolves on Netflix Canada, so haven't had the chance yet to catch the reply."
Jody-:"It wasn't as good last night. I hope Monday's show is better. The Pack didn't actually do anything, just one of their little videos but that was about it."
Me-:"So nothing new?"
Jody-:"No, nothing different. Just their video was a little dark."
Me-:"Dark? Like brutal, nasty, evil dark or no lights dark?"
Jody-:"No lights dark. Go to the website and click on the recap it's there."
I did as I was instructed and went to check out the segment. Sure enough, compared to their other videos which always seemed to be overexposed and white-washed, this was shades of darkness and shadows.
Friday, April 19, 2013
Friday posting of a post-it note
It's been like a blizzard here since yesterday. Snow flying everywhere, winds clocking in at 60 mph, and I can't see out my windows at all. There is actual snow trapped between my windows.
I do hope Herman, wherever you are, you're having better weather.
Mr. Scratchy, thought I'd write you a short note for a moment while I have a coffee. Becoming a habit, writing you while I have a coffee.
I'm really starting to think you're mute act is just to drive me insane. Admit it, it is. See now, that's something I totally expect from The Celebrity. But not so much from anyone else.
I don't know, I keep thinking I'll wake up one morning and just know who you are. Like it will be this big A-HA! moment of total clarity and everything will make sense. Who knows?
But in the meantime...what are you wearing? Grey? Something in grey? How about your wrestling tights? They red? I like men in red, I have no idea why. Maybe, you're decked out in black? Too easy I think.
I've been trying to improve my tarot skills. It's not working. I keep pulling the Page of Pentacles, like every time, no matter how much I shuffle the cards. That and the Ace of Swords. There is a reason I'm sure, I'm just not seeing it right now.
Okay, so safe journey if you're traveling right now for work, and if you're having a day off or something, then don't drink and drive.
I don't know, maybe you stopped reading me long time ago and I've been writing to the emptiness that used to be you? god, I hope you're still reading me.
Big hug Herman.
I do hope Herman, wherever you are, you're having better weather.
Mr. Scratchy, thought I'd write you a short note for a moment while I have a coffee. Becoming a habit, writing you while I have a coffee.
I'm really starting to think you're mute act is just to drive me insane. Admit it, it is. See now, that's something I totally expect from The Celebrity. But not so much from anyone else.
I don't know, I keep thinking I'll wake up one morning and just know who you are. Like it will be this big A-HA! moment of total clarity and everything will make sense. Who knows?
But in the meantime...what are you wearing? Grey? Something in grey? How about your wrestling tights? They red? I like men in red, I have no idea why. Maybe, you're decked out in black? Too easy I think.
I've been trying to improve my tarot skills. It's not working. I keep pulling the Page of Pentacles, like every time, no matter how much I shuffle the cards. That and the Ace of Swords. There is a reason I'm sure, I'm just not seeing it right now.
Okay, so safe journey if you're traveling right now for work, and if you're having a day off or something, then don't drink and drive.
I don't know, maybe you stopped reading me long time ago and I've been writing to the emptiness that used to be you? god, I hope you're still reading me.
Big hug Herman.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Clipped and snipped
Jody and I were talking about who we would like to see get a big push in the coming months in Company #1, when she told me that she'd been watching the replay of the mega ppv from the other week. This of course got us talking about the Pack.
Me-:"Company #1 has already neutered that puppy."
Jody-:"I just choked on my latte. What?"
Me-:"Mad Hatter. My cousin was showing me some of his old stuff online, and the dude is working on less then half steam with his new character. Sad really."
Jody-:"Uh, you mean ...what do you mean?"
Me-:"And here I thought you were like all knowledgefullness on those guys. You were the one who was all goo-goo about him few weeks back in that chat thread."
Jody-:"Right I was. Now, I want the big guy. I still don't get what you mean."
Me-:"His old character was so much better. Crazier. This version is like Mad Hatter Lite. This version in Company #1 seems to be more serious, less fun."
Jody-:"Okay all I heard was the word lite and all I can think is I wish my latte was a beer."
Me-:"Company #1 has already neutered that puppy."
Jody-:"I just choked on my latte. What?"
Me-:"Mad Hatter. My cousin was showing me some of his old stuff online, and the dude is working on less then half steam with his new character. Sad really."
Jody-:"Uh, you mean ...what do you mean?"
Me-:"And here I thought you were like all knowledgefullness on those guys. You were the one who was all goo-goo about him few weeks back in that chat thread."
Jody-:"Right I was. Now, I want the big guy. I still don't get what you mean."
Me-:"His old character was so much better. Crazier. This version is like Mad Hatter Lite. This version in Company #1 seems to be more serious, less fun."
Jody-:"Okay all I heard was the word lite and all I can think is I wish my latte was a beer."
It had to be you
They say that when two people are destined to be together, they just can not avoid each other.
Some would say this is because the two souls are just drawn to each other. Makes sense.
I've touched on this topic once or twice in the past, and admitted at the time, that there really wasn't anyone who I've ever had that issue with.
Movies make it look so easy. They always set up the characters to be in the same store a few feet away, standing waiting for the same bus, have them end up with the same circle of co-workers at the same dinner.
If only real life were that simple.
Well, for one of my cousin's best friends, it was. She kept finding herself because of her teenaged son, at school sporting events and team fundraisers bumping into this one guy. He was a newly divorced dad who even though his son had just graduated the year before, he still volunteered for the high school. They've been together now three years.
When I hear of stories like this, I'm in awe. I'm also hit with a small pang of sorrow. A lot of the "how we met" stories I've heard from people over the years, and yes I always ask how people met, are simpler. Usually one likes the other more and eventually wears them down.
All this came flooding to my mind this morning, as I was making coffee, and the song "It had to be You" came on the radio. I listened to the song, just wondering why real life isn't as easy when I remembered having heard this story from my aunt once.
Some would say this is because the two souls are just drawn to each other. Makes sense.
I've touched on this topic once or twice in the past, and admitted at the time, that there really wasn't anyone who I've ever had that issue with.
Movies make it look so easy. They always set up the characters to be in the same store a few feet away, standing waiting for the same bus, have them end up with the same circle of co-workers at the same dinner.
If only real life were that simple.
Well, for one of my cousin's best friends, it was. She kept finding herself because of her teenaged son, at school sporting events and team fundraisers bumping into this one guy. He was a newly divorced dad who even though his son had just graduated the year before, he still volunteered for the high school. They've been together now three years.
When I hear of stories like this, I'm in awe. I'm also hit with a small pang of sorrow. A lot of the "how we met" stories I've heard from people over the years, and yes I always ask how people met, are simpler. Usually one likes the other more and eventually wears them down.
All this came flooding to my mind this morning, as I was making coffee, and the song "It had to be You" came on the radio. I listened to the song, just wondering why real life isn't as easy when I remembered having heard this story from my aunt once.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Post-it Again man
Just sitting here right now Mr. Scratchy, having a coffee taking a bit of a break from the novel. I just finished writing this long scene, and when I re-read it, realized I had given this big dramatic plot twist to my lead character, that I'd more then just hinted at earlier in the story, like three chapters before.
I'm going in circles which means it's time to take a few days break from the novel. Just a few. Two maybe.
I can't seem to find my wrestler. Laugh, it's funny considering. I'll wait. Let me rephrase that, I seem to have lost what I did with my DVD of the movie The Wrestler. But just between you and me Herman, I can't seem to find my wrestler either. I'm starting to think that you're hiding in the shadows beyond the graveyard just out of reach of the duck pond. Yeah, like I said, I need to take a few days off of writing. Brain totally mushy.
Why wrestling? Why Mr. Scratchy, do you think we were both drawn to wrestling? Odd isn't it? Well, I know why I was drawn to it, but what is it that makes wrestlers want to get knocked about all day long? What makes the lot of you want to be okay with the fact that you spend your life being grabbed by other wrestlers, falling down all day, having to spend time laying on your back on a dirty mat that has been sweat on, spit on, snot on, bled on?
I have to imagine you all have a high tolerance for physicality, given the fact you are being grabbed at all day by the other wrestlers, then the fans grab at you whenever they get a chance at ringside and at autograph signings.
These are the strange things that float through my mind every so often. But I don't think anything I say could ever shock you. I mean man, look at the industry you're part of.
Alright Mr. Scratchy, Herman... when the rest of the lights go out, may your spotlight never waver.
I'm going in circles which means it's time to take a few days break from the novel. Just a few. Two maybe.
I can't seem to find my wrestler. Laugh, it's funny considering. I'll wait. Let me rephrase that, I seem to have lost what I did with my DVD of the movie The Wrestler. But just between you and me Herman, I can't seem to find my wrestler either. I'm starting to think that you're hiding in the shadows beyond the graveyard just out of reach of the duck pond. Yeah, like I said, I need to take a few days off of writing. Brain totally mushy.
Why wrestling? Why Mr. Scratchy, do you think we were both drawn to wrestling? Odd isn't it? Well, I know why I was drawn to it, but what is it that makes wrestlers want to get knocked about all day long? What makes the lot of you want to be okay with the fact that you spend your life being grabbed by other wrestlers, falling down all day, having to spend time laying on your back on a dirty mat that has been sweat on, spit on, snot on, bled on?
I have to imagine you all have a high tolerance for physicality, given the fact you are being grabbed at all day by the other wrestlers, then the fans grab at you whenever they get a chance at ringside and at autograph signings.
These are the strange things that float through my mind every so often. But I don't think anything I say could ever shock you. I mean man, look at the industry you're part of.
Alright Mr. Scratchy, Herman... when the rest of the lights go out, may your spotlight never waver.
The big escape
Doorbell rang, and when I went to see who it was, it was a middle aged woman with dark hair. She rang the wrong doorbell, she was looking for PartyGirl.
I let her into the building, and came back upstairs to my apartment. Then few minutes later, I heard people going up and down the stairs dragging stuff. This went on for about fifteen minutes.
