Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Crackers don't matter Johnanthan

There is an omen that when two people are meant to be together they can not avoid each other. I've mentioned it before a few times, even admitted there hadn't been anyone in my path that fit that statement. Then this whole thing with Mad Hatter started to happen. From my cousin declaring that Mad Hatter is Mr. Scratchy. And of course the Johnathan situation that has sprung up like weeds.  It's become too much for me. It's not cute anymore, it's not funny anymore, it's gone beyond even being useful as a gimmick. It's just down right freaking me out.
Walsh had gone to the fast food place down the street from mom's and texted me. I decided what the hell, I'd hang out with him for a bit. He'd been talking about this one co-worker he wanted to introduce me to.  I didn't get to meet the co-worker, he was gone by the time it took me to get there. Walsh was in the parking lot getting ready to leave as well.

Walsh-:"Okay, you look like you're about to pass out. The walk wasn't that much for you."

Me-:"I'm fine. My knee is stiff but I'm fine."  I told him what was bothering me. That there were too many patterns pointing to Mr. Scratchy being you know who.

He shrugged "Don't worry about it. Just let it unfold."

Me-:"Too late for that. It's out there. Okay. I've put it in writing on the blog, so it's out there." I was walking in circles in the parking lot while my cousin just stood there smoking a cigarette.

Walsh-:"I just don't get it? I don't understand why you are so..." he stuck his tongue out waving his hands around like a moron. "Freaked out over this."

Me-:"Cause I am. I'm a girl and I freak out easy? I don't know. Seriously, dude, I really don't even know anymore." My knee hurt and I had to stand still. "He's perfect. How about that? If even a slice of his real personality is anything like his old character, he's f***ing perfect! Like something I'd written myself. And you know full well what happened the last time I met a man who seemed like he'd walked right out of one of my stories. A decade later and I'm still bruised on that one."  I watched three crows fly over head. Really? (when you see three crows in flight it means you're going to be married soon)  I pointed to the sky and mumbled to myself for them not to tease me, don't think Walsh heard me.

Walsh-:"You of all people deserve some perfect."

Me-:"Then what happens? Do I die? Cause, done that."  (surgery after the car accident they had to use the paddles on me, it was just over a minute but yeah I was dead)

Walsh-:"Oh my god!" he started to laugh at me. "That's what this is about? All this time?" he pointed his cigarette at me, blowing smoke in my face.

Me-:"I don't even know myself anymore. Maybe, no, yes." I started to walk in circles again needing to let off steam. "He just keeps popping up everywhere. Remember the indie wrestler I was friends with few years ago?" he looked at the sky for a few seconds then nodded. "Yeah, well, he'd known him and brought him up in conversations more then a few times. Said he'd worked with him told me I would so totally love this guy, offered once to introduce me to him. I didn't take him seriously cause I was so wrapped up in the idea of The Celebrity and besides, I thought he was just trying to make himself sound more important then he was."

Walsh-:"The indie guy?"

Me-:"Right. Anyways, not too long later, I was looking for something about The Other Guy, yes I actually googled something, anyways, was looking for something on The Other Guy when this photo came up of Mad Hatter. Someone had tagged him as The Other Guy. And at first glance they did sort of look alike. That was the first time I'd seen a photo of him and was like yeah he's hot."  Walsh was laughing at me. I was waving my hands at him ready to have a tantrum cause I wanted to get out what I had to say and I was feeling like I was going to cry. "Then there was that flyer in the paper for the one  indie wrestling company. Only I found out like the day after and it was too late."

Walsh pointed at me "Oh?" He made a face like he was trying to remember then shrugged laughing some more. "Okay, and?"

Me-:"Nothing. For like two years, nothing. Totally forgot about him. Then one day his name popped up on a random music video. Someone had left a comment just saying his name."

Walsh-:"Hold up, and you're telling me, being the type of person you are, you did not google the guy? Like even I can see that's a bunch of signs."

Me-:"I did not even think about him. My mind was so far up my arse I didn't even consider it. My mode was still all about The Celebrity at that point. And then that whole blast of information last night from that chick on the social site about how she's buddy's with him on Facebook..."

Walsh-:"But now you're seeing it aren't you?" he lit another cigarette.

Me-:"No I'm loosing my mind is what I'm doing. I'm starting to feel like a damned episode of Farscape or something. That one where they all go nutballs over the crackers. Hang on it gets weirder."  he looked at me over the edge of his lighter. "Did you see my comments like a month or so ago, about the last episode of SATC? The identity of Mr. Big ending up being just plain old Jon?"  He raised an eyebrow at me.

Walsh-:"I tend to gloss over anything with SATC sorry." he took a long drag on his cigarette blowing smoke into my direction again as I started pacing back and forth still with way too much extra nerves.

Me-:"This whole Johnathan stuff. It was cute in the beginning even I have to admit it was slightly cool. But, dude, they're everywhere. Every time I turn around lately, there is some reference to the name Johnathan. Can't enjoy an episode of Farscape anymore cause of the lead character being named John, the dude on the social site that you didn't care for I found out is a John, every time I turn on the radio there's a Johnny Cash song or a Johnny Mathis song, or the song will have John in the lyrics. I was watching a horror movie few days ago and there were two characters with the name John, one was a John and the other a Johnny. Dude! This is unreal. There are two new guys working at the grocery named Jon. When I saw their name tags I nearly screamed. I was watching Hotel Transylvania, and ten minutes into it there is a character called Johnny Stein who is a mix of the Johnathan Harker character and Frankenstein. What the f**k? Now cartoons are mocking me!"

Then he started to laugh. "Oh! Yeah, you're so screwed." He was doubled over laughing at me. "You need to calm down you're going to have a panic attack."

Me-:"I'm way beyond a panic attack. I'm loosing my damned mind."

Walsh-:"You have enough sense to know you're panicking so you're not loosing your mind. You're acting like a shithead but your not loosing your mind. Chill out a bit, relax breathe and just...relax."

Me-:"And do what?" 

He shrugged, and got into his truck heading back to work. "Believe in the Mad Hatter." he was smiling like a moron. 

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