Then, the sound of someone angry running down the stairs, the front door of the building having slammed, and screaming.
PartyGirl's husband had come home from work. He'd come home to find out she was leaving.
I think we're all thinking by now, good for her.
Only, he wasn't going to let her go. The fight they had, was the worst in months. And it happened in the stair well. I heard the guy across the hall open his door to see what was going on, and the husband turned on him, shoving him into the door.
I hid. I stood frozen in my hallway just behind my locked door. This is not a man I want to be seen by. Trust me.
When we hear about abusive situations, it's so easy for us on the outside of it to keep saying, "why do they stay with them then? Why not just leave?" After hearing the fights, the whole situation, just hearing it for the last few months, I understand why a lot don't get out.
They just can't. The abuser is just too much, too violent, too controlling. Too god damned scary!
I let her into the building, and came back upstairs to my apartment. Then few minutes later, I heard people going up and down the stairs dragging stuff. This went on for about fifteen minutes.
Then, the sound of someone angry running down the stairs, the front door of the building having slammed, and screaming.
PartyGirl's husband had come home from work. He'd come home to find out she was leaving.
I think we're all thinking by now, good for her.
Only, he wasn't going to let her go. The fight they had, was the worst in months. And it happened in the stair well. I heard the guy across the hall open his door to see what was going on, and the husband turned on him, shoving him into the door.
I hid. I stood frozen in my hallway just behind my locked door. This is not a man I want to be seen by. Trust me.
When we hear about abusive situations, it's so easy for us on the outside of it to keep saying, "why do they stay with them then? Why not just leave?" After hearing the fights, the whole situation, just hearing it for the last few months, I understand why a lot don't get out.
They just can't. The abuser is just too much, too violent, too controlling. Too god damned scary!
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Cursed-id-ed
My sister dropped off some groceries for me. I suppose mom told her to because of the weather we've had again last two days.
Sister-:"So what's this I hear about some pizza guy? Johnny?"
Me-:"You been talking to Walsh?"
Sister-:"He was at the mall yesterday when I was picking up the kids. He said to ask you if he'd won yet, and then mentioned someone named Johnny."
Me-:"No, no one's won the bet yet"
Sister-:"What bet?"
Me-:"There is this one delivery dude that Walsh seems to think likes me. He's cousin's with ----- from high school. He bet me that Johnathan was going to ask me out."
Sister-:"Johnny, Johnathan, Jon-Jon, Jonnycakes, whatever. So he asked you out?"
Me-:"No. Haven't seen him since the day of the bet. But Walsh bumped into him, and you know what, it's retarded."
Sister-:"What is it with you and Johnnys? That's what, four guys with that name?"
Me-:"I'm cursed-id-ed. Put me in a room with 50 guys, I'll end up talking to the only Johnathan there."
Sister-:"Cursed-id-ed? Where is that from?"
Me-:"The Pest."
My sister broke out laughing cause the actor is wait for it... John Leguizamo. But yeah, I've had a couple of Johnathans in my past, not to mention some of my favourite actors are Johnny Lee Miller and of course Johnny Depp. I also have a soft spot for the character Johnathan Harker in Dracula. And the big reveal at the end of season six of SATC after not knowing what Mr. Big's name is throughout the series, the last scene is Carrie looking at her cell phone id to find it saying simply Jon. (thought I'd just throw that piece of information out there given I like to compare myself to the Carrie character)
Sister-:"Is he cute?"
Me-:"Yeah. Connie is head over heels for him. She'd probably stand a better chance with him."
Sister-:"Oh god really?" she was rolling her eyes at me making faces. "You know what your problem is? You keep looking for guys who are Hunter S. Thompson types. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas wannabes. And when you find them you go full tilt, but they cheat on you, lie to you, and are just bar stars. When you realize that what you thought was a really funny sense of humour is just some f***wit drunk, it's too late. They've already cheated, they've already hurt you. You keep searching for a guy who doesn't really exist. And you know why I think it is? You, you need to admit that the big love of your life as you put it, your big soulmate, you had back twenty years ago. Yeah, that's right I'm saying it. Mr.B, Mr.B. was your real big love..." she moved her arms gesturing towards the stairs. "...and you screwed it up. You were the one who had the tantrum and walked out. The one guy who was worthy of you, and you walked out. And ever since then, you let yourself be cheated on, belittled, lied to. I'm not saying ----- didn't hurt you, he was a scumbag, but I'm saying, he's not even the root of your problem. I know you think of him as your big love, and yeah I can relate, but come on admit it for once, the one guy who was perfect for you, you screwed it up."
Me-:"You done?"
Sister-:"No." she was pointing at me, her face red. "God. Why can't you just be happy? If the guy asks you out, then go out with him! Who cares if he's ------ cousin? You whine and complain that no one likes you and when someone does, you screw it up. What are you Stupid?"
Me-:"He's too young. He's like seventeen years younger then I am. That's a bit much."
My sister let out a deep breath, closed her eyes and started to fix her hair. "Well you didn't say that! Okay, yeah that's a bit much even for you, but come on! Get your head out of your arse and realize what your real problem is! You are afraid to be in a relationship. They're uncomfortable at times, messy and never going to make you happy unless you let it just happen. Stop trying to control everything. Damn it! God. You and your f***ing Gonzo shit. You're gonzo. Okay that's it I'm done talking to you, when you're ready to grow up I'll talk to you then. Not every relationship is going to be the way you want it to."
Me-:"Wow! Okay, do I dare ask what brought that on?"
Sister-:"No. Stupidhead." then she started to laugh and her mood changed again, calmed down some as she left.
Whenever she's angry about work, or the kids, or her man, she gets moody. And moody equals screaming at me like an angry buffalo.
Sister-:"So what's this I hear about some pizza guy? Johnny?"
Me-:"You been talking to Walsh?"
Sister-:"He was at the mall yesterday when I was picking up the kids. He said to ask you if he'd won yet, and then mentioned someone named Johnny."
Me-:"No, no one's won the bet yet"
Sister-:"What bet?"
Me-:"There is this one delivery dude that Walsh seems to think likes me. He's cousin's with ----- from high school. He bet me that Johnathan was going to ask me out."
Sister-:"Johnny, Johnathan, Jon-Jon, Jonnycakes, whatever. So he asked you out?"
Me-:"No. Haven't seen him since the day of the bet. But Walsh bumped into him, and you know what, it's retarded."
Sister-:"What is it with you and Johnnys? That's what, four guys with that name?"
Me-:"I'm cursed-id-ed. Put me in a room with 50 guys, I'll end up talking to the only Johnathan there."
Sister-:"Cursed-id-ed? Where is that from?"
Me-:"The Pest."
My sister broke out laughing cause the actor is wait for it... John Leguizamo. But yeah, I've had a couple of Johnathans in my past, not to mention some of my favourite actors are Johnny Lee Miller and of course Johnny Depp. I also have a soft spot for the character Johnathan Harker in Dracula. And the big reveal at the end of season six of SATC after not knowing what Mr. Big's name is throughout the series, the last scene is Carrie looking at her cell phone id to find it saying simply Jon. (thought I'd just throw that piece of information out there given I like to compare myself to the Carrie character)
Sister-:"Is he cute?"
Me-:"Yeah. Connie is head over heels for him. She'd probably stand a better chance with him."
Sister-:"Oh god really?" she was rolling her eyes at me making faces. "You know what your problem is? You keep looking for guys who are Hunter S. Thompson types. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas wannabes. And when you find them you go full tilt, but they cheat on you, lie to you, and are just bar stars. When you realize that what you thought was a really funny sense of humour is just some f***wit drunk, it's too late. They've already cheated, they've already hurt you. You keep searching for a guy who doesn't really exist. And you know why I think it is? You, you need to admit that the big love of your life as you put it, your big soulmate, you had back twenty years ago. Yeah, that's right I'm saying it. Mr.B, Mr.B. was your real big love..." she moved her arms gesturing towards the stairs. "...and you screwed it up. You were the one who had the tantrum and walked out. The one guy who was worthy of you, and you walked out. And ever since then, you let yourself be cheated on, belittled, lied to. I'm not saying ----- didn't hurt you, he was a scumbag, but I'm saying, he's not even the root of your problem. I know you think of him as your big love, and yeah I can relate, but come on admit it for once, the one guy who was perfect for you, you screwed it up."
Me-:"You done?"
Sister-:"No." she was pointing at me, her face red. "God. Why can't you just be happy? If the guy asks you out, then go out with him! Who cares if he's ------ cousin? You whine and complain that no one likes you and when someone does, you screw it up. What are you Stupid?"
Me-:"He's too young. He's like seventeen years younger then I am. That's a bit much."
My sister let out a deep breath, closed her eyes and started to fix her hair. "Well you didn't say that! Okay, yeah that's a bit much even for you, but come on! Get your head out of your arse and realize what your real problem is! You are afraid to be in a relationship. They're uncomfortable at times, messy and never going to make you happy unless you let it just happen. Stop trying to control everything. Damn it! God. You and your f***ing Gonzo shit. You're gonzo. Okay that's it I'm done talking to you, when you're ready to grow up I'll talk to you then. Not every relationship is going to be the way you want it to."
Me-:"Wow! Okay, do I dare ask what brought that on?"
Sister-:"No. Stupidhead." then she started to laugh and her mood changed again, calmed down some as she left.
Whenever she's angry about work, or the kids, or her man, she gets moody. And moody equals screaming at me like an angry buffalo.
Another morning post-it
Herman, I thought I would write you this morning. Figured you might read me while having your eggs and cereal this morning. I have no idea why, just do.
I spent a nice part of yesterday watching a few dvds from Company #4, old Trent Acid matches. It just seemed like the way to spend the afternoon, given it snowed once again here. All wet half snow half freezing rain.
I want to ask you how you're shoulder is? I have no idea where that thought came from either. It just popped into my head as I was writing just now.
Well Herman, Mr. Scratchy, I'll leave you to your day. I hope where you are it's a nice spring afternoon.
I spent a nice part of yesterday watching a few dvds from Company #4, old Trent Acid matches. It just seemed like the way to spend the afternoon, given it snowed once again here. All wet half snow half freezing rain.
I want to ask you how you're shoulder is? I have no idea where that thought came from either. It just popped into my head as I was writing just now.
Well Herman, Mr. Scratchy, I'll leave you to your day. I hope where you are it's a nice spring afternoon.
Monday, April 15, 2013
Shoulda, Coulda, eh?
"I have no idea what people want from me?" I had decided to ask Cheryl what she thought about the tarot offer.
Cheryl-:"Do it. You've said you have been stuck inside for most of the year with your knee. This might be a good thing for you. Meet new people, find a man."
Me-:"Haven't we had this conversation? Dating isn't really in the cards for me right now."
Cheryl-:"Dating should always be in the cards. You're too young to pack it in and give up."
I told her about having bumped into Tarot Lady and her psychic friend yesterday, and what she told me about being bound by a love spell. Then she made a comment that floored me. She said, what if what the psychic saw wasn't just a hex or something from someone else, what if it was because of my own doing?
I asked her to explain, and her point of view was, what if because I said I wouldn't date again until the right guy came into my life, I accidentally bound myself?
Cheryl-:"You said you would not date until the right man came into your life. He needs to come into your life. Not necessarily as a boyfriend even, but he has to be in your life. Until he does, you're screwed."
Well that made me feel so damned stupid. I of all people know that you have to be very careful how you word things when you say them out loud, or even when writing them down. Specially when you're emotional when you do.
This made perfect sense to me. I think I might have unintentionally bound myself. But with that said, it doesn't change the fact that I'm looking for the right guy. Which just puts me right back where I started. Waiting for Mr. Scratchy to step out of the shadows.
Cheryl is sort of a new-age person, but I am not sure how she feels about omens, soulmates and such, so I held off telling her about the whole Mr. Scratchy thing.
Cheryl-:"Why are you so worried about what people want from you?"
Me-:"Cause I need to know what I have to offer. I need to know where I'm needed. If I'm needed."
Cheryl-:"Wanting something is different from needing something. I think you should take a few days, do some soul searching, and maybe just shut out the world. Take like two days and just unplug. You have more to offer people then you're giving yourself credit for. And when you see that about yourself, Mr. Right will just appear as if by magick."
Cheryl-:"Do it. You've said you have been stuck inside for most of the year with your knee. This might be a good thing for you. Meet new people, find a man."
Me-:"Haven't we had this conversation? Dating isn't really in the cards for me right now."
Cheryl-:"Dating should always be in the cards. You're too young to pack it in and give up."
I told her about having bumped into Tarot Lady and her psychic friend yesterday, and what she told me about being bound by a love spell. Then she made a comment that floored me. She said, what if what the psychic saw wasn't just a hex or something from someone else, what if it was because of my own doing?
I asked her to explain, and her point of view was, what if because I said I wouldn't date again until the right guy came into my life, I accidentally bound myself?
Cheryl-:"You said you would not date until the right man came into your life. He needs to come into your life. Not necessarily as a boyfriend even, but he has to be in your life. Until he does, you're screwed."
Well that made me feel so damned stupid. I of all people know that you have to be very careful how you word things when you say them out loud, or even when writing them down. Specially when you're emotional when you do.
This made perfect sense to me. I think I might have unintentionally bound myself. But with that said, it doesn't change the fact that I'm looking for the right guy. Which just puts me right back where I started. Waiting for Mr. Scratchy to step out of the shadows.
Cheryl is sort of a new-age person, but I am not sure how she feels about omens, soulmates and such, so I held off telling her about the whole Mr. Scratchy thing.
Cheryl-:"Why are you so worried about what people want from you?"
Me-:"Cause I need to know what I have to offer. I need to know where I'm needed. If I'm needed."
Cheryl-:"Wanting something is different from needing something. I think you should take a few days, do some soul searching, and maybe just shut out the world. Take like two days and just unplug. You have more to offer people then you're giving yourself credit for. And when you see that about yourself, Mr. Right will just appear as if by magick."
Tarot Lady
Last week the night of the mega pay-per-view, I had gotten a call from the Tarot Lady. One of the ladies who lives in my mother's building, and the one who I bumped into yesterday with her friend, the psychic.
Well, she just called me again, and had put me on the list for doing readings in the fall for the local fair. I'm not sure I should be doing readings. I've only done them in the past for friends, never professionally. When I told Tarot Lady this, she blew it off saying everyone has to start somewhere. Then suggested I get together next week with herself and one of the other readers on the team.
Sort of an audition.
I'm torn on this. I've been reading tarots for 25 years, but never studied them the way some people have. Reading tarots is like learning to be a master chef. Some people have it, and some people no matter how much they try need to pack their knives and get out of the kitchen.
And you know what the biggest question people have when they go to get a reading done... tell me about my love life.
Talk about the blind leading the blind on this one.
Well, she just called me again, and had put me on the list for doing readings in the fall for the local fair. I'm not sure I should be doing readings. I've only done them in the past for friends, never professionally. When I told Tarot Lady this, she blew it off saying everyone has to start somewhere. Then suggested I get together next week with herself and one of the other readers on the team.
Sort of an audition.
I'm torn on this. I've been reading tarots for 25 years, but never studied them the way some people have. Reading tarots is like learning to be a master chef. Some people have it, and some people no matter how much they try need to pack their knives and get out of the kitchen.
And you know what the biggest question people have when they go to get a reading done... tell me about my love life.
Talk about the blind leading the blind on this one.
I remember you
I got a phone call from one of my cousins on the East Coast whom I haven't even seen in 20 years. They had gotten my number from our great-aunt , and were calling to say that they were coming to town this summer, wanted to know what kind of stuff there is to do here.
And they called me?
I told them there is an art gallery, concerts on the waterfront, but beyond that, I have no idea. Told them they'd be better off calling my sister or something, she's up on everything. They said they figured cause I was closer to their age, I would know what kind of stuff would be suitable.
Let me translate that for you, in my family being closer in age means that you're over 25. No one in my family ever bothers to do the actual math or anything.
I pointed out that my sister is in her 30's, as is Walsh and a few of our other cousins. Any of them would be a better tour guide then me.
They're answer, but I'm the one they met back in 1992, I'm the one they remember hanging around with last time I was there on the East Coast.
Yay me.
There must be some sort of cosmic spring cleaning or something going on, because people from my past seem to be popping up like weeds lately.
And they called me?
I told them there is an art gallery, concerts on the waterfront, but beyond that, I have no idea. Told them they'd be better off calling my sister or something, she's up on everything. They said they figured cause I was closer to their age, I would know what kind of stuff would be suitable.
Let me translate that for you, in my family being closer in age means that you're over 25. No one in my family ever bothers to do the actual math or anything.
I pointed out that my sister is in her 30's, as is Walsh and a few of our other cousins. Any of them would be a better tour guide then me.
They're answer, but I'm the one they met back in 1992, I'm the one they remember hanging around with last time I was there on the East Coast.
Yay me.
There must be some sort of cosmic spring cleaning or something going on, because people from my past seem to be popping up like weeds lately.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
No more I love yous
I have the Doors on the stereo, have a coffee beside me, and just spent the last hour writing the first I love you scene in the novel.
Most likely the three scariest words anyone could ever utter. Yet, the words every one secretly longs to hear.
The one time in my life I got close to saying I love you, I lost the guy. He disappeared into the abyss of nothingness never to be heard from again. And I didn't actually say I love you, I said "I think I could be falling in love with you". Okay, same meaning just a longer sentence. I suppose I thought at the time that it was a safer way to express it, but I was wrong.
What is it that makes some people loose lipped with the phrase, and others may never let the words escape from their lips?
Why does that one tiny sentence hold all the power in the universe?
Most likely the three scariest words anyone could ever utter. Yet, the words every one secretly longs to hear.
The one time in my life I got close to saying I love you, I lost the guy. He disappeared into the abyss of nothingness never to be heard from again. And I didn't actually say I love you, I said "I think I could be falling in love with you". Okay, same meaning just a longer sentence. I suppose I thought at the time that it was a safer way to express it, but I was wrong.
What is it that makes some people loose lipped with the phrase, and others may never let the words escape from their lips?
Why does that one tiny sentence hold all the power in the universe?
Bound
"You realize that you've been bound?" I literally looked at myself thinking there was something hanging off me like a string or something. "No, your aura. You've been bound. There are lines going through your aura like someone wrapped wire around you. It's doubled at your heart chakra."
This was a friend of one of the ladies who lives at my mother's apartment building. I bumped into them when I went for a short walk. I say short because I only got as far as the end of the street before bumping into them. They were waiting at the bus stop.
Lady-:"You're divorced yes?" she stood on her tip toes like she was searching something over my head.
Me-:"No. Never been married."
This seemed to confuse her, and she put her hands out around me like a Reiki session and I could feel the heat coming off her palms even though they were not touching me.
Lady-:"It's almost like someone has put a binding spell on you, to keep you from finding love. That kind of thing usually only happens when there is a really bad divorce, jealous lover. Did you just break up with someone recently? Like in the last month?"
I shook my head looking over at the lady from mom's building, but she just stood there smiling.
Me-:"No. Haven't been with anyone in over two years."
You would have thought that I'd just slap her with a dead cat, the look on her face.
Lady-:"Well, this has all the signs of a binding spell. Like I said, jealous lover. And it feels fresh. It's bright really bright, like an angry red spotlight."
The bus came then and they got on, and since I had been standing there so long, my knee was starting to feel like it was going to give out on me, so I turned around and came back home.
Over the years, I've had Reiki sessions done, and not once have I ever had someone tell me that a jealous lover has bound me. That's a new crimp in the weave. So now, as I sit here I'm wondering who? Honestly, I can't think of anyone who would have been that upset with me romantically. Just doesn't make any sense.
This was a friend of one of the ladies who lives at my mother's apartment building. I bumped into them when I went for a short walk. I say short because I only got as far as the end of the street before bumping into them. They were waiting at the bus stop.
Lady-:"You're divorced yes?" she stood on her tip toes like she was searching something over my head.
Me-:"No. Never been married."
This seemed to confuse her, and she put her hands out around me like a Reiki session and I could feel the heat coming off her palms even though they were not touching me.
Lady-:"It's almost like someone has put a binding spell on you, to keep you from finding love. That kind of thing usually only happens when there is a really bad divorce, jealous lover. Did you just break up with someone recently? Like in the last month?"
I shook my head looking over at the lady from mom's building, but she just stood there smiling.
Me-:"No. Haven't been with anyone in over two years."
You would have thought that I'd just slap her with a dead cat, the look on her face.
Lady-:"Well, this has all the signs of a binding spell. Like I said, jealous lover. And it feels fresh. It's bright really bright, like an angry red spotlight."
The bus came then and they got on, and since I had been standing there so long, my knee was starting to feel like it was going to give out on me, so I turned around and came back home.
Over the years, I've had Reiki sessions done, and not once have I ever had someone tell me that a jealous lover has bound me. That's a new crimp in the weave. So now, as I sit here I'm wondering who? Honestly, I can't think of anyone who would have been that upset with me romantically. Just doesn't make any sense.
Morning Post-it
Coffee people are funny.
On that one social site I hang out on, there is a thread for fans of coffee. Some of the things, Mr. Scratchy, that they write in there about waking up and getting to the coffeemaker is priceless.
I added a character to the novel based on Dimmer. Might be a bad idea. Maybe I'll make him the "Stanford" of the story? Already have one love triangle, another would be overkill. Everyone should have a Stanford in their life. (the main gay man in SATC) I think my life was more fun when I had a Standford in it. It was crazier that's for sure. More girl talk ironically.
I'm starting to miss people from my past. Which is bad given my past sucked. I suppose Herman, given the industry you're in, you aren't given the chance to miss anyone? I can only imagine what that is like, being surrounded by hundreds of people on a daily basis.
Millions of people knowing your face, half of that trying to get into your pants, with even less then that being sincere about wanting you and not just the status you bring.
Must be cold.
So while I go make another cup of coffee, and decide on that Dimmer situation, I will wish you a lovely Sunday.
On that one social site I hang out on, there is a thread for fans of coffee. Some of the things, Mr. Scratchy, that they write in there about waking up and getting to the coffeemaker is priceless.
I added a character to the novel based on Dimmer. Might be a bad idea. Maybe I'll make him the "Stanford" of the story? Already have one love triangle, another would be overkill. Everyone should have a Stanford in their life. (the main gay man in SATC) I think my life was more fun when I had a Standford in it. It was crazier that's for sure. More girl talk ironically.
I'm starting to miss people from my past. Which is bad given my past sucked. I suppose Herman, given the industry you're in, you aren't given the chance to miss anyone? I can only imagine what that is like, being surrounded by hundreds of people on a daily basis.
Millions of people knowing your face, half of that trying to get into your pants, with even less then that being sincere about wanting you and not just the status you bring.
Must be cold.
So while I go make another cup of coffee, and decide on that Dimmer situation, I will wish you a lovely Sunday.
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Post-It note April 13th
Mr. Scratchy, Herman, how is your evening going?
Have you been scratching the right side of your body in the last few days? Just thought I'd check. Cause, if you have that means you're someone I've been thinking about, which means you're someone I've based a new character on in the novel. Which narrows you down to one of four.
I imagine you reading this tonight, bored. Yes, I think tonight you might have had a night or two off, and are reading this cause you just don't have anything else going on tonight. I could be wrong, maybe you're taking cooking lessons, maybe you're cleaning out your DVR, maybe you're working on that painting I think you've been working on for the last year?
But my gut says you're bored tonight.
I think you're sitting there in a new pair of jeans, new shirt, a navy coloured one, waiting for one of your buddies to call you.
Okay, I've got nothing else for tonight.
Have you been scratching the right side of your body in the last few days? Just thought I'd check. Cause, if you have that means you're someone I've been thinking about, which means you're someone I've based a new character on in the novel. Which narrows you down to one of four.
I imagine you reading this tonight, bored. Yes, I think tonight you might have had a night or two off, and are reading this cause you just don't have anything else going on tonight. I could be wrong, maybe you're taking cooking lessons, maybe you're cleaning out your DVR, maybe you're working on that painting I think you've been working on for the last year?
But my gut says you're bored tonight.
I think you're sitting there in a new pair of jeans, new shirt, a navy coloured one, waiting for one of your buddies to call you.
Okay, I've got nothing else for tonight.
A real date you know continued
I had left a message for Cheryl to let me know how things had gone with her date with her real life Berger. When she finally got back to me, she didn't seem too happy.
Cheryl-:"Well he was late meeting me. Things seemed to be going okay after that, we had a few drinks, talked about work, talked about random stuff, he mentioned that he is going camping at the end of the month."
Me-:"Is that good or bad? The camping thing?"
Cheryl-:"He didn't ask me if that's what you're asking. We ended up back at my place, and you know he just didn't shut up. At all. I know we complain when guys don't talk to us, but this was just ridiculous."
Me-:"So it was a bad date then?"
Cheryl-:"Yeah. Even the sex was bad."
Me-:"How bad?"
Cheryl-:"He talked the whole time. I gave him a blow job and he was talking through it."
Me-:"Well that happens."
Cheryl-:"No I mean it wasn't sex talk, it was just him continuing the conversation."
I was laughing at this point. "Well, maybe he was just nervous or something? Or...something? Are you going to bother seeing him again?"
Cheryl-:"I have no idea what I'm going to do."
Cheryl-:"Well he was late meeting me. Things seemed to be going okay after that, we had a few drinks, talked about work, talked about random stuff, he mentioned that he is going camping at the end of the month."
Me-:"Is that good or bad? The camping thing?"
Cheryl-:"He didn't ask me if that's what you're asking. We ended up back at my place, and you know he just didn't shut up. At all. I know we complain when guys don't talk to us, but this was just ridiculous."
Me-:"So it was a bad date then?"
Cheryl-:"Yeah. Even the sex was bad."
Me-:"How bad?"
Cheryl-:"He talked the whole time. I gave him a blow job and he was talking through it."
Me-:"Well that happens."
Cheryl-:"No I mean it wasn't sex talk, it was just him continuing the conversation."
I was laughing at this point. "Well, maybe he was just nervous or something? Or...something? Are you going to bother seeing him again?"
Cheryl-:"I have no idea what I'm going to do."
Friday, April 12, 2013
Cute spells trouble
"He's too cute for words." I was laughing as I chatted with one of the girls, the other wrestling fan, from the book site fan group.
Jody-:"Dimmer? You think that Dimmer is cute? He's a moron."
Me-:"That's what makes him cute. Character cute, not... well yeah nice to look at too."
Jody-:"Eeww. He's all blah and short. They should get rid of him. He does nothing."
Me-:"Have you watched those comedy duo promos he does? If they are improv, then he's better then we think."
Jody-:"Waste of space. I just can't believe you think he's cute."
I hate to admit it, but the dude is adorable. I like crazy-funny guys. Looks fade, humour does not. This is a bad thing because of the novel. I can't afford to pay any more attention to Dimmer till after the first draft of the Mad Hatter based novel is done.
I would like to know one thing though, why in half the promos I've seen him do, is he eating gooy food? Like soft runny semi-liquid foods?
Jody-:"Dimmer? You think that Dimmer is cute? He's a moron."
Me-:"That's what makes him cute. Character cute, not... well yeah nice to look at too."
Jody-:"Eeww. He's all blah and short. They should get rid of him. He does nothing."
Me-:"Have you watched those comedy duo promos he does? If they are improv, then he's better then we think."
Jody-:"Waste of space. I just can't believe you think he's cute."
I hate to admit it, but the dude is adorable. I like crazy-funny guys. Looks fade, humour does not. This is a bad thing because of the novel. I can't afford to pay any more attention to Dimmer till after the first draft of the Mad Hatter based novel is done.
I would like to know one thing though, why in half the promos I've seen him do, is he eating gooy food? Like soft runny semi-liquid foods?
Pizza Dude 3
My doorbell rang half hour ago, shocking me as I wasn't expecting anyone. Answering it, I saw it was Walsh.
Me-:"Something wrong? Why are you here in the middle of the day? Someone in the hospital?"
Walsh-:"Oh my god, relax. No, I'm on my way back from dropping my kid off at the school, she had an eye doctor's appointment this morning. I thought I would just see what's up?" he had this grin on his face which always means trouble. Same grin our one other cousin used to have all the time before he'd smush mud or mashed potatoes or paint in my hair.
Me-:"Dare I ask?"
Walsh-:"So Connie was with us for a few hours last night, we took the kids to the movies and guess what we did afterwards?"
Me-:"Does it rhyme with pizza?"
He nodded laughing. "Yeah she begged until we went to the pizza place up the street here. Thinking she'd get a chance to see him." I waited for him to continue which he did after about the longest 30 seconds ever. "She saw him coming in between orders and jumped up to grab napkins which we didn't need, to stand next to him by the counter."
Me-:"Huh, that's right out of my old tricks. Yeah and?"
Walsh-:"I don't think he recognized her. But, as he was leaving, he spotted me and my wife."
Me-:"And he did recognize you didn't he?" Walsh nodded laughing. "What happened? Or do I really want to know?"
Walsh-:"Nothing. He just sort of stared at us then left to deliver his order."
Me-:"You came over to tell me this? You could have emailed or something. Left a comment on the blog even."
Walsh-"No I couldn't." he was still grinning like a cartoon character. "We were still there when he got back for his next order, and he came over to me asking how I was connected to you? When I said I was your cousin his face lit up like a christmas tree. See, I told you what he had thought last week."
Me-:"You're gross you know that."
He started to pick at a loose piece of wood that had broken off the door frame. "He's going to ask you I swear."
Me-:"I think you're getting way way way ahead of yourself there cupid. Besides, I'm too busy with my lead character right now to focus on anyone else."
Walsh-:"What?"
Me-:"I have to keep Mad Hatter in focus until I finish the first draft of the novel. The last one, took nearly a year. I don't want to be a full year again working on just the first draft. If I keep at it right now, I might just get this first draft wrapped up by middle of next month. Which means, no distractions."
Walsh-:"That makes no f***ing sense?"
Me-:"I start thinking about anyone else, start to form a crush on anyone else, I'll loose interest in Mad Hatter, which will cause me to loose interest in the character I've been writing and the story will fall apart. I can't think of any other guy, no other wrestlers, no guys in my real life till the first draft of the novel is done. After the first draft, well whatever free for all."
Walsh-:"If you say so." he looked at his watch. "Okay, I was suppose to be home ten minutes ago. But I'm going on record saying that all this will fly out the window cause that delivery guy will ask you out. Soon."
Me-:"Not if I don't order any pizza."
Me-:"Something wrong? Why are you here in the middle of the day? Someone in the hospital?"
Walsh-:"Oh my god, relax. No, I'm on my way back from dropping my kid off at the school, she had an eye doctor's appointment this morning. I thought I would just see what's up?" he had this grin on his face which always means trouble. Same grin our one other cousin used to have all the time before he'd smush mud or mashed potatoes or paint in my hair.
Me-:"Dare I ask?"
Walsh-:"So Connie was with us for a few hours last night, we took the kids to the movies and guess what we did afterwards?"
Me-:"Does it rhyme with pizza?"
He nodded laughing. "Yeah she begged until we went to the pizza place up the street here. Thinking she'd get a chance to see him." I waited for him to continue which he did after about the longest 30 seconds ever. "She saw him coming in between orders and jumped up to grab napkins which we didn't need, to stand next to him by the counter."
Me-:"Huh, that's right out of my old tricks. Yeah and?"
Walsh-:"I don't think he recognized her. But, as he was leaving, he spotted me and my wife."
Me-:"And he did recognize you didn't he?" Walsh nodded laughing. "What happened? Or do I really want to know?"
Walsh-:"Nothing. He just sort of stared at us then left to deliver his order."
Me-:"You came over to tell me this? You could have emailed or something. Left a comment on the blog even."
Walsh-"No I couldn't." he was still grinning like a cartoon character. "We were still there when he got back for his next order, and he came over to me asking how I was connected to you? When I said I was your cousin his face lit up like a christmas tree. See, I told you what he had thought last week."
Me-:"You're gross you know that."
He started to pick at a loose piece of wood that had broken off the door frame. "He's going to ask you I swear."
Me-:"I think you're getting way way way ahead of yourself there cupid. Besides, I'm too busy with my lead character right now to focus on anyone else."
Walsh-:"What?"
Me-:"I have to keep Mad Hatter in focus until I finish the first draft of the novel. The last one, took nearly a year. I don't want to be a full year again working on just the first draft. If I keep at it right now, I might just get this first draft wrapped up by middle of next month. Which means, no distractions."
Walsh-:"That makes no f***ing sense?"
Me-:"I start thinking about anyone else, start to form a crush on anyone else, I'll loose interest in Mad Hatter, which will cause me to loose interest in the character I've been writing and the story will fall apart. I can't think of any other guy, no other wrestlers, no guys in my real life till the first draft of the novel is done. After the first draft, well whatever free for all."
Walsh-:"If you say so." he looked at his watch. "Okay, I was suppose to be home ten minutes ago. But I'm going on record saying that all this will fly out the window cause that delivery guy will ask you out. Soon."
Me-:"Not if I don't order any pizza."
posting a post-it note
Herman, Mr. Scratchy... what ya doing? I just spent the last hour writing on the novel. Always leaves me happy when a couple of pages comes together.
Anyways, Mr.Scratchy, I imagine you are checking in tonight after getting in from the gym, or maybe having just taken your dog for a walk, cause I still think you have a dog. I also think you have a take-away bag with you from some burger place, that's maybe down the street from you.
And the weird part tonight, I think you were giving advice to that one dude in Company #1 who never seems to know what he's doing. That one geeky guy who does all those funny promos on the website...we'll call him Dimmer. Yeah, sometimes the cool names come easily and sometimes the not so cool names hit me first. Back to the point, I think you were giving Dimmer advice on the proper use of hair gel...
Old movie for you to check out if you haven't seen it already, Boxing Helena. You know, that movie staring Julian Sands from the mid 1990's. Brilliant film. Totally messes with your mind and makes you think about how far lust can really take you. I always liked this film, there is this vampiric tone to it.
But anyways, I can imagine you tonight sitting there reading this laughing out loud at me, again for my silly note, dressed in just your underwear. Which I think are dark blue for some reason. A beer beside you, and smiling despite yourself. You're just itching to chat with you're weird little vampire girl, aren't you Herman?
Shinny, let's go be bad guys. Dream of vampire movies and ...
Anyways, Mr.Scratchy, I imagine you are checking in tonight after getting in from the gym, or maybe having just taken your dog for a walk, cause I still think you have a dog. I also think you have a take-away bag with you from some burger place, that's maybe down the street from you.
And the weird part tonight, I think you were giving advice to that one dude in Company #1 who never seems to know what he's doing. That one geeky guy who does all those funny promos on the website...we'll call him Dimmer. Yeah, sometimes the cool names come easily and sometimes the not so cool names hit me first. Back to the point, I think you were giving Dimmer advice on the proper use of hair gel...
Old movie for you to check out if you haven't seen it already, Boxing Helena. You know, that movie staring Julian Sands from the mid 1990's. Brilliant film. Totally messes with your mind and makes you think about how far lust can really take you. I always liked this film, there is this vampiric tone to it.
But anyways, I can imagine you tonight sitting there reading this laughing out loud at me, again for my silly note, dressed in just your underwear. Which I think are dark blue for some reason. A beer beside you, and smiling despite yourself. You're just itching to chat with you're weird little vampire girl, aren't you Herman?
Shinny, let's go be bad guys. Dream of vampire movies and ...
Thursday, April 11, 2013
A real date you know
"I used to be 5 '8, then after my car accident my doctor told me I was actually 5 '6, because according to him, I lost some height with my back injury. I was measuring a wall for a picture frame, and I noticed that I'm taller then I've been told, I am still closer to the 5 '8 mark. Last few years I've been less then happy with myself, thinking I was shrinking or something because of my injuries, and turns out, I had no worries."
Cheryl-:"Sometimes I wonder if the doctors' even know what the hell they are talking about you know?" I was chatting a bit ago with Cheryl, one of the girls from the book site fan group, wanting to know how it went with her Berger? "We're going out tomorrow night. Should be interesting, as this will be the first real date we've had."
Me-:"And in your mind a real date is what? Dinner, a movie, what?"
Cheryl-:"Drinks."
Me-:"Hang on, didn't you say to me the other day that you two went for drinks after work? So how is this different?"
Cheryl-:"This is at night. That makes it an official date. God girl, when was the last time you were on a date?"
Me-:"You mean when the guy actually bothered to show up and not stand me up? Years."
Cheryl-:"When was the last time you were asked out? Stood up or not?"
Me-:"Same thing. I just haven't been dating. I got fed up after the last couple of guys, and swore I wouldn't date again until the right guy came along. You also forget, I spent last year, like the full year recovering from my knee injury. There are still things I'm having troubles with because of it."
Cheryl-:"So what happens if you never fully recover? Are you going to become a nun?"
Me-:"Christ I hope not. No pun intended."
I wasn't sure if I could explain to her that I'm just starting to be able to look in the mirror and see a full human again. That for the longest time all I saw when I looked at my reflection was the scars and broken body parts as just that, a series of parts. I have a 7 inch scar that runs from my thigh down the front of my leg over my knee and half way down my shin. Half of which is still not faded. The day I saw my reflection in the grocery store freezer and felt like Jabba the Hut, that was the first time since this injury I saw me as a complete person again. Okay, all I could focus on was the weight I'd gained during the last year,but still. Which, by the by, I've started to loose.
Cheryl-:"So what you're saying is that you've given up? You really shouldn't let this get you down, or in your way. I've seen plenty of people with far worse injuries then you have great relationships. People in wheelchairs, with amputations. You've still got a lot of years a head of you."
Me-:"Ironically, one of the physio therapists last summer told me the same sort of thing. Honestly, it really doesn't make me feel any better."
Cheryl-:"You have to start dating again. You are not going to meet the right guy sitting in your apartment. Or any guy for that matter."
I debated if I should mention Pizza Dude or not? I ended up telling her about the whole thing, how my cousin Walsh bet me Johnathan would ask me out. That was a mistake telling her. She just kept on telling me that, that was proof it's time to stop waiting and just jump in.
I don't know, as much as I want to find a new relationship, I think I've been alone too long. Safer to just stick to liking my wrestlers and ponder over Mr. Scratchy. At lest with crushing on famous guys, I can't get my heart broken. Right?
Cheryl-:"Sometimes I wonder if the doctors' even know what the hell they are talking about you know?" I was chatting a bit ago with Cheryl, one of the girls from the book site fan group, wanting to know how it went with her Berger? "We're going out tomorrow night. Should be interesting, as this will be the first real date we've had."
Me-:"And in your mind a real date is what? Dinner, a movie, what?"
Cheryl-:"Drinks."
Me-:"Hang on, didn't you say to me the other day that you two went for drinks after work? So how is this different?"
Cheryl-:"This is at night. That makes it an official date. God girl, when was the last time you were on a date?"
Me-:"You mean when the guy actually bothered to show up and not stand me up? Years."
Cheryl-:"When was the last time you were asked out? Stood up or not?"
Me-:"Same thing. I just haven't been dating. I got fed up after the last couple of guys, and swore I wouldn't date again until the right guy came along. You also forget, I spent last year, like the full year recovering from my knee injury. There are still things I'm having troubles with because of it."
Cheryl-:"So what happens if you never fully recover? Are you going to become a nun?"
Me-:"Christ I hope not. No pun intended."
I wasn't sure if I could explain to her that I'm just starting to be able to look in the mirror and see a full human again. That for the longest time all I saw when I looked at my reflection was the scars and broken body parts as just that, a series of parts. I have a 7 inch scar that runs from my thigh down the front of my leg over my knee and half way down my shin. Half of which is still not faded. The day I saw my reflection in the grocery store freezer and felt like Jabba the Hut, that was the first time since this injury I saw me as a complete person again. Okay, all I could focus on was the weight I'd gained during the last year,but still. Which, by the by, I've started to loose.
Cheryl-:"So what you're saying is that you've given up? You really shouldn't let this get you down, or in your way. I've seen plenty of people with far worse injuries then you have great relationships. People in wheelchairs, with amputations. You've still got a lot of years a head of you."
Me-:"Ironically, one of the physio therapists last summer told me the same sort of thing. Honestly, it really doesn't make me feel any better."
Cheryl-:"You have to start dating again. You are not going to meet the right guy sitting in your apartment. Or any guy for that matter."
I debated if I should mention Pizza Dude or not? I ended up telling her about the whole thing, how my cousin Walsh bet me Johnathan would ask me out. That was a mistake telling her. She just kept on telling me that, that was proof it's time to stop waiting and just jump in.
I don't know, as much as I want to find a new relationship, I think I've been alone too long. Safer to just stick to liking my wrestlers and ponder over Mr. Scratchy. At lest with crushing on famous guys, I can't get my heart broken. Right?
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
You know Paul
I needed coffee. Was totally out of coffee, so I went to the store. Ended up bumping into The Drama Queen, who I haven't seen in months since she stopped working at the grocery. She was wearing yet another new chunk of jewelery, diamond.
As she was showing off the latest gift her husband gave her, she stood there her mouth open, eyes wide then looked around to see who might be listening, and leaned in to tell me who she bumped into at the cinema on the weekend.
TDQ-:"You remember when we were in college, that guy you always hung out with."
I stood there looking like a confused rabbit for a few minutes because that could have been one of like 40 people.
Me-:"Which one?"
TDQ-:"You remember. The guy with the hair who always wore that leather jacket with army jacket under it." I had no idea who the hell she was going on about but just nodded. "He's just got divorced, and he asked about you. Well, we were talking and when I mentioned that you are I are still friends, he started to ask questions. I told him you were dating someone."
Me-:"I'm not dating anyone. Haven't been for a long time now." She slapped my arm laughing.
TDQ-:"Oh come on. Darling, you're going to tell me that you're not dating Paul?"
Me-:"What? I don't even know who the hell you're talking about. Either of them actually."
She leaned in with this smirk on her face, her hand up at her chin showing off the ring again.
TDQ-:"You know Paul. Paul!" I shook my head at her completely confused as to who she was talking about. "I was told you two were a couple. Storm told me the other week when he and I went for lunch. He said that you and Paul were hanging out here a lot." she pointed to the Starbucks in the back of the building.
Me-:"I have no idea who the hell you're talking about. And I'm not dating anyone." She grabbed me by the shoulder and pushed me to turn around and look at one of the stock boys. "Oh Zane's buddy."
TDQ-:"So you're really not dating him?"
Me-:"No, I'm really not dating him. Not dating anyone."
TDQ-:"Then why did Storm say to me that you were?"
I shrugged. "I have no idea.He's been weird with me the last few months."
TDQ-:"Cause, my husband was going to set you up with this one buddy of his from work, and when I mentioned it to Storm, he told me you were dating Paul."
Me-:"Huh. Interesting."
TDQ-:"Too late now, that guy is dating one of the girls from our church." she looked around behind her, spotting one of the other check out girls she used to hang out with and left to talk to them.
I took a few turns around the store looking for Storm but didn't find him. Which might be a good thing as I have no idea what I would have done if I had. Might have knocked the coffee container over his skull.
As she was showing off the latest gift her husband gave her, she stood there her mouth open, eyes wide then looked around to see who might be listening, and leaned in to tell me who she bumped into at the cinema on the weekend.
TDQ-:"You remember when we were in college, that guy you always hung out with."
I stood there looking like a confused rabbit for a few minutes because that could have been one of like 40 people.
Me-:"Which one?"
TDQ-:"You remember. The guy with the hair who always wore that leather jacket with army jacket under it." I had no idea who the hell she was going on about but just nodded. "He's just got divorced, and he asked about you. Well, we were talking and when I mentioned that you are I are still friends, he started to ask questions. I told him you were dating someone."
Me-:"I'm not dating anyone. Haven't been for a long time now." She slapped my arm laughing.
TDQ-:"Oh come on. Darling, you're going to tell me that you're not dating Paul?"
Me-:"What? I don't even know who the hell you're talking about. Either of them actually."
She leaned in with this smirk on her face, her hand up at her chin showing off the ring again.
TDQ-:"You know Paul. Paul!" I shook my head at her completely confused as to who she was talking about. "I was told you two were a couple. Storm told me the other week when he and I went for lunch. He said that you and Paul were hanging out here a lot." she pointed to the Starbucks in the back of the building.
Me-:"I have no idea who the hell you're talking about. And I'm not dating anyone." She grabbed me by the shoulder and pushed me to turn around and look at one of the stock boys. "Oh Zane's buddy."
TDQ-:"So you're really not dating him?"
Me-:"No, I'm really not dating him. Not dating anyone."
TDQ-:"Then why did Storm say to me that you were?"
I shrugged. "I have no idea.He's been weird with me the last few months."
TDQ-:"Cause, my husband was going to set you up with this one buddy of his from work, and when I mentioned it to Storm, he told me you were dating Paul."
Me-:"Huh. Interesting."
TDQ-:"Too late now, that guy is dating one of the girls from our church." she looked around behind her, spotting one of the other check out girls she used to hang out with and left to talk to them.
I took a few turns around the store looking for Storm but didn't find him. Which might be a good thing as I have no idea what I would have done if I had. Might have knocked the coffee container over his skull.
Afternoon weirdness
I finally got home. I was suppose to have been at mother's for a day. It turned into 5 days. Part because of the weather.
I was checking the mail as I walked up to the building, and some dude was going in circles a few feet away, in the tiny parking lot on a bike. Just peddling around and around and around. Then when he saw me, came over to the mailboxes and just sat there on the bike.
I have no idea who it was, never seen him before in my life. As I headed to the front door of the building, I saw him peddle around the building, and came through the back door with the bike. He ran up the stairs and into the apartment across the hall.
So, either he moved in in the 5 days I've been gone, or he's a guest of the neighbour across the hall. Ether way, it was sort of creepy him just sitting there staring at me as I got the mail.
I was checking the mail as I walked up to the building, and some dude was going in circles a few feet away, in the tiny parking lot on a bike. Just peddling around and around and around. Then when he saw me, came over to the mailboxes and just sat there on the bike.
I have no idea who it was, never seen him before in my life. As I headed to the front door of the building, I saw him peddle around the building, and came through the back door with the bike. He ran up the stairs and into the apartment across the hall.
So, either he moved in in the 5 days I've been gone, or he's a guest of the neighbour across the hall. Ether way, it was sort of creepy him just sitting there staring at me as I got the mail.
Morning coffee
"He's a Berger."
"What?"
I was chatting with a few of the girls from the book site again. Cheryl was telling me about this new guy she's been talking to at her work.
Cheryl-:"You know, like on SATC. He's a total Jack Berger. Looks like the actor who played him, only with blonde hair and fatter, has been working on a screenplay now forever, which I'm sure will suck but I'm not going to tell him that."
Ah, yes another person who has fallen under the spell of a spring time romance. Those can be nice, fresh full of promise. This got me thinking first of the show, then of the real life Berger that I had met few years ago, Sci-Fi Guy. He was/is a writer as well. Wonder if he ever finished his novel?
Me-:"So what's the damage?"
Cheryl-:"He's divorced and has moved back in with his dad while he looks for a new place to live."
Okay, this is more then just a familiar sounding thing. I've dated a few guys in the past who moved back in with their dads after a divorce/break-up/getting fired, and I always ended up being the band-aid. Like a softer version of the rebound.
I told Cheryl that too. Which of course, she didn't want to hear. I wouldn't want to hear it, hell I still don't want to hear it and I lived through it.
She had to go and get ready for work, while I decided to try to work on my own novel. Try being the keyword here. My mind just wasn't on it. I kept thinking about everyone lately that I've been chatting with, and how they are all either in a new relationship or thinking about getting into one with someone they are totally crushing on.
Then there is me. My current crush is a character based on a character played by a wrestler whom I've never met. Confusing isn't it? All this and I'm just having my first cup of coffee this morning. And of course, there is always Mr. Scratchy to think about.
"What?"
I was chatting with a few of the girls from the book site again. Cheryl was telling me about this new guy she's been talking to at her work.
Cheryl-:"You know, like on SATC. He's a total Jack Berger. Looks like the actor who played him, only with blonde hair and fatter, has been working on a screenplay now forever, which I'm sure will suck but I'm not going to tell him that."
Ah, yes another person who has fallen under the spell of a spring time romance. Those can be nice, fresh full of promise. This got me thinking first of the show, then of the real life Berger that I had met few years ago, Sci-Fi Guy. He was/is a writer as well. Wonder if he ever finished his novel?
Me-:"So what's the damage?"
Cheryl-:"He's divorced and has moved back in with his dad while he looks for a new place to live."
Okay, this is more then just a familiar sounding thing. I've dated a few guys in the past who moved back in with their dads after a divorce/break-up/getting fired, and I always ended up being the band-aid. Like a softer version of the rebound.
I told Cheryl that too. Which of course, she didn't want to hear. I wouldn't want to hear it, hell I still don't want to hear it and I lived through it.
She had to go and get ready for work, while I decided to try to work on my own novel. Try being the keyword here. My mind just wasn't on it. I kept thinking about everyone lately that I've been chatting with, and how they are all either in a new relationship or thinking about getting into one with someone they are totally crushing on.
Then there is me. My current crush is a character based on a character played by a wrestler whom I've never met. Confusing isn't it? All this and I'm just having my first cup of coffee this morning. And of course, there is always Mr. Scratchy to think about.
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Crush it
You ever have any of those "I told you so" moments when you find yourself either giving someone advice that others have given you, or when others throw you own advice back at you?
It's one of those moments.
The one girl from the other week who was talking about her crush, was talking about a new one. And the first words out of her mouth were "he's so out of my league".
Gee, where oh where have I heard that before? Oh right, myself about every guy I have ever liked. I found myself telling her what so many people have told me over the decades, "don't think that, thinking like that will make you hate yourself and you'll always have low self esteem. Remember at the end of the day, he's just a man."
Ironic, isn't it?
About a dozen others were throwing advice at her, all forgetting just how young she is. Then, we found out the guy is in his 30's. She's a teenager. I swear you could cut the silence with a butcher knife.
How on earth do you keep a teenager from doing just what they want when their hormones are all over the place? I'm not really sure you can. Top it all off, if the guy is a fixture in her life on a regular basis, how do you keep him from doing something?
We're talking about a crush that could end up with legal ramifications.
Having a crush can be the best and worst thing any woman can go through. (yes I know guys crush too) You have that rush of butterflies every time you talk to them, or when you know you're going to be around them, you think about them all the time, to the point you don't eat or sleep. And since they can go either way, expanding into something real or fading away into nothingness, that layer of the unknown adds to the thrill.
This situation is one of those serious double edged swords. You don't want to see someone get hurt physically, mentally or worse. But at the same time, you don't want to see them end up feeling like they are dirt and never going for what they want in life either.
I wish this topic had been a lighter one, as crushes should always be good for you. But, in this case, I see nothing good coming.
It's one of those moments.
The one girl from the other week who was talking about her crush, was talking about a new one. And the first words out of her mouth were "he's so out of my league".
Gee, where oh where have I heard that before? Oh right, myself about every guy I have ever liked. I found myself telling her what so many people have told me over the decades, "don't think that, thinking like that will make you hate yourself and you'll always have low self esteem. Remember at the end of the day, he's just a man."
Ironic, isn't it?
About a dozen others were throwing advice at her, all forgetting just how young she is. Then, we found out the guy is in his 30's. She's a teenager. I swear you could cut the silence with a butcher knife.
How on earth do you keep a teenager from doing just what they want when their hormones are all over the place? I'm not really sure you can. Top it all off, if the guy is a fixture in her life on a regular basis, how do you keep him from doing something?
We're talking about a crush that could end up with legal ramifications.
Having a crush can be the best and worst thing any woman can go through. (yes I know guys crush too) You have that rush of butterflies every time you talk to them, or when you know you're going to be around them, you think about them all the time, to the point you don't eat or sleep. And since they can go either way, expanding into something real or fading away into nothingness, that layer of the unknown adds to the thrill.
This situation is one of those serious double edged swords. You don't want to see someone get hurt physically, mentally or worse. But at the same time, you don't want to see them end up feeling like they are dirt and never going for what they want in life either.
I wish this topic had been a lighter one, as crushes should always be good for you. But, in this case, I see nothing good coming.
Tidbits afternoon
I decided to stick around mom's for an extra day, and was watching the replay of last night's wrestling, when I hear mom out of nowhere say "He's cute, why can't you find a guy like that." then laughed for about five minutes. She was referring to the Rebel Without a Cause.
Me-:"I'll get right on that. Pencil that in, find a carbon copy of the Rebel without a Cause, fit that on my to do list right between the dentist at the end of the month and having zombies eat my brains."
Mom-:"What ever happened to skunky? Never see him on the show anymore." she was meaning of course The Celebrity.
Me-:"That's because The Celebrity isn't in company #2 anymore. Not on tv here anymore."
Shall I mention here that since Walsh pointed it out, I have not been able to stop seeing the resemblance between them.
It wouldn't matter anyway if by some mystical magical way I did land a hot, talented, successful guy, he'd still be considered a lesser man by my family, compared to my brother in law. Have I mentioned the fact that my mom, my one aunt, two of my cousins and one of my uncles all think that my brother in law hangs the sun and moon? One of my cousin's wives gets all flirty and tries to be seductive whenever she's around him. Like she'd ever be able to steal him from my sister.
I have no idea why everyone seems to be so taken by him?
My family sucks.
Me-:"I'll get right on that. Pencil that in, find a carbon copy of the Rebel without a Cause, fit that on my to do list right between the dentist at the end of the month and having zombies eat my brains."
Mom-:"What ever happened to skunky? Never see him on the show anymore." she was meaning of course The Celebrity.
Me-:"That's because The Celebrity isn't in company #2 anymore. Not on tv here anymore."
Shall I mention here that since Walsh pointed it out, I have not been able to stop seeing the resemblance between them.
It wouldn't matter anyway if by some mystical magical way I did land a hot, talented, successful guy, he'd still be considered a lesser man by my family, compared to my brother in law. Have I mentioned the fact that my mom, my one aunt, two of my cousins and one of my uncles all think that my brother in law hangs the sun and moon? One of my cousin's wives gets all flirty and tries to be seductive whenever she's around him. Like she'd ever be able to steal him from my sister.
I have no idea why everyone seems to be so taken by him?
My family sucks.
Middle of the night
Mr. Scratchy. I wrote something on the wrestling stuff yesterday, and on the episode of the show tonight, I saw a bit of a storyline that fit with what I wrote. Since I don't believe in coincidence, I can only imagine that someone read what I had to say and thought it was a cool idea.
Was that you?
Anyways, I think you're checking in to this tonight, tired, drained, wanting nothing but a beer.
I don't know man, I'm trying to trust my instincts here, but my imagination keeps getting in the way. Like that episode of Farscape, where the lead character knows the truth of the situation but his fears keep messing with his mind and he just falls apart.
Now, that show's a classic love story in space.
I keep waiting for the comment, the hint, the inside joke that will clue me in as to who you are. Keep trying to think of something that you might decide to go with, but nothing seems right. I suppose I'll just get it when I'm meant to.
This guessing game has been going on for the last few years, and so far it seems myself and everyone else who's wondered with me, have been wrong. I guess that means that you really like the shadows.
Okay Herman, I hope the rest of your night or morning whenever you check in, is a good one. Dream of yellow flowers in the rain.
Was that you?
Anyways, I think you're checking in to this tonight, tired, drained, wanting nothing but a beer.
I don't know man, I'm trying to trust my instincts here, but my imagination keeps getting in the way. Like that episode of Farscape, where the lead character knows the truth of the situation but his fears keep messing with his mind and he just falls apart.
Now, that show's a classic love story in space.
I keep waiting for the comment, the hint, the inside joke that will clue me in as to who you are. Keep trying to think of something that you might decide to go with, but nothing seems right. I suppose I'll just get it when I'm meant to.
This guessing game has been going on for the last few years, and so far it seems myself and everyone else who's wondered with me, have been wrong. I guess that means that you really like the shadows.
Okay Herman, I hope the rest of your night or morning whenever you check in, is a good one. Dream of yellow flowers in the rain.
Monday, April 8, 2013
Post -it Notes Monday 8th
Mr. Scratchy, Herman.
I didn't end up making it home yet, as we got bad weather here today again. So I got nothing done today. Not a single project, less then a paragraph on the story. Totally blows.
So I thought I would make a cup of tea and write you a quick note.
Mr. Scratchy, Herman.
How has your day been? I'm thinking your day was totally glorious. I imagine you started your day with a run, or a few hours at the gym, then maybe caught up with your bird watching (yeah no idea what the hell I'm talking about today) while designing a new style of checker board... no I think you sculpted a giant chess piece. Out of paper mache. Just because you knew how.
I think that you're sitting there right now, reading me while you drink your coffee, your dog running around the room trying to get you to play fetch with it. Maybe you've just downloaded a new movie. Something classic like, Revenge of the Nerds. and plan on watching it before going to work.
But first I'm thinking you have to get to the cleaners before they close and pick up your laundry.
I am betting you're standing around right now in a pair of dirty jeans and hoodie, both faded and stretched out from over use. A big grin on your face from my ever silly notes.
Here's the thing Herman. There is a part of me that wants to scream at you to tell me who you are, and there is a part of me that is terrified to know. Makes me think of that old song by the group Jason Bonham Band Wait For You. (Time for a 80's heavy metal flashback) so how about a hint?
Well, I hope I put a really big grin on your face this evening Mr. Scratchy.
I didn't end up making it home yet, as we got bad weather here today again. So I got nothing done today. Not a single project, less then a paragraph on the story. Totally blows.
So I thought I would make a cup of tea and write you a quick note.
Mr. Scratchy, Herman.
How has your day been? I'm thinking your day was totally glorious. I imagine you started your day with a run, or a few hours at the gym, then maybe caught up with your bird watching (yeah no idea what the hell I'm talking about today) while designing a new style of checker board... no I think you sculpted a giant chess piece. Out of paper mache. Just because you knew how.
I think that you're sitting there right now, reading me while you drink your coffee, your dog running around the room trying to get you to play fetch with it. Maybe you've just downloaded a new movie. Something classic like, Revenge of the Nerds. and plan on watching it before going to work.
But first I'm thinking you have to get to the cleaners before they close and pick up your laundry.
I am betting you're standing around right now in a pair of dirty jeans and hoodie, both faded and stretched out from over use. A big grin on your face from my ever silly notes.
Here's the thing Herman. There is a part of me that wants to scream at you to tell me who you are, and there is a part of me that is terrified to know. Makes me think of that old song by the group Jason Bonham Band Wait For You. (Time for a 80's heavy metal flashback) so how about a hint?
Well, I hope I put a really big grin on your face this evening Mr. Scratchy.
Post-it 1am-ish
Wound up. Listening to iPod mix, there is a smell of burnt popcorn coming from someone in the building. Had an odd call just as the ppv was starting, about doing tarot readings at the next psychic fair. Might do it, we'll have to see what the cost of running a booth will be.
Very happy that the Pack won. At one point when they were coming to the ring, it looked like the Mad Hatter was about to start dancing to the theme music, then stopped cold, like he remembered his character is suppose to be uber serious.
Heard from the Musician this afternoon. Haven't heard from him in what, a year? Then today out of nowhere he emailed. I swear it was just one whacked out day. I mean, between the whole thing with Pizza Dude, the tarot lady and everything. It's nights like this I just have to wonder...
Mr. Scratchy, Herman, I have no idea if you're checking in tonight or not, but if you do, just wanted to say hey.
Hey.
I imagine you having a few beers, dressed in jeans and a leather jacket, no shirt, no shoes, those wire rimmed glasses off, checking in after either being part of the big ppv or having been there with a buddy who was. Maybe you're rolling your eyes at me for mentioning the Mad Hatter, wondering what song is on my iPod right now. (Love Like Mine from the Nashville tv show soundtrack)
Tomorrow, back to the projects I've been ignoring all week, and try to finish another four chapters of the novel's first draft. Need to get the first draft done before I overdose on the Mad Hatter and stop liking him. That always seems to be when I get writer's block. When the shine of the crush wears off.
Herman, dream of blue martinis and discos.
Very happy that the Pack won. At one point when they were coming to the ring, it looked like the Mad Hatter was about to start dancing to the theme music, then stopped cold, like he remembered his character is suppose to be uber serious.
Heard from the Musician this afternoon. Haven't heard from him in what, a year? Then today out of nowhere he emailed. I swear it was just one whacked out day. I mean, between the whole thing with Pizza Dude, the tarot lady and everything. It's nights like this I just have to wonder...
Mr. Scratchy, Herman, I have no idea if you're checking in tonight or not, but if you do, just wanted to say hey.
Hey.
I imagine you having a few beers, dressed in jeans and a leather jacket, no shirt, no shoes, those wire rimmed glasses off, checking in after either being part of the big ppv or having been there with a buddy who was. Maybe you're rolling your eyes at me for mentioning the Mad Hatter, wondering what song is on my iPod right now. (Love Like Mine from the Nashville tv show soundtrack)
Tomorrow, back to the projects I've been ignoring all week, and try to finish another four chapters of the novel's first draft. Need to get the first draft done before I overdose on the Mad Hatter and stop liking him. That always seems to be when I get writer's block. When the shine of the crush wears off.
Herman, dream of blue martinis and discos.
Sunday, April 7, 2013
The Pizza Dude continued
Went over to mother's for the weekend because I've managed to worm my way into getting the big pay-per-view. My aunt was there for the afternoon visiting. This would be Walsh's mom, my uncle's first wife. Walsh showed up with his niece and one of her friends, to pick up his mom, and when I mentioned the pay-per-view, he decided to stick around for awhile.
The girls are both fifteen and were at first bored with hanging around my mother's.
Mom decided to order dinner. Right away, Walsh's niece, Connie, came to full attention and asked if we could order from this one pizza place. Which is where we always order from.
Pizza arrives, and Connie screams that she'll answer the door. Her friend was a half step behind her, giggling. The door opens, and standing there is the same pizza delivery guy from the other day, Johnathan.
Connie-:" Hi. I'll take it. Hi." she was blushing and I noticed she tucked her hair behind her ear.
He looked at me, then at the rest of the family all scrunched into the tiny apartment and then checked the last name on the delivery slip.
Johnathan-:"Did you move in the last few days?"
Me-:"Nope. Just visiting everyone." He stood there for a few seconds longer then needed.
Johnathan-:"You getting the wrestling in a few hours?"
Me-:"Isn't everybody?" the sentence was out of my mouth before my brain caught up with me.
Johnathan-:"I might order the replay, have to work tonight. Who you cheering for?"
Me-:"the Pack."
Walsh mumbled something then elbowed me. "She's itching to see them, they're her guys. Specially the Mad Hatter and the Rebel without a Cause."
If my cousin wasn't thirty pounds heavier then me, I would have killed him just then. Walsh put his shoes on, grabbing his jacket telling me he was going out for a smoke and asked if I wanted to join him. Translation, get your ass outside so we can talk about everyone in the apartment without them knowing. Walsh's sister was his best friend and it's really clear that he's missing the way things used to be, because he's acting lately with me the way he used to act with her. If she ever actually gets her life back together and they patch things up, I'm going to be on my own again.
We got outside just as Johnathan was pulling out of the parking lot. Walsh dug his cigarettes out of his pocket, red faced from laughing, while I was spotted by G-Babbs walking her dog. I ended up chatting with her for a few minutes while Walsh just stood there.
Walsh-:"That's the guy? ------'s cousin?" I had given him the run down the other night when he'd stopped by with the dvd and the youtube video. "You know what he thought just now right?"
Me-:"Oh whatever." It was my turn to blush like a beet.
Walsh-:"I bet you five bucks the next time you see him, he asks you out."
Me-:"Oh come off it. He's like what twenty-three, tops."
Walsh-:"Doesn't matter. He obviously knows how old you are. When he asked if you'd dated what's his face back in high school, he was checking to make sure you hadn't f***ed him. Cause he wants to ask you out. Five bucks."
Me-:"This is one time you're going to loose. You're on. Besides, there might not even be a next time. He's a delivery guy, who knows who will deliver the food next time?" I was feeling anxious.
Walsh-:"What's wrong with you?"
Me-:"I want to work on the novel but I can't while I'm here. It's like having withdrawals or something. Barely get five minutes to do a damned blog post, mom is always looking over my shoulder when I write. Literally."
He shook his head at me rolling his eyes. We stood there for another few minutes while he finished his cigarette, then headed back in before all the pizza was gone.
Walsh-:"Is this what we're in for with the girls once they get that age? Totally boy crazy?" He was meaning his own daughters.
Me-:"Yes. She'll grow out of it."
Walsh-:"You still haven't." he laughed again at me.
Me-:"I write cheesy romance novels being boy crazy is a prerequisite." The second I opened the apartment door, all I heard was Connie's voice as she talked about how great the pizza was, and how fast it had been delivered. Then around a mouthful of food, she asked me how I know Johnathan? "I order a lot of pizza."
Connie-:"I like bet he's the best delivery guy there." she was just giddy over him.
All I could think was, great another me in the making.
The girls are both fifteen and were at first bored with hanging around my mother's.
Mom decided to order dinner. Right away, Walsh's niece, Connie, came to full attention and asked if we could order from this one pizza place. Which is where we always order from.
Pizza arrives, and Connie screams that she'll answer the door. Her friend was a half step behind her, giggling. The door opens, and standing there is the same pizza delivery guy from the other day, Johnathan.
Connie-:" Hi. I'll take it. Hi." she was blushing and I noticed she tucked her hair behind her ear.
He looked at me, then at the rest of the family all scrunched into the tiny apartment and then checked the last name on the delivery slip.
Johnathan-:"Did you move in the last few days?"
Me-:"Nope. Just visiting everyone." He stood there for a few seconds longer then needed.
Johnathan-:"You getting the wrestling in a few hours?"
Me-:"Isn't everybody?" the sentence was out of my mouth before my brain caught up with me.
Johnathan-:"I might order the replay, have to work tonight. Who you cheering for?"
Me-:"the Pack."
Walsh mumbled something then elbowed me. "She's itching to see them, they're her guys. Specially the Mad Hatter and the Rebel without a Cause."
If my cousin wasn't thirty pounds heavier then me, I would have killed him just then. Walsh put his shoes on, grabbing his jacket telling me he was going out for a smoke and asked if I wanted to join him. Translation, get your ass outside so we can talk about everyone in the apartment without them knowing. Walsh's sister was his best friend and it's really clear that he's missing the way things used to be, because he's acting lately with me the way he used to act with her. If she ever actually gets her life back together and they patch things up, I'm going to be on my own again.
We got outside just as Johnathan was pulling out of the parking lot. Walsh dug his cigarettes out of his pocket, red faced from laughing, while I was spotted by G-Babbs walking her dog. I ended up chatting with her for a few minutes while Walsh just stood there.
Walsh-:"That's the guy? ------'s cousin?" I had given him the run down the other night when he'd stopped by with the dvd and the youtube video. "You know what he thought just now right?"
Me-:"Oh whatever." It was my turn to blush like a beet.
Walsh-:"I bet you five bucks the next time you see him, he asks you out."
Me-:"Oh come off it. He's like what twenty-three, tops."
Walsh-:"Doesn't matter. He obviously knows how old you are. When he asked if you'd dated what's his face back in high school, he was checking to make sure you hadn't f***ed him. Cause he wants to ask you out. Five bucks."
Me-:"This is one time you're going to loose. You're on. Besides, there might not even be a next time. He's a delivery guy, who knows who will deliver the food next time?" I was feeling anxious.
Walsh-:"What's wrong with you?"
Me-:"I want to work on the novel but I can't while I'm here. It's like having withdrawals or something. Barely get five minutes to do a damned blog post, mom is always looking over my shoulder when I write. Literally."
He shook his head at me rolling his eyes. We stood there for another few minutes while he finished his cigarette, then headed back in before all the pizza was gone.
Walsh-:"Is this what we're in for with the girls once they get that age? Totally boy crazy?" He was meaning his own daughters.
Me-:"Yes. She'll grow out of it."
Walsh-:"You still haven't." he laughed again at me.
Me-:"I write cheesy romance novels being boy crazy is a prerequisite." The second I opened the apartment door, all I heard was Connie's voice as she talked about how great the pizza was, and how fast it had been delivered. Then around a mouthful of food, she asked me how I know Johnathan? "I order a lot of pizza."
Connie-:"I like bet he's the best delivery guy there." she was just giddy over him.
All I could think was, great another me in the making.
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